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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be angry at dp for booking this holiday?

565 replies

Imengagedtoanidiot · 26/06/2017 20:42

  • [Message from MNHQ - just noting, this thread was started in July 2017 and has been resurrected FOR NO GOOD REASON Wink - move along now, please there's nothing new to see here...]

So for ages I've been saying I wan to go to Paris I've never been and it's always been somewhere I want to go but money's right ATM.

Anyway I was talking about how much I want to go in front of my mum a few months and turns out she said to dp to book it for us, she'll have the DCs and pay for the trip for my birthday and keep it as a surprise.

I found out this trip was booked last week by accident and was obviously very excited although felt awful that my mum had given dp the money (£500)

I've just had a look at the details and he's booked it leaving on a Saturday afternoon (arriving late Saturday) and returning very early Monday morning. He booked the Monday off work for me and confirmed mum was having the dcs from Friday night and dropping them to childminder Monday (we collect at 6pm)

AIBU to be fuming that he's taken £500 for essentially 1 day?? I've looked and he could have got Friday evening/early Saturday flights and late Monday flight back for the exact same price so it's not a price issue - he said he just 'didn't think'. He's saying I'm so ungrateful and should be thankful for him (he didn't bloody pay for it)

I'm really upset and don't know if I am being ungrateful and a spoilt brat but I'm just pissed off and feel like my dream break and first holiday without dc is a fucking joke.

I've tried changing the flights and even cancelling but the charge is excessive.

OP posts:
Unihorn · 27/06/2017 11:54

*4pm not 4am!

WashingMatilda · 27/06/2017 11:59

My heart bleeds, truly.

gluteustothemaximus · 27/06/2017 12:00

I went to Paris when I was 17. Saved up from my 2 jobs.

Did Eurostar (in da good old days when Eurostar went from Waterloo)

Special deal of £99 for 1 night. 1 night is less than the 2 nights booked for the OP. BUT. I chose very early sat morning, and returning very late Sunday night.

So even though I had one night only, I had 2 full days. At 17, I could think, at least.

I had a macDonald's for my lunches. Probably skipped dinner! Had a fab time.

How does anyone spectacularly mess a 2 night stay by arriving late first night, and leaving first thing on last morning!

Can the return flight be changed so you get a full Monday?

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 27/06/2017 12:41

As the saying goes, it's the thought that counts, and it appears that your DP gave it no thought at all.

If my DP had done something similar I'd be feeling really guilty that he'd wasted my DM's money and I feel from your posts about not wanting to admit it to your Mum that you feel similar.

cestlavielife · 27/06/2017 12:46

Get disengaged.
Really your user name says that you should reconsider.

MrsD79 · 27/06/2017 12:50

Maybe he couldn't but i would like to think there was a better deal than that as you are not actually there that long. What's the big deal with paris anyway? A weekend in 5* star london would be much nicer imo.

LightDrizzle · 27/06/2017 12:57

I bet if it was his money, or somewhere he wanted to visit/for him he would have spent a little more time and thought on it.

This! If was his dream and his brass, I bet he'd have scoured the Internet. Very disappointing. How much to change one name and go with your mum?

I'm knocking on (46) and fairly prosperous now, but not so old I can't remember how precious these things are when you are both time and cash-strapped. I totally get it and I'd be seething in a way that most people would regard as "spoilt" too; because of the lack of thought and the waste, not because I'm a princess who thinks I deserve nothing less than 3 nights at the George V.

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 27/06/2017 17:10

Apart from anything else, your DM is obviously under the impression it's a full weekend if she's having the kids on Fri night. If you're not flying until Saturday afternoon there's no need is there? I'd be really fed up about the lack of care he's put in - and I suspect your DM wouldn't be too impressed. You're probably going to have to tell her or lie as I expect she'll want to know details.

It wasn't his idea or his money. He knew your DM wanted you to have a lovely break & having the kids Fri suggests she expected at least you'd be going Sat morning. Very lazy on his part.

rightwhine · 27/06/2017 17:21

"Still though, better than not going at all"

i disagree, I'd rather not go at all than spend that money on what is essentially, a day trip.

Original poster
Imengagedtoanidiot · 27/06/2017 17:35

That's exactly my thought process, I can think of hundreds of things that £500 will get us, travelling, sleeping and spending 1 day rushing around isn't worth it.
DM said she did it as I need a break and to be treated a bit and dp had one bloody job and he messed it up.

OP posts:
Talith · 27/06/2017 17:37

I think it's the thought that counts. There will be other opportunities in the future to revisit. I don't think you are wholly unreasonable because that much money being spent without my input would freak me out (control freak). But focus on how nice it will be not to rush on the Saturday, to enjoy a dinner and then explore at night when you arrive, a full day to take in some sights and another night together without kids before you return on Monday with time to chill out. Planning holidays takes practice. Maybe he just hasn't done it much.

totorosfluffytummy · 27/06/2017 17:47

You're not ungrateful OP. Your DP screwed up.

