Or is my neighbour a wanker?

[squirreltrap]

I hate not getting on with my neighbours...I like to have them there as support but I've got an ishoo with my newish neighbour and AIBU?

So, there have been a few things...shouting at the kids for being noisy, and when I say shouting I mean shouting and always when I'm not there. I'm a SP if that makes any difference. He does this when I'm not there.

DS15 had some friends over a few weeks ago and they were in the garden and I saw him come up over the wall with a face of rage and he threw a can at them telling them to "shut the fuck up". I had warned him that the gathering was happening but they would be finished by 11 because I know he's noise sensitive. And I moved them inside (9.30) and he must have heard me do this so came knocking saying very nicely "don't move them because of me...don't want to ruin the party". But I'd seen him pop over the wall incandescent with rage so it didn't quite add up

Then today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football and found TWO BIN BAGS of footballs that were all ours.
The wall I talk about is something he built as soon as he moved in and had previously complained about DS12 kicking the ball against it and we took it and never did it since.

AIBU thinking what sort of wanker bags up footballs rather than just throw them back?
We live in a semi, you just have to deal with neighbours? It may sound like we are nightmares but the reality is the ds's play football in the garden once a week max, and that's discounting winter and rain, the ball goes over maybe once a month and so he's been storing these for over a year.

I have a 15yr old footballing boy and a decent sized garden. He and his pals don't play football in the garden any more, firstly because of the noise and secondly because of the power with which they kick at their age.
Not all teen boys are cheeky but most have the potential when parents aren't about. I'd say OP is being pretty blinkered as to what has brought the neighbour to his current behaviour

Well, i am with OP - neighbour sounds awful. Your children have the right to be in garden and he shouldnt be shouting and swearing at them.

Re the footballs - he shouldnt be keeping them but am a bit surprised you havent noticed them all going missing.

Summary - your neighbour is a tosser!

Squirrel, 'Whilst the cat's away, the mice will play', springs to mind.
I'm sure you've instilled good manners into your children, but occasionally, these go to pot !

I would be really upset if the NDN kids kept kicking balls into my garden!
I love you garden and have spent a fortune on plants if a ball came overs even just once a month it would knock down and probably break my flowers, why should I have to put up with my enjoyment being ruin just for your kids OP?

OP it is simply time to stop them playing football in the back garden. Very soon your neighbour will have a small baby lying on a mat or crawling around outside. I imagine he would like his child to be able to enjoy his/hers own garden without the fear of a football landing on the baby, which is a high probability in his case!

You seem to forget you both have rights to enjoy your OWN gardens.

Loving OP's notion that a gang of teenage boys will be damaged by neighbour's swearing.

I have rarely read an OP where head needed wobbling quite as much as this one.

You seem to forget you both have rights to enjoy your OWN gardens.

Agree with you Theycalledmethewildrose.

My Mum has a friend who loves her gardening and lives in an end house. Shes forever complaining about the ball being kicked against her wall. There's literally a wealth of disused fields across the road from yet where the kids can go play to their hearts content.

I always thought she was being a BU as they're kids etc etc but then my NDNs teeage kid is football mad. I dont usually mind them playing football in their front garden but the last week or so the amount of times that ball has hit my window it's only a matter of time before it breaks.

His Mum is never in and I'm sure should something happen he'd plead innocence and I'd be the bad guy.

Children don't always tell the truth. I know mine certainly don't! There was an issue between my DNeph and a Neighbour once. (He'd mouthed off at his pregnant wife when he'd popped round when I wasn't in once and couldn't understand why her husband was deeply unhappy with him ). I didn't blindly believe him, because I wasn't there.

To be honest. It sounds like faults on both sides here.

Loving OP's notion that a gang of teenage boys will be damaged by neighbour's swearing.

They'd have heard a lot worse before they came out of primary school user!

I'd go round and talk to him and ask how the problems can be sorted.
If he;s being nice to you but rude to your kids - then it is your kids he has a problem with - maybe they give as good as they get when you aren't there. Find out from him what is going on - not from the kids.

regarding the footballs - I had teenage boys living next door and I initially told them if they accidentally kicked a ball over just come and get it. All fine until they started deliberately kicking balls over and coming over with several friends so they could have a nosy in my garden and through my windows. So I stopped it and said they couldn't come - because they were taking the piss. Then i would throw balls back when it was convenient for me - I didn't go round the garden looking for footballs - I threw them back when I was gardening at the weekend - they had to wait for them.

So the facts are:
Your children tell you your neighbour shouts when you aren't there- this could be because of the baby and noise sensitivity but just as equally I'd bet your kids (like most) are more noisy when you aren't there.

Six of one half dozen of other. Talk to neighbour.

your neighbour shouted and threw a cab at your kids - out of order, but as pp have said are you sure that it wasn't thrown over from the party and lost his temper?

Talk to neighbour. Ask him what had upset him enough to do that because it doesn't add up to what he later said about not moving.

your son went into his garden without his permission - this is out of order of your son. If they are scared at being shouted at then at the end of every day a ball goes over you go with them.

