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To keep using reins even though DH is against it

297 replies

Suntrapped · 25/06/2017 12:55

For background I'm a SAHM.

DD seems more excitable/hyperactive than other toddlers her age. Eg she always runs instead of walking and runs off. In parks she is the one racing round the perimeter or trying to climb over the fence, while my friends' toddlers potter happily nearby.

I use reins as I'm terrified she'll run into the road or out of sight. She doesn't come back when called. Only time she's off reins is the park, at child-friendly places like farms or if DH and I are both with her. Recently he insisted we start letting her off reins so she gets used to it. Yet she won't hold hands for long. She ran off in the street (pedestrian zone luckily) and tripped up a lady before DH could catch her (not the first time she's tripped people up as she darts in front of their feet.

DH thinks it's bad for her self esteem and development to be on reins 'like a dog' and she needs to learn to behave without them. He thinks she's too old for them.

What do you think? Please be honest

OP posts:
Rachel0Greep · 25/06/2017 15:17

OP, please do continue to use the reins. It could save your child's life, literally.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 25/06/2017 15:18

Do babies under the age of 2 even have self esteem issues with reins? Or car seats, bibs, stair gates, nappies or buggies?
Not unless they're Stewie Griffin from Family Guy

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 25/06/2017 15:22

Yanbu. Until she can be trusted to not run off you should for her safety.

MrsPresley · 25/06/2017 15:22

I never understand why these threads end up with so many nasty comments Sad

If you want to keep your child safe, near a road or in a busy place then use reins, a wrist strap or piece of bloody rope if that's all you have!

If your not concerned about your childs safety, then let them run around wherever you bloody want!

But please, don't critisise or try to put down parents who do it differently from you!

Using reins or any kind of restraint isn't treating your child like an animal, it's doing what YOU feel is best for you and your child!

I'm sure the one thing we all agree on is that we want our children to be safe, I hope NO ONE ever goes through what I have, what I go through every single day and what I will continue to go through until the day I die!

And thank you to the posters who try and get the message out by sharing my story if it makes one parent change their mind and saves one child from each thread then I am eternally grateful Flowers

Shellsandstones1 · 25/06/2017 15:23

Oh I do love a goady fucker. I imagine them, ironing their knickers, and putting their tins in barcode order...

I had a singleton and twins within a year and a half and occasionally tied them together to stop them getting lost. I'd have been DELIGHTED to receive advice on how I could have done things better. I tried growing another arm, but it didn't work out.

KickAssAngel · 25/06/2017 15:26

I think that why we don't see reins as much now as earlier generations is because people tend to drive somewhere then get out the pushchair and put their child in. In the 70s, my parents only had one car, and my Dad used it to get to work. So my mum put me in the pram, then had my older sister on reins as they walked everywhere. A few years later my sister was at the holding hands/walking freely stage, and I was on reins.

I had a DD who was a bolter (she also has ADHD & other neurological problems). We stopped using a buggy shortly before she was 2, and she walked everywhere. Whenever we were in town she was on reins. If it was quiet we used to play the "stop - go!" game. I'd say "go" she could run ahead. Then I'd say "stop!" and it was her job to stop immediately, with lots of praise & even a sweet if she did it really well.

When we were at a park etc she obviously didn't have reins, but any time near roads or busy places, we used them.

WashBasketsAreUs · 25/06/2017 15:27

My daughter is not keen on reins, fair enough, my grandson is her child. She has trained him to hold hands and he's very good.
However I look after him a lot for her when she's at work and I've told her reins are non negotiable. I'm not as young as I was, I'm not as nimble, he's not my child and he's like lightning when he sees a puddle, a stick or some such.
He's 3 now., walks beautifully by the pushchair and holds on either to the handle or my hand BUT I still have his reins ( backpack ones now) attached to my hand, just in case. He's happy wearing his new dinosaur back pack, I'm happy he's attached to me, everyone's a winner. He still goes out in the pushchair, even though he'd getting a big boy now. He loves it as his mum hasn't used one for him for a long time so it's a treat for him but he always walks home back to my house with me ( can't push the pushchair, shopping and him up the hill!) I get comments about that as well, how he should be walking all the time, he's too big for a pushchair etc. Bollocks to that. It's more convenient, it's his treat when he's at grandma's, I've got somewhere to put the shopping and I can keep control of him better.
He won't be this age forever and I have no issues with what I'm doing.
Tell your husband he's being an idiot. I wish more people used reins, better safe than sorry.

LiveLongAndProspero · 25/06/2017 15:27

You know these idiots comparing babies to dogs when they have reins on? Are they so stupid they don't realise why dogs are on leads? Because people love their dogs and don't want them to run off and get hit by cars! Do these twats not love their children as much as their dogs?

DJBaggySmalls · 25/06/2017 15:28

I'll never understand why people are against reins. Or why they compare them unfavourably to dog leads, as if that explains it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/06/2017 15:29

@MrsPresley your loss is unimaginable but I hope that it's some small comfort that I kept DD safely on reins because of you. It also gave me something to say to people who disliked them. She's a happy, confident, well-adjusted 6 yo now.

I know that other MNers have made the same choices as I have so who knows if there are children here today because of you.

Many people criticized but I was stopped in the street twice and thanked. Once my an emergency medicine nurse and once by a pediatrician. I'll listen to MrsPresley and them sooner than judgmental people.

