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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my neighbour a wanker?

358 replies

squirreltrap · 24/06/2017 23:26

I hate not getting on with my neighbours...I like to have them there as support but I've got an ishoo with my newish neighbour and AIBU?

So, there have been a few things...shouting at the kids for being noisy, and when I say shouting I mean shouting and always when I'm not there. I'm a SP if that makes any difference. He does this when I'm not there.

DS15 had some friends over a few weeks ago and they were in the garden and I saw him come up over the wall with a face of rage and he threw a can at them telling them to "shut the fuck up". I had warned him that the gathering was happening but they would be finished by 11 because I know he's noise sensitive. And I moved them inside (9.30) and he must have heard me do this so came knocking saying very nicely "don't move them because of me...don't want to ruin the party". But I'd seen him pop over the wall incandescent with rage so it didn't quite add up

Then today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football and found TWO BIN BAGS of footballs that were all ours.
The wall I talk about is something he built as soon as he moved in and had previously complained about DS12 kicking the ball against it and we took it and never did it since.

AIBU thinking what sort of wanker bags up footballs rather than just throw them back?
We live in a semi, you just have to deal with neighbours? It may sound like we are nightmares but the reality is the ds's play football in the garden once a week max, and that's discounting winter and rain, the ball goes over maybe once a month and so he's been storing these for over a year.

OP posts:
Highalert · 25/06/2017 13:13

Your neighbour sounds like a wanker to me. It takes seconds to chuck a ball back over a fence. Thank fuck I don't live next door to some of the miserable sods who post on MN.

chanel19 · 25/06/2017 13:13

Hasn't anyone considered that the reason there are two bin bags of footballs- is because this ass of a neighbour doesn't throw them back!
Then, op needs to buy more!
There have been some appalling replies on this thread!
I can only assume those parents of teens calling them 'little shits' aren't very clued up about their own children/ understand!
This neighbour comes across as a dangerous character- saying one thing, then behaving in a totally contradictory way.
Some people do take an instant dislike to individuals/ families.
I've had it. My son is never here/ yet the neighbour ( not even next door) has him responsible for every major crime committed since 2006!
Watch your sons op - your neighbour sounds strange.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 25/06/2017 13:16

OP: AIBU?

MN: YES.

OP: WELL I DONT THINK I AM.

Why ask in the first place if you're convinced you're not? Confused

Christ knows what his ethnicity has to do with it!

Highalert · 25/06/2017 13:18

Not all of MN think the OP is being unreasonable, but nice try.

VeuveLilies · 25/06/2017 13:20

Why anyone would be angry about a ball coming over into their garden is beyond me

PeanutButterBunny · 25/06/2017 13:21

How is their name of his wife's ability to speak English come into this?

And if your son gives me cheek I will burst his balls. Literally and figuratively.

chanel19 · 25/06/2017 13:25

peanut
You sound crass charming Hmm

AwaywiththePixies27 · 25/06/2017 13:29

Not all of MN think the OP is being unreasonable, but nice try.

Apologies then HighAlert.

Most of MN .

Fixed it for you. Smile

DopeyDazy · 25/06/2017 13:29

Even plastic balls damage plants let alone caseballs and to get 2 bags full makes me think the kids are trying to annoy him.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 25/06/2017 13:32

Some people do take an instant dislike to individuals/ families.

Well yes. There's a neighbour who's husband took an instant dislike to me. Never met me before but he's a sexist pig never said a word to me in the years I've been here. I speak to his wife pretty much daily.

An arse yes, snob definitely, dangerous is one thing I don't see him as.

Summerisdone · 25/06/2017 13:36

Jeez I'd hate to live next door to most of the people on here.
I get some may find the balls going over the fence and then the kid entering without permission could be rude and annoying. But for me that wouldn't be an issue, even if the ball came over once a week.

That to me is not the problem though, the neighbour should be going round to speak to Op about this if he doesn't like it, rather than waiting for her not to be about and then take it upon himself to get nasty and bollock the kids. How can he expect OP to do anything about it if he isn't letting her know that's it happening, the same too if the noise level is too much when she's not about then he needs to speak to her about it when she gets home.

If an adult has an issue with a child's behaviour then they should speak to the parent of said child, of course if the parent doesn't do anything then you'll become pissed and end up telling the child yourself, but always give the parent an opportunity to deal with and discipline their own child first.

A person who shouts at the kids but is nice as pie to the parent is really just a bully who can't hold their own with another adult but feels they can intimidate a child.

MaisyPops · 25/06/2017 13:40

VeuveLilies
The neighbour isn't annoyed that a ball occasionally goes over.

