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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

586 replies

Autvet · 22/06/2017 19:46

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

OP posts:
AmserGwin · 23/06/2017 14:41

He's definitely lying - trust your instincts. Doesn't necessarily mean an affair though, but he's lying about the two salads for sure.

6079SmithW · 23/06/2017 14:49

Where's OP?

littlebird7 · 23/06/2017 14:52

I noticed that OP hasn't been on MN since first thing...

CremeFresh · 23/06/2017 15:01

She probably saw her thread had been derailed and gave up - I probably would too.

MiddleClassProblem · 23/06/2017 15:07

TBH I'm not sure what she would get from this as there some bugbear extremes and nonsense to wade through and she's already asked him about the card and invoice. She either needs hard evidence to turn up or figure out how she feels about the trust thing and if there's anything that can be done.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 23/06/2017 15:40

I feel sorry for the op with her thread going this way. I have to say though ilovemybabygirls that you have acted like an absolute fruitloop on this thread. I'm cringing on your behalf.

Laiste · 23/06/2017 15:49

I think the thread is in tatters.

Tumblethumps What a load of old tit for tat bollocks this thread has become ... 5 pages only 1 of which features the OP, the other 4 being just back and forth nonsense between a few posters.

Pretty much par for the course here ;)

Chops2016 · 23/06/2017 16:00

ilove you are starting to come across as a bit unhinged. I have read a lot of posts by onion and he always seems quite level headed. Not sure why you seem to have become fixated on him.

You can't start pretty squabbles and pick other people's posts apart then try to take the moral high ground by following it up with "are you ok, op? We should focus on the op" type posts.

Anyway, I'd probably advise OP to have this moved to relationships as you may get more helpful responses there.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions as the "evidence" you have is far from conclusive, and since you admit to snooping on his phone on the past I'd hazard a guess you're usually quite paranoid/suspicious. I get that, been there before in a previous relationship, but sometimes you're creating your own demons.

What would happen if you tried to sit him down and talk to him about your insecirities? Not accuse him and ask to explain but tell him how you feel and explain why you feel that way.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 23/06/2017 16:14

Hmm if I was hungry after a salad I wouldnt have another one I'd probably have a side of something or a sweet instead or, ordered something other than a salad initially. If it's like a standard bar meal you normally order at the bar so if it's on one receipt it looks like it was ordered at the same time rather than in two different transactions?

If be a bit suspicious too op, hopefully it's nothing though.

littlebird7 · 23/06/2017 16:57

I don't think the latest posts on here are very helpful to OP whom might still be reading them

ComputerUserNotTrained · 23/06/2017 17:28

ilove is so Sad though that the op hasn't returned. It's because she cares so much Hmm

Chops that is an excellent post (unlike this one of mine, I'm not proud to admit).

user1494935220 · 23/06/2017 17:42

I travel a lot and quite often hotels assume there's two people staying and I get two key cards etc. Re calling from the gardens- on business you don't want to always sit in your room - it's dull. Just keep your eyes and ears open for any other strange behaviour Flowers

CrownOfPrawns · 23/06/2017 18:12

A few years ago I found a text on his phone to a woman he worked with... asking what hotel room she was in :-((... he said he was popping to see her as a friend and got really angry with me ;-( .... I don't know what to think TBH"

This is bollocks. My job for years involved going away and staying in hotels with a colleague (usually male). We always made sure we knew which room the other was in. There is absolutely nothing suspicious about that. It's just practical.

We usually ate and drank together because it's very dull to eat alone.
We also visited each other's rooms, sometimes to watch TV together, sometimes just for a nightcap after the bar had closed.
I was usually good friends with the colleague, doesn't mean I wanted to shag him, or he me.

Frankiestein401 · 23/06/2017 18:30

I've spent a considerable part of my working life in hotels in UK and abroad.

  1. double for single occupancy is the norm - hotels have more doubles than singles - but key cards / key card wallets don't usually reference no of occupants unless it's associated with no of breakfasts. I've only ever been offered more than one key card if I've checked in with someone.
  2. if you spend lots of time in hotels you tend to eat light - big meals every night are just too much. I've often had a caesar which I'd never have at home
  3. menus are usually boring there may not be anything other than salad that you feel you can eat
  4. 2 beers - same kind/price more likely to be for same person unless the bar had a crap choice of beers - could be 2 blokes too
  5. country house hotel or even top B&B infinitely better than the sameness of the chains - Hilton, marriot et al really really grate after a few years

So explainable - but not clear cut either way - but if you can't both talk about how you're feeling - that's the problem.

Andrewofgg · 23/06/2017 18:45

And while I have always kept my flies zipped up when travelling on business I expect absolute discretion from hotel staff who should be professionally unobservant and not discuss their guests with anyone - including their OH's, or rather the voice on the phone claiming to be the OH.

Screwinthetuna · 23/06/2017 19:02

Can tell my DH is working away, kids are in bed and I'm Billy-no-mates on a Friday night by the way I just read through 20 pages to find posts by the op.
That's 15 minutes of my life I'm never getting back Wine

littlebird7 · 23/06/2017 19:06

screwintuna - 15 mins? It took me a good 20 so you did well. I learnt all sorts of interesting crap about passwords or no passwords, but can't see anything from op. Anyways thinking it is time for a G&T

6079SmithW · 23/06/2017 19:07

Autvet please sit down and talk to your DH.

memyselfandisolodjsjajaj · 23/06/2017 19:09

Any updates OP?

FluffyWhiteTowels · 23/06/2017 19:31

I think it was dreadful and so uncompassionate how this thread was hijacked with petty but aggressive posts to other posters without a thought to the OP who asked for help.

Shameful

ComputerUserNotTrained · 23/06/2017 19:41

I agree, Fluffy. But when people are being stupid sometimes it's very difficult to sit on your hands.

I get the irony and hypocrisy in my post, btw.

honeyroar · 23/06/2017 19:44

Poor OP, what a shame this thread descended into a 10 page arguement between two or three posters.

I regularly stay in hotels with colleagues and it's normal to text each other asking what room we're in etc.

If my husband was worried about me cheating, even though I'd be a tad irritated he thought it, I'd go out of my way to reassure him and find out why he felt like that. We're both v open with our phones etc. I'd be embarrassed he'd see how much I faff about on here, that's all.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 23/06/2017 21:09

Finally finished reading the whole thing. I have to say it wouldn't scream cheating to me but then I don't really have trust issues with my partner. ilove just fucking irritates me and seems extremely sexist and just a twat to be honest.

Original poster
Autvet · 23/06/2017 21:12

Hi I'm sorry it's so late with an update ... I spoke to him today.... he insists he was hungry so had one salad as a starter, then the Caesar as a main... and two beers for him.... I'm accepting his reply.... what else can I do? Xx thank you to everyone who has replied

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 23/06/2017 21:16

I'd like to apologise for my part in the twattishnesss but in my defence some posters seemed to see me as a target and I can't sit on my hands.