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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be angry at dp for booking this holiday?

565 replies

Imengagedtoanidiot · 26/06/2017 20:42

  • [Message from MNHQ - just noting, this thread was started in July 2017 and has been resurrected FOR NO GOOD REASON Wink - move along now, please there's nothing new to see here...]

So for ages I've been saying I wan to go to Paris I've never been and it's always been somewhere I want to go but money's right ATM.

Anyway I was talking about how much I want to go in front of my mum a few months and turns out she said to dp to book it for us, she'll have the DCs and pay for the trip for my birthday and keep it as a surprise.

I found out this trip was booked last week by accident and was obviously very excited although felt awful that my mum had given dp the money (£500)

I've just had a look at the details and he's booked it leaving on a Saturday afternoon (arriving late Saturday) and returning very early Monday morning. He booked the Monday off work for me and confirmed mum was having the dcs from Friday night and dropping them to childminder Monday (we collect at 6pm)

AIBU to be fuming that he's taken £500 for essentially 1 day?? I've looked and he could have got Friday evening/early Saturday flights and late Monday flight back for the exact same price so it's not a price issue - he said he just 'didn't think'. He's saying I'm so ungrateful and should be thankful for him (he didn't bloody pay for it)

I'm really upset and don't know if I am being ungrateful and a spoilt brat but I'm just pissed off and feel like my dream break and first holiday without dc is a fucking joke.

I've tried changing the flights and even cancelling but the charge is excessive.

OP posts:
JuicyCake · 28/06/2017 13:23

That's an interesting theory, Yvetteballs. Could very well be the case...

HarmlessChap · 28/06/2017 14:39

Well he messed up and you've made him well aware that he didn't do as well as you would have when organising the break.

Clearly you expected to be able to pull him up on this because you checked to see if he could have done better.

If I was him this would be a red flag and a clear indication that you will seek to find fault when possible. It may be justified but when you go looking for fault it's symptomatic of deeper relationship issues IMO.

It will be difficult to have a good time I suspect you'll be resenting his failings he'll resent you being pissed off with him.

spiney · 28/06/2017 15:00

Give over Harmless.

I expect OP was just surprised when her Fri to Mon turned out to be a day and an evening.

FooFighter99 · 28/06/2017 15:16

Yeah YANBU, I'd be fuming if my DH wasted £500 on 1 day in Paris. You're not telling me he couldn't find a deal of some description so you could stay 2 or 3 days? I'd be so disappointed at the wasted opportunity Sad

Maybe try again next year and YOU book it instead, show him how it's really done...

Naicehamshop · 28/06/2017 16:18

I would be so disappointed that my mother's lovely idea and £500 was just thrown away through incompetence and lack of care...!

Harmlesschap - come on, what's she expected to do? Just say "never mind, darling!" when he's made a complete mess of something that affects her happiness??

Mummmy2017 · 28/06/2017 16:25

why can't you have a nice day out somewhere and lunch before you fly and a day doing something on Monday, come one, he tried, and so did your mum why ruin a holiday...

rightwhine · 28/06/2017 16:27

So op what is his reaction now. Is he sorry that he's let you down? He damn well should be.

HarmlessChap · 28/06/2017 16:53

what's she expected to do? Just say "never mind, darling!" when he's made a complete mess of something that affects her happiness??

The point is she is angry because she checked up to see how good or bad a job he had made of making the arrangements and she found them to be poor.

MargaretCavendish · 28/06/2017 16:59

The point is she is angry because she checked up to see how good or bad a job he had made of making the arrangements and she found them to be poor.

I think that's very unfair. She clearly looked because she was astonished that these flight times were the best that could be got - and they weren't. No indication there that she's routinely checking up on him.

BarbaraofSeville · 28/06/2017 17:03

You don't need to do any checking up to know that it was a pretty crappy attempt at travel arrangements.

There will be several flight a day from the several London airports to Paris plus of course Eurostar. If you're going for the weekend you don't get there late Saturday night and leave first thing Monday morning, you just don't.

gluteustothemaximus · 28/06/2017 17:10

Harmless, I wouldn't have had to check.

I don't know anyone in their right mind who wouldn't 'think' about making the most of a holiday, and therefore booking the earliest possible time, and returning the latest possible time.

I would know, without checking, that there would have been a better deal, because the one that has been booked is awful.

If her DP had said, sorry love, tried my best but they were the only times, it would be different. But he didn't. He said he didn't think.

You're painting the OP it to be some sort of ball breaking monster checking up on her DP and trying to correct him.

I thought most people's thought processes when booking a holiday was go early leave late.

There was even a giant enormous humongous hint when lovely mum said I'll have the DC's Friday to Monday.

Motherbear26 · 28/06/2017 17:29

If her DP had said, sorry love, tried my best but they were the only times, it would be different. But he didn't. He said he didn't think.