HSMMaCM · 27/06/2017 18:05

Even though it's a mess, try not to let it ruin your trip. Can you take your mum and leave him with the kids ?

lionsleepstonight · 27/06/2017 18:37

It's a very badly thought trip. You are not bu. Can you book an earlier fight and an extra night to make it worthwhile?

Merlanguis · 27/06/2017 19:29

I can understand the way you're reacting as it is how I used to react to my DH until I realised how destructive I was being.

I think the thing to remember is that your DP and DM are trying to do something lovely for you. Yes, he may have cocked it up a little/made a bone headed choice/ your DM may be paying for it however the bottom line is that he has tried to plan something for you to please you.

So you can react the way you are doing, however I think you are shooting yourself in the foot. If I were your DP, I would probably think twice/not bother making an effort to do anything nice for you in the future as I'd feel that your probably going to criticise my efforts & it will never be good enough.

If I were you then I would apologise, go on the trip with gratitude and good grace. Enjoy Paris & be thankful.

CircleofWillis · 27/06/2017 19:34

That is the sort of thing my husband does and it drives me MAD!! Sometimes it is not just unthinking though. We once won two nights in Paris in a raffle and he booked it. We agreed we would go for the weekend of our anniversary and he ended up booking it for the Sunday and Monday nights without telling me as he wanted to go to a gig on the Saturday night. I had to book two days off work and we didn't even spend our anniversary together as it was on the Saturday.

bookworm80 · 27/06/2017 19:38

I agree with you. I'd love a surprise but generally it is better if I organise things myself, I definitely would have thought about flight times. What a derb, nothing you can do though, just make the most x

WonderLime · 27/06/2017 19:39

So you can react the way you are doing, however I think you are shooting yourself in the foot. If I were your DP, I would probably think twice/not bother making an effort to do anything nice for you in the future

I would complete agree if it had been his own idea/ money, but DM gave him £500 for the OP's birthday and told him what to spend it on. He clearly made no effort and now the OP is expected to be grateful - for what, exactly? For putting in very little effort to something the OP has always dreamed about?

Maman79 · 27/06/2017 19:56

When is the trip?

hellomoon · 27/06/2017 20:06

Totally agree with you OP.

Half arsed effort as another poster said and a waste of your mums money.

That's one very expensive day trip!!

TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 20:09

I'm really upset and don't know if I am being ungrateful and a spoilt brat but I'm just pissed off and feel like my dream break and first holiday without dc is a fucking joke.

I'll tell you what is the fucking joke - your attitude, not the break!
You say you want a break in Paris, your dp and mum arrange for you to go on one, and even sort out childcare and time off work for you.
You throw your toys out of the pram and call it a fucking joke. Hmm
Yes, YABVVVVVU and a spoilt little princess to boot.
If I was your mum/dp I'd take the tickets off you and go myself as you shouldn't be having a holiday. Kind of like "I'll have them then if they're not good enough", rescind my offer of childcare and tell you to sort your own holiday out next time if you have such specifications.

TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 20:15

Nah. I'd be fucked off too. A long weekend has become a day trip.

Where in the OP did she say it was a long weekend? Confused

So for ages I've been saying I wan to go to Paris I've never been and it's always been somewhere I want to go but money's right ATM.

Anyway I was talking about how much I want to go in front of my mum a few months and turns out she said to dp to book it for us, she'll have the DCs and pay for the trip for my birthday and keep it as a surprise.
OP said she's always wanted to go to Paris. She's got a trip to Paris paid for her that she wasn't expecting! Honest to God, some people are so bloody entitled and ungrateful.

TequilaSunshine · 27/06/2017 20:20

trying to work out if these woman are jealous or spend a week worshiping at their partners feet because he put a dish in the sink

Hmm Nope, neither of those. I've just always been brought up with manners and say "thankyou" for gifts.
Not kick off, call my partner an idiot (nice username, not) as it's not what I wanted.
You wanted a trip to Paris. You got a trip to Paris. If I was him and your mum I definitely wouldn't bother next time and you'd be getting a bunch of wilted flowers from the reduced section of the local petrol station on their way home as your present if I was feeling generous

rightwhine · 27/06/2017 20:22

I bet her mums not pleased either.

DH did not do as the mum expected otherwise she'd have offered to have the kids from Saturday morning till Monday.

So one disappointed present giver and one disappointed present receiver.

MercuryMadness · 27/06/2017 20:32

Op - that would drive me mad. Money is tight so you need to maximize how you spend it. You should leave early Saturday and come back on the last flight on Monday. Same number of nights in the hotel, but three whole days in Paris. You can eat cheaply whilst you are there so the cost of 3 days versus 1 day is not huge.

He is an idiot.