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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be angry at dp for booking this holiday?

565 replies

Imengagedtoanidiot · 26/06/2017 20:42

  • [Message from MNHQ - just noting, this thread was started in July 2017 and has been resurrected FOR NO GOOD REASON Wink - move along now, please there's nothing new to see here...]

So for ages I've been saying I wan to go to Paris I've never been and it's always been somewhere I want to go but money's right ATM.

Anyway I was talking about how much I want to go in front of my mum a few months and turns out she said to dp to book it for us, she'll have the DCs and pay for the trip for my birthday and keep it as a surprise.

I found out this trip was booked last week by accident and was obviously very excited although felt awful that my mum had given dp the money (£500)

I've just had a look at the details and he's booked it leaving on a Saturday afternoon (arriving late Saturday) and returning very early Monday morning. He booked the Monday off work for me and confirmed mum was having the dcs from Friday night and dropping them to childminder Monday (we collect at 6pm)

AIBU to be fuming that he's taken £500 for essentially 1 day?? I've looked and he could have got Friday evening/early Saturday flights and late Monday flight back for the exact same price so it's not a price issue - he said he just 'didn't think'. He's saying I'm so ungrateful and should be thankful for him (he didn't bloody pay for it)

I'm really upset and don't know if I am being ungrateful and a spoilt brat but I'm just pissed off and feel like my dream break and first holiday without dc is a fucking joke.

I've tried changing the flights and even cancelling but the charge is excessive.

OP posts:
dubmumof2 · 27/06/2017 01:02

Really shocked at how many posters think that OP is nasty and entitled because she's disappointed that a long hoped for birthday treat paid for her mum has effectively been rendered poor value for money by thoughtlessness and a slapdash approach from her DH. And that's just giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's just a twat! Having the kids sorted from Friday and the Monday off work and not availing of that time in Paris for the same two nights accommodation cost.....I could cry for you and would be gutted too....However, even with the time you have, there will be lots you can see and do.

Is there any chance he has a lovely surprise of his own planned for Friday night/Saturday lunch? Grasping at straws maybe.....

BarbaraofSeville · 27/06/2017 03:29

Some people just are no good at booking holidays

It's not hard if you put some thought and effort in. It's like saying 'some people are not good at remembering things' or 'some men don't see dirt and what needs doing'.

Mostly, they just don't try and the ones that are good at booking holidays or remembering things etc just make more effort to do a good job.

Arriving late Saturday and returning early Monday (how early btw, what time do you need to get up to go to the airport?) suggests that he has done no more than a 'fuck it, that'll do' job.

Half an hour on travel republic and/or the Eurostar website could have got something that got them to Paris by Saturday lunchtime and returning home early evening, giving them a good 2.5 days in Paris, within budget, instead of one poxy day.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/06/2017 03:32

Saying it will cost too much to change flights - are there any Eurostar deals on for that weekend and any way you can raise a bit of extra cash, especially as people have said it can take time to get from the airport to the city?

OliviaBenson · 27/06/2017 03:42

I'd be extremely disappointed.

Can you change one of the flights if that is a compromise that won't eat into your spending money too much?

Or like others have said, look to see if there are cheaper deals and claim some of the money back for airline taxes etc.

BigYellowJumper · 27/06/2017 03:44

He didn't pay for it.

He put minimal effort into researching and booking it.

What is it that the OP is meant to be grateful for here?

Rhubarbginisnotasin · 27/06/2017 03:49

Id be really cross as well.

1forAll74 · 27/06/2017 04:24

Well, I hope that you will go to Paris,never the less,,and not be in any kind of nagging mood whilst there.You just can't miss a bit of the Parisian style.. You can maybe go for a longer stay at some point in the future.!

Cantseethewoods · 27/06/2017 04:29

I'd be pissed off. I expect DH to display a basic level of competence and put in a reasonable degree of effort in life admin (as he would also expect me to) and this falls way short.

GoBigOrange · 27/06/2017 04:30

He's either not very intelligent, or just didn't bother to make sure he was getting the best deal he possibly could for the money. I wonder if he would have made more effort if it was somewhere he really wanted to go? Or if it was his own money he was spending?

While I would be very grateful to the mum for funding the trip and for the childcare, I sure as heck wouldn't be particularly thankful to the DP for doing such a lame job of the booking.

He has effectively turned what could have been a nice long weekend break into a day-trip! And a Sunday at that! While tourist attractions are certainly open on Sunday, good luck if you want to eat out or do any shopping as a lot of shops and restaurants are closed on Sundays.

Joey7t8 · 27/06/2017 06:13

Team OP all then way here. He's done a really poor job of spending your mum's £500 present to you. London to Paris may only be something like 1 hour in the plane, but there's still the faff of airports at either end to add a few extra hours into your journey. Depending on where you live in relation to a London airport, I'd estimate it'll be about 5-6 hours travel, door to door. The thought of having to get up early 30 hours later to repeat the process to get home would just annoy me.

What time is your Saturday evening flight? Giving yourself about 1.5 hours to get out of the airport, on to the RER/Metro and checked into your hotel, will there still be time to get dressed up and go out on Saturday night?