This. And he hasn't even had the decency to apologise profusely for his half arsed attempt. There was very little effort on his part, as far as I'm concerned he has squandered his MIL's hard earned money. I still can't understand why people think the OP should be grateful (except to her DM, of course).

Ceto · 28/06/2017 18:43

Come off it, Harmless, noticing a fault when it is staring you in the face is hardly symptomatic of someone who will "seek to find fault wherever possible". Or should we all suck up laziness and incompetence because we're supposed to be pathetically grateful because a man spends 10 minutes of his precious time booking a holiday with someone else's money?

HarmlessChap · 28/06/2017 18:49

Do you all think he set out to piss her off? He's clearly not particularly savvy about these things (unlike everyone here) and she's stated she's fuming.

It certainly doesn't come across that she's had a calm chat about her disappointment more like she's torn into him about being incompetent. Even her username states that she sees him as an idiot.

Doesn't bode well for either of them if the eventually do get married IMO.

septembersunshine · 28/06/2017 19:31

I would be annoyed too - has someone who does tons of research before booking/buying anything expensive. I think he should have looked into it all. Just a bit thoughtless but his heart (and your lovely mum's were in the right place). Like you say though, so much money for only one day. I think you need to now focus on not letting this wreck the trip. Just put it out of your mind op and enjoy what time you do have!

spiney · 28/06/2017 19:33

Maybe he's very savvy - Harmless, if he wants to be.

Comes across more that he didn't really put much bother into it and she comes across as gutted at a wasted opportunity. Not as someone who is nit picking him to death. I think you're way over reading this.

wiltingfast · 28/06/2017 22:24

What kind of person anywhere books a weekend away to start SATURDAY AFTERNOON????

Savvy would be getting a great hotel at a bargain price.

Leaving on FRIDAY is a pretty damn basic requirement for a weekend away. The clue is in the name. Hmm

He just didn't give the remotest shit about it. You'd almost think he didn't want to go.

Naicehamshop · 28/06/2017 22:39

What actually is your point, Harmless? Hmm

He's wasted her mum's money and ruined something that could have been lovely. How do you expect her to feel? Grateful??! Hmm

Why should people (men or women) put up with a level of incompetence that
actually fucks up something that they would have thoroughly enjoyed.

BarbarianMum · 28/06/2017 22:44

If my partner had such a low opinion of my abilities that he was grateful for a clusterfuck like this I'd see that as a red flag. Hmm

Wilberforce2 · 28/06/2017 23:13

I'd be pissed off as well, that's not a weekend in Paris it's a day and a really expensive day.

He hasn't put any thought into it, there hasn't been any planning and he hasn't paid for it either.

YADNBU!

Luckybe40 · 28/06/2017 23:22

I'm Totally with you OP, read the first 2 pages, you got some pretty ridiculous repliesHmmbeen away on many a weekend away, would never ever consider leaving Saturday afternoon...why? Just why? You'll get 24 hours topsAngry. I'd be SO upset especially as your mum gave him the money. What a waste. Not sure why that's so hard for people to understand.

HarmlessChap · 28/06/2017 23:33

What actually is your point
Her username shows the contempt she holds her fiancée in, having arranged the weekend her immediate reaction was to check if he could have arranged it better, she has established that he's screwed up and made sure that he's aware that she thinks he's useless.

Not everyone is good at organising things, he made the arrangements with good intentions rather than to piss her off. I reckon if they go ahead and get married he will continually fall short of her expectations and she well continually seek make him feel awful about doing so.

TequilaSunshine · 28/06/2017 23:43

Her username shows the contempt she holds her fiancée in, having arranged the weekend her immediate reaction was to check if he could have arranged it better, she has established that he's screwed up and made sure that he's aware that she thinks he's useless.

Yep - not the immediate reaction someone should have to a gift.

Ceto · 28/06/2017 23:45

Why is it so awful that OP checked if the weekend could have been arranged better, Harmless? If I were presented with the fact that my OP had £500 and babysitting to arrange a long weekend away but he'd actually arranged just over a day, I wouldn't be happy - but I think it would occur to me that maybe he just couldn't arrange anything better, so I had better check my facts rather than just assume he was being useless.

Clearly it wouldn't realistically be possible for OP to assume that this must have been the best he could do, because I think we can all work out that a day in Paris shouldn't cost £500. And it's not as if her partner is trying to pretend that he had no alternative.

On what evidence do you say he made the arrangements with good intentions? Who books a weekend away leaving on a Saturday afternoon, FFS?

TequilaSunshine · 28/06/2017 23:52

but he'd actually arranged just over a day, I wouldn't be happy

Always wanted to go to Paris - gets a surprise present of Saturday evening, all day Sunday, Sunday evening, home late Monday evening.
This thread showing who's the glass half full and a glass half empty type of person.
Maybe if he had have booked the entire Friday to Monday he'd have been called an idiot for something else - wrong type of hotel, not near enough to all the attractions, blowing all the money on the hotel and leaving nothing for nice meals out etc when money's tight or whatever... Smile