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To keep my mouth shut?

149 replies

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 15:51

Before I start I just wanted to say I've named changed as what I'm about to say is of a sensitive nature. Long story short I recently found out that my younger ds has been up to something illegal (I can't say what) with her so called ex partner and has been profiting quite substantially from it. Usually I would speak to her about it but going off of her past behabuour she would either change the subject completely or tell me to mind my own buisness. Usually I would but this has infuriated me and she has led our family a merry dance making out she is something she is not.

It is quite complex but basically she has three children to a so called ex partner who she has apparently been on and off with for years. They still live life together as couple but to the outside world they are just being amicable parents trying their best to make it work for their kids sake. This isn't the case. They are still together and I've known this from the beginning but left them to it as after all it's their business and does not affect me.

However, since I found out what I have it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep my mouth shut. It's like she leads a double life but only me and a small a handful of family members no the real her as she puts on this act and persona for her friends. Basically I'm concerned for my parents if they were to realise what she has been up to. They would be devestated and most likely disown her hence why I've kept it to myself. But it's so hard to see her all the time (I've tied to keep my distance believe me) and have to sit there listening to her lie to me and go on and on as she does. She has young children and what she is doing is a risk as she could potentially go to jail and lose them if she were to be found out. I made a decision to take it to my grave (ie not tell family mainly our parents) but it's so difficult. I just want to scream at her and call her a selfish greedy cow but something stops me. Aibu here considering technically it's none of my buisnes? Or do I have a right to be upset as it affects us all in various ways?

OP posts:
TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 21:32

Namechange I think what user is saying is that when police sieze a paedophiles computer, even if they have deleted their searches and pics the police can still trace what they have been looking at.
Therefore if user were to search then that too would be on her computer.

user this kind of thing has crossed my mind before and I have deliberately not searched stuff in case it looks dodgy.
What is it you want to search, perhaps I could do so for you?
At the end of the day, my search would also show this thread and is time line so it's obviously a search about an enquiry rather than the actual intention of doing something illegal.

User02 · 24/06/2017 21:40

Tippy Tinkle - I am curious about why a house which did not have mould before and now does have mould after years of occupation. I am wondering if the sudden appearance of mould could be due to some thing going on in the property that did not happen before such as the growing of cannabis or other things.. I do have reasons for worry but I can not specify all the details. I saw someone say about house where home growing is going on get mould. I am grasping at straws. I really do not want anything to be wrong on the other hand I don't want to miss something which needs to be dealt with.
Thank you for offer of help

Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 21:53

Well if the only info you can give is a house suddenly has mould, then how can anyone give you an answer? There could be thousand of reasons!!

Redsippycup · 24/06/2017 21:56

User are the residents of the house the same as previously?

Basically it means there is more water in the house than before. It's often caused by people not opening windows and or drying laundry over radiators or similar.

Maybe bathroom extractor fans are broken / not being turned on?

There may possibly be a leak somewhere?

I have to say, a grow house would absolutely be the last thing I would have thought of. Other posters have said they smell very very strong - but having never smelt one I'm not sure if it is a 'weed smell' or something else.

Redsippycup · 24/06/2017 21:59

Have a look at this article in the Guardian User

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 22:00

I can't help you then, sorry.

There could be so many reasons for sudden mould though, believe me I've been there.
The person above me who lives away 80% of the time had a washing machine that leaked for months causing a nightmare of mould in my kitchen.

The neighbours below me had mould issues because of a leak in their wall and that affected us as well.

We had a particularly cold winter where the flat below and above us were empty so I never opened the windows which cause our very bad condensation to go absolutely wild and we had loads of mould because of that.

All of this in the last 18 months and absolutely no hint of mould in all the years before that.

And that's just my experience, so many other things can cause mould.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 22:00

Can cause mould seemingly out of nowhere I mean.

Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 22:03

Im still dumbfounded as to how user can't just Google - "where does house mould come from?"

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 22:12

It's not about the mould.

She said she can't mention it on here.

Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 22:18

Then just Google it wtf! We've said she's not gonna have her house swarmed by police for simply looking up something related to "illegal things".

