To stay in all day because DP won't apologise

[SpaceDuck]

That's all I want. And he is refusing because he doesn't think he is in the wrong.

So, I have been with DP for 8 years and we have 1 DS who is 9 months old and has just started walking. Obviously with this comes the odd fall/bump. I'm not going to constantly follow him around, I just let him get on with it and he's really got he hang of it.

On Friday, I was looking through the contract for our new house that has just arrived, when DS came toddling over near me. DP said 'watch him, he's just there'. He kind of stumbled a bit but then righted himself so I thought he was ok. About 5 seconds later he takes another couple of steps, trips over his feet and knocks his head on the coffee table (he's pulled all the corner protectors off). He cried but was fine after a quick kiss and a cuddle. DP completely went off on one, saying it was my fault and could of been avoided if I'd just done as he'd asked and watched him. I need to be more 'pro-active' instead of 'reactive' . Ok, he had a point I wasn't watching, however, it's not what he said that is my issue. It's the way he spoke to me. Like I'm some kind of child (he works with kids) and I don't like it. I will also add that 3 days before this, the exact same thing happened when DS was stood right next to him, do you think I went off on him? No, I bloody didn't because I know these things happen.

So we haven't spoken since then, other than the usual 'so are you just not gonna speak to me' 'are you gonna be in a mood all weekend now' blah blah blah. I said when I get an apology, then we can carry on. However, he is still point blank refusing, saying that the only way I ever listen to him is if he speaks to me like that. He always says it and it infuriates me. He doesn't think he's in the wrong but I am not backing down either and think he should apologise.

He is usually very quick to apologise when he's in the wrong or spoken to me badly, but this time he is digging his heals in and I don't know why.

We're meant to be going out with friends when DS wakes up but I really don't want to now because I think it will be obvious to everyone that we have fallen out.

So am I being a baby? Should I just forget about it or hold out for an apology?

I think you're being unreasonable. Watching your son trumps other stuff everytime.

If he was doing something equally important then you are both at fault. If he was pottering doing nothing and you were doing something important then he's at fault - the non-busy adult should be focussed on the child imo.

Don't agree, both the OP and her dh were sat on their arses while their 9 month just walking baby pottered about a coffee table hazard pulling off corner protectors before falling into it head first. They are both equally at fault for not watching the baby regardless of what they were doing.

Could you have honestly sat there knowing your baby has pulled off all the corner protectors, has just pulled off another one, you get a warning and don't react at all? It is as if making a point is more important than the child.

I wouldn't be saying 'sorry we had an argument' after every argument. You would still be taking responsibility for apologising for argument. He needs to apologise to you too.

And he could see you were busy with the contract so he should have got off his arse and his mobile and gone to DS.

Does he always expect you to be the main carer?

His attitude basically says that he is More important than you.
So he was on his phone playing. He had no reason to move because yOU were aware and therefore you should have stopped whatever you did. Not him.

If you don't move, it's your fault because you should have known that it's your role to do everything whereas he shouldn't have to make any effort at all. Because he is more important.

Serioulsy you have a DH issue there. A big one.

We I think I would have left my toddling DC (who also walk around that age) getting on with things.
I would also have NEVER accepted to be 'warmed'. I would expected DH to get up and deal with dc as he clearly had seen him.
It's not as if he had been in a different room or busy with something he couldnt stop (and a phone call is something you can stop too btw).

So I wouldn't have moved because I would have expected DH to get up and deal with dc. So much so that I woud probably have been the one to have a go asking him what the heck he was doing TBH.

Surely you'd have done something about the lack of table edge protection after the first fall involving it?

You're both being a bit silly, maybe child proof the house when issues arise and it won't be a problem.

It sounds to me like uou have previous for this behaviour based on his comments of proactive v reactive , and different parenting styles. I'd also say if he says you don't listen unless he speaks to you like you're a child, maybe he has a point, because no doubt about it, you've been acting like one since the argument.

In addition, if you were unable or unwilling to watch your child then why didn't you respond and say, give me twenty mins or something? You admit you weren't watching him so why not say you were not going to? Why give your husband the impression you were going to when you had no intention of doing so?

If both of you were too busy it would have taken two mins to put him in a chair or bouncer or whatever and got on with what you both needed to do.

Your husband was sitting there on his phone watching his child and telling YOU to take action to protect him? Does he also tell you when your child's nappy needs changing or it's his bedtime? Does he always see himself as the supervisor and you the worker?

Why are you buying a house with someone who speaks to you like shit and who thinks that you ought to stop doing the very important task you are working on, so that he can continue to sit on his arse and play with his phone?

Wake up woman. I would be telling him on no uncertain terms that if he spoke to me like that again he would be wearing his bollocks as earrings! No more apologising - if he thought the baby was on danger, there was nothing stopping him from getting off his bum and doing some parenting himself!

We put pipe lagging all round the edge of our coffee table and hid it with a table cloth.

You are choosing to ignore him and sometimes that is the best thing to do to clear your head. You have to tell him how he made you feel so he knows not to do it again. He was in the room as well and he should have been helping you out.

I just assumed the OP was nearer the child. Isn't that why he asked her to do it?

Absolutely Shadow666. The op said as much, referencing a similar incident three days earlier when DH was nearer to the dc. And as she said herself, it's not the incident itself but the way he spoke to her. And yet she has carried this on for three days, with silent treatment. I know who is being the baby and it's not the dc.

hes 9 months let him get on with it-

why not let him out down the pub while youre at it -he doesnt undrstand danger hes too young so you do have to watch him sorry

Its tit for tat now on this thread accidents happen the op's dh should be helping out more. If he is playing on his phone like some little kid what is more important to him his phone or his baby. No point in crying over spilt milk he is obviously reacting because he knows he should have gotten up. He's not very active himself then what other ambitions has he got for his child then.

I think not speaking to each other is childish. Grow up both of you.

He was clearly keeping an eye on his child to notice baby was about to fall. I'm guessing OP was closer too baby than him, reason why he notified OP. What was he meant to do, channel his inner Usain Bolt?

You said he usually apologises when he thinks he is in the wrong. I agree with grumpy's stalemate advice.

Id move the coffee table and reassess things....In terms of argument I think its a bit childish to let it go on you could have just said what you thought at the time and moved on. As parents your going to have loads of disagreements. Im guessing your DP was thinking we know he got hurt like this already why don't you care? But again why didn't he catch his LO an move the table your both at fault.

Yabu to sulk. And yes you should havegrabbed baby if you were nearest and been warned.let it go the early walking stage is tricy when they are so young, my middke chils seemed much sturdier for waiting till she was 1,compared

Well as someone who went through lots of lovely men in my youth and believed in winning every battle, I have realised in my old age that marriage is not about winning the battles.

You both need to relearn your strategies or you will bring up another sulker.

I have a friend whose parents went for nine months not speaking to each other, while living as a family. That way madness lies

I think you should get rid of the coffee table and prioritise talking to each other again so you can think about how to stop this sort of thing in the future

Talk to him and tell him that you are sorry you've been blanking him but you needed to calm down because of how he spoke to you upset you.

TBH though, I think that your pride is dented because you know you could have prevented it. The baby was nearer to you and your DH was just alerting you to that. The baby comes first, not being "right"

Having a 9 month old walker must be bloody hard work, but that is just the way it's going to be. When you are tired snappiness occurs. Sort this out now before it gets bigger

How does being on his phone translate to : "playing" on his phone or "pratting" on his phone??

Why should she wait til baby is in bed? Her dh was there.

If it had been me, I'd have gone onto another room to read the contract so as not to be saddled with the responsibility of watching the baby