To stay in all day because DP won't apologise

[SpaceDuck]

That's all I want. And he is refusing because he doesn't think he is in the wrong.

So, I have been with DP for 8 years and we have 1 DS who is 9 months old and has just started walking. Obviously with this comes the odd fall/bump. I'm not going to constantly follow him around, I just let him get on with it and he's really got he hang of it.

On Friday, I was looking through the contract for our new house that has just arrived, when DS came toddling over near me. DP said 'watch him, he's just there'. He kind of stumbled a bit but then righted himself so I thought he was ok. About 5 seconds later he takes another couple of steps, trips over his feet and knocks his head on the coffee table (he's pulled all the corner protectors off). He cried but was fine after a quick kiss and a cuddle. DP completely went off on one, saying it was my fault and could of been avoided if I'd just done as he'd asked and watched him. I need to be more 'pro-active' instead of 'reactive' . Ok, he had a point I wasn't watching, however, it's not what he said that is my issue. It's the way he spoke to me. Like I'm some kind of child (he works with kids) and I don't like it. I will also add that 3 days before this, the exact same thing happened when DS was stood right next to him, do you think I went off on him? No, I bloody didn't because I know these things happen.

So we haven't spoken since then, other than the usual 'so are you just not gonna speak to me' 'are you gonna be in a mood all weekend now' blah blah blah. I said when I get an apology, then we can carry on. However, he is still point blank refusing, saying that the only way I ever listen to him is if he speaks to me like that. He always says it and it infuriates me. He doesn't think he's in the wrong but I am not backing down either and think he should apologise.

He is usually very quick to apologise when he's in the wrong or spoken to me badly, but this time he is digging his heals in and I don't know why.

We're meant to be going out with friends when DS wakes up but I really don't want to now because I think it will be obvious to everyone that we have fallen out.

So am I being a baby? Should I just forget about it or hold out for an apology?

Once dd1 was toddling we got rid of the coffee table, 11 years and 2 more dc later we bought another one (youngest 5) However when my toddler nephew's come the table goes straight in the corner out the way.

Sounds like you were busy with paperwork and dh was in the same room as you? Why couldn't he watch him while you examined the contract?
Sounds like you have communication problems too - can you talk calmly about this without either of you getting upset/angry?

And as I said, the EXACT same thing happened 2 days before when he was meant to be watching him when I was actually doing something other than messing on my phone(hanging out the washing) and I didn't go off on him.

Wow at all the amazing parents on this thread whose children have never had a fall, hats off to you for watching them and walking behind them 24/7.
Meanwhile back in the real world.... yes our kids will take tumbles especially when learning to walk, then later at the park, soft play etc... we can't wrap them in cotton wool all day every day. So move the coffee table, and tell your husband to stop patronising you and talk to you like an intelligent adult.
As for today tell him you are letting it go this time and want to move on, but make it crystal clear he needs to rethink how he communicates with you because you are no longer tolerating being patronised.

What about him being fucking proactive?

If he was sat there on his phone and thought a bump was about to happen why didn't he step in?

Is watching the 9mo nothing to do with him?

It does happen to everyone. Then we use our experience to be more vigilant and ensure it doesn't happen again. OK some aren't a big deal but no one wants their child to get hurt and will take most reasonable precautions.

I'm another who got rid of the coffee table. And also watched when they were walking about.
It's not going to harm you to watch him whilst he's learning, but it could harm him if you don't.
YABU.

We will be getting rid of the coffee table along with all the other crap we don't need when we move.

with this comes the odd fall/bump. I'm not going to constantly follow him around, I just let him get on with it
At 9 months old he does not have the experience or mental capacity to recognise danger.You need to protect him from probable, foreseesable injuries though!!
Your husband has a valid point.

Thank you missyB1

He was on his phone when you were legitimately concentrating elsewhere?

Why was he not being 'pro-active' and taking charge with DS in that situation?
Why did he carry on with something non-essential instead of 'pro-actively' seeing a potential risk and putting his phone down?

Yes to an apology - he doesn't get to scold you like a child. He especially doesn't get to scold you like a child when it sounds as if he too could have prevented the accident if he's going to apply this wonderful 'pro-active' approach as the benchmark.

I hear you op, and I'm not judging you at all - I think you were busy, and your ds had an accident. It happens and we've all taken our eyes off our kids at times for whatever reason.
Getting back to today - is a calm conversation a possibility?

It does happen to everyone but at that age I was more proactive rather than reactive I must admit. I would certainly move the table.

It's all very childish from both of you to be fair though. Must be exhausting in your house if you ignore each other all day for a tiny thing like that.

So how long are you going with the Mexican stand off?

Why not just say you realise you should have watched him closer and you're sorry about that but you feel annoyed when he talks down to you. See what he says. If he apologises once you've made the first step. If he doesn't then you're no worse off.

And yes he should apologise for his tone

I think someone should be watching him at 9 months. It's a bit early to just let him get on with it imo. However, if you were doing important stuff dp should have been watching him. Why did you not say "ok but I'm doing the contracts, you need to watch him". It's not worth the ongoing argument. I'd just say to dp that you don't appreciate the way he spoke to you, please don't do it again but this is a pointless argument, let's just get over it

At 9 months old he does not have the experience or mental capacity to recognise danger

Neither does a 12, 18 or 24 month old. They are babies. They still need to be allowed learn to walk though.

Do you usually use the silent treatment like this?

If he was sat there on his phone and thought a bump was about to happen why didn't he step in?

Exactly

Mansplain it back to him your aware you should have been watching but so should he and you want an apology for how you have been spoken to

I have already apologised for not watching DS and said I accept what he was saying but I would like an apology for the way he spoke to me. I don't expect an apology for something I know is true.

I know sulking is never good and I must admit be both do it, however never this long. Things are usually resolved a lot quicker than this.

Honestly? I think its all a bit pathetic really. Not talking, sulking, waiting for apologies. Both of you need to grow up and sort it out. You both think you are right- agree to disagree, sort out the coffee table edges or move the table while the baby is wobbly and get on with your day. Don't waste days sulking and stropping about, life is far too short for such shit. It was a very minor disagreement, get over it.