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AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

586 replies

Autvet · 22/06/2017 19:46

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

OP posts:
ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 20:22

If I was asked to email an invoice for expenses proposes to [email protected] I'd refuse. Data protection and stuff, innit.

Ask me to email an invoice to finance@samebusinessAsGuestWorksFor I might oblige.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 20:23

proposes? Purposes Hmm

snowflake25 · 22/06/2017 20:24


On the contrary, a loving relationship is built on trust and honesty. If she is feeling concerned there is nothing wrong with discussing this with him.....he should want her to be happy and secure no?

What do you suggest OP does?

Peewee23 · 22/06/2017 20:24

If I was shagging someone else, the last thing I would do is put their name on a room.

If it asked for type of room I would ask for a double anyway shagging or not and it may well say two.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 20:24

snowflake - what purple just said.

JFSB · 22/06/2017 20:24

ComputerUserNotTrained - Absolutely or ask for an email with signature to reply to with attachment.

Andrewofgg · 22/06/2017 20:25

Like Maxandrubyrubyandmax I book double rooms and if necessary tell the receptionist that the "other person" will be arriving later; I have had blokeish types wink at me and just ignored it. All I want is a decent size room.

Bit DW knows I do that and why and if she found a hotel bill showing a double room she would not jump to a wrong conclusion. And maybe that's the difference between this household and the OP's.

snowflake25 · 22/06/2017 20:25


She is not accusing him of being a cheat (we don't know that he has), she is feeling insecure, this needs addressing. He is the one to do it.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 22/06/2017 20:26

I often stay in hotels for work. Have been given multiple room keys, rooms listed as "2 persons", crap reception and no wifi when they said it was great, and, as I regularly travel with colleagues, will often text them to swap room numbers.

Not saying he's guilty or innocent, just that nothing you've posted would ring an alarm bell with me, and all sounds very familiar.

Flyinggeese · 22/06/2017 20:26

OP can you call the hotel and say you've checked 'your' bill from yesterday and just want to check the rate paid was right as you need to claim expenses and have realised it's slightly different to what was expected.

Give them the room number and husband's name.

MissBax · 22/06/2017 20:27

God I'd hate to be in a relationship where I couldn't speak to my OH about any insecurities I had!

snowflake25 · 22/06/2017 20:28

Good idea flying geese, they might help if OP can provide details of booking

snowflake25 · 22/06/2017 20:29


Me too. Cornerstone of all good relationships is open door communication.

kmc1111 · 22/06/2017 20:30

90% of the time my hotel invoices say room for 2 when it's just me, because I book rooms suitable for 2. Also always get multiple key cards in a little holder that has the number of key cards inside written on it.

No hotel is going to admit some of their rooms get lousy reception, so that proves nothing. I can't tell you how many times I've been told the whole hotel gets crystal clear reception and strong wi-fi when actually it's all shit beyond the lobby.

Calling up to ask about something left behind won't work, plenty of people invite guests back to their room when staying alone, so staff aren't going to say 'but there wasn't a woman in room whatever'. They'll check even if they personally are 99% sure there was only a guy there. If the staff are remotely professional they also won't talk to his 'workplace' without being sure it is his workplace (they'll need customer no.'s and so on).

Just talk to your DH.

GeekyWombat · 22/06/2017 20:30

Not saying he's guilty or innocent, just that nothing you've posted would ring an alarm bell with me, and all sounds very familiar.

Totally agree with Sleep. If the extra key, double room saying it was double occupancy and lack of wifi are signs of affairs, then my DH should worry for what I've been doing on pretty much every work trip in the last five years.

Your instincts are clearly telling you something is off. Ask him. Plotting how to get the hotel to give you information is just so convoluted and likely to be unsuccessful.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 20:30

We talk about insecurities. We don't check up on each other though because we trust each other.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 22/06/2017 20:31

Not sure that phoning and pretending you'd left something in the room would tell you much either. They may well just check lost property for the item you describe without looking at the details of who was in the room. Even if the room was booked in a single name, they may well just assume that the named guest had a visitor (eg colleague who was staying in another room).

MissBax · 22/06/2017 20:31

Snowflake - indeed! I've had some crappy days where I've needed reassurance, and so has DH. I could never be angry, and am glad he'd come to me, rather than sneak around trying to look at my phone without asking first.

Flyinggeese · 22/06/2017 20:34

OP other than this have you got any other reason to be suspicious?

TheObserverOne · 22/06/2017 20:36

I have a feeling there must be more to this OP? As those things alone wouldn't cause any suspicion from me in that situation.

MrsMarthaHudson · 22/06/2017 20:37

No advice as such, but a country house hotel with maybe not too many bedrooms should know how many guests are in each room, as opposed to a big corporate hotel where guests are more anonymous and can come and go without being noticed by reception.

Flyinggeese · 22/06/2017 20:39

If you have the room number just call and check the bill for it over the phone tonight, put yourself out of the misery.

If no other worries, I wouldn't read too much into the key card thing. But as you're obviously suspicious I'd check.


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snowflake25 · 22/06/2017 20:40

Miss bad

I haven't got the energy for it, we are both way too tired to pussy foot around. If he is feeling insecure he tells me, same for me. We both have moments of feeling this way during the decades we have been together. You are right, it is great that we can talk about it, I always feel so much better then we move onto something else.

I am worried for OP as would hate to be put in this position. Hoping it is okay for her

snowflake25 · 22/06/2017 20:40

Correction Miss Bax - not bad!!!!! :)

PurpleDaisies · 22/06/2017 20:41

She is not accusing him of being a cheat (we don't know that he has), she is feeling insecure, this needs addressing. He is the one to do it.

How does "I am worried someone else stayed in your room" not sound like an accusation of cheating? My dh would never consider that I would do that, just as I know he would never do that to me.

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