The neighbour is annoyed that a couple of teenagers can't seem to manage to play in a way that's appropriate for the space and surroundings.

E.g. when our school field is out of bounds the students play football on the concrete games area. They manage to have about 4 different games of football in that area because nobody is an idiot and they generally keep the balls within their own pick area. The balls also rarely go over the fence to the rest of site. You're looking at over 50 kids involved here and they manage just fine.
When they are on the field they boot it more because there is the space.

The OP's 15 year old can't seem to work out that in a residential garden you can't boot it and make the same noise as if you were on a football pitch.

MaisyPops · 25/06/2017 13:41

*pitch area (or what they mark out as their pitch using bags and blazers!)

VeuveLilies · 25/06/2017 13:41

Maisypops- I was talking about people on this thread being angry about balls coming over.

MaisyPops · 25/06/2017 13:43

Ah right.

To me it's common sense, younger kids no bother but preferably not so much it gets annoying. I'd just sling them back over as and when I'm in the garden

Older kids/teenagers - occasionally fair enough. Regularly, irritating as hell. They need to learn to self regulate or go and play somewhere more appropriate.

minionsrule · 25/06/2017 13:45

As a mum of 11 yr old ds i know about footballs but we have lived here 9 years and i can count on both hands the number of times balls have gone over.
On the flip side my newish neighbours are like you, they kick a ball over and leave it, never knocking or apologising. Once i came back from a few days away and we had 3 in the garden, threw them back and by 10am next morning they were back over again. Bloody annoying aling with the thud thud thud if balls being bashed against the fence.
Wouldn't mind but there is a huge park 5 minutes walk away

73kittycat73 · 25/06/2017 13:53

There is an 8ft hedge and a wall between the gardens so completely private. We can't see each other at all.

So how did the neighbour hang over the fence to shout at your boys or throw a can at them?

tigerdriverII · 25/06/2017 13:57

This neighbour comes across as a dangerous character- saying one thing, then behaving in a totally contradictory way.

Dangerous? Head wobble time.

I've got a 15 year old DS. I bet if I were to be a fly on the wall to some of his shenanigans I'd be pretty surprised by what my little prince gets up to and says.

I'd bet anything you like that a can (probably cheap cider) found its way into NDN's garden. And that he wasn't best pleased. Weird that he came round to speak to the OP though.

LakieLady · 25/06/2017 13:57

Why anyone would be angry about a ball coming over into their garden is beyond me

Damage to plants, garden ornaments, hanging baskets etc, muddy marks on washing, risk of them hitting baby or small child - enough reasons?

My MIL had all of the above before we put up a high fence. Now she just has to endure the noise of the ball hitting the wooden fence over and over again, for hours.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 25/06/2017 13:59

Good point 73kittycat.

MaisyPops · 25/06/2017 14:01

73kittycat.
Good point

And if the divide is 8ft then the DC playing football are showing limited attempts to keep the ball in their garden. Very 'we'll do what we want and if it goes over, oh well, mam will just buy us another ball'

sparechange · 25/06/2017 14:20

Why anyone would be angry about a ball coming over into their garden is beyond me

Really? It is beyond your comprehension that people might not want their plants squashed and their pots smashed?
And that they might be too scared to let their baby have some time on a mat on the lawn in case it gets walloped by a football?
Or they might not want to be walloped by a football?

It is really beyond you to imagine how any of that could be annoying, especially when it happens so alarmingly often as to be almost predictable?

swingofthings · 25/06/2017 14:21

However, I don't understand why so many people here are being so negative towards you. Children are children, and make noise.
No, badly behaved children make an unacceptable level of noise. Well behaved children make normal children noise that is actually pleasant to listen to, not screaming noises that makes you jump out of your seat.

I will take on board that some people find it extremely annoying to have balls coming over, I didn't consider once a month excessive, but clearly it is!
I very much doubt it is the ball over the fence that is the issue but them pretending to be football stars on a stadium, screaming as they pretend to score for England, laughing loudly when then fall on the ground doing their tricks, shouting at each other to kick it higher etc...

And I don't understand this notion that as long as you warned people that you shall be disturbing them, it's ok and if they're not happy, it's their problem. If I inform my neighbours tonight that I intend to have my car windows open and the music out blasting out when I come out of my drive to go to work tomorrow morning at 6am, it's ok and if they complain, they're being unreasonable?

SoupDragon · 25/06/2017 14:35

There is an 8ft hedge and a wall between the gardens so completely private. We can't see each other at all.

So how did the neighbour hang over the fence to shout at your boys or throw a can at them?

He is Hagrid.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 25/06/2017 14:37

SoupDragon Grin