Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep using reins even though DH is against it

297 replies

Suntrapped · 25/06/2017 12:55

For background I'm a SAHM.

DD seems more excitable/hyperactive than other toddlers her age. Eg she always runs instead of walking and runs off. In parks she is the one racing round the perimeter or trying to climb over the fence, while my friends' toddlers potter happily nearby.

I use reins as I'm terrified she'll run into the road or out of sight. She doesn't come back when called. Only time she's off reins is the park, at child-friendly places like farms or if DH and I are both with her. Recently he insisted we start letting her off reins so she gets used to it. Yet she won't hold hands for long. She ran off in the street (pedestrian zone luckily) and tripped up a lady before DH could catch her (not the first time she's tripped people up as she darts in front of their feet.

DH thinks it's bad for her self esteem and development to be on reins 'like a dog' and she needs to learn to behave without them. He thinks she's too old for them.

What do you think? Please be honest

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 26/06/2017 00:45

I had both mine in reins and attached to the reins I had extendable dog leads. Both were bolters usually in opposite directions at the same time. And one would grab random items from the shelves of shops and run out without paying.

HerBluebiro · 26/06/2017 01:37

Mine isn't a bolter. Walks wonderfully by my side. Usually holding my hand.

Except every now and then she doesn't want to and will wriggle out of my grip. The reins are a back up. Since using them on every journey dd has stopped wriggling or if my grip in that heart stopping way. Because if she wants to pour her hands down I let her. As long as she walks nicely.

It isn't either/or. Reins or teaching road safety. It is often both.

jaggythistle · 26/06/2017 07:10

With ours i used the reins as backup while holding their hands - our DS2 in particular was a bolter so was in the reins for longer.

He's still not entirely stopped being one at age 5, Hmm so I think it depends on the child. DS1 was a lot more compliant and happy to hold hands and walk instead of run everywhere.

YANBU as your DD is better off safe until she learns. Smile

Spikeyball · 26/06/2017 07:10

Reins give my son far more independence than he would have strapped into his sn buggy for safety. There is nothing to hate about them.

MissDuke · 26/06/2017 09:23

you have to raise the child you have

Brilliant turn of phrase and so true. I am guilty of forgetting this and trying to change things instead of working with their little ways.

There is nothing to hate about them

I personally hate reins, I think they are horrible. However they definitely have their place and I have used them briefly with two of my children. I still had them hold my hand, the reins were just a back up. Doesn't make me like them though!

BasketOfDeplorables · 26/06/2017 09:32

I bought some for my dd, because even it's her hand right up in the air I'm bending uncomfortably to hold her hand. I mentioned them to my mum and she told me that she'd used them for me, which I have no memory of. I really don't think they effect self esteem. What a dog lead represents for you dh doesn't mean the same thing to a toddler surely.

Spikeyball · 26/06/2017 10:26

I don't think they have the same purpose as a dog lead. I can't 'lead' my 11 year old anywhere in them. They are purely to stop him doing something dangerous.

Deploycharitygoats · 26/06/2017 10:47

JustDon'tGetIt He's just a shade over 2.5 and his speech has gone crazy over the last six weeks. And there are plenty of things he can't do (like appreciate that baby siblings don't like being buried in a nest of pillows Hmm)

Branleuse · 26/06/2017 10:51

Safety is the most important thing. We put dogs on a lead to stop them running off and under a car or other dangerous things. Why would you not do the same for your child. All of my kids were runners, and I needed reins for them. It was not for the fun of it.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 26/06/2017 10:51

Use riens, but it is worrying she ignores what you say and does it anyway

MoominFlaps · 26/06/2017 11:34

Use riens, but it is worrying she ignores what you say and does it anyway

No it isn't, she's not even two yet.

Teenyloves · 26/06/2017 11:45

My DS is exactly the same, i ALWAYS have reins on him when out, it is 100% not worth the risk. He knows now if were going for a walk he puts his 'walkies' on.
Get your DH told... its is never worth the risk!!

