To want a film I don't feel comfortable with, turned off?

[Knightly]

DH and I were just casually sitting, flicking through channels. He stopped on one film, no idea what it's called, but it had already started in full swing.

I didn't have a clue to the story line and neither did DH so not able to fill me in. He said he knew roughly he thought and her identity was different and she was in hospital.

Next thing I know a woman has woken up in a hospital gown screaming and looking at her hands.

Then some nurse brings in this bloke who has paid to have sex (rape), with her. Nurse was under impression she was still knocked out. Nurse leaves and when rapist gets to it, she bites his tongue off.

I said "DH, I don't feel comfortable with this. Can you turn it off?"

"No, ffs"

I said "Well I am leaving the room then because I feel uncomfortable".

"Fuck sake. Fine! I'll turn it off"

I said "Don't worry, I'm going anyway due to the way you're speaking to me".

He said "Well no, it's just always about what you want".

Was I being unreasonable here? It didn't help that I didn't know the story line, so essentially film was just graphic scenes with no plot to me.

Also, anyone know what film it is? Is on now.

so I'm not sure comparisons with male characters in similar films are all that useful

Ok, but it wasn't a comparison with male characters, I was trying to explain that this is one of Tarantino's trademark techniques as a film director.

First film I went to with dh was True Romance - another Tarantino film

I responded to the info given by the OP as others were doing, are you going to have a go at everyone individually?

That was to Rebel

OP I fully understand (especially as you were abused as a child).

I had a similar funny turn when my husband was trying to get me to watch breaking bad. First time I watched it there was a scene were a character was coughing up blood. My mum had died not long before and my last image of her is similar. It really upset me and I couldn't sleep that night.

My husband kept going on about the fact that I couldn't watch violence and it means we couldn't watch amazing shows together.

I'm glad you told him to turn it off x

OP, I completely hear you on this. The only massive arguments I have had with my DH are about films / tv. I really struggle with any animal cruelty and refuse to watch it. Rape scenes, bullying, and gratuitous violence or sex disturb me too. DH can't understand as I don't have a problem with murder stories but if an animal is in there, it ruins everything for me. He is exasperated because I get upset and I am upset and angry because he doesn't seem to think enough of me to just accept how I am and not force me to watch things like that. He really has a problem with rape scenes too, so gets that, but empathy is not his strong point. Out work around has three options. If we stumble on an animal cruelty scene, I close my eyes and cover my ears until it is over, if it is a decent film to start with. Or, if there is a strong chance that something like that will happen, (pick almost any American mini series that has an animal in the first 5 minutes) and he watches it on his own. Third option is I just tell him calmly that I cannot watch this anymore and leave the room. I know to the not-oversensitive people out there this sounds pathetic, but if I see or hear something that disturbs me, it stays with me. Not for that night, forever. I even have nightmares about scenes that upset me. So I totally get it. Especially if OP has had abuse in the past and the scene was out of context. On your DH's side, he will have been frustrated and thought you were overreacting. People will who don't experience things at a deeper level. It's not their fault, but it's not yours either.

I watch things with DH where I can't watch certain bits because they make me so uncomfortable. I leave and wait outside the room until DH call out that the scene is done. Bonkers I know but as I've aged excessive or sexual violence scenes really upset me. I used to love Tarantino films but can't really watch them any more

That scene is just horrible and it does go on to mention paedophillia.

No, I'd expect my OH to respect my feelings absolutely and I've asked mine to not watch or do certain things around me.

Imo yanbu. The fact other people love kill bill is by the by. I feel the same as you... well sort of. I can't watch any sexual violence in films without feeling hugely uncomfortable and I am similarly affected by particularly violent scenes too. Your DH overreacted and had no call to be so rude, you were hardly being demanding seeing as you were in your room supposed to be relaxing together and he hadn't even watched the film from the start.

Gamer which posts and why please?

I'm not Gamer but she's not the only one whose eyes are rolling at your posts containing a very detailed analysis and critique of a movie you have never watched and which is completely and utterly incorrect in every respect.

