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AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

586 replies

Autvet · 22/06/2017 19:46

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

OP posts:
PossibiliTea · 22/06/2017 21:00

No harm in calling the hotel for peace of mind, see how you get on

gillybeanz · 22/06/2017 21:02

If he is having an affair you have given him the heads up that you are suspicious, he'll cover his tracks and you'll never be any the wiser.
I think you have to box clever now, not mention it again and wait until the next time he goes away.

Otherwise you could contact Hotel ask for a receipt for business expenses asking to be delivered to your address which he probably used for the booking. Even have a joke with them if they suggest email.
Your dh is good with business, not so good with the admin etc.
I've done this for legit reasons, no suspicion as my dh is the useless admin man Grin

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 21:03

The hotel won't (or at least shouldn't) tell op anything!

gillybeanz · 22/06/2017 21:04

The hotel will tell you nothing and if he wasn't with another woman will smell a rat and not forward the bill to you.

GloriaV · 22/06/2017 21:05

Watch and wait OP, not enough evidence here of anything.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 21:05

Xpost - gilly having a hard copy sent to a postal address would be ok, if one was so inclined (or had a dp similarly shit at admin).

PhyllisNights · 22/06/2017 21:06

OP, if you can't get the information from reception and are unable to surprise him at the hotel, do you have enough money spare to hire a honey trap to turn up at a he hotel bar?

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 21:07

Still intrigued to know wtf "I am not sure you are who we think you are..." was meant to mean.

Who did you think I am, snowflake ? And why would anyone care?

OnionKnight · 22/06/2017 21:08

OP, if you can't get the information from reception and are unable to surprise him at the hotel, do you have enough money spare to hire a honey trap to turn up at a he hotel bar?

Oh come on.

PurpleDaisies · 22/06/2017 21:08

OP, if you can't get the information from reception and are unable to surprise him at the hotel, do you have enough money spare to hire a honey trap to turn up at a he hotel bar?

A honey trap because the hotel reception said two and it had crap reception? The op hasn't described any other behaviour that she's been worried about. Masdive overreaction unless there's a big drip feed to come.

youwouldthink · 22/06/2017 21:10

Hi. Hotels can't give you info under the Data Protection Act. (I'm a Travel Consultant)..However..
Often you are given a double room for sole occupancy
When he made the reservation he HAD to state for how many guests. So all you need is the confrmation email of the booking. If he has nothing to hide he will be able to show you this without issue.

PurpleDaisies · 22/06/2017 21:10

And anyway, if he's there sharing a room with and shagging someone else a honey trap is a waste of money.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 21:10

Yy, hire an escort to act as a honeytrap. That would be an entirely reasonable plan of action Hmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/06/2017 21:10

A honey trap? Shock

If my husband sent such a thing in to the hotel to try to pick me up our marriage would end. Because, what would be the point?

That's just bizarre.

snowflake25 · 22/06/2017 21:21

OP fingers crossed for you hun.

I hope you get some answers and have some meaningful chats with your DH. I am sure you have nothing at all to worry about - it is almost certainly the hotel's fault. I have always followed my instincts, listen to yours.

snowflake25 · 22/06/2017 21:22

Purple and Computer...

We are yet to hear your suggestions for OP? Beyond telling her she is out of her mind to be worried, what do you suggest she does to resolve this?

It is not helpful to simply comment on other posts all of whom are trying to help her.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 22/06/2017 21:23

OP - if you don't have any other reason for suspicion, then just get off MN and ask him. Show him what you've found and ask him whats going on. Assuming he's not a great actor, he'll be confused and want to reassure you (booking confirmation) or he'll be blustering about "why don't you trust me?" and not letting you see the booking confirmation.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 22/06/2017 21:27

oh and I've been in hotels with DH when he's got a great signal in the room and I could only get signal in the bar or garden. Different networks and different phones. Just because the hotel says it has great signal, doesn't mean every network will have.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 21:27

Neither Purple nor I have told the op that she's out of her mind. Some of the posters on this thread (set a honeytrap ffs) possibly are, however.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 21:28

Out of their minds, that is.

You still haven't explained what "I am not sure you are who we think you are..." means, btw.

PurpleDaisies · 22/06/2017 21:29

snowflake, hun, if you'd read my posts you'd see I've asked the op whether she has any other reason to be suspicious. That's the key thing here. If not, she probably needs to think seriously about why she's reacted like this to the bill. If there are other issues she needs to have a proper long talk with him about their relationship. It's dead without trust.

Nowhere did I say she was out of her mind to be worried, just that this alone isn't a reason to think he's having an affair as lots of people have pointed out. Hotels often state "two people" in a single booking.

LexieLulu · 22/06/2017 21:31

You need to get some good solid proof before you accuse or even discuss it again. Your partner will keep lying and making you out to be crazy, but if you bring it up loads he will also start hiding his tracks more


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Weedsnseeds1 · 22/06/2017 21:32

I use and for work a lot. Two or three times a week on average. The default when booking on line is one room, two adults. I have booked for two by accident several times and I am a regular user, it's easily done. Prices are usually per room, not per person
Most of the cheaper offers on these sites don't include breakfast , but you can add it. Perfectly possible to book one breakfast without it querying if the " other person" wants breakfast too, so wouldn't necessarily alert you.

CallMeMaybe · 22/06/2017 21:41

People are deluded if they think that demanding to see someone's phone or hiring a honey trap are valid ways to find out if someone is having an affair. If you're resorting to those measures then the marriage is already over because the trust is gone.

As for people saying that if he has nothing to hide then he'll just hand over his phone, really? I've been there with a partner who demanded to see my phone, hacked into every social media account I owned because "if you don't have anything to hide then you won't object," hid bugs and recording devices around the house and accused me of having an affair based on me having mentioned someone's name in my sleep, and all in the name of satisfying a gut feeling. It's bollocks. Nobody deserves to have that level of intrusion into their life, and if the OP is at a point where she can't discuss these things with her husband then she needs to walk away and draw her own conclusions as to what she thinks was the reason for the marriage ending.

I changed all of my passwords and refused to let him see any of my personal correspondence, not because I had anything to hide but because I was bloody well entitled not to live my life under the banner of accusation of things I hadn't done just because someone else felt they had the right to intrude into my privacy. All he needed to do was talk to me, but apparently that wasn't enough.

The marriage ended BTW.

PeachPants · 22/06/2017 21:49

weeds Star some sense, finally!

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