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AIBU?

To keep my mouth shut?

149 replies

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 15:51

Before I start I just wanted to say I've named changed as what I'm about to say is of a sensitive nature. Long story short I recently found out that my younger ds has been up to something illegal (I can't say what) with her so called ex partner and has been profiting quite substantially from it. Usually I would speak to her about it but going off of her past behabuour she would either change the subject completely or tell me to mind my own buisness. Usually I would but this has infuriated me and she has led our family a merry dance making out she is something she is not.

It is quite complex but basically she has three children to a so called ex partner who she has apparently been on and off with for years. They still live life together as couple but to the outside world they are just being amicable parents trying their best to make it work for their kids sake. This isn't the case. They are still together and I've known this from the beginning but left them to it as after all it's their business and does not affect me.

However, since I found out what I have it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep my mouth shut. It's like she leads a double life but only me and a small a handful of family members no the real her as she puts on this act and persona for her friends. Basically I'm concerned for my parents if they were to realise what she has been up to. They would be devestated and most likely disown her hence why I've kept it to myself. But it's so hard to see her all the time (I've tied to keep my distance believe me) and have to sit there listening to her lie to me and go on and on as she does. She has young children and what she is doing is a risk as she could potentially go to jail and lose them if she were to be found out. I made a decision to take it to my grave (ie not tell family mainly our parents) but it's so difficult. I just want to scream at her and call her a selfish greedy cow but something stops me. Aibu here considering technically it's none of my buisnes? Or do I have a right to be upset as it affects us all in various ways?

OP posts:
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emmyrose2000 · 25/06/2017 04:52

I wouldn't say anything to the sister, or anyone remotely connected to her. But I would report it anonymously to the police/Crimestoppers (whichever applies).

If sister says anything to you/accuses you then deny any involvement. If SS gets involved, I'd be prepared to take the kids in.

Drug dealers are scum and your sister sounds like a nasty, manipulative, liar anyway. It seems like it's beyond time for her to be accountable for her actions.

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Nightsleepneeded · 25/06/2017 06:24

I appreciate the some contributors here are obviously legalise cannibis advocates, but it is my understanding that it is currently illegal to grow, sell or distribute cannibis. The fact that there is strong and significant support for the legalisation of recreational cannibis use, doesn't mean that the OP would be wrong to consider reporting illegal activity to the authorities or should be advised to ignore it. Foxhunting is also an illegal activity with much support for legalisation, as is euthenasia, yet I am not so sure people would be urging the OP not to report these actives if they were the subject of this thread.

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cloudchasing · 25/06/2017 06:40

User02 you're being silly now.

If people irl are often making 'wild accusations' etc towards you, added to what is written here, do you think you might be a little bit paranoid?

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TippyTinkleTrousers · 25/06/2017 09:25

Nightsleepneeded did you really compare growing a plant to the mass murder of innocent animals or killing a person? Hmm

You don't have to be 'into' legalising cannabis to tell the OP that unless it is affecting her directly or putting her in danger then she should just keep her nose out.

It's clear she doesn't get on with her sister and it turns out that the OP is indeed the blue-eyed girl of the family and the other sister is the black sheep. The OP really seemed to revel in this at one point. She appears to have great disdain and dislike for her sister even before this.

It's noted that the OP disappeared after I asked her how she knew her sister was making millions from this venture. After she told us that her sister said repeatedly how broke she was (which again, disgusted the OP).
I'm still oh-so very interested to hear how the op knows that the sister has a massive cannabis farm and makes so much money from this as opposed to just having a couple of plants or perhaps it's all just a lot of crap that the OP heard through the grape vine......

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Namechange2837 · 25/06/2017 09:33

user if this happens often IRL too, it sounds like you're the common denominator.

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MissBax · 25/06/2017 09:55

Personally I'd leave it OP - it's not really any of your business (in the politest way), and no reason your sister would be linked to the house anyway by the sounds of it.
No offence User02, but it does sound like you've lived under a rock for the last (insert age) years.

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notapizzaeater · 25/06/2017 10:26

I'd phone Crimestoppers and let them deal with it

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greendale17 · 25/06/2017 10:39

I would report it too

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Itsnotwhatitseems · 25/06/2017 11:24

sorry but why is it I still suspect its benefit fraud and not this weed thing

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Madwoman5 · 25/06/2017 11:34

Anonymously contact the police and suggest they may want to take their heat sensing helicopter over this address. This is how a local farm was discovered and they do this a lot round these parts. The internal damage caused by the farmers was horrendous and the landlord had to cough up thousands to fix the holes and mess. The landlord could, on the other hand, do a spot inspection and unless he is in on it, can see what a friend has been doing in his house. Your sister and partner should get off their backsides and find legal employment instead of living off other's misery.