Talk to neighbour. Do you really think it will improve relations if he saw your son skulking about in his back garden and going through bin bags?

your son poked around in his bin bags- intrusive and rude. To keep balls in a bin bag they'd be done up. Your son is in the wrong.

they found their balls- you need to talk to your neighbour and check they are your dc balls. Unless signed copies, tgey could be anyone's. Your neighbour could be being an arsehole, but he could easily have thrown away or burst or given the balls. So if they are your dc balls then keeping them is likely to make a point.

Talk to neighbour. Find out what point this is but have your son apologise for going into his garden and nosing around too.

I suspect it's six of one and half dozen of the other which means either you are both wankers or you both have legitimate complaints and need to talk to smooth relations.

The amount of time either of you have lived there means nothing.

I have boys. There's no way I would let them behave like this.
I would move if I had to listen to football and watch them flying over into my garden. Next door have boys too, and manners.

YAB completely U.

Thank god i dont live next to OP

I think it's very petty not to throw the balls back.
I think neighbour sounds horrible.
You've seen his raging at the boys but then nice with you about it.

If he throws the balls back the bloody things will just get kicked back over. Why should anyone put up with that?

When my boys were around 10-12 I banned then from playing football in the garden ) drive street. Theres a cricket field two.minutes down the road so they played there

It's a 100ft garden and the ball only ever goes over at the end of his garden, not anywhere near seating areas or windows.

There is an 8ft hedge and a wall between the gardens so completely private. We can't see each other at all.

But anyway, I need to stop them playing football completely and never sit in my garden past 8pm according to most on this thread.

Meanwhile, he shouts at my kids if they ask for their ball back and then squirrels them away

I don't think my kids are completely perfect in any way, and yes I will take on board they may have given him cheek back. But little shits they are not.

It's hard to describe the type he is but nice to face and rude and aggressive behind back is odd, blinds are always down, wife is never ever seen, couldn't even tell you if she speaks English or her name, which may be usual in some places but I know the names and am friends with everyone on my street. As are my boys.

So, yes, it's a difficult relationship to manage. We clearly have different expectations from being neighbours. I will take on board that some people find it extremely annoying to have balls coming over, I didn't consider once a month excessive, but clearly it is!

Well, it wouldn't bother me if a ball was kicked over every day tbh, if I'm out there I'd throw it back. No idea why people would get so het up about it

To give you an idea of why some people might be irritated, I used to live in a place where I spent a lot of time, effort and money doing up my gardens. A neighbour's kid used to play football in the street right outside my house (rather than 2 doors up outside his - probably because his parents found the bang bang of ball against front wall irritating just as I did!) and it frequently came into my garden. It would sometimes damage my plants, as would he when he came to retrieve it. Consequently I got a bit miffed, funny enough.

He shouts at them when you aren't there? So you have never seen this, you are only going on what your kids tell you? And you don't know what they are doing to provoke it then, if indeed they are telling the truth?

You say he threw a can at them and told them to shut up...was this a can your kid and friends threw into his garden?

Mmm, nice subtle racism there OP!

I noticed that too.

and never sit in my garden past 8pm according to most on this thread
Nobody has said that but enjoy your victim story.

All people are saying is that (shock horro) teenagers can be noisy, especially in big groups.
People are also saying teenagers can exaggerate situations e.g. maybe the man did lose his temper and throw a can (and he shouldn't hsve) but was it a can chucked over his fence by a group of teenagers who are already making excessive noise.

If they can play football and keep it in control and not make excessively rowdy noise then that's fine.
If they want to boot a football around the way our teenagers at school do, they need to be on a football pitch or a park.

wife is never ever seen, couldn't even tell you if she speaks English or her name, which may be usual in some places

Are you trying to tell us that this family are Asian, OP?

OP: you really are not coming over very well are you and you are digging a nice big hole for yourself. You still have not answered why your DC were trespassing on his property and rummaging through his things.

Pretending you are a victim is a bit rich. Nobody is saying that you cannot enjoy your garden but I know what teenagers are like, Play the racist victim if you want but if there are two full bin bags of balls then the ball is landing in the garden more than one a month (and your children are teenagers not toddlers).

But if you don't want to be informed you could be wrong why on earth post on any internet form.

I'm so glad I don't live next door to the OP too. If someone kept kicking footballs into my garden I'd be angry too. Did your kids not realise that they kept losing their footballs? Why did they - or you - keep buying new ones?
Why don't you just send them to the park?
If he has a baby it's unacceptable to have a noisy group of teenagers in the garden as presumably the baby sleeps in the back room?
I'd hate to keep me a baby up until 11 PM - Poor little thing would be worn out.
It sounds like you're the antisocial neighbour and the family next door at the end of their tether with you. Whether his wife speaks English or not is irrelevant - they deserve more consideration.

And yes going in his garden and rooting through anything that is completely unacceptable.