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AIBU?

To keep my mouth shut?

149 replies

PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 15:51

Before I start I just wanted to say I've named changed as what I'm about to say is of a sensitive nature. Long story short I recently found out that my younger ds has been up to something illegal (I can't say what) with her so called ex partner and has been profiting quite substantially from it. Usually I would speak to her about it but going off of her past behabuour she would either change the subject completely or tell me to mind my own buisness. Usually I would but this has infuriated me and she has led our family a merry dance making out she is something she is not.

It is quite complex but basically she has three children to a so called ex partner who she has apparently been on and off with for years. They still live life together as couple but to the outside world they are just being amicable parents trying their best to make it work for their kids sake. This isn't the case. They are still together and I've known this from the beginning but left them to it as after all it's their business and does not affect me.

However, since I found out what I have it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep my mouth shut. It's like she leads a double life but only me and a small a handful of family members no the real her as she puts on this act and persona for her friends. Basically I'm concerned for my parents if they were to realise what she has been up to. They would be devestated and most likely disown her hence why I've kept it to myself. But it's so hard to see her all the time (I've tied to keep my distance believe me) and have to sit there listening to her lie to me and go on and on as she does. She has young children and what she is doing is a risk as she could potentially go to jail and lose them if she were to be found out. I made a decision to take it to my grave (ie not tell family mainly our parents) but it's so difficult. I just want to scream at her and call her a selfish greedy cow but something stops me. Aibu here considering technically it's none of my buisnes? Or do I have a right to be upset as it affects us all in various ways?

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PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 17:01

I don't get off on drama I like the quiet life. But when people foist their drama in my face by way of lying and fabrication it pisses me off. Sorry for being human.

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sodablackcurrant · 24/06/2017 17:02

Legalisation of waccy baccy and even hard drugs for own use, would free up police to do other things.

A commercial operation is a different thing, and would possibly lead to a conviction.

Back away OP. Leave them to it. Unfortunately you mean well, but no good will come of you interfering. Adults and all that. And why you specifically? I know it is your sister, but you should not have to worry like this.

Would she worry about you the same way.

Sorry for your troubles. But protect yourself and your own family unit.

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TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 17:04

How does she 'foist it in your face' OP...?

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Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 17:04

OP she's a grown adult, she has every right and reason to lie if she's involved in criminal activity. Maybe she doesn't trust you enough to tell you? But also - it's her fellas place it's happening, not hers, so she's probably just being loyal to him.
If he DID get caught, it's not her house and she likely wouldn't get into any trouble - I doubt he'd shop her in. They probably have an arrangement whereby if something comes out she'll claim she knows nothing about it.
BUT as I said, if you really can't bare the lies just tell her you know??

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TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 17:06

But she foists it in the OP's face, so it must be all the sister every talks about. Hmm

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PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 17:07

Trust me, my parents don't think she's a princess. Of course they love her, she's their daughter but deep down I'm pretty much certain that they know my sis is lying about being separated from her partner. I'd be shocked if they knew about the other thing and quite frankly she has treated our parents like crap in the past. My sister is very mouthy and opinionated at times and can be childish and our parents, similarly to me don't like the drama. They just go along with her and sit and listen but I know they find her difficult. At least with me they feel comfortable and can be straight with me without worrying I'll throw a tantrum and can they can voice their opinion in an informative way and we can discuss things. They just don't have that with my sister because of the way she is.

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Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 17:08

And...?

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PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 17:09

Tippy, asking what is wrong with you was not me being rude. You seem to be condoning it and i that strange that's all.

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Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 17:11

OP, you've not answered my question - why not just tell her you know?

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PaulDacresFeministConscience · 24/06/2017 17:11

I feel sorry for the neighbours living next door to it - who are at much greater risk of fire, because grow houses are notorious for draining power from whatever sources they can access, and funnily enough people who break the law don't tend to give a crap about health and safety.

I feel sorry for the Landlord, who probably has no idea that his/her property is being wrecked - again people who break the law don't tend to be that fussy about maintaining the interior to a decent standard.

And as for this being the only means she has of providing for her DC -
she's on benefits. And I am absolutely not suggesting that one can live the life of riley on benefits - but she's not broke, nor on the street, with no job and zero income. She has a roof over her head and social welfare to help keep her and the kids clothed and fed. Everyone has choices - she is choosing to get involved in something which is illegal and lie to her family about it.

And as for it not harming anyone - there's growing evidence of a link between weed and schizophrenia, psychosis and long-term mental health issues. I'm not clutching at my pearls - to me it should be legalised, controlled and taxed - but to suggest it harms nobody is utterly disingenuous.

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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/06/2017 17:12

If no one lives in the house where they're growing the stuff, and the whole house has been turned over to hydroponic growing of it, then it's pretty serious.

