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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Disinvited from friend's wedding

305 replies

Working24x7 · 23/06/2017 01:05

My friend moved to London a couple of years ago and is having a fab wedding in the Dorchester. We never go out / holidays since having kids so booked a room and a nanny (she said no kids) from the hotel as a rare treat.
I was so excited, booked hairdresser, new dress, and she then said kids can come too, they were looking forward to the party. She's just phoned me and bumped us from the wedding to make room for grooms extended family........ I feel a fool, had booked the hotel etc months ago.

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 23/06/2017 08:04

"What a shame. Still, your fiancé's distant family can pay us to take over the hotel room so at least we won't be ££££ out of pocket. I know you wouldn't want that!"

This, as Orange suggests.

What a rude, thoughtless and in fact, spiteful thing to do. I'd kick her into touch as a "friend". Surely they could accommodate a couple of extended family members without throwing friends off the already-invited-and-confirmed list.

Buddah101 · 23/06/2017 08:06

I've been in your shoes OP and it stings. It was dp's friends wedding, we'd been together around 3 years at this point and we'd socialised with them nearly every month, yet the brides response was to tell her fiance to tell my dp that I was uninvited (dp was still allowed to go) as we hadnt been together that long and they needed the space.

Its been 14 years and I've not spoken to either of them since, Dont miss them 1 bit, its a really shitty thing to do! It was the day of my birthday anyway so had a really good night in town, as others have suggested go out and enjoy yourselves anyway! tons to do and Im sure it will be much better than sitting around listening to speeches and waiting for pictures to be taken Smile

Mulberry72 · 23/06/2017 08:06

Oh OP that's awful and staggeringly rude!

I would still keep the nanny etc and you & DH go and have a lovely time.

I would email her and tell her how upset and hurt you are and then radio silence I'm afraid. As someone said upthread, if she jigs about with the numbers and says you are re-invited (is that a word?) I would just ignore.

Only1scoop · 23/06/2017 08:07

I'd certainly send oranges text.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 23/06/2017 08:08

Do we know yet if it was an actual invitation or a verbal offer?

HappyFlappy · 23/06/2017 08:10

I hope your DP didn't go either Buddah. (And that you kept "the toaster" and have it on display in your home as a souvenir of the "shittiest thing that a bridezilla can do".)

What a mean thing to do to you.

ChasedByBees · 23/06/2017 08:11

Do you know if you'll still have to pay for the nanny etc? Can the dress be returned? I wonder if you could sue in this situation? 🤔 Assuming it's a completely formal invite that was rescinded of course.

Spadequeen · 23/06/2017 08:11

Wow! I've never heard of that before. You have to say something. Did she even apologise?

Barees · 23/06/2017 08:12

It sounds like there was more than one communication about the wedding though (no kids then kids allowed) and then the call to say you're not invited.

I get that no official invite does make it a bit different, but not that different in light of these conversations.

HappyFlappy · 23/06/2017 08:13

Does it matter Bonkers, when it has been made so clear initially that OP and partner were wanted there, and then bride got back and also invited the children?

It's not exactly a legal contract.

If she does re-invite you OP. accept, and then don't go - claim a migraine. Let the mean twonk pay for your meals - and don't send a present!

ThomasRichard · 23/06/2017 08:14

That is stunningly rude. When's the wedding? A few weeks or months or next year?

I'd go anyway, have a lovely day out in London with the DC and then get dressed up for a grown-up evening out with your DH.

blackteasplease · 23/06/2017 08:15

That's so incredibly rude! Unbelievable.

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 08:17

Oh my that is absolutely awful....
She is NOT a friend I am sorry to say, no one would ever do that...

Maybe she had reservations about the kids after all, but kept quiet and is using this as an excuse to get rid of the problem.

Honestly I would take the dress back, cancel everything and spend the money on a weekend away for you and the kids. Who needs friends like that??

RuggerHug · 23/06/2017 08:19

Buddah tell me your DP didn't go to the wedding after that Shock

Cleanermaidcook · 23/06/2017 08:20

Similar happened here, a friend oh dh invited us all as a family to her wedding, we booked a room at the hotel and planned to make a weekend of it with the children, then we got a text saying due to number restrictions she was no longer having friends children there, just family children and we needed to find a babysitter and come alone. Dh replied saying this won't be possible so none of us would be attending. She was very offended!!
Friendship cooled a lot. Needless to say yours is even worse - exfriend!

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 23/06/2017 08:20

Appalling behaviour from your friend.
Dump her.
And go out and have a good time instead!

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 23/06/2017 08:23

What an awful woman.

I'd be tempted to crash the wedding and at the 'any objections' part to stand up and say 'Yes, she's a fucking dreadful person, and the groom can do a lot better - run for your life mate, she's got a gambling problem, a massive crack habit, and she has sexual fantasies about Nigel Farage' and then run like the fecking wind.

OK I wouldn't at all, of course, but I would entertain the thought.

I might though, head for John Lewis or somewhere, and buy a voucher - the sort that come with a printed card. You know the sort, the ones that the card obviously comes with a voucher stuck inside. Then I would send the card and keep the voucher. I might even write in the card - and would definitely respond if asked where the voucher was - "here's a card in response to the invitation you sent. There was a last minute change of plan and I had to reallocate your wedding present to someone else."

A word of caution though: surely if it's HIS family that need accommodating, HIS friends should be bumped? Why is she ditching her friends - because she must know this will adversely affect your friendship, as might he. It rings alarm bells but that might be because I currently have a pal who's partner is systematically isolating her from her friends because he's a controlling fuckwit, and so my sense of perspective is warped.

NellieBuff · 23/06/2017 08:26

That is so rude of your so called friend. I would do what AtticusCactus recommended and have a lovely day - just not at the wedding.

Personally if she can do something this rude and s*** then I would cut ties with her and never see or speak to her again.

whatsleep · 23/06/2017 08:27

If she does reinvite you, accept with excitement then don't go, leave her with empty seats and meals that will have cost a fortune. Enjoy a night out on the town with your husband.

ChickyChickyChoccy · 23/06/2017 08:28

I do not believe I would call that a friend... that is really not a friendly gesture.Are you not close friends?
But go on a holiday instead.

BangkokBlues · 23/06/2017 08:29

You can't do that!!!

On what fucking planet is she from? You can not ditch somone off your wedding to make room for someone else!!!!!

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/06/2017 08:30

I second still staying at the hotel, if she sees you in the lobby etc she might freak out wondering if you are gatecrashing not realising your going out, you can also tell any mutual friends you bump into why you happen to be there....

TheWhiteRoseOfYork · 23/06/2017 08:32

You wait, soon she will be hounding you to give up the hotel booking as her last-minute invitees need the room and the hotel is fully booked.

Floggingmolly · 23/06/2017 08:36

That is just so far removed from socially acceptable behaviour she has to be extremely thick intellectually challenged, not just rude... You just don't do that.

HappyFlappy · 23/06/2017 08:37

Oooh, WhiteRose

That would be rather good wouldn't it?

Charge a premium if this happens OP - or, of course, keep the rooms and paint the town red (well, pink, as there are children with you) and make sure she sees you doing it!

Whatever you end up doing - enjoy YOUR day, and don't give hers a second thought>