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AIBU?

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Original poster

To stay in all day because DP won't apologise

155 replies

SpaceDuck · 25/06/2017 12:22

That's all I want. And he is refusing because he doesn't think he is in the wrong.

So, I have been with DP for 8 years and we have 1 DS who is 9 months old and has just started walking. Obviously with this comes the odd fall/bump. I'm not going to constantly follow him around, I just let him get on with it and he's really got he hang of it.

On Friday, I was looking through the contract for our new house that has just arrived, when DS came toddling over near me. DP said 'watch him, he's just there'. He kind of stumbled a bit but then righted himself so I thought he was ok. About 5 seconds later he takes another couple of steps, trips over his feet and knocks his head on the coffee table (he's pulled all the corner protectors off). He cried but was fine after a quick kiss and a cuddle. DP completely went off on one, saying it was my fault and could of been avoided if I'd just done as he'd asked and watched him. I need to be more 'pro-active' instead of 'reactive' Hmm. Ok, he had a point I wasn't watching, however, it's not what he said that is my issue. It's the way he spoke to me. Like I'm some kind of child (he works with kids) and I don't like it. I will also add that 3 days before this, the exact same thing happened when DS was stood right next to him, do you think I went off on him? No, I bloody didn't because I know these things happen.

So we haven't spoken since then, other than the usual 'so are you just not gonna speak to me' 'are you gonna be in a mood all weekend now' blah blah blah. I said when I get an apology, then we can carry on. However, he is still point blank refusing, saying that the only way I ever listen to him is if he speaks to me like that. He always says it and it infuriates me. He doesn't think he's in the wrong but I am not backing down either and think he should apologise.

He is usually very quick to apologise when he's in the wrong or spoken to me badly, but this time he is digging his heals in and I don't know why.

We're meant to be going out with friends when DS wakes up but I really don't want to now because I think it will be obvious to everyone that we have fallen out.

So am I being a baby? Should I just forget about it or hold out for an apology?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 25/06/2017 13:08

Op the point I'm making is that these things do happen - as you keep saying it happened to him. But it sounds like he learned the lesson and you didn't to try to prevent it happening again.
That said if he was faffing about and leaving you to do the parenting, if he did talk to you like a child, that is all unacceptable.

Megbert · 25/06/2017 13:09

You both need to wise up.

I can remember plenty of frustrated 'FGS why didn't you grab him?!' moments when both DS's were learning to walk and ended up hurting themselves.

What are you going to do when he starts climbing anything and everything? Never speak to each other?

If I were you I would try and clear the air, enjoy the rest of your day and have a chat later about they way he spoke when everyone is in a better mood.

Oldraver · 25/06/2017 13:09

I cant believe you are getting stick OP when your DP was twatting around with his phone, but it's your fault or not watching him.

ElleDubloo · 25/06/2017 13:09

YABU. I would be watching a baby all the time if she's only just started to walk and was stumbling frequently.

He is also being unreasonable. One of you should have been watching.

TheWitTank · 25/06/2017 13:10

Agree sulking is manipulative. So you want a forced apology op and are going to give him the silent treatment until you get one? Think about how silly that is. How utterly pointless. It isn't a competition to see who can break the other first.
Grow up, go and get talking properly and sort it out. Even if you can't agree, you can make your points clear and agree to disagree.

Goingtobeawesome · 25/06/2017 13:10

Why not buy more corner protectors? From my memory they really aren't expensive.

Notreallyarsed · 25/06/2017 13:11

Just as aside about the corner protectors, we've got a big glass dining table in the living room and we've had to use gorilla tape to keep the corner protectors on it. It ain't pretty but it works.

Original poster
SpaceDuck · 25/06/2017 13:11

I've got loads Going and replace them every time he pulls them off. He'd literally just pulled one off and then fell.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 25/06/2017 13:12

Tell him you're sorry he felt the need to speak to you like shit. Suggest that you move the coffee table to the garage or wherever NOW while the baby is asleep. And move on.....

Original poster
SpaceDuck · 25/06/2017 13:14

Thanks Notreally I'll get some when we go out. I've gone to get ready and will go down and be normal.

It's just that him speaking to me like this is a sticking point, and isn't the first time I've had to pull him up on it. I just feel that if I don't get an acknowledgement from him that it's not ok then it will carry on.

OP posts:
Coastalcommand · 25/06/2017 13:14

Sounds like he was right, but you've sulked and ruined the weekend. I'd apologise if I were you.

WeAllHaveWings · 25/06/2017 13:14

A 9 months old they are very young for walking and they will have a lot of tumbles for a few months. When ds started walking we child proofed the house with the usual removing of any dangerous objects, no coffee cups/glasses left within reach, anything breakable removed, fireguard to prevent a head bang on the stone hearth, low tables removed, sharp edges protected. Even then it didn't prevent all knocks and we still kept a watchful eye on him when he was awake and mobile.