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provider5sectorzz9 · 25/06/2017 11:40

find legal employment instead of living off other's misery
Whilst I agree that a cannabis farm is probably not the best way to make a living due to the consequences if you are rumbled the accusations of living off others misery could be levelled at numerous other legal professions
I use to smoke cannabis regularly and the main downside for me was that it made food taste so great...hard not to over eat!

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provider5sectorzz9 · 25/06/2017 11:43

It didn't make me miserable in the slightest and it is great for helping you get to sleep quickly
If or when it's legal I would look into using cbd to help me sleep, probably avoid smoking because smoking anything is bad for the lungs

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pissflaps45 · 25/06/2017 11:51

You need to report this. Also the house being used as a cannabis farm is some poor unsuspecting landlord and when it is raided they will be left with thousands of pounds of damage. Your sister and partner could end up in prison and the children would go into care.

They may already be under surveillance. I deal with this sort of thing in my job and have seen the fallout when it gets found.

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Namechange2837 · 25/06/2017 11:54

find legal employment instead of living off other's misery

I agree with provider - if it was crack or heroin I'd be more inclined to agree, but legal does not automatically = not living off someone's misery.
What about loan companies? Tobacco and alcohol companies? Betting shops? Plastic surgeons? Ticket enforcers? Banks?

Alot of these companies cause misery to many millions of people - I don't see weed dealers as anywhere CLOSE to harmful in the same way.

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provider5sectorzz9 · 25/06/2017 12:07

Almost all businesses predate on customers

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provider5sectorzz9 · 25/06/2017 12:15

The greater part of the problems associated with illegal drugs are a consequence not of the substance itself but of the illegality
(I'm not suggesting that the case for legalusing drugs is clear cut however)

The main problem with cannabis farms stems from the need to be covert and the tenancy of illegal drug dealers to be risk taking types
If cannabis growing was legal it would be no more problematic than tomato growjng

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BMW6 · 25/06/2017 13:19

Report. A flat in the street across from me was being used as a cannabis farm and inevitably it caught fire. Everyone in that block (a lot of children) were nearly burnt to death in their sleep.
The fuckers who do this give zero fucks about dodgy electrics nor the risks they are imposing on anyone around. Cunts.

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provider5sectorzz9 · 25/06/2017 13:30

A flat in the street across from me was being used as a cannabis farm and inevitably it caught fire
No one knows how many cannabis farms there are, we only hear about the problematic ones and the ones which are discovered
This leads to the erroneous impression that all cannabis farms are problematic/dangerous and all cannabis farms will be discovered
There may be 100s hidden away that no one ever knows about

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WaahImTellingTheDorchester · 25/06/2017 13:32

I think I'd send her an anonymous letter, to their home address, saying that it's known that xxx address is being run by her as a cannabis farm and she will be reported soon.

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Nightsleepneeded · 25/06/2017 14:34

Yes Tipy Tinkle, I expected you to say that and you didn't disappoint Wink

Someone who supports assisted suicide (rather than to use the wording, 'killing someone' ) might be Hmm at being compared to a drug dealer. The wider point was it is all crime and therefore should not be encouraged to ignore.

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User02 · 25/06/2017 14:52

Namechange - What is constant IRL as well as here are very determined women who talk as if they know it all but when their views are corrected they get on their high horses and have a further go. You made assumptions which were wrong and I corrected with the real information which seemed to cause you even more reason to assume things which were further wrong.
I have wondered if certain Mums that I know IRL are members of Mumsnet and/or Netmums as the wording and terminology certainly appear to be very similar.

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Namechange2837 · 25/06/2017 15:19

What an earth are you going on about now?! What did I presume to know? And then what did I go on to further assume?
As I said, it was more you're total ignorance that astounded me, and then your defensive nature which to me suggested some sort of paranoia or anxiety.

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TippyTinkleTrousers · 25/06/2017 18:03

Nice and patronising there namechange and totally missed my point.

Yet again.

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User02 · 25/06/2017 23:10

Namechange has fitted right in to what I said. Jumping in again. Exactly what qualifications do you have Namecharge to diagnose any form of illness in a person you have never met and never will. If I thought I was in your vicinity I would leave immediately. You seem quite the bully and I don't tolerate bullies.
Contrary to how it appears on Mumsnet I actually care about people.
Further your apparent superior knowledge would hint that you maybe know too much about drugs. Some people, me for instance, do not move in drug taking circles.

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