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Original poster

To stay in all day because DP won't apologise

155 replies

SpaceDuck · 25/06/2017 12:22

That's all I want. And he is refusing because he doesn't think he is in the wrong.

So, I have been with DP for 8 years and we have 1 DS who is 9 months old and has just started walking. Obviously with this comes the odd fall/bump. I'm not going to constantly follow him around, I just let him get on with it and he's really got he hang of it.

On Friday, I was looking through the contract for our new house that has just arrived, when DS came toddling over near me. DP said 'watch him, he's just there'. He kind of stumbled a bit but then righted himself so I thought he was ok. About 5 seconds later he takes another couple of steps, trips over his feet and knocks his head on the coffee table (he's pulled all the corner protectors off). He cried but was fine after a quick kiss and a cuddle. DP completely went off on one, saying it was my fault and could of been avoided if I'd just done as he'd asked and watched him. I need to be more 'pro-active' instead of 'reactive' Hmm. Ok, he had a point I wasn't watching, however, it's not what he said that is my issue. It's the way he spoke to me. Like I'm some kind of child (he works with kids) and I don't like it. I will also add that 3 days before this, the exact same thing happened when DS was stood right next to him, do you think I went off on him? No, I bloody didn't because I know these things happen.

So we haven't spoken since then, other than the usual 'so are you just not gonna speak to me' 'are you gonna be in a mood all weekend now' blah blah blah. I said when I get an apology, then we can carry on. However, he is still point blank refusing, saying that the only way I ever listen to him is if he speaks to me like that. He always says it and it infuriates me. He doesn't think he's in the wrong but I am not backing down either and think he should apologise.

He is usually very quick to apologise when he's in the wrong or spoken to me badly, but this time he is digging his heals in and I don't know why.

We're meant to be going out with friends when DS wakes up but I really don't want to now because I think it will be obvious to everyone that we have fallen out.

So am I being a baby? Should I just forget about it or hold out for an apology?

OP posts:
RedPeppers · 25/06/2017 13:26

And please please do NOT accept it was your responsibility ONLY.
Because it's not. It was his too.

smitti · 25/06/2017 13:26

Who says he was playing about on his phone? OP didn't. It may have been a call.

LilQueenie · 25/06/2017 13:28

you cant watch them every single second. besides what was he doing. Why couldn't your dp watch him if he knew where he was.

Tinseleverywhere · 25/06/2017 13:29

The point is the op made an error in judgement and her Dh scolded her like a child. He doesn't think he was wrong and will do it again any time she makes a mistake in future. It's all very well saying talk it over but it's very unlikely he will change his mind. He has already said he was correct and she only listens when he talks that way.

Louiselouie0890 · 25/06/2017 13:30

Give over there were two of you in the room he could see the danger and did nothing and yet OP is getting the slack! Falls happen. He's more to blame as he seen the danger and did nothing was too interested in his phone. Tell him to be more pro active the idiot. Why is it mum is seen to take responsibility.

AlternativeTentacle · 25/06/2017 13:31

his argument back to that was that because he'd told me to watch him that it's worse.

And what he says goes yes? He says jump and if you don't react then you are in the wrong for not following orders?

Fuck that for a laugh.

Shadow666 · 25/06/2017 13:32

I wonder if it's because it happened recently that he was worried about it happening again.

I remember yelling at my now-ex once because he put our very wriggly baby on the changing table, then walked off to get something leaving the baby up high and unattended. I didn't mean to yell, I just got a fright. He was a dick about it of course. Made sure to do it a few more times just to make his point. I just got rid of it in the end and got a floor mat.

Anyway, he probably just got a fright and didn't mean to talk like that. It sounds like the baby got a nasty bump.

StealthPolarBear · 25/06/2017 13:33

Alternative I assume be meant when it happened to him no one warned him - if only I'd seen it coming etc

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 25/06/2017 13:43

I 'd want an apology if he spoke to me like that when he was sat fucking about with his phone while you were dealing with something important.

TheMaddHugger · 25/06/2017 13:51

SpaceDuck - He was sat on his phone and could see I was going through the contracts.

---smitti Sun 25-Jun-17 13:26:56
Who says he was playing about on his phone? OP didn't. It may have been a call----

smiti OP said it upthread

TheMaddHugger · 25/06/2017 13:52

smiti OP's Second post on the first page
SpaceDuck Sun 25-Jun-17 12:35:39
I already said he had a point and I wasn't watching.

