FENCEWANKER

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I'll start by saying I am absolutely furious. So bear with angry spelling and grammar.

We are incredibly lucky and live on a marina on a river. It's very beautiful. On the river are temporary moorings for riverboats. This is lovely. Some people have unofficial 'permanent' moorings and have made their gardens pretty and mow the grass. This is nice.

3 weeks ago a shiny new boat showed up directly opposite our house. It's a lovely boat, nice to see out of the window.

Yesterday THEY PUT UP A THREE PANEL OVER SIX FOOT FUCKING FENCE. See pic.

Would I be unreasonable to burn that fucker to the ground and also put a hole in his stupid boat?

Hello effie

Would you like me to PM you a link to the planning complaints form..?

"we're sending someone out to look at it" unimpressed Redsippycup

And he had a very unimpressed tone of voice.

nice one! Hope they don't come back saying its quite an attractive fence and they asked fencewanker where they bought it...that would be really fecking annoying.

Well, when I mentioned he'd put down decking there was a wry chuckle... So I don't think they like the idea of decking the riverbank either

Ha! I hope they bring a suitably intimidating clipboard. And maybe Hi-vis too.

Time to set up a barbeque, with neighbours, dogs, screaming kids, lots of booze, fags and music......right next to him on the path then if he asks you to be more considerate tell him its a free country and he doesn't own the path.

I saw on the news the other day a homeless chap had set up a "living room" by a canal in Manchester (?), perhaps he could move to OP's canal. Unless he already has .

There is a Fanny Island in British Columbia. HTH

Any sign of planning inspectors pushing over the fence before dancing in it and setting it alight OP?

It's still there. Awful thing. Should I phone planning or tree people again, do you think?

how disappointing.

I would ask for an update and a timeline for any action being taken. Then you will know exactly when to hassle them again.

Could his boat be untied and pushed away in the night?

I'm not sure wtf is going on here. But more screening has arrived in the form of what we believe to be half a table tennis table. How attractive.

It's going to look like Steptoe's yard soon. Contact your local councillor to see if they can chivvy the planning department along.

How DARE poor people without my sense of style and taste do something I don't like.
Sorry OP - you're being very intolerant. You don't OWN the river.

I've never claimed I do own the river. Be nice if it didn't look shit though wouldn't it? There's absolutely nothing I could or want to do about the ping pong table, it's very much a temporary structure and will rust quite soon. Also it might be quite nice to watch some ping pong action if they're any good.

I just thought you'd like the update.

::live action update::

The table tennis table is being put together. Now is it just me who sees the down side of playing this on a river? 😂

His erection reminds me rather of people who go camping, so they can enjoy the lovely countryside, then surround the bit of land they're camping with a range of windbreaks that completely block their view.

Definitely a Fencewanker and I hope he gets told never to erect anything on the riverbank ever again.

I was wrong. They are not putting it together to play. They just put it together and turned it round and propped it up with a broom. People are VERY odd. The broom is a lovely addition, however it will still be in the river with the next stiff breeze. Oh well.

Maybe he's a spy OP? Doing super-secret spy things (more likely to involve scantily-clad [Russian] ladies than wanking if Bond films are to be believed...) & thus in need of his fence. Obviously council powerless against 00fencewanker & he & his fence will vanish once his Super Secret Spy Mission (presumably something to do with China if he's working on his ping-pong skills...) is completed. On plus side, Bond films suggest quite high possibility 00fencewanker's boat&fence will be blown sky-high

Cut his moorings... wanders away whistling.

We've decided he's either a quirky boat dwelling detective (probably with a young sidekick that points out the obvious) using the board to map out the details of a new and grisly serial killer OR a serial killer.

Those look like the boards put between desks in offices. We had them a long time ago to minimise noise between desks and you can put pins in them.

Maybe pin "FENCEWANKER" on them? Each letter printed on one A4 sheet.

I really think he is primarily a wanker. Wankers wank behind table tennis tables as well.

And this isn't really about personal taste is it? This is a huge erection in a visible place.

#savetheriverfanny