TurquoiseDress · 25/06/2017 15:34

SAFETY wins over every time.

Certainly trumps any toddler "self-esteem"

Once she learns to chill a bit and hold hands you won't have as much need for reins. But until then I'd continue with them.

By all means take them off & let her run free- if your DH is absolutely certain he can watch her every single second of the day when out & about...

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 25/06/2017 15:38

I used to be massively against reins. Then my sisters had children and I get it. Rather safe than dead like poor MrsPresleys DC Flowers.

And you know what, sometimes my sisters use reins for their convenience because although they obviously teach hand holding and try to make it non negotiable, they don't always have to time for the standing around saying g you aren't going anywhere till they hold hands. Sometimes it is just easier to put on the reins and give them that bit of freedom.
I'll definitely be using them with DS once he's walking.

Iamastonished · 25/06/2017 15:41

The goady posters on this thread make me so angry.
They are clearly very short people with tall toddlers who are so meek and mild and well behaved that they always do as they are told. They only have one child to look after, don’t have bolters or children who like to wriggle their hand free, or are happy to hold their hands so tightly that they hurt them.

Can I suggest that they read MrsPresley’s story and feel ashamed of themselves. Or that they offer themselves as childminders to the bolters and teach them not to run off.

PoorYorick · 25/06/2017 15:42

They're reins, not fucking electric cattle prods!

ItsNachoCheese · 25/06/2017 15:45

If my ds isnt in his buggy i use reins. He doesnt seem to have a walk setting more a fly as fast as his feet can take him setting. I dont care if others dont approve or dont like them my first priority is my ds's safety

eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 25/06/2017 15:52

i still use reins on my 2.5 year old because she cant be trusted even slightly

TruJay · 25/06/2017 15:54

I don't understand why people have issues with reins, would they rather the child was hit by a car?! It's particularly annoying when strangers comment on it when you're out and about "oh she's a bit big for reins isn't she?" "She's still in a buggy at her age?!" "That child just needs a good slap" I get it all the time, my daughter is nearly 4 and has NO sense of risk or danger and constantly bolts. Sometimes she will hold hands but more often than not she won't so reins/buggy/trolley is the best bet when we're out and about unless I want her to be knocked down or go missing.
It's lovely having a toddler who understands danger and listens to you just like my son did, he never needed reins or a buggy after 18 months, he was super but not all kids are the same. My daughter has severe speech delay and shows signs of autism which she is under assessment for which I know isn't applicable to your situation op, I just want to point out that people looking in don't know the background as to why people may use reins.

You're trying to keep your child safe just like I am surely you should do whatever that takes to make it happen and you should should be in support of that. Your DD is only two so won't look "too big" for reins, do what makes you feel comfortable when out with your DD.

GreenTulips · 25/06/2017 15:55

They're reins, not fucking electric cattle prods!

But there's and idea .....

Iamastonished · 25/06/2017 15:55

I judge people who judge parents for being sensible enough to put their children's safety first.

TruJay · 25/06/2017 15:56

*dh should be in support of that

Welshrainbow · 25/06/2017 16:00

I can't believe people can be so judgemental about something that can keep a toddler safe.
My DS is a bolter, try to carry him and he will kick, punch and pull hair, he's small for age but even when he's behaving I couldn't carry him far. He will occasionally walk nicely holding my hand but then he'll get bored or just decide he's seen something exciting. He lifts his feet off the ground so he's swinging then twists his body. It's physically impossible to keep hold of him. It takes a split second for him to be away into a road or something. He's only just turned two and has no sense of danger as most don't at that age.
Some posters may think it's lazy parenting to use reins or a wrist strap but I'd consider it negligent not to I'd you have a runner. I can only imagine those who judge their use have never experienced a child who is a runner.

CarrotFingers · 25/06/2017 16:00

My DS sounds like your DD OP. I've got an 8 week old too and I quite frankly I hate taking them both out at the moment because he can't be trusted not to sprint away. So far we've only ventured to places either with DH so he can run after DS, or places where the car can be parked very close to where we're going, but if I was to walk with both of them any great distance I'd stick the reins on him no hesitation.

He's 3 next month. I've started to use a sling for the baby so I can try holding his hand more rather than scurrying after him with the pushchair but baby DD starts rooting for milk as soon as she's in the sling which isn't helping!

buttfacedmiscreant · 25/06/2017 16:01

I had one who was a bolter and one who wasn't. The one who wasn't had reins for a short time while still unsteady. The one who was a bolter had a choice of regular reins, wrist strap, holding hands or going in the buggy. Often he chose the wrist strap over the other choices. Sometimes he chose the wrist strap attached to the buggy and holding onto the buggy. Sometimes no choice worked and he had to go in the buggy against his will because we had to be somewhere like a Drs appt and he was upset at the choices. Sometimes you have to make the safe choice for them and I include reins in that.

I also used reins at times I knew I'd be distracted and it wasn't a very safe area such as walking in town along a street.

It worked for us, my bolter is now an adult and walks nicely without help LOL

DixieNormas · 25/06/2017 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tomatotornado · 25/06/2017 16:07

I dont disagree with reins, used them myself. But have you not noticed that are only acceptable in Britain?

You can't buy them in most of Europe. You will get nasty looks and tuts in many countries, I know because I've been told off! They are seen as a hideously lazy horrible thing to do to a child. Why is that? So strange.

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