He was sat on his phone and could see I was going through the contracts.

The protectors and constantly replaced but he just keeps putting them off again and again.

It was a little fall and a little bump. No injury, tiny red mark.

Jesus, I've seen countless threads on here about kids falling off beds etc and all the replays are "oh don't worry it happens to the best of us" hmm

Welshrainbow · 25/06/2017 13:53

The issue isn't really what was said (although obviously a bit ott considering same thing happened to him two days ago and you were actually doing something and not prattling about in your phone) but how it was said. If he's always talking to you like a child you have bigger issues here. He sounds like a bit of a prat.
Is tell him you're going out without him and leave him looking after the baby. As he's so perfect you should expect all the housework done, meal on the table, lovely clean Baby when you get in.

RoseTico · 25/06/2017 13:53

What did he say when you reminded him of the incident that happened earlier in the week when he was in your position?

muckypup73 · 25/06/2017 13:58

I would not be happy with you either to be honest.

smitti · 25/06/2017 13:59

Sorry Hugger, don't get your point. "He was sat on his phone", doesn't say what he was doing on it. I always sit when making a call.

Nanny0gg · 25/06/2017 14:00

At 9 months starting out walking they need constant watching and steering unless the place is totally child-proof.

You were both in the room, both at fault.

MycatsaPirate · 25/06/2017 14:01

Jesus wept! Just grow up!

Get the coffee table out of the room. Leave the contract reading until your child is in bed and just look after him.

You cannot leave a baby that young walking around without constant supervision. My oldest was walking at 8.5 months and it was a nightmare trying to get anything done during the day because I needed to watch her all the time.

I can't believe you are sulking over this. FFS. Just move on, sort out the room and bloody watch your child. Paperwork can be sorted when he's asleep.

WellThatSucks · 25/06/2017 14:01

I think YA both BU and you both need to apologise. He was probably more alert to the danger because the baby had already hurt himself in the same way on his watch, as you said. It really doesn't matter who was doing the more worthwhile activity, you were nearer and he had warned you the baby was there. No, it's not ideal he spoke the way he did but we often lash out verbally in the immediate heat of moment aftermath to an accident, especially one we know that could have been prevented. 9 months is still a bit too little to 'let them get on with it', yes, they learn by experience that things can hurt them but at 9 months they are still very wobbly and have very little 'braking' power when they're in motion. The mutual sulking is not going to help, you need to both get over it, apologise to him first for not paying sufficient attention to his warning and then point out you didn't like the way he spoke to you. Oh and move the damned table.

Grenoble124 · 25/06/2017 14:09

There is no way I would take my eyes off!a walking 9mo and I recently had a walking 9mo.

Your DH should apologise for his tone though.

C8H10N4O2 · 25/06/2017 14:09

You cannot leave a baby that young walking around without constant supervision

There was another adult nearby.

You also have to be realistic about what you can actually do - children have accidents in a second or two sometimes and unless you have 1:1 adult trailing around after the toddler all the time doing absolutely nothing else all day then there will be bumps and falls.

You do your best and accept you are not perfect (or get a playpen for when you can't watch without distraction but they seem to be as divisive as reins these days).

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 25/06/2017 14:10

I'm not going to constantly follow him around, I just let him get on with it and he's really got he hang of it

Shock YABVVU

MyheartbelongstoG · 25/06/2017 14:14

You're being very childish. I'd just be glad baby was OK.

lalalalyra · 25/06/2017 14:16

I think the key is what your DH was doing...

If he was doing something equally important then you are both at fault. If he was pottering doing nothing and you were doing something important then he's at fault - the non-busy adult should be focussed on the child imo.

WeAllHaveWings · 25/06/2017 14:19

I've got loads Going and replace them every time he pulls them off. He'd literally just pulled one off and then fell.

Why are you not putting 2 and 2 together, you are too laid back about your childs safety. If they are so easily pulled off (hope they aren't too small to be a chocking hazard) and you insist on letting him "get on with it" you need a better solution than just putting the same ineffective protection back on.

becausebecausebecause · 25/06/2017 14:24

He spoke sharply because he was clearly upset at seeing ds hit his head and in his opinion that was avoidable. Do you never raise your voice in distress or anger op?

Let it go, have a nice day out with friends and get rid of the bloody table if you can't do two things at once when ds is closer to you than dh.

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