Dahlietta · 26/06/2017 11:47

I think anyone that trusts themselves or a toddler to not run or not to be able to wriggle free from a hand is an idiot. I won't apologise for that.

Why do threads like this always have to turn into a criticism of those who do things differently? I absolutely agree with you, OP, you should use reins on your DD because she needs them at the moment and keeping her safe is the most important thing.
I never used reins on my DS1, not because I disapprove of them, but because he never needed them and it never really occurred to me to buy any. He never bolted, never ran off, never let go of my hand, never walked on the roadside of the pavement. That's just the way he was - I'm not an idiot. When DS2 is walking, he may well be completely different and if he is, I will definitely invest in some reins for him.

StormTreader · 26/06/2017 12:06

I genuinely don't understand why everyone doesnt use them when kids are very little. Surely its like an airbag in a car, you do everything sensibly, hold hands, teach safety and not to run off but on the rare occasion things go wrong, they are an emergency system to stop the child running into the road.

Whats so terrible about that? I think its far worse to rely on being in full control 100% of the time, or the impulse control of a tiny person who famously has very little impulse control.

waitforitfdear · 26/06/2017 12:15

shes not 2

Of course Reins are fine and keep toddlers safe. Can't for the life of me understand anyone not using that they can to keep individual kids safe.

Ds 1 needed them ds 2 didn't. Twin dds definatly did.

Your dh is s twat if he thinks a not yet 2 year old cam follow instructions safely.

Please don't let him put her or anyone else in danger. Imagine her causing a crash by running into the road.

Reins don't just keep the toddler safe you know you have a responsibility to ensure your dd doesn't cause others harm.

Tazerface · 26/06/2017 12:16

You see it as criticism of a choice @Dahlietta. I see it as an idiotic rejection of a completely logical safety measure. I wouldn't not use a seatbelt for a child because I never had accidents and I trust other road users not to drive into me. For me it's the same thing.

If you never walk with your kid along a road that has cars drive on it then fine.

Dahlietta · 26/06/2017 12:38

For me it's the same thing.

But for me, it's not the same thing as not using as a seatbelt. I wouldn't call you an idiot though.

Speakeasy22 · 26/06/2017 13:24

Agree with pp who says reins and a hand hold. The child need not even be aware of being held by reins and will learn hand holding as the norm but you have extra security.

Iamastonished · 26/06/2017 13:31

“I personally hate reins,”

But why MissDuke? It can’t be very nice for a toddler to walk a long way with one arm up in the air the enire time. What exactly is there to hate?

“but it is worrying she ignores what you say and does it anyway”

She’s isn’t two yet PassiveAgressiveQueen

waitforitfdear · 26/06/2017 15:47

I hate Reins is such a strange thing to say or hate. Baffling.

BiggerThanTheSunAndMoon · 26/06/2017 16:00

I find it incredible when people say they hate reins. I mean, why? What's to hate about something that keeps children safe and alive?

It's bizarre isn't it? One PP says why not strap them in their buggy when you're near a road. Well what if I hate buggies?

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/06/2017 16:07

I LOVE the idea that strapping perfectly fit toddlers into buggies is better for them than reins. We didn't use a buggy past 18 months because DD could walk everywhere and wanted to. She's fit and healthy and reins helped with that.

However I couldn't give a shiny shite if people use a buggy later. I'd assume their child is different to mine.

I would love a couple of posters on here to have babysat DD when she was a toddler. Tired and quietly eating fruit? Ahahahahhahahahahaha.

AppleAndBlackberry · 26/06/2017 16:27

At that age I went with reins, buggy or holding hands if we were near a road, being able to reach them in time if we were further away. I didn't use reins very much with my 1st child because she hated them and used to fight so much, so she got strapped into the buggy. There are different options but IMO running free isn't one of them.

Iamastonished · 26/06/2017 18:35

How many posters on here can comfortably hold a nearly two year old's hand without having to bend over?

OH is over 6' and couldn't do it.

WeAllHaveWings · 26/06/2017 18:50

I am 5 11 and always held hands, never used reins. Was never a problem.