I was about to write a long post detailing why, but as you don't let a total lack of knowledge of something stand in the way of lecturing others about it I suspect it would be wasted effort since you are unlikely to be amenable to reason.

YANBU, OP. I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to watch a violent rape scene.

Only a complete dick would get annoyed with you for that.

Christ am I glad I opened this thread. I've just recorded it tonight. Will be deleting. I though it was a comedy for some reason.

Back to the OP's question though, clearly you don't have to watch something you don't want to, particularly if it is triggering for you and in this situation I think he should have got up and watched elsewhere.

But surely two adults should be able to sort out a situation where one wants to watch something and one doesn't without it turning into an argument? Is e erything else in your relationship ok?

Sounds like an everyday conversation between me and DP.

'This is shite, turn it over'
'fuck sake what's wrong with it'
it's just shite'
'well you find something to watch then'

All part of normal everyday not particularly polite conversation between two people who love each other but don't have the same taste in TV shows all the time.

Also, I can't stand Kill Bill either.

DH is fully aware of my issues. To the point if he's watching a movie and I've gone to bed, if I come down for a wee, he'll switch the channel for me so I don't see anything.

If we're watching a film he's seen, he'll warn me about a bit he knows I won't like, so then I'll look away.

I think you can say you don't want to watch it, so off to bed, that's not really being a drama llama, but his reaction of ffs...I wouldn't like that. You asked him to switch it prob because the film was mid way? His refusal is fine, as in he really wants to watch it, but not reaction.

If situation same here, DH would just hit the record button and watch it later.

I have heard the rape scene as was in room but not watching. I found it hugely disturbing and upsetting and left. I'm not normally so affected by things but that was fucking horrid. I won't watch either film now, however good they might be.

Yanbu. I like Kill Bill but my partner likes very violent films in general. I always ask him to turn them off and watch when I am on a late shift. I get a lot of huffing and puffing from him but he got used to it.

I watched the first Tarantino films ages ago with dh and really enjoyed them, but went off him having subsequently seen some of the films that inspired him and feeling that he wasn't really that original after all. Then we saw Jackie Brown and thought it was very 'meh'. More recently dh decided to watch Kill Bill and I thought it was gratuitously violent and a bit silly. Volume II looked even worse. So I buggered off and did something else when he was watching. I would have been very annoyed if he had picked it (especially part way through) as a joint bedtime movie and been pissy if I said it wasn't a good choice for me.

I would just have gone to bed or gone to read somewhere else.

The start of the scene is quite distressing as Beatrix wakes up from a coma and she's not pregnant anymore and is distraught because she doesn't know where her baby is. I don't think it can be classed as a rape scene as nothing happens apart from him crawling in the bed.
Anyway, here's the clip if anyone wants to watch it instead of going by the original OP.

DH and I don't have a large overlap on what we jointly consider to be a good film/ series. I tend to find that TV programming has a massive bias in his favour towards action type films. Generally I'll busy myself within the same room and ignore, but there have been times where I've quietly taken myself off because it grates on me too much to be in the background.

Batman The Dark Knight was one that I found intolerable to be in the same room as with all the gunfire and screeching. I also struggle with all the grinding metal in Transformers. I just head up to the bedroom with a book. He gets his film, I get more restful entertainment.

The Wikipedia page mentions rape happening during the scene - I do hope there's going to be an influx of complaints from MNers regarding this very misleading reporting of events?
No, the wikipedia article does not say that at all. It say that the man 'She kills a hospital worker who has been raping her while she was comatose, takes his truck,..'

I can see its a little ambiguous, but it doesn't say there is a rape scene, its referring to the fact that it doesn't seem to be the first time the man has come to her room with this purpose, ie. the plot suggests that he has raped her before, but there is no scene where he does this in the film.

BTW, please don't treat wikipedia as an authoritative source anyway - please realise its is built by anyone who feels like adding content, and is not infallible by any means.

There is no rape scene in the film. Through exposition we know she was raped multiple times whilst being in a coma. She wakes up and deals righteous retribution to both men before she is raped again

Just in case you missed people saying this YOU WERE NOT HALFWAY THROUGH, YOU'D OF MISSED 4 MINS