Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Disinvited from friend's wedding

305 replies

Working24x7 · 23/06/2017 01:05

My friend moved to London a couple of years ago and is having a fab wedding in the Dorchester. We never go out / holidays since having kids so booked a room and a nanny (she said no kids) from the hotel as a rare treat.
I was so excited, booked hairdresser, new dress, and she then said kids can come too, they were looking forward to the party. She's just phoned me and bumped us from the wedding to make room for grooms extended family........ I feel a fool, had booked the hotel etc months ago.

OP posts:
Neutrogena · 23/06/2017 10:34

I'm sure she didn't uninvite you lightly. It would be difficult and uncomfortable for her to do it. Give her the benefit of the doubt, stay friends and wish her well, and enjoy your night out in the Dorchester with your OH

Notknownatthisaddress · 23/06/2017 10:43

@Neutrogena

I'm sure she didn't uninvite you lightly. It would be difficult and uncomfortable for her to do it. Give her the benefit of the doubt, stay friends and wish her well, and enjoy your night out in the Dorchester with your OH

I think the bride to be has appeared on the thread PMSL. Grin

Undoubtedly one of the rudest things I have ever heard of OP. But I agree with the other posters that you should still use the hotel room and nanny etc and have a great weekend with your hubby. Smile

Oh and never contact that woman again, and don't respond to anything she sends you. What an awful way to behave.

Neutrogena · 23/06/2017 10:46

Notknown - why not forgive and move on? MN folk are very judgy and unforgiving....

LagunaBubbles · 23/06/2017 10:47

I'm sure she didn't uninvite you lightly. It would be difficult and uncomfortable for her to do it. Give her the benefit of the doubt, stay friends and wish her well, and enjoy your night out in the Dorchester with your OH

And there everyone, is the reason people get away with walking all over others and treating them appallingly because some people think like this. If you stay friends with this person OP you are a mug of the highest order.

Only1scoop · 23/06/2017 10:48

Surely she's offered to reimburse you for the room knowing you booked it?

LagunaBubbles · 23/06/2017 10:49

Its nothing to do with being "judgy and unforgiving" either, its to do with only having people in your life that deserve to be in it, people you can trust and rely on. Not someone that drops you from their wedding after they have sent you an invitation because they want to invite someone else.

PenguinBollard · 23/06/2017 10:52

Completely irrelevant but I misread "Dorchester" as "Doncaster" and had a few very confused minutes as to why Doncaster was seen as so fancy Blush

Notknownatthisaddress · 23/06/2017 10:52

Notknown - why not forgive and move on? MN folk are very judgy and unforgiving...

Why should she 'forgive?' Hmm And why SHOULDN'T the folks of MN be unforgiving? What the OP's 'friend' has done is disgusting

The 'friend' has treated the OP like a piece of shit she scraped off her shoe. As lagunabubbles said, people will continually get away with treating people like shit if more people have your attitude.

I find it quite disgusting that you are endorsing the way the OP's 'friend' has behaved. Like I said, are you the bride to be or something? Trying to make excuses?! Hmm

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/06/2017 10:52

I wouldn't behave spitefully towards her for the sake of it. The friendship is over though. I'd find out what you can cancel/move. I'd rather go another weekend or stay in another hotel. See where you stand on cancellations. I think I would ask her to cover your costs.

honeyroar · 23/06/2017 10:55

You sort out numbers and who's coming from each side of the family BEFORE you send invites out. To do it afterwards, especially when you've picked an expensive venue and know they've booked a room, is awful. If my husband's family had insisted I treat my friends like that I'd have cancelled the wedding. It's obvious friendships will be ruined by this, a posh wedding at that cost is not worth it.

Slimthistime · 23/06/2017 10:56

OP you will ask her to cover costs?

KurriKurri · 23/06/2017 10:56

I would make and send a gold edged 'So sorry you have uninvited me to your wedding, may your cake be raw in the middle and may a small grubby child tread on the hem of your dress' card.

MetalMidget · 23/06/2017 10:59

It's surprising that she'd invite you, and then say your kids could come along after you'd already sorted a nanny, knows that you've booked a room, etc... then disinvite you. Rescinding an invitation is shockingly rude, even when you haven't gone to a load of extra expenses and organising.

Like others, I can't help but wonder if she's being bullied by her husband and his family - if they needed space for his family, why not bump some of his friends off the list to make way (which would still be stonkingly rude).

