To want a film I don't feel comfortable with, turned off?

[Knightly]

DH and I were just casually sitting, flicking through channels. He stopped on one film, no idea what it's called, but it had already started in full swing.

I didn't have a clue to the story line and neither did DH so not able to fill me in. He said he knew roughly he thought and her identity was different and she was in hospital.

Next thing I know a woman has woken up in a hospital gown screaming and looking at her hands.

Then some nurse brings in this bloke who has paid to have sex (rape), with her. Nurse was under impression she was still knocked out. Nurse leaves and when rapist gets to it, she bites his tongue off.

I said "DH, I don't feel comfortable with this. Can you turn it off?"

"No, ffs"

I said "Well I am leaving the room then because I feel uncomfortable".

"Fuck sake. Fine! I'll turn it off"

I said "Don't worry, I'm going anyway due to the way you're speaking to me".

He said "Well no, it's just always about what you want".

Was I being unreasonable here? It didn't help that I didn't know the story line, so essentially film was just graphic scenes with no plot to me.

Also, anyone know what film it is? Is on now.

I get it. Sexual violence really unsettles me and I'm a Tarantino fan! I have to fast forward through it. He could have been kinder.

OP talk to him, his behaviour was very off. I hope all will be well. Maybe he does really perceive that you get your own way all the time. I'd be very surprised if this was true. Most relationships take give and take but if he is bothered by something he should talk to you about it, after apologizing for being a twat, IMHO.

Night night OP.

While we're at it, I fail to see why this has turned into a feminist issue.

If you're all so concerned that someone shouldn't have to watch something they're not comfortable without, the sex of the uncomfortable person is neither here nor there. It's not an issue with the sodding patriarchy or the repression of women.

I'm looking at you, Italiangreyhound.

Can you imagine if a woman said I just want to watch this Barbara Cartland Documentary, hubby, could you get up, leave our room and return in an hour!

That happened to me the whole time when DW was watching Lost!! ;)

Hated that programme..

I think it's staggering you're unable to fathom that just because a film features something, doesn't mean the film is about that.

And you don't realise that you're kinda hitting my nail on its head?
Rape is a horrifying event. People able to watch a film containing this event, and being able to compartmentalise it so it becomes 'a film featuring a rape scene amongst many other elements' rather than 'a film about a woman which experiences a horrifying event which then continues to inform her future actions which incidentally also inform the fucking PLOT' are, I believe, spectacularly missing the point. HTH.

No I haven't seen the film, yes I am basing my answer on the information given in the OP.

I can't really see why he can't watch it just because you don't want to tbh, just read, watch tv elsewhere, go to sleep - whatever.

Kill Bill in your bedroom at bedtime? Not an ideal winding-down film. YANBU. I ask dh to watch Vikings elsewhere.

Bumdishcloths look at me all you like. If rape isn't a feminist issue then I don't know what is!

Oh it's not about rape, honestly, it's about murder, and revenge, and death and ... watch what you like. I am responding to the OP has been sexually abused as a child was upset by a film and whose dh did not act well, if you want to make it a feminist issue, or a non-feminist one, you go ahead. I will call it as I see it.

I'm looking at you, Bumdishcloths!

JoshLymanJr if 'Lost' was triggering because of a previous plane crash your wife was very cruel.

There isn't a rape scene though. It is implied but isn't carried out

When DH and I are flicking through channels there are things I can't endure (generally violence) and things he can't endure (generally talent shows) and we each respect each other's pov. He has chance to watch violent stuff when I'm out/busy so why would he want to wreck my evening at home?

I dont blame you but then I hate Tarrantino and always tell dh to turn it off if it's in our room

amazing film honstly uma is a class act your willing hr to do these things in the end-try it from th start

I am basing my answer on the information given in the OP

Your answer is completely mischaracterising the film, to the point where you are actually describing a completely different film.

There isn't a rape scene though. It is implied but isn't carried out
OK, but when answering a thread asking for opinions on the OP one would generally refer to the OP as a source.
This particular OP contained the phrase 'when the rapist gets to it', so you can see how the confusion would come about.

Hmmmmmm, I actually know several men who "can't watch that scene in deliverance " as they find it so uncomfortable. Why is that perfectly understandable but women not wanting to watch a heterosexual rape scene in a film seen as over sensitive. Although if it makes you feel better, in Kill Bill she does go on to smack the evil bastard nurses head in a door and steals his car.

I'd expect to be able to negotiate watching something that's of interest and acceptable to both people, especially if it's in your shared bedroom at bedtime. It is selfish for one person to insist on watching something that the other person finds difficult/unpleasant to watch. It's very immature and unnecessary to swear and be hostile about the OP expressing her feelings. Especially as she knows from experience that he would equally be annoyed if she had just left without saying anything. So the only acceptable option according to the DH is to passively accept watching a program that makes her feel upset!

Italiangreyhound it's just that your point about the female lead being unnamed is wrong. Her name is revealed in the second film.

What does HTH mean?

Paradisecity

What about violent talent shows?

Josh
The name of the film wasn't mentioned. It was kept vague. You'd naturally turn to the details provided in order to produce the judgement that's been asked for.
I don't think my point is invalidated tbh if you take it in the context of what was described.

Elle
So we as consumers have to buy into the franchise so that the female characters can earn the right to eventually be humanised? Ok. So progressive.

velourvoyageur... what?!

Joshlyman that would be the worst of both worlds!!!

Oh, also I had a work friend who was scared of the dark because of a deeply unpleasant incident that had happened to her in the past. I only found out about this when we went away as a group of friends and she said she had to have a light on in our hotel room (bathroom light with bathroom door open) ALL night. I normally like to sleep in the pitch dark so it wasn't exactly convenient but we didn't make a fuss because her needs trumped ours due to her being fuckingtraumatised. So I don't think your husbands reaction is that great tbh.