To be angry at dp for booking this holiday?

[Imengagedtoanidiot]

• [Message from MNHQ - just noting, this thread was started in July 2017 and has been resurrected FOR NO GOOD REASON - move along now, please there's nothing new to see here...]

So for ages I've been saying I wan to go to Paris I've never been and it's always been somewhere I want to go but money's right ATM.

Anyway I was talking about how much I want to go in front of my mum a few months and turns out she said to dp to book it for us, she'll have the DCs and pay for the trip for my birthday and keep it as a surprise.

I found out this trip was booked last week by accident and was obviously very excited although felt awful that my mum had given dp the money (£500)

I've just had a look at the details and he's booked it leaving on a Saturday afternoon (arriving late Saturday) and returning very early Monday morning. He booked the Monday off work for me and confirmed mum was having the dcs from Friday night and dropping them to childminder Monday (we collect at 6pm)

AIBU to be fuming that he's taken £500 for essentially 1 day?? I've looked and he could have got Friday evening/early Saturday flights and late Monday flight back for the exact same price so it's not a price issue - he said he just 'didn't think'. He's saying I'm so ungrateful and should be thankful for him (he didn't bloody pay for it)

I'm really upset and don't know if I am being ungrateful and a spoilt brat but I'm just pissed off and feel like my dream break and first holiday without dc is a fucking joke.

I've tried changing the flights and even cancelling but the charge is excessive.

So many times my otherwise intelligent DH has let me down by his lack of thoughtfulness and care.

Same for plenty of my friends with their DHs.
I can't help seeing it as lack of effort/can't be bothered to think which at its heart has a sort of disrespect to the woman.

We should all have married women!

I think YANBU to be irritated but it's done now. Unless you can take your mother instead of him!

You've posted 5 times in a row, gone over my op multiple times.

Only to respond to comments aimed at me when I see them. (It's a long thread.)
(This is where MN should have a quote option on their site, would make it easier.)

I'm sure one day someone will make an effort for you and you'll get over the Rage and bitterness inside you.. until then, best of luck and I hope you win a nice day in Paris for your efforts
I had a lovely weekend away for my birthday last month, thank you
Difference is though that it never even entered my head to think "idiot never booked another night away", and contrary to my posting style on this thread I'm usually the most lovely, least ragey person ever lol.
Anyway, it's obvious you just wanted people to join you in the fact that he's an arsehole.
So if I say:
He's an utter prick, OP. You'd think he'd have at least booked another night away. Organising Fri - Mon childcare and the dickhead couldn't even have booked you into Paris earlier. What's that all about? Thinking of himself, that's what.
Ask for a pony and diamond shoes next time. (but then you might complain your shoes are too tight)

Sickofkidsprogrammes, what should OP be grateful for? Her partner isn't paying for the holiday.

Wow. Tequila really doesn't get it.

OP, your relationship isn't doomed. I have an incredible DH, but he could never organise a trip, by his admission plus I like to be in control

You just learn that his forte isn't holiday planning, and play to your strengths is all.

Glad you've had a chance to vent. Hope you have a fantastic time, and get to do the things you've always wanted to. A bit of careful planning, and you'll be fine.

After sunset, the Eiffel Tower lights up on the hour every hour, for a few minutes. It's lovely.

Plus boat trip along the Seine is worth doing.

Enjoy x

Wow. Tequila really doesn't get it.

No, you're right. I really don't. As I said upthread, I just cannot get my head into the mindset of "it's not enough" when you've said you've always wanted to visit Paris, and you get a trip to Paris.
Who does that? The majority of people on this thread by the looks of it.
Oh well, I'm happy to be in the minority if it means I'm truly grateful for presents, whether they're trips away, a £2 box of cheap chocolates, or whatever.
From everyone, male or female, friend/family/partner/neighbour/whoever before someone says it's because I'm a subservient man lover who is grateful for any specks thrown at me.
I just don't have it in me to be "angry" at someone booking me a surprise trip away and to think they're a fool for not making it longer.

