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To keep my mouth shut?

149 replies

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 15:51

Before I start I just wanted to say I've named changed as what I'm about to say is of a sensitive nature. Long story short I recently found out that my younger ds has been up to something illegal (I can't say what) with her so called ex partner and has been profiting quite substantially from it. Usually I would speak to her about it but going off of her past behabuour she would either change the subject completely or tell me to mind my own buisness. Usually I would but this has infuriated me and she has led our family a merry dance making out she is something she is not.

It is quite complex but basically she has three children to a so called ex partner who she has apparently been on and off with for years. They still live life together as couple but to the outside world they are just being amicable parents trying their best to make it work for their kids sake. This isn't the case. They are still together and I've known this from the beginning but left them to it as after all it's their business and does not affect me.

However, since I found out what I have it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep my mouth shut. It's like she leads a double life but only me and a small a handful of family members no the real her as she puts on this act and persona for her friends. Basically I'm concerned for my parents if they were to realise what she has been up to. They would be devestated and most likely disown her hence why I've kept it to myself. But it's so hard to see her all the time (I've tied to keep my distance believe me) and have to sit there listening to her lie to me and go on and on as she does. She has young children and what she is doing is a risk as she could potentially go to jail and lose them if she were to be found out. I made a decision to take it to my grave (ie not tell family mainly our parents) but it's so difficult. I just want to scream at her and call her a selfish greedy cow but something stops me. Aibu here considering technically it's none of my buisnes? Or do I have a right to be upset as it affects us all in various ways?

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/06/2017 17:30

To answer your AIBU question - yes, I think YABU to keep quiet about the "grow house" (now I know what it's called) and you should tip off the police about it. Since I'm assuming you don't want to get your sister actually arrested, and it seems unlikely that they will tie it directly to her, you will be doing the neighbours a great service by doing so (and the landlord, and no doubt others).

YANBU to keep quiet about it to your parents, as this would probably cause some level of WW3 in your family, in which no one would come out well; so try and bite your lip around your parents. But maybe tell your sister that you know she's full of shit.

Gemini69 · 24/06/2017 17:32

Report them .. you can do this anonymously x

scissormister · 24/06/2017 17:38

We had a house like this on the next road. Fire hazard, yes, also the landlord was left with a huge bill to clear it all up after they were arrested. Not all land lordd are rich and own lots of houses, this could be financial ruin for someone who is dependent on the rent. She is harming people and endangering lives. I would shop her.

provider5sectorzz9 · 24/06/2017 17:44

you should definitely offer to go round and water them in return for a cut of the profits

littlebird7 · 24/06/2017 17:46

Spiteful - If op's sister is caught and convicted producing and dealing drugs at this level, even considering cannabis is the lower end of the scale. SS will be involved immediately and may choose to remove the children, and op's sister is likely to go to prison possibly for a very long time.

It is a joint venture so both will be sentenced....

What would your parents want you to do if they knew Op?

I personally would not report it to the police Op, I doubt your family would recover from that, but I would speak directly to your sister and tell her what she has to lose, that you know what is happening and the lies need to stop and she needs to stop now before it is too late.

If she has any sense she will, after all if you know, others will know and she will get caught eventually (landlord check, police check, neighbours reporting)

If you have warned her your conscience is clear when the S* hits the fan.

User02 · 24/06/2017 18:25

I have read certain things on here which is causing me some concern and worries about the "home growing" stuff. As this is obviously illegal I don't know where to go for further information or even if it would be wise to look on the internet and have a record of the searching on the computer records.
Could anyone suggest where I should look for information

Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 18:28

user - I don't understand what you're asking?

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 18:50

Are you worried about the consequences of you growing it at home user02?

User02 · 24/06/2017 19:04

Name change and Tippy Tinkle. I would never have anything to do with drugs I am very much against drugs. In any case I could never keep a plant never mind grow one.
Somewhere earlier in the thread it was mentioned that houses in which growing is going on the houses get mould.
I know a house that has suddenly got mould in the last year or so. House has been occupied by the same person for nearly 10 years but only mouldy in the last one. I have had other concerns but this is an additional concern.
I am so law abiding and straight that I am scared to look anything up in case it causes any suspicion and my computer is marked with me having looked things up. I would be looking to find out if this is something else I should worry about.

Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 19:06

Oh for fucks sake, are you for real?!

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 19:10

Good God.

What will you do, call the police to report mould?

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 24/06/2017 19:12

Thanks littlebird, I have heard of people getting what amounts to a slap on the wrists for a couple of plants in their attic in the past but had no idea what the implications of a houseful would be.

Not sure I could live with myself if I reported. I'd opt for a "Listen DSis, cut the crap. I KNOW about the plants" ultimatum instead.

User02, do you use one of those hydroponics shops at all? I suspect the people who work there would be very well informed about the law and what you can/cannot get away with.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 24/06/2017 19:13

Oh sorry User, x-posted.

Redsippycup · 24/06/2017 19:14

No one is going to be tracking people looking up cannabis growing.

FFS there was a shop on our highstreet selling the hydroponics gear until it got cheaper to buy it over the internet.

littlebird77 · 24/06/2017 19:15

User - you can search for anything you like on line with the exception of child porn obviously. It is not a criminal act and we are in a free country, you can research any subject, the police are not tracking your every move on line (at least I hope not) We don't live in china lovely

littlebird77 · 24/06/2017 19:19

Spiteful - a slap on the wrist for home grown users own is normal I think. A full operation supplying is a whole different ballgame is my understanding. If on industrial scale you are in up to your neck.

Reporting this will ruin op sister life for sure, and the kids lives. A big huge decision that I would not want to make, or watch the fall out.
Her parents will not thank her for it, and no doubt would prefer (given the choice) to have it sorted out within the family without the need for the law to be involved.

Don't like the sound of the man she is with either, he knows the risks and is not helping the situation at all.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 19:39

Where's the OP? I'm interested to know how she knows the sister is making so much money from this venture.

User02 · 24/06/2017 19:44

Littlebird77 - thank you for your very sensible and informative answer.
Namechanger and Tippy Tinkle - there is no need for such a reaction. I will not be informing the Police about a lot of mould. I am more concerned about much bigger things. Your reactions say a lot more than you realise. I am concerned about a woman and child and you think I am going to call Police to investigate mould? Oh dear.
I do not wish to be even remotely involved in anything illegal or even just dodgy. I am aware that I do not know much about the subject matter (nor would I wish to if it was not for my reasons of worry)
Why do people jump in like that?

Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 20:15

Erm, user - get a clue! I was shocked at your ignorance of thinking that researching "cannabis grow" could have flagged up some FBI investigation!! Not your concern for a neighbour.

User02 · 24/06/2017 21:01

I often wonder how Police get to know of those with paedophile photos. I really do not know. I doubt if FBI will suddenly land in my tiny street. I didn't say it was a neighbour and it is not a neighbour. I don't understand why you keep assuming things that are wrong and still feel able to malign me for not wanting traces of searches for illegal things on my computer.
I agree I don't have a clue about these things. I thought I could ask here safely and without being ridiculed.

Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 21:07

Okay well it really doesn't matter whether they're neighbours, friends, family, whatever. That doesn't change my shock that you thought Googling "illegal things" could in anyway come back on you.

TitaniasCloset · 24/06/2017 21:17

Well if you report her she will never ever forgive you and likely neither will her children.


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TitaniasCloset · 24/06/2017 21:18

I think some of you just aren't living in the real world or are being hypocritical. I think op should mind her own business.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 24/06/2017 21:30

Or perhaps some of us have direct experience of this situation and can relate to the people who are getting the thin end of this particular wedge.

I've lived on a street where there was a grow house a couple of doors down. It was bloody awful and the LL ended up with the house being repossessed, because she couldn't afford the repairs plus the length of time that the house was empty whilst she was desperately trying to scrape the money together for the work. LL insurance doesn't automatically cover this kind of damage. It was in the local papers and the people opposite her, who were in the middle of selling their house, ended up losing their buyer because they pulled out after it hit the news. They sold at a massive loss a year later.

Buffal0buttcheeks · 24/06/2017 21:31

OP could you save a life? Are populated buildings attached to the weed house? If so, report to the police. These places burn down regularly and spread to next door. can you live with the consequences knowing you could have done something- it's not your fault, but you know about it now and should make the call to protect people.

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