To stay in all day because DP won't apologise

[SpaceDuck]

That's all I want. And he is refusing because he doesn't think he is in the wrong.

So, I have been with DP for 8 years and we have 1 DS who is 9 months old and has just started walking. Obviously with this comes the odd fall/bump. I'm not going to constantly follow him around, I just let him get on with it and he's really got he hang of it.

On Friday, I was looking through the contract for our new house that has just arrived, when DS came toddling over near me. DP said 'watch him, he's just there'. He kind of stumbled a bit but then righted himself so I thought he was ok. About 5 seconds later he takes another couple of steps, trips over his feet and knocks his head on the coffee table (he's pulled all the corner protectors off). He cried but was fine after a quick kiss and a cuddle. DP completely went off on one, saying it was my fault and could of been avoided if I'd just done as he'd asked and watched him. I need to be more 'pro-active' instead of 'reactive' . Ok, he had a point I wasn't watching, however, it's not what he said that is my issue. It's the way he spoke to me. Like I'm some kind of child (he works with kids) and I don't like it. I will also add that 3 days before this, the exact same thing happened when DS was stood right next to him, do you think I went off on him? No, I bloody didn't because I know these things happen.

So we haven't spoken since then, other than the usual 'so are you just not gonna speak to me' 'are you gonna be in a mood all weekend now' blah blah blah. I said when I get an apology, then we can carry on. However, he is still point blank refusing, saying that the only way I ever listen to him is if he speaks to me like that. He always says it and it infuriates me. He doesn't think he's in the wrong but I am not backing down either and think he should apologise.

He is usually very quick to apologise when he's in the wrong or spoken to me badly, but this time he is digging his heals in and I don't know why.

We're meant to be going out with friends when DS wakes up but I really don't want to now because I think it will be obvious to everyone that we have fallen out.

So am I being a baby? Should I just forget about it or hold out for an apology?

Why are you sulking? You're ruining the day for no reason - just go out and forget about it. It's a minor argument, not a reason to have a stand-off with your partner and refuse to speak to him until he apologises.

Anyway, even if he does apologise it'll be pretty meaningless as it's being forced out of him (else you'll keep sulking) - it's hardly going to be genuine so why bother?

Honestly, I can't imagine being in a huff with my partner to the extent where I won't speak or go out. I think you sound a bit lax in keeping an eye out when your baby is learning to walk - and at 9 months he still is a baby, but bumps and falls do happen.

I don't understand why you and your DP can't have a talk about and find a compromise in terms of how you supervise and support your child learning to walk. In terms of how he spoke to you - he wasn't at his best but frankly neither were you. How long do you plan to huff for?

Why was it suddenly your responsibility to watch him? It seems a bit off to effectively spot a fall coming, tell you to watch and duck out of the responsibility himself. To then turn that back on you and make it 'your fault' is just weird!

"What about him being fucking proactive?"

Exactly!

"I have already apologised for not watching DS "

Why?

You don't have to do as he says when he could quite easily do it but cba!

You are both being very immature. Surely people grow out of having cold wars and the endless push/pull of refusing to communicate properly and rebelling by the time they leave their teenage years? Talk it through with each other, sit down until you come to a satisfactory consensus. The issue at hand isn't going to resolve itself if both of you are sulking about!

He was sat on his phone and could see I was going through the contracts.

well he should have been watching him then?

need to move on just go and say i've apologised for not watching him move to table ,but say you spoke to me like the kids you work with (sorry to say comes with the job my cousin is a teacher ,and does talk to you like the kids she teaches)and say thats the end of it .Then carry on as normal .you have still made your point

Yes, I know it's very childish, but these episodes are very few and far between and we actually get on really well otherwise. However, we are both very hot headed and do need the time to cool down after an argument, otherwise it just goes on even longer. Appears, to have backfired this time though

"All sounds a bit childish to me, not speaking to each other,"

Only one of them doing that tbf.

Neither of you think you're in the wrong which makes the standoff pretty pointless. Unless next time you disagree on something you think an acceptable response from him would be to blank you as a means of forcing you to apologise when you don't think you've done anything wrong.

Quimby he is also not talking to me, because I'm not talking to him. So no, not just one of us doing it.

He was playing on his phone and telling you to watch him while you went through your housing contract for the new house HE wants to live in, too?!

He should have been watching him.

Arse.

it's not what he said that is my issue. It's the way he spoke to me. Like I'm some kind of child (he works with kids) and I don't like it. I will also add that 3 days before this, the exact same thing happened when DS was stood right next to him, do you think I went off on him? No, I bloody didn't

Space, have you told him exactly that? In other words, does he think the way he spoke to you was fine? Also, what did he say when you reminded him he'd done exactly what you just did and he didn't get it in the neck from you?

No not to feel like I've won Nellie but as an acknowledgement that he shouldn't have spoken to me like shit!

I would just go and say look, this is really silly, lets agree to disagree, forget about it and move on. Oh and really do move on, don't silently fume and seeth.
Its such a waste of time, you could be having a nice Sunday with friends rather than a teenage style war.

WhatALoad his argument back to that was that because he'd told me to watch him that it's worse.

Sounds like the baby is the most mature person in the house

Ffs. You're both grown ups and parents to boot and you're not talking to each other because you want an apology. How stupidly childish.

I'm still not clear what he needs to be sorry for - you differ in the level of care you think your baby needs, he pulled you up after your baby fell and you went in a silk. Maybe act like grown ups and talk about it?

If this is how you deal with day to day disagreements, what the hell will it be like when something major comes along.

Jelly I want him to acknowledge that speaking tonne like she isn't ok.

To me*

Like shit* ffs 😩

I think you are both to blame and have let your feelings of guilt that your son got hurt (and I'm sure he feels bad too) cloud your judgment. Someone has to be the person to admit you both could have handled it better and you are both at fault. When you sad you will when you get an apology did you say it in the patronising way it comes across or did you apologise too. Because passive aggression is as nasty as aggression and I think you both communicated badly

If all else is fine then end it by saying let's end this now and... Have ur day out etc. But talk to him another time about ur feelings on his tone and baby walking parental watching etc

Fwiw someone seeing danger while other person doing something useful, well the person who sees it, should sort it.