Where in the OP did she say it was a long weekend?

Try reading TFT, Tequila. It could have been a long weekend if OP's partner had put in minimal effort into finding more suitable travel arrangements. It's not a question of being ungrateful to her mother, rather feeling that the money her mother gave is being wasted.

Surely even if you'd be leaving early Monday morning, that leaves an evening in Paris for a nice romantic meal out, unless I'm missing something

On a Sunday night, with an early flight on Monday? Really?

You've got childcare sorted for Friday night, so maybe out for a meal/drinks in the pub or whatever?

Wow, what an exciting way to use OP's mother's thoughtful offer which she made so that her daughter could go to Paris, not go for drinks in the local pub.

Childfree lie in Saturday morning, arrive in Paris around teatime so you can have meal/wander along the Seine/see the Eiffel Tower/insert choice of activity here.

Or, of course, for the same amount of money OP could have woken up in Paris and had the whole day there. What's grabby about preferring that, Tequila?

Back to hotel, wake up in Paris, have a full day together seeing the sites you didn't see yesterday, meal/drinks then back to hotel in the evening

You do know that sightseeing usually involves seeing more than the outside of buildings, Tequila? How much do you imagine OP is going to see of the inside of Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower and Versailles do you imagine OP is going to see on a Saturday evening? Bear in mind also that lots of Paris will be closed on a Sunday.

Not leaving until Monday, day off work all taken care of

Monday morning. So OP sees nothing of Paris that morning, gets back home in the morning, and she's wasted a day's leave and a day's childcare. When she could have had at least half a day's extra sightseeing/shopping.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm really struggling to see why anyone's first reaction to that would be to be angry and cry it's thoughtless, not long enough

Can you really not see that, when OP's mother gave the money and offered babysitting enough for a long weekend, it's not grabby to wish her partner had used the money more sensibly?

Oh well, I'm happy to be in the minority if it means I'm truly grateful for presents

Wow, see that halo glisten.

Tequila, have you not noticed that this is not a present from OP's partner, it's from her mother. OP has never once suggested that she is ungrateful to her mother.

Tequila! It's about him WASTING the money!

Now I really do have to go and get a life. I have so over invested in this thread. Nite all.

I just don't have it in me to be "angry" at someone booking me a surprise trip away and to think they're a fool for not making it longer.

But all he did was book something on the internet using OP's mother's money. I'm sure OP would have prefered to have booked everything herself if it meant that she got three days in Paris rather than one. Certainly she should be grateful to her mother but what exactly has the DP contributed that deserves gratitude?

So you'd be grateful for a £2 box of chocolates Tequila?
What if your mum gave your DH £30 to buy you nice chocolates, and instead of doing that, he went to he corner shop and paid £30 for a small box of Roses?

Tequila - you do seem to have this view that you're the only one who has manners and the rest of us are money grabbing.

This really isn't the point we're making.

Often DH and I go without for birthdays/mother's/father's day because we don't have the funds. But we'll still make a fuss of each other. DH has in the past, lovingly picked out reduced flowers for me (not wilted) or bought me a bar of 75p cheap Tesco chocolate because I have my period. He is thoughtful. Money is not an issue.

When you have very little funds, every single penny counts. When you have dreamed about Paris for so long, and your amazingly kind mum gives your partner £500 to get you that weekend, and offers to have your children Friday to Monday...but you end up with one full day in paris....it's frustrating.

If the earlier flight times were another £200, then you can call out on being ungrateful.

But the OP knows, as many of us do, that £500, he could have booked earlier and later flights, giving OP and him 3 full days!! With the same money.

The OP probably wouldn't have minded 1 night and 2 full days even.

It's not about money. It's about common sense. It's about thought. It's being careful with someone else's money.

It really really isn't about being ungrateful.

I'm gobsmacked at some of the harsh replies you have had!

