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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my neighbour a wanker?

358 replies

squirreltrap · 24/06/2017 23:26

I hate not getting on with my neighbours...I like to have them there as support but I've got an ishoo with my newish neighbour and AIBU?

So, there have been a few things...shouting at the kids for being noisy, and when I say shouting I mean shouting and always when I'm not there. I'm a SP if that makes any difference. He does this when I'm not there.

DS15 had some friends over a few weeks ago and they were in the garden and I saw him come up over the wall with a face of rage and he threw a can at them telling them to "shut the fuck up". I had warned him that the gathering was happening but they would be finished by 11 because I know he's noise sensitive. And I moved them inside (9.30) and he must have heard me do this so came knocking saying very nicely "don't move them because of me...don't want to ruin the party". But I'd seen him pop over the wall incandescent with rage so it didn't quite add up

Then today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football and found TWO BIN BAGS of footballs that were all ours.
The wall I talk about is something he built as soon as he moved in and had previously complained about DS12 kicking the ball against it and we took it and never did it since.

AIBU thinking what sort of wanker bags up footballs rather than just throw them back?
We live in a semi, you just have to deal with neighbours? It may sound like we are nightmares but the reality is the ds's play football in the garden once a week max, and that's discounting winter and rain, the ball goes over maybe once a month and so he's been storing these for over a year.

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 09:40

"Thanks to those who supported the op"

The op was asking for opinions, that's what she got. No-one has been overly rude to her.

SoupDragon · 25/06/2017 09:41

How can you possibly know what your children are like when you're not there?

SheSparkles · 25/06/2017 09:43

YABU for all the reasons already given.
Right now I'm looking at the 7 balls which came over our fence yesterday, 2 of which hit our window. I'm in absolutely no hurry to return them

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 09:44

By all accounts, her children kick balls over so often, the neighbour has a bag full. If that's not enough to make you feel a teeny bit embarrassed, I don't know what is. I think the op has it all wrong. Her son also trespassed on his property and went looking through bags. And when her son had a party and threw cans into his garden, she complains when he has the audacity to throw it back.

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 09:46

Shesparkles....don't return them, wait for them to come and apologise and ask for them back......(bet they won't).

NormaSmuff · 25/06/2017 09:47

Oh, where did the can originate from???

Waxlyrically · 25/06/2017 09:53

Some of these responses are unjustified OP & I hope you don't take them personally. I'm guessing they're not from people who have teen boys themselves. Most are incapable of resisting kicking a football around every time they are outside and the size most modern gardens are means stray balls are inevitable. I can understand the neighbour getting fed up but there's no excuse for the threatening behaviour he exhibited - they are only children really at 15 and 12. Bringing all the boys inside at 9.30 sounds normal & considerate to me. Give the neighbours baby another 12 years or so and I'm sure your neighbour will have a very different view on these things!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 25/06/2017 09:54

Report the thread for what? That many disagree with the OP?

I've seen MNers come out of much worse bunfights unscathed. Confused

SheSparkles · 25/06/2017 09:54

@Mumzypopz... I absolutely won't be returning them, and they can't just waltz into the back garden for them either as we keep the gate locked 😈

AwaywiththePixies27 · 25/06/2017 09:56

I'm guessing they're from posters who dont have teen boys themselves.

You may want to read the thread then. Posters with teens have posted.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 25/06/2017 09:57

By all accounts, her children kick balls over so often, the neighbour has a bag full

Two bags full.

Intheknickersoftime · 25/06/2017 09:58

This thread is a car crash. The only advice I can give you op, is that you have to live next door to him and I wouldn't try and do anything else but be reasonable with him whether he's right or wrong. The ball thing happens so often in every community and for those neighbours who have to put up with it it can be annoying. If he hasn't explicitly agreed that your boys can enter his property then best not too. I wouldn't be happy about noise outside at 11 if I still had babies. But, he shouldn't have screamed at your boys. Your boys don't sound like "little shits" (why is that deemed to be acceptable on Mumsnet?). But just try to be reasonable. You don't want to be getting into a feud with him, you don't have to like him. But he is your neighbour and other than moving you will have to tolerate him up to a point.

