To keep using reins even though DH is against it

[Suntrapped]

For background I'm a SAHM.

DD seems more excitable/hyperactive than other toddlers her age. Eg she always runs instead of walking and runs off. In parks she is the one racing round the perimeter or trying to climb over the fence, while my friends' toddlers potter happily nearby.

I use reins as I'm terrified she'll run into the road or out of sight. She doesn't come back when called. Only time she's off reins is the park, at child-friendly places like farms or if DH and I are both with her. Recently he insisted we start letting her off reins so she gets used to it. Yet she won't hold hands for long. She ran off in the street (pedestrian zone luckily) and tripped up a lady before DH could catch her (not the first time she's tripped people up as she darts in front of their feet.

DH thinks it's bad for her self esteem and development to be on reins 'like a dog' and she needs to learn to behave without them. He thinks she's too old for them.

What do you think? Please be honest

I couldn't help noticing that several of those friends who disapproved of reins kept their children in buggies an awful lot longer than I did and used the car even for short trips. I could never understand why that was so superior.

guess some people are those sort of parents. Dummies, reins, jars of baby food, kids in nappies and buggies until 3+

Guess some people were just judgemental prats.

We would wrap one loosely round our wrist while holding hands with her, totally not in her way but a back up for were she to break free of the 'wrap around little finger' trick.

My DD loves her 'packpack' and now that she's 2.5 she wears it for walking and scooting. She'd easily scoot into the road or a wall if I didn't have a lead on her. When I first started using it, I thought it was like taking a dog for a walk (I'd quite like a dog, but don't want the hassle). The moment I thought that DD lay down on the pavement and refused to budge. Dogs generally are easier to pull along, they seem a bit more rational than the average toddler.

For all of the smug 'I never needed reins' people, some people have children and therefore think they know how to parent. Wiser parents know that they have only learnt to parent the specific children they have.

@MrsPresley another one here who read your story years ago and have never forgotten it.

I'd rather be judged than mourn the loss of an infant.

Little life back packs are the best piece of kit for exactly this scenario op. Good luck.

why is it considered wrong to use something that will keep your toddler safe? Are the people who are against reins also against seat belts or strapping their children into pushchairs or high chairs in case it inhibits their development? What utter nonsense?

I haven't RTFT but at 2 why isn't she strapped in her buggy when you're near roads? When you're at the park or a safe open space let her run off and have fun. Unless you have a disability problem then just run along with her and enjoy her exuberance. When it's time to go home she'll be tired and happy to get into the buggy with a piece of fruit and a cuddly.
Yes I hate reins.

Using reins or a backpack doesn't mean that you can't hold your child's hand at the same time. I found it useful to have the two methods in tandem as DS2 was a bolter. As he changed from being an excitable toddler to an excitable pre-schooler the habit of holding hands with myself or DH was established. I can say that his self-esteem is just fine, despite the use of reins and a LittleLife back pack! Keep your little one safe, it won't be forever.

llangennith Because it's good for kids to walk and exercise, but I can't spend all day at the park or similar?!

I've only judged someone using reins once and that was, ironically, in a play area on slides... It's a fucking strangulation risk you muppet. Other than that, nope, whatever works.

It's actually nice to see DS is not completely feral as holding hands is one of the few discipline things that came without a lot of hard work. And yes, being short with a tall toddler definitely helps as DP occasionally uses the wrist strap.

I don't like reins because they take up too much room on the path compared to holding hands, but I live on a main road so that makes them impractical.

FWIW DS loves his dinosaur backpack and he still uses it because he wants to. I don't use the actual strap/ leash thing because he's determined to strangle himself with it!

I haven't RTFT

Then read it.

why isn't she strapped in her buggy when you're near roads?

Because some kids like to walk

Better reins that no reins and under a bus. Your DH is a pillock.

DS1 was like your DD OP. Everyone else's child was so much calmer. I used reins near roads until about 2yo, then he had to hold my hand at all times.

He's now 4 and is far more sensible, although he'll bolt if he's walking home with other children (tries to race them) - then he has to hold my hand again.

You are in the right, here. Better safe than dead.

why isn't she strapped in her buggy when you're near roads

Maybe some other child is in the buggy.
We dont all have perfect timing.
I had 3 under 3 !/2 which meant someone was walking.

Or maybe as in my case the buggy was a pain,and it was easier too walk.

I read somewhere that children aren't able to judge the speed of an approaching vehicle Til at least 8 years old, which is worth bearing in mind in terms of road safety.

I understand both views and think that it is a matter to compromise on, I personally do not think reins should be used but equally respect others views. Therefore I think that where parents disagree it is one of compromise.

"I haven't RTFT but at 2 why isn't she strapped in her buggy when you're near roads?"

How about the idea that children should be able to walk, Can I suggest that you actually read the full thread and see precisely why parents need to use reins.

llangennith and twelly why do you hate reins? Please can you read MrsPresley's post and then give a valid reason why you dislike the use of reins on toddlers who are apt to bolt.

Can I also say, long before children I was walking on a busy street, a young child, probably 2/3 ran forward and went to step off the path and into the path of the oncoming traffic, I grabbed him and stopped him, his mother push through the crowd a split second later. Little kids are fast and it's easier for them to get past legs that for a mother to shove people out of the way. Poor child cried but his mother was grateful!

I use backpack reins on my 20mo ds. He rarely likes to hold hands and is proficient in going boneless. On the rare occasion he will hold my hand, I can't do it for long as it kills my back (I'm v tall) and his arm must hurt after being held up for any length of time. He also likes to run everywhere and the reins stop him from faceplanting the ground when he inevitably trips over his own feet/a dip in the pavement/fresh air etc. Your dh is being stupid OP and the rein haters on here are just smug wankers. HTH.

I find it incredible when people say they hate reins. I mean, why? What's to hate about something that keeps children safe and alive?

i dont like the idea of reins but i use them daily with my dangerously bolting toddler so even though i dont like it they are very much necessary

She's two? I thought you were going to say she was five or something (reins might be a bit embarrassing for a five year old).

Two year olds have no sense of safety - no way would I let my toddler out without any restraint. If she won't hold hands reliably, that means some kind of reins or a wrist strap.

Two year olds also don't have enough of a sense of self to have self esteem, your husband's projecting his own feelings onto her there.

Deploycharity Wow! My daughter is 2.5 and can't speak that well yet! :(

reins until they can be taught to hold your hand and be safe themselves.