I'm with you, OP I would be fuming too. Don't understand some of the comments about how ungrateful you are either! The trip is a big treat to you, which is why you have reacted the way you have at the fact your Mum's hard earned cash has not been used wisely and been effectively wasted on a poorly planned trip of a lifetime.

My DH is shockingly bad at choosing hotels and planning holidays. He does not do his research and just uses a "sod it, that will do" approach that he is now banned from booking our family holiday as I was sick of spending all that money to find we were booked on the crappiest flights and staying in shit hotels!

OP I have not fully read the thread but you say it will cost £100 per flight to make some adjustments. How about just changing the outbound flight so you get the full Saturday as well as Sunday?

Try reading TFT, Tequila. It could have been a long weekend if OP's partner had put in minimal effort into finding more suitable travel arrangements.

I have RTFT. I read it as it could have been booked as a long weekend, but hasn't. She's still got a child free night Friday for a meal/drinks out/whatever, and 2 nights with a full day and evening in Paris as well, then child being looked after until Monday evening when they get back, but it still isn't good enough.

Wow, what an exciting way to use OP's mother's thoughtful offer which she made so that her daughter could go to Paris, not go for drinks in the local pub.
She IS going to sodding Paris! Just not for long enough apparently God this thread's infuriating lol.

You do know that sightseeing usually involves seeing more than the outside of buildings, Tequila? How much do you imagine OP is going to see of the inside of Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower and Versailles do you imagine OP is going to see on a Saturday evening? Bear in mind also that lots of Paris will be closed on a Sunday.
Did I say she should sightsee Saturday evening? No, I said you could have a nice meal out and a wander down by the Seine or something.
If you're not familiar with the ins and outs of Paris closing times, how the heck are you supposed to know that everything shuts up shop in Paris on a Sunday? Capital cities aren't usually some backwater where nothing's open during the day.
A quick google shows you the Eiffel Tower is in fact open on a Sunday for sightseeing.
The Louvre's open too. All day. (God, I'm far too invested in this thread lol)
So what are you actually on about?
I stand by, nothing's ever good enough for some people.

When you have very little funds, every single penny counts. When you have dreamed about Paris for so long, and your amazingly kind mum gives your partner £500 to get you that weekend, and offers to have your children Friday to Monday...but you end up with one full day in paris....it's frustrating.

If every little penny truly counts - surely you'd see that sightseeing isn't exactly free and places like meals out/Eiffel Tower etc isn't exactly free and you'd want some spending money left over for it?
Or should it all just be on the amount of days you get and not the fact that you can do sod all once you get there as you've blown all the cash on flights/hotel/an extra night?
I'd rather have some money set aside for actually having a nice time once we got there as well.
Bit miserable to be short of cash once you got there.

So you'd be grateful for a £2 box of chocolates Tequila?
What if your mum gave your DH £30 to buy you nice chocolates, and instead of doing that, he went to he corner shop and paid £30 for a small box of Roses?

That's not even comparable. Yes, I'd be grateful at a £2box of chocolates. If someone was given £30 to buy a box of chocolates and only bought a £2box and pocketed the change, that wouldn't be OK.
A trip to Paris costs though. Once you get there, you've got your meals, your sightseeing entrance tickets, etc to pay for as well.
Why not make the most of having a lovely holiday with your mum's money instead of fixating on how many days you did or didn't get?

I read it as it could have been booked as a long weekend, but hasn't. She's still got a child free night Friday for a meal/drinks out/whatever, and 2 nights with a full day and evening in Paris as well, then child being looked after until Monday evening when they get back, but it still isn't good enough.

Well, no. He had £500 and the offer of free childcare to book a long weekend in Paris, which could have given OP Friday afternoon to Monday afternoon there. Instead, through not bothering to spend half an hour researching on the internet, he booked something that gives her Saturday evening and Sunday. Would you seriously prefer being at home and having drinks in the pub to a day in Paris? Particularly if Paris is somewhere you always wanted to go to?