MsHopey · 25/06/2017 10:00

So, teenage boy says neighbour shouted and swore at him and threw a can. When confronting the neighbour acted like this incident never happened. Maybe it didn't. In my experience 15 year old boys tend to be fibbers and over exaggerate in a lot of circumstances. My husband starts work at 4am and works weekends, with a new born baby in the house he'd be pretty annoyed that a big group of unsupervised teenagers were having a party next door. I know this is something that is allowed but not something either of us would be happy with, even someone giving you warning before hand doesn't make the baby sleep any better or change your work schedule.

Boopboopboop · 25/06/2017 10:01

Mumzy- someone called her the biggest fucking arsehole, said she's teaching her kids antisocial behaviour and said the kids are little shits.

I'd say that's overly rude. I do think OP is being quite U however I wouldn't resort to calling nasty names or judging her parenting. I thought this was predominantly a parenting site, not the place to be so mean and gang up on someone.

Intheknickersoftime · 25/06/2017 10:02

Agree with boopboop

Waxlyrically · 25/06/2017 10:04

I'm sure there are responses on the thread from people with teen boys. They're unlikely to be the ones that, in my view, are unjustified and quite personal though!

Istoletherainbow · 25/06/2017 10:04

Yes, I agree with boop too

IHateUncleJamie · 25/06/2017 10:05

shouting at the kids for being noisy, and when I say shouting I mean shouting and always when I'm not there. I'm a SP if that makes any difference. He does this when I'm not there.

So you only have your teenagers' word that this happens? In all honesty, could they be really noisy and infuriating when you're not there?

Was the can full? Or was it an empty that had been thrown in your neighbour's garden.

Cacti · 25/06/2017 10:07

Why so much angst over balls going into gardens and neighbours outside late evening? If you live on an estate then it's part and parcel of life.

I grew up in a house next to a park. Every summer holiday involved throwing balls back over - sometimes they would come round and knock, other times they would shout an apology over the wall. No harm, they're kids playing and my mum never got annoyed with it.

I've never lived somewhere that doesn't have neighbours outside late in summer. It's fucking normal!

VeryButchyRestingFace · 25/06/2017 10:09

I've been planning to sell my flat and buy a house with a garden.

This thread has cured me. 😭

Silvercatowner · 25/06/2017 10:14

I like to have them there as support

Support for what?

SoupDragon · 25/06/2017 10:16

I have teen boys.

I suspect the truth is somewhere between what the OP thins happens and what the neighbour thinks happens.

I have no idea what my children are like when I'm not here so I'm not entirely sure how the OP feels able to say what hers are like when she's not about.

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 10:16

Boopboop.....whilst I don't condone people saying her kids are little sh*s....the op set the tone by calling her neighbour a wan*r.....

LakieLady · 25/06/2017 10:16

YABU.

Almost all teenagers are noisy. The volume rises exponentially as the number of teenagers present increases. Playing football is noisy. The noise of a football repeatedly hitting walls or fences is profoundly irritating. Your neighbour has a young baby who needs its sleep.

I'm not surprised your neighbour is hacked off. I'd be incandescent with rage.

Your children are old enough to go to the park to play. They are also old enough to know that it is wrong to go onto someone else's property and rummage through stuff that they find there, even if it is in bin bags.

I find it hard to believe that you can't see anything wrong in their behaviour and think you must be quite an inconsiderate neighbour. My neighbours are inconsiderate nutjobs, but even they sent their sons up to the field if they wanted to play football.

RoseTico · 25/06/2017 10:35

Then today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football and found TWO BIN BAGS of footballs that were all ours.

It's weird that you frame this as an outrage against your family.

Imagine being in his shoes, you can't enjoy the peace and quiet in your garden because a football might come flying over at any moment. For him to collect TWO BIN BAGS full it means there have been many incidents.

It sounds to me like your neighbour is at the end of his tether. Not everyone likes children/teenagers, not everyone wants to hear them, not everyone likes to get notice that they will be making a racket in the garden until 11pm. Do better!