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AIBU?

To keep my mouth shut?

149 replies

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 15:51

Before I start I just wanted to say I've named changed as what I'm about to say is of a sensitive nature. Long story short I recently found out that my younger ds has been up to something illegal (I can't say what) with her so called ex partner and has been profiting quite substantially from it. Usually I would speak to her about it but going off of her past behabuour she would either change the subject completely or tell me to mind my own buisness. Usually I would but this has infuriated me and she has led our family a merry dance making out she is something she is not.

It is quite complex but basically she has three children to a so called ex partner who she has apparently been on and off with for years. They still live life together as couple but to the outside world they are just being amicable parents trying their best to make it work for their kids sake. This isn't the case. They are still together and I've known this from the beginning but left them to it as after all it's their business and does not affect me.

However, since I found out what I have it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep my mouth shut. It's like she leads a double life but only me and a small a handful of family members no the real her as she puts on this act and persona for her friends. Basically I'm concerned for my parents if they were to realise what she has been up to. They would be devestated and most likely disown her hence why I've kept it to myself. But it's so hard to see her all the time (I've tied to keep my distance believe me) and have to sit there listening to her lie to me and go on and on as she does. She has young children and what she is doing is a risk as she could potentially go to jail and lose them if she were to be found out. I made a decision to take it to my grave (ie not tell family mainly our parents) but it's so difficult. I just want to scream at her and call her a selfish greedy cow but something stops me. Aibu here considering technically it's none of my buisnes? Or do I have a right to be upset as it affects us all in various ways?

OP posts:
PovertyJetset · 24/06/2017 15:54

Benefit fraud?

How is your DS involved??

MommaGee · 24/06/2017 15:56

Its really hard to know without some idea of what - prostitution? Well she's putting herself at risk. Benefit fraud? Will likely be foybd out sooner of later. Theft etc that's directly harming someone else? You have a responsibility to do something.

I think you need to be honest with her that you know

MummaThree · 24/06/2017 15:57

It depends what it is that she's doing and the severity of it. If it's something that can potentially have an impact on her children's lives then I'd say something.
I'd also say something if she's putting her own life in danger.
Sorry but is hard to give accurate advice without knowing exactly what it is bur I understand your reasons for not wanting to say

MummaThree · 24/06/2017 15:58

Sorry I read DD instead of DS in your op, my bad

Pengggwn · 24/06/2017 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 16:01

They technically live at separate addresses so I don't think they'd could be classed as committing fraud but they have in my opinion orchastrated this set up so its on the cusp of acceptable. But this isn't my issue. I know they are still a couple but I can't prove it so I left them to it.

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 24/06/2017 16:02

Drug dealing? Prostitution?

if it's benefit fraud then your reaction seems very OTT.

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 16:02

Sorry I meant sister not son. I wrote Ds without thinking. My son is only a toddler lol.

OP posts:
MommaGee · 24/06/2017 16:05

So this is about her claiming benefits as a single mom whilst he "stops over no more than 3 times a week" but really they are together and there lying about it? And your parents would disown her if they found out?

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 16:06

I wasn't planning on saying what exactly but seeing as I haven't done anything wrong here and if my sis did see this and put two and two together I could at least then call her out on it. They have been growing weed in their house and selling it. The money they're making from it isn't my issue as I couldn't give two hoots. My issue is that she has been making out to our parents that she has been struggling financially and has led them to believe all sorts, one being that she is a single parent on the bones of her backside which just isn't true. My parents are so anti drugs you wouldn't believe so I decided not to tell them but the way my sis is behaving lately and basically lying to everyone it leaves me questioning whether I should.

OP posts:
PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 16:07

No, Momma it isn't. I've known about this for years. It doesn't bother me. Well it does in the sense that it's wrong but it doesn't affect me or anyone in our family. The web of lies she's created recently though does affect us.

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 24/06/2017 16:09

Oh god leave her to it. She's hardly going to broadcast to people that she's doing it and is unlikely to be making a fortune either.

TitaniasCloset · 24/06/2017 16:11

She is not actually harming anyone so I'm not really shocked and don't think what she is doing is too terrible, but it could affect her children so that's a big worry.

I would tell her your concerns, but obviously keep her business to yourself and don't tell your parents

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 16:12

I have been told that there are other people involved and it's quite a big operation so potentially they could be benefit quite a lot financially. I'm not saying my moral compass points North 100% of the time. No one is perfect and I know this does go on and is rife throughout the country but if you're going to do it you do it and keep your mouth shut. I know that she hasn't admitted it what mean is she has gone to great lengths to create this image of herself and has spun family so many tales that aren't true.

OP posts:
TheMysteriousJackelope · 24/06/2017 16:14

If her children are living in a true grow house that is a huge problem.

Grow houses are extremely unhealthy due to humidity causing mold, and poor ventilation. The electrical is also typically overloaded making them a fire hazard. Drug dealers will be coming to buy weed, they are typically not nice people. If it is a known grow house they may get raided by dealers looking to steal their plants and any cash or weapons they may have - the children could end up murdered alongside their parents. They may also get raided by the police which could also put the children at risk of being accidentally hurt.

If it's a couple of marijuana plants then the situation is probably not that dire, but the children are still at risk. I have seen more than one news story here in the US where people have ended up seriously hurt by criminals invading houses looking for stashes of drug money.

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 16:14

I'm assuming you realise it's illegal and could potentially carry a prison sentence? How is that fair on her children?

OP posts:
PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 16:15

The house they are growing it in is rented and neither of them live there or the children. Thank god.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 24/06/2017 16:18

I used to think a bit of weed was no big deal - these days I'm more inclined to think that it can be harmful and be detrimental to mental health. Because of this, the fact she has children living in a house used as a cannabis farm(?) and is committing benefit fraud because of the illegal income from the weed I think an anonymous call to Crimestoppers might be in order.

Leatherboundanddown · 24/06/2017 16:19

A big worry for the kids here is what a fire risk growing weed in houses is. The lamps etc used are very unsafe. I know two friends who have had their houses ruined by house fires due to a weed farm next door.

You can anonymously inform the police if you want to. In your situation I don't know what I'd do. I'm not close to my sister so I probably would report her due to the safety aspect but I couldn't say for sure.

wowfudge · 24/06/2017 16:20

X post with you OP. Actually having read your other posts I'd be really worried about the people she is mixed up with and therefore worried about her kids and would report.

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 16:21

The kids don't live there. She rents a house cheaply off a friend and he lives with his brother. He rented the property in his name but I know that my sis is involved as I see her coming and going from time to time and another family member knows exactly what's going on.

OP posts:
notgivingin789 · 24/06/2017 16:22

She is not actually harming anyone so I'm not really shocked and don't think what she is doing is too terrible.

Really ?!!!!!!!

LittleBooInABox · 24/06/2017 16:23

Report it.

It could be being sold to teenagers, goodness knows what. I can't believe people allow this to go on!

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 16:28

I have a teenager and to be honest that thought has crossed my mind. It's very worrying. I know they're not selling crack here but it doesn't matter, drugs are drugs.

OP posts:
TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 16:28

Meh, leave it.

Who are they harming exactly?

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