Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be angry at dp for booking this holiday?

565 replies

Imengagedtoanidiot · 26/06/2017 20:42

  • [Message from MNHQ - just noting, this thread was started in July 2017 and has been resurrected FOR NO GOOD REASON Wink - move along now, please there's nothing new to see here...]

So for ages I've been saying I wan to go to Paris I've never been and it's always been somewhere I want to go but money's right ATM.

Anyway I was talking about how much I want to go in front of my mum a few months and turns out she said to dp to book it for us, she'll have the DCs and pay for the trip for my birthday and keep it as a surprise.

I found out this trip was booked last week by accident and was obviously very excited although felt awful that my mum had given dp the money (£500)

I've just had a look at the details and he's booked it leaving on a Saturday afternoon (arriving late Saturday) and returning very early Monday morning. He booked the Monday off work for me and confirmed mum was having the dcs from Friday night and dropping them to childminder Monday (we collect at 6pm)

AIBU to be fuming that he's taken £500 for essentially 1 day?? I've looked and he could have got Friday evening/early Saturday flights and late Monday flight back for the exact same price so it's not a price issue - he said he just 'didn't think'. He's saying I'm so ungrateful and should be thankful for him (he didn't bloody pay for it)

I'm really upset and don't know if I am being ungrateful and a spoilt brat but I'm just pissed off and feel like my dream break and first holiday without dc is a fucking joke.

I've tried changing the flights and even cancelling but the charge is excessive.

OP posts:
SeagullsStoleMyChurro · 27/06/2017 07:10

He didn't think to book a trip for her though. Any gratitude is owed to her mum, who gave him the money specifically for that.
All he did was fuck it up.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/06/2017 07:17

I've seen Eurostar advertised from £59 return. I would expect to be able to fly to Paris for less than £100 PP return. £250-300 in total should be more than enough for 2 nights B&B in a nice hotel in a good location.

Granted you might have to book a month or two in advance and be a bit flexible but I would be willing to bet I could find something with good travel times under budget if I could be arsed looking.

FurryGiraffe · 27/06/2017 07:19

I don't see how he's been thoughtful at all. He didn't come up with the idea, pay for it, or execute it well. What he's actually done is spend the OP's DM's money very unwisely, without extracting good value from it, which to me suggests a disappointingly careless attitude with other people's money.

I'd be hacked off too OP.

roundaboutthetown · 27/06/2017 07:22

Yup, your dp was a thoughtless twat who wasted your mother's money. At least you get some time in Paris, though, so need to make the most of it and not spoil it by continuing to be pissed off with your dp.

SweetieBaby · 27/06/2017 07:39

Was he thinking about travelling time when he booked it and concerned about the childcare arrangements? So, if the flight leaves early afternoon on the Saturday you will be at the airport mid morning. You still have to get the children up and to your mum and then to the airport. Perhaps he thought this was better rather than you all having to get up at stupid o clock on Saturday morning. If he'd booked an early morning flight would your mum have had the children on the Friday night too? Maybe she couldn't do this? Same goes for the Monday. Leaving in the morning presumably gets you home mid to late afternoon (if there are no delays). Was he trying to ensure you are home in time to pick the children up?

WonderLime · 27/06/2017 07:40

I don't see how he's been thoughtful at all. He didn't come up with the idea, pay for it, or execute it well. What he's actually done is spend the OP's DM's money very unwisely, without extracting good value from it, which to me suggests a disappointingly careless attitude with other people's money.

This, 100%.

All he has done is looked at the first flights he could find and booked. Not thought whatsoever. I'm not sure why anyone needs to be grateful for so little effort. This doesn't even come under 'well it's the thought that counts', because no thought has gone into it.

I would be very annoyed too.

WonderLime · 27/06/2017 07:42

Was he thinking about travelling time when he booked it and concerned about the childcare arrangements?

Considering the OP mentioned that the children are being looked after on Friday night, I highly doubt childcare had any impact on what time the flights were booked for on Saturday.

Timmytoo · 27/06/2017 07:43

I'd be bitterly disappointed that the weekend was so short and wasted. Do you think he might have plans on Friday?

My DP wouldn't have dared book anything as he knows I'm a controlling freak. I also hate the way we must be "grateful " it's as if we must put up with anything as they made an effort! Gahhh I'm so sorry for this. I completely get where you're coming from.

Just one day in Paris is so short but you can do what I did though when I went. I got a travel book on Paris and walked right through Paris following the book suggestions and stopping at all the major points and even boating in Versailles. That whole walking trip took a day and I got to see mostly everything and you can stop at the overpriced cafes to eat on the way.

I won't tell you how disastrous my "surprise" trip was to Paris. It ended up being ok just because I had a book to follow but my DP had forgotten to get flights with the hotel and in the end could only get a dodgy package deal 😏😞. The problem was the "hotel" was outside Paris and in such a supposedly dodgy place, that a police car picked us up when we were walking around the area to take us to the hotel as there'd been a murder there the day before.

Then I lost my DP one evening around midnight and I got taken in by these army like guys as they said it was too dangerous to walk around in my own. We were by the Eiffel Tower when we lost each other. They sent me back to the hotel in a taxi, of course I didn't have my purse with me, my DP had the money so the taxi driver ended up taking my phone 😩😢. Nightmare "romantic " trip. But the walking trip was amazing we had so much fun.

endofthelinefinally · 27/06/2017 07:47

There are so many deals on Eurostar. With a bit of planning you can pay as little as £29 each way. Even if booking at short notice.