User02 · 24/06/2017 22:21

The number of people resident in the house is the same but one is a new person to replace a person who no longer lives there. I have smelled a strange unusual smell in one part of the house which is over and next to a basement which is not used or not used before. New extractor fans have been fitted in 4 parts of the house. The house used to be bitterly cold but now it not as cold but it is not like a green house either.
The change of person took place before the mould. There is much stress and secrecy. It is a load of things which are strange and I am afraid I do not understand any part of the things going on.
Does any of the above help to make it a bit more clear.

Rantymare · 24/06/2017 22:30

Me. I would keep quiet. It'll probably fall apart sooner or later.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 22:37

user unless you're worried about fire or mould damaging your own home, I would t worry about it.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 22:38

Also the vents could have been put in because the mould had been building up for a while and had reached peak issue.

The smell could be caused by someone who just smokes a bit of weed rather than grows it.

User02 · 24/06/2017 22:45

Redsippycup - I have now read the link to the Guardian. There are a few wee hints there too. There was a problem one day and I said I would call police (words exchanged with local person) I was told not to call police. I then said I would call X. X's job involves knowing a lot of strange things incl drugs info. I was again told NO. Police and X would know more than me.
The main door was often unlocked but suddenly not. Also people not at the house.
The deflecting when I said about smell. It was strong. Said it was someone else.
Rumours previsously stated are now denied re person,
These things are not what I was prepared for in life and in honesty I am not coping well. I have no wish to learn of drugs
Sorry if I appear unlearned

Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 22:48

user - do you live in a city? How old are you? Would you say you're a bit naive or not very Street wise? No offence intended.

User02 · 24/06/2017 22:49

Tippy - Any fire or mould would not reach my building. I was told that the smell was someone smoking in another house, maybe weed. I have been in the house of a weed smoker and when it is being smoked and it did not smell anywhere near as strong as this.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 22:50

It's not that you have to learn about drugs. It's more that you probably don't have to worry if it is weed.

If you do know very little about drugs I do wonder if it is 'just' weed.

Do you know enough to identify the smell as weed?

If you can, and if it is, then just leave it. Unlesss the neighbours are harassing or threatening you or somehow putting your home at risk of fire then I really wouldn't worry about it.

If it was a case of people coming through a shared main door all night long and needles being about then that's a whoooole different kettle of fish.

It's difficult to know how serious an issue this is because you're being elusive with the information but that's ok too if you don't feel like saying.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 22:52

X posted.

Ok so identified the smell of weed and not the same building.

In that case as before unless they are harassing or threatening you in any way then I really would have absolutely nothing to do with it.

Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 22:53

I would say its probably nor an issue at all. users lack of "drug knowledge and clear fear of any possible drugs makes me think this is being well over-thought. user do you suffer with anxiety or paranoia at all?

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 22:56

This has just reminded me of something.

I moved out of a drug addled city especially where I was situated) into a very middle class town.
Everyone here has money (I don't) old money mainly and it's got a feeling a clean, great spirited community. Far and away a different life from the city which I lived in before (which I loved but had kids and needed to get away).
About a year ago I was walking through town and this very well kept, perfectly dressed middle class woman of about 70 at least walked past brazingly smoking a spliff. Like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I expected it in Brighton, but not here. 😄😄😄

Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 22:57

Tippy 😂😂 brilliant!


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Charlotteswigwam · 24/06/2017 22:59

The police will work it out eventually - either the neighbors will report the excess heat, or there will be snowfall next winter and guess what - their's is the only house on the street with no snow on the roof, or there will be a fire, or the police will work it out when flying a helicopter with heat detecting camera over the area. Basically, they are idiots.

TheSecretMrsFairbrother · 24/06/2017 23:12

I'm probably being a bit thick but if the grow house is being sub let through a friend of the ex, would the police necessarily be able to trace it back to the sister anyway?

Obviously if her house was raided and evidence of dealing was found she'd be up shit creek but is she actually connected to the other house?

User02 · 24/06/2017 23:19

Charlotteswigwam - good thinking about the snow and the heat seeking helicopter. It is not an area where such a thing would be unusual. It is normal.
Tippy Tinkle - there has been threats and even violence but I am not the enemy.
Namechanger - I don't see why my lack of knowledge on drugs should be such an issue for you. You have been dinging at me since ever I came on here and that does make me wonder. This is the same sort of thing as I get IRL constant wild and wrong accusations. You have been so wrong all along and you jump in without thinking. I don't have any paranoia or any over anxiety but it seems to me that you have a downer on someone you have never met and have no idea of the real reason I have asked this.

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