Stayed up way too late reading this! Will be interested to know what the OP decides to do. I worked as a nanny in Paris when I was in my 20s & would love to go back with DH. I did a lot for free by just walking. Loved it

She IS going to sodding Paris! Just not for long enough apparently God this thread's infuriating lol

As you are well aware, Tequila, that comment related to your suggestion that an exciting evening in the pub would be just as good as an evening in Paris. Why are you being deliberately obtuse?

Did I say she should sightsee Saturday evening? No, I said you could have a nice meal out and a wander down by the Seine or something.

Well, yes, you did say she should sightsee Saturday evening. You said that on Sunday she could have a full day together "seeing the sites you didn't see yesterday". There was also a little mention of the Eiffel Tower that you have artistically left out.

If you're not familiar with the ins and outs of Paris closing times, how the heck are you supposed to know that everything shuts up shop in Paris on a Sunday? Capital cities aren't usually some backwater where nothing's open during the day.

If you live in the UK, you know that things do tend to be closed on a Sunday, so that it could be a good idea to double check whether it's similar in Europe.

A quick google shows you the Eiffel Tower is in fact open on a Sunday for sightseeing. The Louvre's open too. All day. So what are you actually on about?

Shops? A full choice of restaurants? The fact that the churches are being used for services? Plus, of course, the fact is that it's much better sightseeing at leisure than feeling you have to squash all the best sights into one day.

Sightseeing can be free. But that's not the point. I think he's spent the whole amount with no spending money left over.

The point is, for the same amount of money (the exact same amount) they could have had longer. That's not money grabbing. That's getting as much bang for your buck, pretty sensible really.

If I book the Eurostar, it can be £100 return for one day (same day return) or the same amount for 4 days away. Providing you have money for hotels, 4 days makes the travel costs better value.

Again, it's not ungrateful.

You don't have to spend a lot there. We went years ago, and used Tesco vouchers to go up montparnasse tower, boat trip on seine, and paris aquarium, all free.

The chocolate analogy (very good btw) was mum gives DP £30 for fancy chocolate, and he buys a box of roses with the entire £30 (from a seemingly very expensive independent shop) and wastes it all, rather than thinking it through and getting that very specialist hotel chocolate stuff that her mum wanted her to have.

I think it can only be understood if you've had to watch pennies. Because money like that, it makes me feel ill when wasted.

Anyways. Will have to agree to disagree I think

Tiger - I think that's the lovely part of a weekend away. Just walking, at leisure, enjoying the sights, not having to worry about the children. I would love exploring! At leisure mind, and in a day, it will be tougher.

But sometimes the best things in life are free, and just soaking up the paris atmosphere, will be lovely I want to go back there

Someone clearly has never been taken away for a romatinc weekend, or even just a day. A touch of the green eye monster?

We have plenty of cash, could go every month if we wanted, and I'd still be pissed off, more so at the offer of babysitting which wasn't being utilised as much as expected. The poor mum offering the money, the babysitting and the idea in the first place. Hardly a chance to relax as her mum intended.

Right, that's what I don't get. How anyone could think it is in any way relaxing to go to an airport, travel to the hotel at the other end, crowd as much as you can into one day, and then go to bed early because you need to get up for your flight.

We sometimes travel to the coast which is two hours by train. We go on Friday night and come back Sunday night and sometimes even that feels rushed and stressful.

And you've totally misunderstood my point...not surprising after reading your other posts.

As you are well aware, Tequila, that comment related to your suggestion that an exciting evening in the pub would be just as good as an evening in Paris. Why are you being deliberately obtuse?

I was waiting for someone to call me out for being obtuse on my posts. I'm really not. It's the way I see it. Not trying to be obtuse.
She HAS a trip to Paris. Somewhere she's always wanted to go. Why not look on the bright side? I just cannot be doing with negativity, moaning, looking at what "could" have been as what you have isn't enough.

Someone clearly has never been taken away for a romatinc weekend, or even just a day. A touch of the green eye monster?

Yes, I really have. Had a beautiful romantic weekend away in Denmark a few years ago.
So nothing to do with the green eyed monster if you're referring to me.