This happened to a friend of mine with a rental property - they only found out because there was a fire in the house, the neighbours called the fire brigade and they found evidence of growing throughout, with no actual areas that were lived in, although there was apparently a chair and a tv. I think they were "borrowing" the electricity from someone else's property as well! Shock, which may have had something to do with the fire. Not sure how they got all the shit out before the fire brigade came, they may have moved everything and then started the fire (or it started accidentally) to cover their tracks - but it was pretty obvious from what they left (no plants though) what had been going on.

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PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 17:13

She doesn't foist "it" in my face. What I meant by that was she comes around to my house and tells me things repeatedly that I know is bull shit to try and throw me off the scent. She portrays herself as being this hard done to struggling lone parent who has no opportunities in life because her partner left her. There are other things that I won't go into but it's been going on for years.

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PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 17:15

Sorry name change I must have scrolled past your post. I have contemplated telling her just that but I know that she will flat out deny it and then will run to our parents to tell them I'm causing trouble and telling lies about her.

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Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 17:15

It's the sisters bf though, at a house in his name. Yes the sister clearly knows and may be benefiting from it a bit, but it's not her doing it, I doubt she executed it, it's not in her house, and not round her kids. Leave. It. Alone.

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Siwdmae · 24/06/2017 17:16

Grow houses are generally totally wrecked inside, with pipes, water etc being punched through ceilings etc. The electric is often bypassed. It will likely be found by chance when a police copter passes overhead and spots the very obvious heat signature. She is being vu to wreck someone's property like this and she is supplying, so risks a big custodial sentence. I'd be phoning 101 to give them intelligence of the grow house.

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vikingprincess81 · 24/06/2017 17:17

What would happen if the house was raided then? I don't mean because you reported it, just if it was found to be a grow house - reported by someone else, or known to the cops already?
She'd have no plausible deniability there then? Or would 'ex' take the fall?
People aren't idiots - they tend to know what's going on in the houses in their street - and the same can be said for the police. I'm with you op, my moral compass whirls on its axis at times and makes my halo hula round my ankles, but it sounds like this is really an issue for you.
What do you want to do? Honestly? What does your gut tell you? Is it concern over what she's doing? Upset you've been lied to? Wanting to protect your parents? Being a bit peed off they wouldn't listen if you told them? I know it's hard when it's family stuff, but maybe your parents need to realise for themselves that sis isn't all she seems?

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Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 17:17

So OP you have several options - forget it and stay out, tell her you know and go from there, or report her. But the third option won't be pretty. What are you going to do?

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vikingprincess81 · 24/06/2017 17:18

X post - so you're annoyed she's lying to your face? Ever called her on it?

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PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 17:19

I 100% believe it was my sisters idea. Her partner, to be quite frank, isn't the brightest bulb in the pack and my sister is very money obsessed and in the past she's fiddle a few things for financial gain.

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PennandPeg · 24/06/2017 17:23

I'll be honest, I've never called her out on it but mainly because of the person she is. With other friends and family members I feel confident enough to offer advice and opinions, even if at times it's not what they want to hear (but they need to hear it if you get me) and there's been no issues but I know my sister would lose it and end up causing trouble in the family.

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Emmageddon · 24/06/2017 17:23

I would imagine you aren't the only one who knows about this grow house - you can report it to Crimestoppers anonymously and there will be no comeback on you, but I'm willing to bet there are other people in the area who will be more than happy to drop your sister and her partner in it.

I would steer clear.

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Namechange2837 · 24/06/2017 17:24

So I still don't know what more you want people to say? Some people will say shop her in, some will say don't. What are you going to do? Even if it was her idea - police would need to prove without doubt that she's involved. Prisons are already overpopulated and police are massively stretched.

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TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/06/2017 17:27

Asking someone "what's wrong with you." Is very fucking rude.

But I'm not going to dwell on that. Nor am I going to dwell on you're comment about not liking the drama.

But what I do think is significant is that you seem to think she makes an absolutely fortune from this.

So I need to ask, how do you actually know that they make any money at all and it isn't just for personal use?
If she says she is broke - perhaps she is.

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pottered · 24/06/2017 17:27

I think you should leave it. I don't see what you can usefully do, and you can't be the cause of your nieces/nephews losing their parents. If they were doing in the same house as the kids I'd think about reporting due to the safety problems but they're not.

You'll only cause harm to her kids if you do anything, as far as I can see you need to bite your tongue.

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SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 24/06/2017 17:28

Implying that someone has something "wrong" with them simply because they have a differing opinion to you is pretty rude. Having a different opinion to you isn't "strange" either.

What would happen if they were reported? Would it automatically mean a custodial sentence, even if it was a first offence? Would social services get involved?

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