Emboo19 · 27/06/2017 07:50

On a weekend endofthelinefinally and if so where do you book these?

endofthelinefinally · 27/06/2017 08:04

There are facebook deals where you can book 1or 2 weeks ahead.
You can google package deals.
I just got back from the South of France, Eurostar all the way for £109 return.
If you are going for a weekend you dont have to go in high season.

Oblomov17 · 27/06/2017 08:15

Oh come on. I think the OP has a point. It didn't occur to her numpty of a boyfriend to try and go ASAP i.e right after school pick up on the Friday afternoon. As soon as he could viably get the kids to grandmas? Come on. That's common sense. Then they'd get there for Friday night. Make a proper weekend of it. He's right bodged up.

Or go. For an hour. And then come home again. Wink

Cesar1 · 27/06/2017 08:17

YANBU at all OP!

I'm absolutely astounded that anyone would argue you are, even for a second!

This is ridiculous and what is wrong with him?

ShotsFired · 27/06/2017 08:26

I see the "he threw you a crumb and you should be prostrating yourself in thankfulness forever more" crowd are out in force. Hmm

I hear you, @Imengagedtoanidiot. When you have one thing that you want to do or experience, and those closest to you know full well the thing you want in detail, then you end up with a crap version of it. It feels like a kick in the teeth. You hadn't asked him to take you there, you sound like you were quite willing to save up for the trip you have been dreaming of. And now your dream trip to Paris is a 1 day rush and kind of 'spoilt', as there will not be another first sight of the place.

It's not ungrateful of OP, it's thoughtless and lazy of her partner. He "didn't think" about the fact he could have booked 2 nights for the same money, or that 36hours isn't exactly what you'd call a holiday. She barely needs a toothbrush!

If you are out for a nice night and you say to your partner that you've been fantasising about a glass of lovely ice cold champagne and he comes back with a luke warm bottle of flat panda lemonade, should you be revelling in his majesty of getting you anything at all? No.

Can you cancel it entirely OP? Change the dates? Sell it? Visit a different part of France and 'save' Paris for another time? Anything?

In your heart of hearts would you rather bin it and save up for the dream trip you wanted to take?

AlternativeTentacle · 27/06/2017 08:26

Is it in August?

Exactly. If it is - a Sunday in August means nearly everything will be shut.

famousfour · 27/06/2017 08:26

What a shame - I can imagine how disappointed you are especially if it's a once only trip.

I'm bemused at those who think you should be eternally grateful that your husband planned poorly for a treat provided by your mum. If you suspect he just didn't bother to spend any time on it then I can also see why you would be 'fuming'.

If no last minute changes are possible then perhaps make the best of it and plan a nice lunch or similar on Saturday / Monday to make a weekend of it? Or could you compromise so that you go out a day earlier and pay for the switch and he joins you Saturday evening? A day by yourself in Paris may be rather nice!

OliviaStabler · 27/06/2017 08:27

YANBU. It was lazy and thoughtless to pay that for such a short holiday.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 27/06/2017 08:29

Totally with you OP, I would be disappointed. Shocked by the name calling you're getting for not being grateful that your DP booked a quick package and didn't look at better options. Wonder if people would think the same if the money was given to a sister to sort and not your poor-trying-his-best-DP.

If I were you I'd probably spend the extra out of spending money to have extra time in the city.

timeisnotaline · 27/06/2017 08:30

YANBU! Copying one of the many pp who have it right: don't see how he's been thoughtful at all. He didn't come up with the idea, pay for it, or execute it well. What he's actually done is spend the OP's DM's money very unwisely, without extracting good value from it, which to me suggests a disappointingly careless attitude with other people's money.

I am tired of people giving men credit for doing a shit job at something. In this case my dh would have to rebook but I guess you may not be able to afford that :( I refuse to be the only one in my household capable of doing something well that's not my paid job, and make this clear to my dh.

AlternativeTentacle · 27/06/2017 08:30

And it is not a man thing. My OH will scour the options for the earliest away and latest return on every holiday.

witsender · 27/06/2017 08:30

I am totally with you OP. He has been thoughtless with someone else's money, and it is that disregard of your mother's effort that would upset me most. So I would let him know that, and make sure your mother doesn't catch a glimpse of the disappointment.

TheFatOfTheLand · 27/06/2017 08:31

It's actually painful to read how some Mumsnetters would be grateful for any crumb thrown to them by their partners. I suppose if you have low expectations in the first place then you can't be disappointed.

Basically he spent your birthday money from your Mum on a half-arsed trip to Paris because he was too lazy or stupid to shop round. But yes, bow down and kiss his feet and be eternally grateful you entitled caaaah!

Fucking depressing.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 27/06/2017 08:37

TheFatOfTheLand I know right? I don't understand the support for this.
And how do these poor, bumbling, trying-their-best men get through life? Sounds like everything is extremely difficult for them.

GodlessDomestic1 · 27/06/2017 09:14

Goodness that is a lot of money for a little time. I'd be quite disappointed too. I'd never been before so planned a trip this year. We went at Easter for 2 nights via Eurostar and I made sure we left on the 1st train out and came home late. It cost £58 each for the train and an Airbnb cost £121 per night in Le Marais. I did book 6months in advance though. I really hope you have a good time and make plans to return as soon as possible xx

witsender · 27/06/2017 09:18

I bet if it was his money, or somewhere he wanted to visit/for him he would have spent a little more time and thought on it.