Letting a 9 month old stumble around a coffee table with unprotected edges and noone keeping an eye on them is irresponsible. It is very immature of both of you to play "you should be watching him" standoff while your 9 month old takes a header into the table, you are both as much to blame. Forget the sulking and game playing, and just have a grown up conversation about how you will keep your walking 9 month old adequately protected for the next few months while he is a new walker.

My dn(13) had stitches from a coffee table as a toddler at her
gps, the scar is still visible if you look closely, especially when she has a light summer tan.

TheWitTank · 25/06/2017 13:15

So you are going to stick to sulking until you get a fake sorry and then it will all be ok?

Megbert · 25/06/2017 13:18

You could try duct taping the protectors on.

It looks ugly as hell but at least they stay on.

StealthPolarBear · 25/06/2017 13:18

The poster who scoffed and said that was impossible hasn't been back I see.

TheMaddHugger · 25/06/2017 13:18

SpaceDuck - He was sat on his phone and could see I was going through the contracts.

He was playing on his phone... YOU were working.

sounds life he expects 'wife work' ?? If he is not at work childcare reverts to you by default.

TheMaddHugger · 25/06/2017 13:19

And Superglue the protectors in place

Rriot · 25/06/2017 13:19

An apology wont mean anything if he's not actually sorry and is only doing it to appease you anyway.

GrumpyOldBag · 25/06/2017 13:20

When DH and I get to a stalemate like this, I usually say "Sorry we've had an argument", he agrees, we have a little cuddle and then get on with things.

That way no-one has to admit they are wrong.

Original poster
SpaceDuck · 25/06/2017 13:23

That's a good way to put it Grumpy. I think I'll try and word it way and see how that goes down.

OP posts:
diddl · 25/06/2017 13:23

He thinks that he should speak to you like a child because that ensures that you listen to hi?

What an arrogant arse.

He's obviously not going to apologise.

I'd be telling him that if he's concerned about his child he should get of his twatting phone & look after him.

And that you will be taking no notice of him when he speaks to you as if your are a child or tells you what to do.

And if he doesn't like it he can fuck off!

RedPeppers · 25/06/2017 13:24

Can someone explain to me why HE didn't step n to help HIS child when he clearly was looking at him and was close enough whereas yu were actually busy reading some important documents ?
Why is it the OP's fault but not his for not being right next to him just in case he is falling??

Now I agree that just refusing to speak/going out can go on for a long time. You need to talk. And he needs to accept his part of responsibility on what has happened (because i think the biggest issue there isn't him 'speaking to you as if you were a child' as such. It's him refusing to take responsibility for the safety of his own child and the coming out all 'look at how good I am as a parent when you're not'. Because he wasn't a good parent either according to HIS standards)

Borangerhymeswithorange · 25/06/2017 13:24

I think you both need to apologise tbh.

You need to apologise because he does have a point. 9 months is very young to be walking and although you don't need to watch every second watching him when he is close to something as dangerous as the coffee table is sensible. (Of course a coffee table is dangerous btw, that's why they sell the bumpers ffs) Personally I would have put the contracts down for a second and moved the toddler from under my feet and put him down by DH and away from the table then carried on.

He should apologise because there's no need to go off on one. He could have put his
Phone down and moved the toddler. Shouting and sulking and moaning is stupidly childish in itself.

Lessons to be learnt by you both. You both need to accept you were wrong, apologise then move on.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 25/06/2017 13:25

I'd go out with your friends and leave him to sulk.

He is cross because he told you to watch the baby, when he couldn't be bothered, and you were already busy so couldn't do it properly.

It sounds like he's more angry you didn't do what he said than that the baby got hurt, and that's why he won't apologise for his arrogant controlling behaviour.

I would leave him to reflect that just because he looks after kids all day doesn't give him the right to treat his wife like one, or like a servant. If he wants his child to stay safe he needs to look after him, not order other people to do it when they are already occupied.

If he asked another worker at nursery to stop doing paperwork and watch the kids so he could have a break, what do you think they would say?
My sister works in a nursery and she'd be told to wait until there was someone free to cover her break.

C8H10N4O2 · 25/06/2017 13:25

if my husband was reading contracts and i was pissing about on my phone i would actually be the one to watch out for our child.

This. If he is sat there dicking around with his phone instead of watching the child he can wind his neck in and take his share of responsibility.

Toddlers have falls at this stage, one of mine managed to pull coffee down over herself when I thought it was way out of reach. You do the best you can, make the place as safe as you can and accept you are not perfect.

I think you have a bigger issue with DH.

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