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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Disinvited from friend's wedding

305 replies

Working24x7 · 23/06/2017 01:05

My friend moved to London a couple of years ago and is having a fab wedding in the Dorchester. We never go out / holidays since having kids so booked a room and a nanny (she said no kids) from the hotel as a rare treat.
I was so excited, booked hairdresser, new dress, and she then said kids can come too, they were looking forward to the party. She's just phoned me and bumped us from the wedding to make room for grooms extended family........ I feel a fool, had booked the hotel etc months ago.

OP posts:
stuntcamel · 24/06/2017 00:27

Wedding at the Dorchester - classy.

Disinviting someone who has already been sent an invitation and accepted? Not classy.

Tapandgo · 24/06/2017 00:54

Totally classless act by the bride.
Never heard of disinviting someone - crass and insensitive.
As the bride clearly has more money than manners she should pick up the bill.

bumblebee61 · 24/06/2017 17:46

Never speak to her again. I cannot believe this.

Anatidae · 24/06/2017 17:51

I'd first make absolutely sure this isn't an abusive groom isolating her from her friends, because if that's the case then the last thing she needs is you cutting contact.

If not, then either get your money back or keep the room and have fun. And never speak to her again.

BoffinMum · 24/06/2017 18:05

i would dump such a rude friend

BoffinMum · 24/06/2017 18:08

Have only read half the thread so far. Am I right in thinking you are going to be a guest at the Dorchester while the wedding party is going on downstairs, because of this?!! If so OMAG, what a thoughtless friend.

RubyRoseRing · 24/06/2017 18:21

Not rtft but want to know is 'friend' now off the proverbial Christmas card list? I hope so. What a mean, selfish thing to do. Shame you can't just turn up anyway. Say you thought it was a weird joke as you'd never have had her down as such a fucking rude person.Sad

Shockers · 24/06/2017 18:46

Could you move your booking to another weekend? It would spoil your very expensive stay if you were to bump into her.

riceuten · 24/06/2017 18:46

"make absolutely sure this isn't an abusive groom isolating her from her friends"

This was my initial thought. But the probability is that she is weak-willed and feckless. She's probably relying on you not making a fuss.

Make a fuss.

memyselfandisolodjsjajaj · 24/06/2017 19:05

Who the fuck does that? If you're such a bitch then don't invite me in the first place.
Block the hell out of her everywhere. How rude!!!!!

Mollymutkin · 24/06/2017 19:54

Ive turned myself into a prune in my hot tub reading all the posts! I love the Sylvanians idea, but how about buying a family and if you do stay at the Dorchester, get into the wedding room early, find the cake and add the family with a sign 'The Uninvited', you can always say 'bride' asked you to bring them on the day to add to the cake as a little joke'!

Personally, I think if you can cancel everything with no charge then take that option and either book something else or as said earlier, I love the idea of using the money for date nights. Then don't make any contact with the bride, let her make the first move. If she suggests doing something together go along with it then cancel on her the day before! Send no wedding card, buy no present, or maybe send a card after the wedding 'Hope you had a lovely day'

HappyFlappy · 24/06/2017 20:20

she'll probably ask you to decorate the venue, closer to the date

I have a box of Sylvanian Families in the loft if you need them Grin

bunnylove99 · 24/06/2017 20:28

For you OP Flowers. Your 'friend' sounds monstrous. I would completely cut all ties and never utter a word to her again. You deserve better!

famousfour · 24/06/2017 20:33

Goodness that is exceptionally rude if you had already been invited. I guess my view about friendship would be influenced by what she said and how she said it...

Ceto · 24/06/2017 20:55

I'm another one going the route of MiL has insisted that her second cousin's father's aunt simply HAS to be invited or it will ruin her (the MiL's) day and she'll never speak to them again.

But surely the best response to that is to say "Sorry MiL, but it's too late now, I'm sure you agree it would be incredibly rude to withdraw anyone's invitation?" It makes all sorts of sense to make it clear from the outset that you will not be forced by your MiL into letting down your friends.

If that's the case, it must have been incredibly hard for the bride to make that call to you, and if she was quite cold on the phone it may have been excruciating shame and embarrassment rather than deliberate rudeness.

Surely, if that's how you feel, by far the best approach is to put your cards on the table, explain that you're being forced into it and you are totally mortified, and absolutely grovel to your friend?

Sparklyglitter · 24/06/2017 21:31

Yea I agree how rude! Go and have a really good night out, you and your hubby! Xxx

Giraffewith2 · 24/06/2017 21:41

What did you say to her when she called? How has it been left?

What a horrid situation! You can always for someone in. We had someone turn up to our wedding before the meal. He had said he could only make the evening and then rocked up early with 'surprise'. He's a good, if not reliable (!), friend of DH and so we got the venue to sort a place for him. Easily sorted

TitaniasCloset · 24/06/2017 23:18

I need an update on this. Where has op gone?

Migraleve · 24/06/2017 23:21

I need an update on this. Where has op gone?

Disappeared when people started asking if they actually had been sent an invitation.....

AnthonyPandy · 24/06/2017 23:24

Migraleve op posted this yesterday at 10.09

Working24x7

Yes we did have a gold edged invitation and sent the rsvp. We spoke re the hotel and nanny I had booked. I think the whole experience would have cost us £1000 including train, nanny, hotel, gift, dress etc but I had a year to save for it. I think pressure was put on her by the groom as his family will be contributing- I hadn't thought of that.

MrsWhatToDo · 24/06/2017 23:25

Migra...
She said she had a proper invitation...

BlackberryandNettle · 24/06/2017 23:49

Wow what an unbelievably rude thing to do!

Is the wedding soon? How much notice has she given you? I would definitely keep the booking if it's in the next few weeks. Go and enjoy the hotel, see some things in London, keep evening nanny if possible.

BlackberryandNettle · 24/06/2017 23:53

Just checking the website and it has a spa, michelin star restaurant, champagne bar. Go go go! You'll have time to enjoy it if not at the wedding. If it's soon, I'll bet they are hoping you cancel the room as hotel prob full Wink - keep it!

pollymere · 25/06/2017 08:47

I was under huge pressure from my now PIL to invite their guests and they invited people without asking us first. I was limited to a certain number due to the seating at my venue. I genuinely can't remember how it was resolved, although I think we got PIL to apologize and downgrade to evening only invitation. I do wonder about the man she's marrying that he couldn't stop this happening. You may not have been the only friend shes had to cancel for some random relation of his.

Ruthie2k · 25/06/2017 08:55

OP how did you respond?, and tell me you are not going on the hen do.....