AIBU? Disinvited from friend's wedding

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My friend moved to London a couple of years ago and is having a fab wedding in the Dorchester. We never go out / holidays since having kids so booked a room and a nanny (she said no kids) from the hotel as a rare treat.
I was so excited, booked hairdresser, new dress, and she then said kids can come too, they were looking forward to the party. She's just phoned me and bumped us from the wedding to make room for grooms extended family........ I feel a fool, had booked the hotel etc months ago.

Spookily - I was uninvited (as a plus 1) from a wedding this week, myself -
wedding is next week - my DP is still invited - and is still going - at my insistence - (to be fair to DP she wanted to cry off in protest) - but, as I pointed out - it was the bride's day & prerogative - I am dropping her off and checking in to the hotel anyway - DP has promised to make it up to me later.....should be a good night - better than the one we had planned possibly....

Exactly what did she say to say u were not invited anymore? Can't even begin to imagine how anyone could do that.

Does it really make any difference who the op is being bumped for or why? It's the Dorchester, not the local Travelodge. If they'd disinvite an old friend rather than squeeze in an extra place then the entire shebang is all form over substance - they can't afford the flaming Dorchester.

Flogging again
My thoughts exactly.

What Floggingmolly said.

These threads are great. You get the whole spectrum of opinions....OP must be bl00dy confused

That is shockingly rude - I'm so sorry to hear you've been subjected to such a display of bad manners.

If you could get most of the money back by cancelling your arrangements that would pay for all of you to have a more modest few days away somewhere or for you and your husband to have a monthly date night for about a year. Just want to put in context with lots of pps saying to go and enjoy the weekend anyway. I imagine the nanny is cancellable and the main issue is the hotel room. I'd phone the bride and explain how much you are on the hook for and ask her to help you by taking over the reservation for another guest to use. If she is unwilling then I'd speak to the wedding planning department at the Dorchester and explain the position to them and ask if they could help you to cancel the reservation and get your money back.

Awfully rude -I would absolutely refuse point blank to uninvite a guest for reasons of space for other guests. This should all have been sorted before invitations were sent out and arrangements made.
OP, I would reclaim as much money as possible from your bookings/return clothes etc and then make plans for a fun day out. I wouldn't put myself out for this "friend" again, but I wouldn't argue about it either. It's not like you would want to go now anyway -nobody likes being second choice! Hope they don't expect a bloody wedding present!

So, what did you say when she uninvited you?

Have you already paid for the hotel?

I wouldn't still go to the hotel at that price. I would go on a family holiday!

Do you think the friendship will survive this?

Sounds a bit off to me. If you can afford a wedding at The Dorchester you wouldn't need to bump someone you'd already asked would you? You'd just add the late invitees on. You wouldn't book there if you were scratching around for a few hundred quid.

I would wonder if her 'D'P is pressurising her to not invite her friends, it's a good way to isolate her.

If you have pre-paid for the hotel, call them and explain that you are no longer invited to the wedding (they will be dying to ask why, but won't. It'll be the gossip of the hotel staff though!) and so would like to cancel your booking, you understand it's supposed to be non-refundable, but as other people will now be attending the wedding instead of you, could they sell on the room? You would speak to the couple about the room being sold on to another guest, but relations with the Bride and Groom are rather 'frosty' now and wondered if the hotel can sort refunding you to free up the room for another guest as you think this will be less upsetting to the wedding party...

Also OP - can you return the dress?

It might not be about being able to afford extra guests - they may be using a small function room and be at the max number..

(Still think it's an awful treatment of a friend and people invited that accept are set in stone on a guest list).

I bet that in a few weeks, when some of the 'more important' invitees have declined the invitation, the OP will be re-invited!

My dh invited an evening couple to the actual day. He got a flea in his ear and then I just extended the day guest list and whipped up another invitation. The extra cost was worth it to retain the friendship and any awkward conversations.

Just watch out - she'll probably ask you to decorate the venue, closer to the date

I bet that in a few weeks, when some of the 'more important' invitees have declined the invitation, the OP will be re-invited

Na something much more exciting would have happened than that.

Hippee

OP were you actually formally invited with an invitation ? How could you be invited and then disinvited it makes no sense.

beve you need to at least need to read the OP's posts if you don't read the thread.

The OP confirmed a while ago that she'd received a formal, gold edged invitation.

That is massively rude. I do hope she realizes how that is not at all appropriate.

Take your kids and go away to London in your hotel and have a brilliant time. Use he spending money from the gift you are not buying her.

Beve you know you can highlight the OPs posts a different colour? She's already confirmed it was a proper invitation....

Very rude. If there was a reason like pressure from the in laws, she should have the decency to tell you and offer to fund any out of pocket expenses. Do not buy a present, maybe send a card so you are the better person but that's it. As others said go away for another weekend and have a great time.

Neutrogena "My guess is you got uninvited BECAUSE you're a nice and forgiving friend who realizes the world doesn't revolve round you."

No, that is not true, the OP was uninvited because the bride was not a good friend or not a strong enough woman to resist pressure from her soon to be husband or his family.

"A huge strike is the bride giving your OH a bj, or hitting your kids, or stealing something from your house." Your bar for friend's behavior is very low

Hippee 😂😂

OP send a big box of Sylvanians as a present. To be delivered to the reception. Holding little cards saying F.U.C.K.Y.O.U.