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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be angry at dp for booking this holiday?

565 replies

Imengagedtoanidiot · 26/06/2017 20:42

  • [Message from MNHQ - just noting, this thread was started in July 2017 and has been resurrected FOR NO GOOD REASON Wink - move along now, please there's nothing new to see here...]

So for ages I've been saying I wan to go to Paris I've never been and it's always been somewhere I want to go but money's right ATM.

Anyway I was talking about how much I want to go in front of my mum a few months and turns out she said to dp to book it for us, she'll have the DCs and pay for the trip for my birthday and keep it as a surprise.

I found out this trip was booked last week by accident and was obviously very excited although felt awful that my mum had given dp the money (£500)

I've just had a look at the details and he's booked it leaving on a Saturday afternoon (arriving late Saturday) and returning very early Monday morning. He booked the Monday off work for me and confirmed mum was having the dcs from Friday night and dropping them to childminder Monday (we collect at 6pm)

AIBU to be fuming that he's taken £500 for essentially 1 day?? I've looked and he could have got Friday evening/early Saturday flights and late Monday flight back for the exact same price so it's not a price issue - he said he just 'didn't think'. He's saying I'm so ungrateful and should be thankful for him (he didn't bloody pay for it)

I'm really upset and don't know if I am being ungrateful and a spoilt brat but I'm just pissed off and feel like my dream break and first holiday without dc is a fucking joke.

I've tried changing the flights and even cancelling but the charge is excessive.

OP posts:
spiney · 27/06/2017 21:36

Hopefully OP you can get rid of your frustration on here. And then make the best of it. You really have no choice. Pointless to waste the childfree visit you do have in Paris. Plan yourself a great time.

Give your Mum a big hug as it was her lovely idea.

And NEVER let that numpty book anything again.

WonderLime · 27/06/2017 21:38

Tequila - just to reiterate as several people have said, the DM offered the childcare, gave the money and told DP what to book. All he had to do was go away, compare a few different fights and pick something suitable.

But he didn't bother putting any additional effort in.

The OP I imagine is extremely grateful for to her DM, but why is it 'grabby' to expect her DP to put some effort in when he didn't have to pay OR even come up with the idea to begin with?

spiney · 27/06/2017 21:42

I think the OP feels frustrated because whilst her mother has so kindly and thoughtfully funded this trip her DP has sort of squandered it by planning the flights so badly. Which in itself shows such a lack of care and thought.

TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 21:45

He booked the Monday off work for me and confirmed mum was having the dcs from Friday night and dropping them to childminder Monday (we collect at 6pm)

AIBU to be fuming that he's taken £500 for essentially 1 day?? I've looked and he could have got Friday evening/early Saturday flights and late Monday flight back

Late Monday flight back - so presuming you'd be expecting another day off work wangling for Tuesday as well? Who'd pick your child up from daycare at 6pm on Monday? Is that for your mum to do as well if you'd have been on a late flight?

spiney · 27/06/2017 21:47

Late 3 o'clock?
late 10 o'clock
Another day off work? Who cares ? Where are you going with this Tequila?

WonderLime · 27/06/2017 21:49

so presuming you'd be expecting another day off work wangling for Tuesday as well?

Presumably she can take her leave whenever the fuck she wants?

TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 21:52

Another day off work? Who cares ?

Well, maybe it's just me but the mum said she'd have them for a weekend, and she's got childcare from Friday to Monday.
I just think it's a bit much to say it's not enough and they should be having a late Monday flight back which would presumably mean another day off work having to be booked and even more childcare for the mum.
It just seems some people are never happy with what they get and are looking to moan regardless.

spiney · 27/06/2017 21:54

They're her work days off so what?!

And why couldn't she still go into work Tuesday anyway? It's only Paris not Australia?

spiney · 27/06/2017 21:56

This is frustrating.
She's not moaning "regardless". Read the thread Tequila. It's about her DP not caring really.

WonderLime · 27/06/2017 21:57

Seeing as the OP is not upset with her DM and only the lack of thought her DP has put in, I don't really see your point about extra childcare the DM may or may have not provided. If childcare was the issue, I'm sure they could have flown out Friday night/ Sat morn and still came back on the Monday morning flight. However the additional childcare is irrelevant. What's relevant is the lack of effort the DP had put in.

But it seems some people are looking to pick fault with the OP regardless.

FruitCider · 27/06/2017 21:59

On reading back through the thread, some of the posts telling the OP she is entitled and should 'be grateful' remind me of descriptions of abusive and toxic parents from the 'but we took you to stately homes!' threads.

Hear hear!

Original poster
Imengagedtoanidiot · 27/06/2017 21:59

I just want to add, as already stated numerous times...

My mum gave dp the money, she told him to book the trip, she expected us to be gone from late Friday to late Monday, she offered to have dcs during this time.
DP's only job was to book flights and because he 'didn't think' he turned our Friday - Monday weekend into essentially one Sunday (not for costing reasons)

He has made bad use of a gift from my dm who would also be upset at the lack of thought and knowing my DM she would worry she didn't give enough money etc and get herself into a right state about it.

I have been greatful to my DM for the gift of course, and have offered to pay her back when possible, I was greatful to dp at the time of hearing of the trip, I am not greatful or happy now I've realised he's cut our holiday into 1/3 of the time because he 'didn't think'

If that makes me an entitled brat then so be it, if it makes you a submissive man-worshiping gobshite then so be it also.

I will of course enjoy the time we are there and thank you so much to the people who made suggestions - I'm still v excited at the fact to be going at last and will try to visit the best places in the short time.

