AIBU? Disinvited from friend's wedding

[Working24x7]

My friend moved to London a couple of years ago and is having a fab wedding in the Dorchester. We never go out / holidays since having kids so booked a room and a nanny (she said no kids) from the hotel as a rare treat.
I was so excited, booked hairdresser, new dress, and she then said kids can come too, they were looking forward to the party. She's just phoned me and bumped us from the wedding to make room for grooms extended family........ I feel a fool, had booked the hotel etc months ago.

Though I might still be friends with her, it won't be the same after that. You just can't do that, its awful.

For me this would be pretty unforgivable - because it is just so rude. You do not uninvite people unless they cause a major argument before hand.

So I would uninvite someone who had had an affair with part of the Wedding party, had attacked someone (really in the wedding party), arrested for child pornography/sex assualt or similar, or had been unforgivably rude/shit stirring. But that is all I can think of, it is such a breach of protocol that I can't imagine doing it otherwise.

I think, for me, a lot would depend on the circumstances. How apologetic was she; is it likely that there's stuff going on behind the scenes with the groom's family; is she a close friend you care about or is this sort of thing her usual MO? Obviously it's a very rude and hurtful thing to do but I don't know whether I would end a friendship over it.

I know someone who got the hump with a friend of hers who didn't contact her to thank her for champagne she'd arranged to be sent to the bridal suite. She'd sent this champagne because she couldn't make the wedding at the last minute. On the face of it: the lack of acknowledgement was staggeringly rude. But it turned out the mother of the groom had died suddenly the day after the wedding - and even when my pal discovered this, weeks later, she maintained that the friend could at least have made time to acknowledge her gesture. Well maybe, but I would have given her the benefit of the doubt myself.

If this behaviour is quite out of character for her then I would actually be really worried about her. I am sure it WILL have been hard for her to rescind the invitation and it suggests that she is being co-coerced to a large degree. What an unhappy situation for everyone.

If I was the OP and that close a friend, I would call and say 'Mate, is everything ok? What the hell is going on?'

Or, of course, perhaps the bride cares more about having a fancy wedding funded by somebody else and the OP is just collateral damage, in which case the friendship is no loss.

We spent roughly £1000 for a wedding. With the stag do(weekend abroad, drinking), home leg stag do(local night out, drinking), outfits, accommodation, present and drink at the reception. It added up very quickly when you look at it like that, but it's one of DP's best and oldest friends.

Question is OP, do you think your friendship will recover from this?

Uninviting someone is not something I'd do personally, it's bloody rude.
That said, I'd forgive someone in the same position. It would be horrible to be uninvited, but it's just a wedding. One event. One day.
OP - by not holding a grudge does not mean you're a doormat. Your a decent human being and friend.
Sure, if it happened again that would jeopardize the friendship, but be the better person and don't resort to childish 'How DARE people treat me like this, don't you know who I am? etc etc behaviour

It's one strike and out for the majority of posters. How sad people are so prideful and unforgiving.

How sad some people are so full of little self-respect they let people treat them like rubbish.

I agree if it was repeated behaviour like this, then you'd walk away from the friendship. However, if it's a one off better to give the benefit of the doubt and be the better person.

You're a decent human being and friend. Why is the onus on the injured party to show they're a decent human being and friend?

Flogging quite

Now that DID make me chuckle

Neutrogena would you just suck up the cost as well?

I'm with you, Neutrogena.

Yes, pretty inconsiderate behaviour. I can understand being hurt and pissed off.

But does it make her a bad person, or someone to henceforth cut from your life...? Really not sure about that.

Get money back if you can. If you can't, go and have a fabulous time.

'How DARE people treat me like this, don't you know who I am? etc etc behaviour'

I don't get the impression Op or any other poster are like this at all.

I'd feel very bitter but would really be worried about her esp if it is out of character.

"Neutrogena would you just suck up the cost as well?"

There's no cost to the OP. She hasn't spent any money yet.

Any bets on how times it takes for this to appear in the DM? Will it be today online or tomorrow?

Who cares if prsssure was put on the bride, she could have said no, that it would be incredibly rude of her to cancel a friend.

Hotel booked, hairdresser booked, dress bought (from the OP). All free then?

Who cares if prsssure was put on the bride, she could have said no, that it would be incredibly rude of her to cancel a friend.

if the bride were to be in an abusive relationship, then it isn't as simple as saying no

FindoGask the OP has spent money if you had actually read her posts. Mind you even if she hadn't her friend was rude, insulting and selfish

Coffeemachine, that was my specific worry.

I cannot believe someone could be so rude and hurtful. As others have said still go if you want to and can afford to. I would also send a card and wish them well and that would be the end of the friendship for me.

Absolutely awful OP. What did you say?!

The reason for cancelling changes my outlook. The bride to be may have an in-law from Hell who is insisting that cousin Mattie from Australia who the groom hasn't seen in 25 years is coming over for the wedding/family reunion and must be accommodated with her two ex-husbands and their step-children on pain of non-stop nagging, guilt-tripping, crying and hysteria from now until the wedding. The bride is going to have to deal with this person until one of them dies, which is more than sufficient punishment for being extremely rude to a close friend.

If on the other hand the bride just decided she'd rather have cousin Mattie there instead of the OP, the OP should ensure she is booked up for a fun weekend somewhere so when the inevitable 'someone dropped out, can you make it at the last moment as the caterer already has the numbers' phone call comes in, she can truthfully say that she can't.

Your 'friend' is so unreasonable.

I kind of know how you feel.

A friend of mine (pretty close, friends for 20 odd years)'told me she would be inviting me, my DH and DD to her wedding ceremony, meal and evening reception. She told me that she was letting me know in advance so we could organise time off work, hotel etc.

Then weeks later an invitation dropped through our door for evening only, just me and DH.

I text her to say we received it, just checking it's correct? And she replied saying she needed our daytime spaces for distant relatives.

I cancelled our reservation and declined. We are still friends but it soured things a little. She let me pay a hotel deposit and arrange annual leave, then didn't have the decency to have that conversation with me.