Things your husband should know..

[ComeBackWillyWillpower]

After 4 years together he still only brings me a fork when he cooks (which is rare in itself)...surely by now he should know that I use a knife as well as a fork to eat?
Every single time I have to ask for a knife and every single time he huffs and puffs about it Tut.

Who does what when. Beavers Monday at 6pm etc. Conesvas a surprise to him every week, despite having it on the Kitchen Calendar of Truth, and shared iPhone calendars.

Birthdays - that people, including his immediate family have them, and that the dc want to celebrate his, even if he doesn't.

My DH uses his knife and fork the wrong way round - in the wrong hands.... I get slightly embarrassed when were out at a posho resto!

Liiino well done in training him to at least discover the washing basket !

how to use his brain to think befoe using his mouth to ask.

that the children need picking up or dropping to school and not to ring at these times.

fliberdee I've always held my knife and fork the wrong way around

That I only, ever... ever drink vodka&tonic, and have only ever drank vodka&tonic for the last 19 years.

Yet, every time he goes to the bar 'What would you like to drink?'

Every. Single. Time.

And, that I will never, ever go camping again. Live with it.

After 21 long years together he still doesn't know my birthday and yet I'm expected to remember his family's.
Everything he does at some point has to involve me, drives me insane,
Our DS's have more idea than him I blame MIL

That I hate roast dinners, so cooking them for me isn't a special event.

That when I say 'I don't remember' that I MEAN IT and it's pointless spending ages giving me lots of examples/hints and then expecting me to remember. My memory is goods. So if I don't remember, believe me!

That the children need packing for when we go away and that just packing for himself isn't really on...

That doors magically can fit in door frames.
PUT THE WOOD IN THE HOLE FFS!

That i still have my tastebuds and do not, therefore, need chilli IN EVERYTHING.

Flibberdee - what a strange thing to be embarrassed about! I hold my cutlery in the 'wrong' hands, I have perfect table manners though. I even manage to hold my knife properly....

How can you eat anything other than pasta with just a fork I can practically hear my dad tutting from here.

My DH should know how I like my coffee, yet he makes it differently each time

That I like my tea in the "good" mugs, which is why I keep them at the front of the cupboard...the shitty ones that came free with easter eggs are at the back for a reason.
Also, he's never, ever, ever going to get lucky at 6am on a Saturday so after 25 years it might be time to give up hope

I have always drunk black coffee. The dishwasher doesn't fill itself, switch itself on or empty itself, he has always resented it taking over the washing up from him! And that you separate whites for a reason when loading the washing machine.

And, that I do not understand anything to do with computer coding. Nothing. Nothing at all. And, frankly I don't want to.

So, when you excitedly mansplain to me that you have written some really clever code... This is what I actually hear "*&GHb%$DFt£**???(()%DZZXW""!!"

Please stop. Please.

And, actually that's pretty much what the code looks like too...because, yes, he likes to show it to me [sobs]

Oh! That cooking a few meals a week doesn't equate to the 'I do everything' claim that he often spouts.

That bathroom towels need folding and putting on the rail. If you don't do this, don't bloody complain when the towels are scrumpled/still wet!

That the calendar is there FOR A REASON.
Read it.
Check it.
It'll tell you what's happening/where the kids need to be.
STOP BLOODY ASKING ME!

We've been together 12 years I've been the same dress size for most of that time. Lately there seems to be lots of clothing deliveries coming for oh I said it would be nice if he treated me to some clothes 'but I don't know your size'
Also he hardly ever cooks for me last time I was ill he made me tomato soup and served it with toast. Never in the 12 years we have been together have I eaten soup with toast!

He has hearing loss. You'd think he would know that if he asks me a question while I'm in the study and he's in the kitchen, he won't be able to hear my reply

That me pointing out a cute dog and saying "hello!" in a doggie voice doesn't count as "interrupting".

I dont make gravy. Cooking is stressful & gravy is a stress too much. I make dinner without gravy except on 25th December. After 20 odd years the Moth (man of the house) should know this. But I get asked every time I cook any meat roasted or baked "is there any gravy?". No there bloody well isn't. Apart from this we get on great :)

That there is no bloody light-switching-off fairy.

He doesn't even need to turn the lights on half the time anyway!

I hear you OP...also mine refuses to accept I really really really dislike tomatoes and insists on putting them on my plate I don't even mean incidental tomatoes mixed up with salad etc I mean he goes out of his way to slice them beautifully and arrange them...

His reasoning? It looks dull without them

Another husbandism is being completely unable to separate washing, it has to be pre sorted or when he does a load it all gets thrown in together regardless of colour fabric or level of filth and washed on the eco setting

That I don't like watching TV. Or at least I like some time with it switched off. First thing he does in the morning, switches the bastard on.

That the date he thinks is my birthday, is actually our wedding anniversary (same month). Married 25 years, don't know why....