Or she might just be a thoughtless bitch.

ZoeWashburne · 23/06/2017 11:02

Your subject title is wrong. It should be: disinvited to a former friend's wedding.

This person is not your friend. She does not care about your feelings. Disinviting someone is a friendship ending move. It wasn't like she was being sheepish and coy about the details and you went behind her back and booked. She specifically invited you and your children.

This was 100% preventable and her fault. Why was she inviting people before she knew her capacity? Even if she was completely blindsided, she could have easily toned down her wedding to host everyone (such as, getting a more inexpensive dress, cutting back on flowers, getting a cheaper meal package), but she is choosing her wedding 'vision' over friendships. That is awful and I am sorry you have to go through that.

All I can say is at least you have one less Christmas card to send this year.

NellieBuff · 23/06/2017 11:03

Neutrogena we are not judgey people but what the bride did was unforgivable on a personal level, rude and arrogant. The bride should have thought about other people's feelings before disinviting guests who had already made arrangements to attend the wedding. It would have been better to treat people properly and have a smaller wedding.

If the OP's friend could do this to her what else is she capable of? Truly unforgivable to do that to someone.

Notknownatthisaddress · 23/06/2017 11:04

I wouldn't be spiteful to her either. I just would not, ever, ever, in a million years be arsed to speak to her again. Don't answer the phone when you see it's her number, if she blocks her number and you answer and it's her, just hang up, don't return her voicemail messages or texts, and if you see her in public, look the other way.

If she approaches you or comes around to see you to find out why, say 'are you actually kidding me right now?' And slam the door in her face.

I doubt she will bother though, as she probably knows she has behaved like a cunt.

Don't bother writing anything to her though, as she won't give a fuck anyway. If you meant anything to her, she would not have uninvited you to her wedding. Just ignore her. Best way to treat people who have treated you like shit. Really fucks them off if you cut them dead as if they don't exist.

She must have known the groom's extended family needed to come before. Her uninviting you to make way for them is bollocks I reckon.

My money is on her husband-to-be fancying you, and she has found out.

ILookedintheWater · 23/06/2017 11:07

I'm sure she didn't uninvite you lightly. It would be difficult and uncomfortable for her to do it. Give her the benefit of the doubt, stay friends and wish her well, and enjoy your night out in the Dorchester with your OH
^^ this.

If the extended family can take over your booking I'd cancel the Dorchester booking, have a fantastic weekend with your family elsewhere instead and arrange to meet up with your friend and her new husband after the honeymoon.
She must be mortified. Don't let this spoil your friendship unless there are other issues.

greedygorb · 23/06/2017 11:09

Yeah. Cancel the room and everything else and have a week away in Doncaster instead. That'll show them.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 23/06/2017 11:12

What a nasty thing to do! I'd cancel everything except the nanny -if the Dorchester are awkward about you cancelling (doubt they will be) tell them why you are cancelling and rebook a London Airb&b which will be cheaper! Then have a great weekend.

NellieBuff · 23/06/2017 11:14

She must be mortified No she isn't or she wouldn't have done it. She is just trampling over the feelings of others. And the OP is well rid of her.

quizqueen · 23/06/2017 11:15

Hope you can cancel your bookings and get your money back. If not, tell her you are sending her the bill. End of friendship.

specialsubject · 23/06/2017 11:18

'come to my party'

'on second thoughts, please don't come to my party, I need the space for other people who matter more'

may she get what she deserves. How rude is that?

Rudi44 · 23/06/2017 11:19

She has mucked you about from the start, no kids, kids, invite, no invite. She sounds like a nightmare. Without a doubt this would be the end of the friendship if I was in this situation. I would also if you, ensure she knew how much trouble and expense you have gone to to arrange this and how much it meant to have been invited.
I would cancel and spend the money on something fun for all the family and forget about her, she has proven herself to not be worthy of your friendship.

HotelEuphoria · 23/06/2017 11:20

The OP hasn't come back to say how she responded to the bride yet?

Neutrogena · 23/06/2017 11:21

It's one strike and out for the majority of posters. How sad people are so prideful and unforgiving.

Be the better person OP and wish her well and have a great night out instead. My guess is you got uninvited BECAUSE you're a nice and forgiving friend who realises the world doesn't revolve round you. You win!