Tequila - don't worry I know you're not my dp hes far too busy to get so worked up on the internet.

As for the person who says my relationships doomed, thanks so much for your input I'll be sure to pack the bags accordingly.

OP posts:
TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 22:02

They're her work days off so what?!And why couldn't she still go into work Tuesday anyway? It's only Paris not Australia?

I'm with you on the work days off if she can easily have them, that's fair enough! If you're in a job that can easily have more days off, yes of course it's up to you what you do with them. I was just saying that's not always the case though.
Someone's mum says they'll have the children from Fri to Monday though, but the reaction is that they want to be coming home late Monday night though (picking the kids up after 10pm so presumably later after getting back from the airport or is it expecting another night of free childcare until Tues morning?
It does come across as ungrateful,maybe to you it's normal though.
I'm obviously in the minority but if I said I'd never been to Paris and I'd love to go andmy mum and dh arranged for me to have a Fri - Mon childfree weekend and to go, I don't see what planet you'd have to be on to say I wanted more and call them an idiot to boot.

TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 22:06

if it makes you a submissive man-worshiping gobshite then so be it also.

Confused What's the fact a man booked it got to do with anything?! I'd say exactly the same if it was your best female friend who booked it for you. Nothing to do with the fact a male partner booked it, but interesting that's where your mind jumped to.
Slimthistime · 27/06/2017 22:11

"bad use of a gift from my dm who would also be upset at the lack of thought and knowing my DM she would worry she didn't give enough money etc and get herself into a right state about it"

Exactly, that's how my mum would feel. Using the money poorly says a lot about him. (Sorry op).

spiney · 27/06/2017 22:17

No Tequila I think if your DH turned your Fri - Mon long weekend in Paris into just over a day and bit. Despite having childcare till late Mon- which OP does. I think you could be a teeny weeny bit frustrated especially if you'd always wanted to go and money was tight. And now the money had been a bit, well wasted because your DH hasn't really bothered himself very hard thinking about it.

You might vent on here actually. And then get over over it. And then carry on as normal and make the best of it. Like OP probably is.

TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 22:21

Tequila - don't worry I know you're not my dp hes far too busy to get so worked up on the internet.

You ask for opinions on whether you're being unreasonable to be angry at someone for booking the wrong surprise trip away.
On the internet.
Then have a dig at the internet use of posters who don't reply with the 'right' opinion and reply with yes, you are and it is very grabby.
On the internet asking for opinions and posting yourself.
There's a bit of irony in that.
Why ask for opinions if you obviously only want to be told the person who booked it is an utter twat and should have given you a bigger holiday?

Original poster
Imengagedtoanidiot · 27/06/2017 22:25

Tequila - most people aren't massively offended by the thought of me taking a day of work and the like, get a hobby love - you're far too invested in defending someone who's acted a fool.

Yes @spiney that's exactly what I'm doing! Smile

OP posts:
TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 22:28

No Tequila I think if your DH turned your Fri - Mon long weekend in Paris into just over a day and bit.

From the original post - So for ages I've been saying I wan to go to Paris I've never been and it's always been somewhere I want to go but money's tight ATM.
Anyway I was talking about how much I want to go in front of my mum a few months and turns out she said to dp to book it for us, she'll have the DCs and pay for the trip for my birthday and keep it as a surprise. I found out this trip was booked last week by accident and was obviously very excited although felt awful that my mum had given dp the money

So where in that does it say that her weekend has been cut short? She didn't know she HAD a weekend away, so how is it cut short? She had a surprise trip booked for her. To Paris. Where she wanted to go.
3 child free nights, two of the days being in spent in Paris. As a surprise treat.
The reaction is not "ooh lovely" it's "idiot" and "it's not enough."
I just can't get my head into that way of thinking, maybe that's the "normal" way to react to a surprise trip away though.
Greed does wind me up, if that makes me heated on the internet then so be it.

TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 22:29

get a hobby love - you're far too invested in defending someone who's acted a fool.

Why ask for opinions if you only wanted a cheerleading chorus of your partner's a dickhead?

TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 22:30

get a hobby love - you're far too invested in defending someone who's acted a fool.

You're on the bloody internet yourself! Asking strangers to defend your choices! Can you not see the irony in your post?! Grin

pandarific · 27/06/2017 22:34

I am amazed that so many people think you're being U OP. You are definitely not, that's an idiotic thing to do. Just whyyyyy? I'd be gutted too.

Original poster
Imengagedtoanidiot · 27/06/2017 22:34

You've posted 5 times in a row, gone over my op multiple times.

Plenty of posters disagreed.. and then moved on, as you should do.

I get what you're saying and I'm sure one day someone will make an effort for you and you'll get over the Rage and bitterness inside you.. until then, best of luck and I hope you win a nice day in Paris for your efforts Star

OP posts:
Emboo19 · 27/06/2017 22:41

What as your DP said OP? Other than he didn't think as he given any reason?
Do you really believe he just couldn't be bothered and booked the first thing he found or do you think he did so more out of not knowing what else to do?

You say moneys tight and he's spent the £500 your mum gave him on the trip, so what about spending money? Could he have been worried you wouldn't have enough for 3 days/nights there? I'd want to have at least £100 a day so for 3 days it's not far off how much the trip would cost.

And although it's a lovely gesture of your mum. I think it's also a bit odd, she's giving a gift but saying do this with it and you're saying you'll pay her back! Is it a gift or a loan?
Why did she tell your dp to book it and not just book it herself for you both if it's a gift?

Sickofkidsprogrammes · 27/06/2017 22:43

Don't be ungrateful yabu