AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

[Autvet]

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

If it was an affair it would have been a couple of bottles of wine, not beer... His explanation is reasonable.

I think you would both benefit from time away together. If you feel connected then you won't feel so insecure.

I'm glad you spoke to him Op , hopefully that's the end of it X

Well I think it's plausible that if you get asked what you ate you may only answer with the main. Not sure about them both being a main on the invoice but stil plausible.

I thibk the issue now is seeing if this feeling of mistrust is fleeting or if you still feel it inside. If the latter it will need addressing whether that's together or apart only you can decide. Good luck and I hope all goes well x

Thank you x

I live in hotels- over 200 nights a year.

I always put 2 down per room. That give you 2 lots of free drinks, 2 welcome gifts, loads of towels, more toiletries etc

Lots of booking systems default to 2 anyway.

I'd believe him OP. I think that if he was having a meal with someone else there probably would have been more than two bottles of beer.

I'd believe him too. Hopefully you can put it behind you now and carry on as normal.

Agree there would be more drinks on the bill for two people.
Two salads is unusual, but it was during the hot spell when nobody fancies stodgy food, and it's not much different from having a starter and a main course.

Hope you're ok OP.

Op you need to tell him you are feeling insecure.

Make the converstation about how you feel not what you think he is up to.

You need to do something about yiur insecurity as it will only get worse. You cant carry on checking his phone, calling hotels, scrutinising a receipt and comparing it to what he said.

Just caught up with this thread. I'm very much in the camp of innocent until proven guilty OP. However I've never known a man to order 2 salads and for those saying 2 people would drink more than 2 beers, not necessarily. If they were having a quick dinner then 1 each would be plenty (I only ever have 1!) Having said that, I would need more evidence than that to call him on anything and you know him better than anyone after 22 years. I'm not a phone snooper, I never look at my OH's phone but if I believed I had REASONABLE doubt I might take a look if I felt it was the only way I could potentially gain evidence. I'd rather be a one-time snooper than carry on just on his word (because shock horror... some men don't want to be caught!)

Stick with your instinct OP.

Good luck Op, I hope it works out for you both.

My DP has been known to eat two salads, if we buy lunch from a supermarket he will quite regularly do it as one isn't enough for him but he loves them, and it's happened when I've been with him in a restaurant once too. So to me that's not at all implausible especially in this hot weather.

I don't know why posters keep saying it's not likely someone would eat 2 salads. You may not but you can't speak for everyone else can you?

Personally the thought of eating curry or pizza for breakfast makes me feel sick but people do - my sister for one.

In the hot weather I eat mainly salad. If I had one and still felt quite hungry I may well have another. I haven't got a sweet tooth so wouldn't think "oh I'll have a dessert now".

Yes people have affairs but I find it actually pretty sad that so many are so quick to supposedly "know" that a poster's OH is having one. Many many people, men and women, DO NOT have affairs. Is that so difficult to believe?

Anyway, good luck OP and talk to your husband more - let him know how you feel

If a private investigator was looking at this case then they would determine that two salads with two beers for a man is extremely unusual. If you substitute one of those salads for something else then it wouldn't be suspicious, but on paper it looks like pure guilt.

I still think it all sounds very suspicious.

Perhaps, if that were a private investigator from the same dodgy place that the 'honey trap' would be from, Phyllis.

When I first saw the 'two salads' in the post my first thought was that he either ordered and ate some of one and didn't like it - so ordered a different one. Or perhaps ate a bit of both. Or ate all of both of them.

Men eat quiche now too, dontcha know?

Best wishes, OP. <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Thanks" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/thanks-CziME5WC.png">

He said on the phone that he wasn't that hungry though.

If only we had a timeline... an exact time log of when he made that phone call to say he wasn't hungry - to the time that he ate 'Salad 1' and 'Salad 2'.

This is getting really silly now.

No one can say with any certainty what he has done or not done. I don't think posters saying it's not suspicious are doing the OP any favours. His behaviour is strange and a concern. His story does not fit together and OP is feeling bothered by it.

If you've read the OP's posts, kittybiscuits you'll see that she's accepted what he's said. Subsequent posts trying to prolong the drama and inject more 'concerns' when no more information has been given, aren't helpful.

None of us have any idea if the guy is innocent or not kitty, but his story does stack up. As described by dozens of posters who have actual experience of work travel and those who don't access each other's phones for whatever reason (or indeed none, as is the case with dp and I. We just don't).

Bonkers claims that business travellers don't stay in country house hotels and that men don't eat salad, and understandable but incorrect interpretations of fire safety procedures are just out and out damaging.

Yes, to me his story stacks up too. The only thing that was slightly suspicious was the two salads but considering there were only two beers I think it more likely than not that it was for him alone.

Accept his answer, have a great weekend and I hope, a long and happy marriage.