SeagullsStoleMyChurro · 27/06/2017 06:26

I'm be raging as well. I don't see how he's done anything nice, he's taken someone else's cash and put fuck-all thought into it.
I can only assume that all the posters ripping into the OP accept extremely low standards of competence from their partners.

allegretto · 27/06/2017 06:28

I would be furious too.

WomanWithAltitude · 27/06/2017 06:29

I can understand your disappointment too.

When you book the Monday off work, the whole point is that you get a LONG weekend out of it. This isn't a long weekend away, as you'll only spend one day at your destination.

He wasn't the one who put the thought in - that was your mum. He has been given some money and a long weekend to play with, but managed to make the booking without putting any thought into it.

So yes, I'd be disappointed too. It wouldn't have taken much thought on his part to realise that the point was a weekend away, not just a single day (which is what you're effectively getting).

I probably wouldn't be 'fuming' though. Has this kind of thing happened before?

Chloe84 · 27/06/2017 06:32

I'm sure next time he uses the phrase 'all the other dad's at work get to laze about at home and their wives do everything' he'll tell me to ask the mn jury as they clearly think all men are goddesses to be worshiped

Agh, does he actually say this? Hope it's just a jokey moan and not his real attitude? Because so far you sound too good for him.

Wonders71 · 27/06/2017 06:34

I would be a bit miffed!! But some men just dont think before they do stuff! But some of the comments are really nasty about your partner!

WomanWithAltitude · 27/06/2017 06:43

Having read the replies, I am surprised at how many MNers have incredibly low expectations of their partner.

You do not have to be grateful for everything someone does for you - particularly if they display zero thought or care about what you'd actually like!

If you were told you were being taken for a nice meal out, you wouldn't feel grateful to end up at McDonald's FFS!

WomanWithAltitude · 27/06/2017 06:46

And this shouldn't be a 'men don't see dirt' kind of thing.

My DH tends to book our holidays, amd he puts effort into trying to sort the best possible arrangement. It doesn't always work out (that's holidays and travelling for you), but it's never because he just couldn't be arsed to spend time working through the options.

FishChipsAndGravy · 27/06/2017 06:49

The Paris weekend wasn't HIS idea; it was OP's mum's idea. It's not HIS treat or HIM doing something lovely or HIS money. It's all the OP's mum's treat.

All he did was get given some money and got told to book a weekend away. He did not do anything thoughtful or lovely at all. In fact, he did the opposite, because he did the bare minimum research and planning possible.

You can bet your bottom dollar that if HE had £500 going spare, there is no way on earth it would enter his head to spend it on a weekend away to Paris.

The comment from him: "I didn't think" when asked about the flight times says it all. He didn't bother putting any thought in. This wasn't something KIND that he did for OP. This was something he got told to do, and he did it as badly and as quickly as possible, so as not to take up any time or energy from him.

I'd be very angry too.

Bananamanfan · 27/06/2017 06:55

Do you suspect that he hasn't spent all of the money on the trip? Last time i went by Eurostar it was quite easy to change the train time. Yanbu, he's taken a large amount of your mum's money. I hate 'surprises' like this that are very expensive, it's not fair on the person being 'surprised' that they do not get any input on spending a large chunk of (often their own) money.

bumblingbovine49 · 27/06/2017 06:59

This would really really annoying me too and for all of DH's many many wonderful qualities, is the sort of thing he would do as well. This is because DH isn't overly interested in holidays generally and he would do some research but would probably not spend masses of time on it as he likes to decide and get on with things quickly.

However having been with him for a long time , he knows that a "surprise holiday" would be my idea of hell. I want to be involved in the planning if I am going. So he would have told me about the £500 and he would have checked travel options with me before booking.

BigYellowJumper · 27/06/2017 06:59

wonders Why is it that men are allowed to 'not think' when it comes to family/home stuff? At work, what if they 'just didn't think'? Would their boss fondly chuckle and say 'well, of course not! You're a man! No problem!'

Why do we excuse lazy men and then moan that our houses are a mess/our kids barely spend time with their dads/we do all the cooking?

My husband would never use 'I just didn't think' as an excuse. He is a grown man who is capable of sorting out a long weekend without me holding his hand. I could not deal with a relationship where I was basicaly acting like a stand-in for his mum.

cakegoblin · 27/06/2017 07:00

I'm with you OP and I actually can't believe the snidey comments you got on the first page! How hard is it to shop around to maximise the time available? What a lazy git Flowers

Emboo19 · 27/06/2017 07:03

Those saying Eurostar am I missing something? I've just looked and from leaving earliest Saturday morning and returning latest mon evening it's £450 just for the Eurostar!! That's for the in July but before school holidays!

OP, did your dh book it as a package with Thomas cook or something. Or did he book flights/hotel seperate? Looking on the main known sites £450-500 for what he booked seems normal/average. How do you normally book your holidays, as a package or sort out seperate flights hotel?

OnionKnight · 27/06/2017 07:06

He's fucked up and TBH I wouldn't really want to go there just for that length of time.

GoneDownhill · 27/06/2017 07:06

I can see where you are coming from OP. I think he was daft too. I think you can be grateful he thought to book a trip for you to Paris and disappointed with how he has gone about it at the same time.

He was thoughtful and not thoughtful at the same time.