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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Disinvited from friend's wedding

305 replies

Working24x7 · 23/06/2017 01:05

My friend moved to London a couple of years ago and is having a fab wedding in the Dorchester. We never go out / holidays since having kids so booked a room and a nanny (she said no kids) from the hotel as a rare treat.
I was so excited, booked hairdresser, new dress, and she then said kids can come too, they were looking forward to the party. She's just phoned me and bumped us from the wedding to make room for grooms extended family........ I feel a fool, had booked the hotel etc months ago.

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 23/06/2017 09:37
Shock

She has shown you who she is - listen to her.

I'd cancel the hotel if you can get a refund, use the money to book a mini-break somewhere else fabulous and wear your dress and hairdo there. Have a fabulous weekend with your DH without the tedium of a wedding reception. And you can rid yourself of somebody who sounds like an exhausting person to have in your life. Win-win!

Aeroflotgirl · 23/06/2017 09:39

How rude and awful of her, she would not be my friend anymore, you know your place now. I would not give her anything for her wedding she does not deserve that. Yes go on a little holiday and enjoy yourself.

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 23/06/2017 09:42

I think you should keep the booking and go and have a fabulous weekend in London. If you can't face it though you could always message everyone on her Facebook contacts to ask if anyone is going to the wedding and wants to take over your booking, nanny, train tickets etc etc. Obviously you've paid out £xxx and can't afford to lose it, now that your invite has been cancelled...

Obviously that would be very childish and I wouldn't do it but I might Wink

Yellowbird54321 · 23/06/2017 09:42

The Dorchester Snitch would be a great username Grin

Migraleve · 23/06/2017 09:43

OP can you confirm that you had an invitation and had rsvp'd?

Several people have asked

rainbowpie · 23/06/2017 09:44

Whaaaaaaat?? Def keep the room so no one else can have it. What a cow. Who does that?!

fannydaggerz · 23/06/2017 09:44

I would go to the hotel, get dressed up and make a day of it with the kids. There's loads to do in London and the kids will love it.

TheMerryWidow1 · 23/06/2017 09:45

awful, you can't send someone an invite then take it back! I definitely wouldn't go even if she begged, have a great weekend with your family instead. She doesn't deserve decent friends.

SapphireStrange · 23/06/2017 09:59

That is an awful thing to happen, but I second those saying that maybe she's been pressured by the groom and/or his family?

I'd give her another chance, if she's a good friend. Or at least try to find out how it happened.

Floggingmolly · 23/06/2017 10:00

There's no real reason why you couldn't do that, CatsRidingRollercoasters. If she's not ashamed or embarrassed to do this, she presumably shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed to have it publicly known that she's done it. Except she would, of course.
I think I'd do it anyway...

KitKat1985 · 23/06/2017 10:01

That's incredibly rude of her. Did she know that you had already booked room etc? At the very least she should offer to pay you back for any expenses incurred IMHO. Personally I'd go anyway, and use the money that I would have used to buy her a present to have a great time in London (no boring speeches, or posing for hours for stupid photos) and wear your new dress out to a nice restaurant in the evening. Definitely don't send her a card / gift and ignore any reference she makes in future to her wedding and ignore the (inevitable) Facebook photos.

Original poster
Working24x7 · 23/06/2017 10:09

Yes we did have a gold edged invitation and sent the rsvp. We spoke re the hotel and nanny I had booked. I think the whole experience would have cost us £1000 including train, nanny, hotel, gift, dress etc but I had a year to save for it. I think pressure was put on her by the groom as his family will be contributing- I hadn't thought of that.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/06/2017 10:10

How fucking rude and inconsiderate.
She must have known you'd spent money. I mean the clothes will come in handy for another occasion or
They can be returned, but. That's not the point. If you have got her a wedding gift. I hope that's going back!!!!!!.

Nestofvipers · 23/06/2017 10:13

You wait, soon she will be hounding you to give up the hotel booking as her last-minute invitees need the room and the hotel is fully booked.

This. I'd then take great satisfaction in telling her that you're not giving up the room as you've decided to make the most of it and have a weekend in London anyway.

MrsArthurShappey · 23/06/2017 10:14

Does she expect you to still be friends with her after this?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 23/06/2017 10:19

How very disappointing and hurtful.
Do still go, and have the time of your life !

nancy75 · 23/06/2017 10:19

op come to London and have a fabulous weekend, you obviously won't be needing to get a wedding gift now so spend that money on a great night out instead!

London is brilliant in the summer, loads to do - who want's to be stuck in a stuffy old wedding all day when you could be out enjoying yourself!

Floggingmolly · 23/06/2017 10:20

Why on earth would the Dorchester put pressure on op to give up the room for a member of the wedding party? She booked it as part of the wedding party Hmm

nancy75 · 23/06/2017 10:20

if they want your room charge them double to price and book yourself a week away in the sun with the proceeds!

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 23/06/2017 10:21

The Dorchester is pretty big, 250 rooms and 49 suites according to Google, so the happy couple might not need to ask the OP to give up her booking. But I really, really hope that they do.

I hope you have a lovely trip to London if that's what you decide to do OP.

I wonder what's going on behind the scenes with the bride. Does she have a history of being selfish and rude? Or is this the start of decades of bullying of her by the H-to-be and his family?

NellieBuff · 23/06/2017 10:26

Doesn't matter who was putting pressure on whom. They sent an invitation and you accepted. It is shocking that they think they can disinvite you. Give up on this friendship as you obviously do not matter to your friend. [Flowers]

MsSusanStoHelit · 23/06/2017 10:30

That's absolutely beyond the pale. I don't think I've ever heard of anything so breathtakingly rude in my entire life.

It's the patheticness of the reason that is elevating it to this height of rudeness - like, fine, you had a big falling out, or something, it's still shit to disinvite but there's context there. With this, christ. She must have known that she had extended family coming. She's beyond awful.

I would consider this friendship over and I would be asking her for your non-refundable expenses. I'm astounded that she didn't offer to pay them in the first place, but then someone who could make such an appalling breech of etiquette wouldn't, would they.

PrivatePike · 23/06/2017 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpiritedLondon · 23/06/2017 10:31

This woman may have money but she has absolutely no class.

hellomoon · 23/06/2017 10:32

no holidays? No nights out?

Hotel booked, dress bought... get yourself out there and have a fab night! Nanny for the kids (movie night, popcorn - they'll love it!) and HAVE FUN!

Weddings are a nightmare at times....who knows what arguments have gone on behind the scenes about the guest list. I know that this must feel very hurtful and your friend has a lot of ground to make up here. Let her worry about that one and you focus on a rare, wonderful night out without having to small talk a load of people you don't know very well.