AIBU to feel really 'ick' about this attempt at sex this morning?

[Asparaguswee]

I'm not really sure how to articulate how I feel about what happened this morning. Apologies in advance for the tmi nature of this post, but I could do with talking it out and listening to a few different opinions.

Woke this morning, DH was reading, children asleep. He cuddled me from behind, I was in the mood for sex so kind of rubbed against him. Literally seconds later he spat on his hand, rubbed it on his penis and tried to penetrate me.
I pushed him off and told him i hate that (he knows I hate the spitting thing) and told him I wasn't a blow up doll. He stopped straight away and apologised.
He's working from home today, knows that I'm off with him but yet I seem unable to articulate why. I don't even know myself why I feel so off.

If I'm honest I feel a bit disgusting, I feel like he didn't give me even a seconds thought, like I was just a hole from which he garners pleasure. Oh god I don't know. Am I overthinking it? Would you be pissed off? Am I being unreasonable?

OP, the key point here is that you have told him you hate spitting and he did it anyway. That is disrespectful.

I'm at some of the pearl-clutching about saliva (as opposed to spitting) from PPs though. Don't any of you ever have oral sex?

Astonished at how many posters think it's fine that she rubs up against him and he immediately tries to penetrate her without even touching her?!!
You're astonished people like different ways of having sex?

They have been together 20 years! And according to op never had sex in this way before, he may have felt like a "different way"'of having sex as you put it, but do your partner the courtesy of checking she is into it too!

It means he's happy to have sex when you're not ready/aroused, which is awful.

How does he treat you day to day?

I don't think H actually got as far as being anywhere close to her to check anything, the logistics of sex would dictate he'd have to at least attempt to locate his destination before just ramming in. From this story we have OP waking up and fancying a shag, wiggling against her H, him spitting on his hand and her leaping off the bed to yell at him for spitting.

It's really not like he just flipped her over and decided to ram on in. Who knows what he had planned to ensure her satisfaction and readiness. He didn't have a chance to do anything because once again men are all vile and thoughtless etc etc etc.

It's not the saliva that's disgusting, it's the acting of spitting in your hand and rubbing it on your cock that is. I'm fairly sure the people posting that saliva isn't didsgusting know this.

Spitting is disgusting. Whether it's on the streets, in your living room or in the sack. Spitting them rubbing it on your cock just takes it to a whole new low.

Turns my stomach,

It's not the saliva that's disgusting, it's the acting of spitting in your hand and rubbing it on your cock that is

In your opinion.

Urgh, you've t,old him you don't like it before and he still did it? I actually think this would signal the end of the relationship for me, totally disrespectful and fucking grim. He clearly watches way too much porn, would make me think of what he would progress on to. So sorry that he disrespects you like this.

You didn't ask for foreplay though, how is he meant to read your mind ?

I feel there's no problem with the spit in itself,

BUT

you've specifically told him you hate it. So he should be more thoughtful.

@ MrHussain

The default setting for sex is 'with foreplay' imo! You should not need to specify that!

Quickie means get it in and do the deed. If u wanted foreplay then u would've had sex not just a quickie. But if he knows u don't like that method he shouldn't have done it but hey I wouldn't have complained

@flatt7 Its not always the default, as Nelly said he could have thought it was just a quickie.

MrHussain - I don't believe powers of mind reading are required to understand that "I don't like it when you spit on your cock and shove it into me" (or however op has phrased it) means "don't fucking do it to me".

I think that's pretty hot actually, in a 'I need you straight away' kind of way - there's a lot of pearl clutchy outrage at the act itself when really, that's not the issue.

The issue is that you have told him YOU don't like it - and he hasn't heeded that. You've every right to be annoyed, but I don't think it needs to be a huge thing - he might have forgotten in the moment. Remind him again, and suggest what you'd rather he did in a quickie situation. If he doesn't pay attention the second time then you have a bigger issue.

Personally I associate the act of spitting on a hand and rubbing on a penis with non consensual sex. It's present in the (extensive and harrowing) rape scenes in the film The Accused.

I'd punch my husband in the cock if he acted the way yours did. YANBU.

To me it sounds like the spitting ruined the mood for you and that ruined the whole encounter. Seeing as he knows you hate spitting he should not have done it. I don't mind spitting (in this context) but I find feet off putting so if someone had put their foot on my genitals it would have absolutely killed any sexual desire for me.

As for the no foreplay how would you have felt about that if he had used lubricant instead of spitting but had still gone straight for penetration? Is this something you do every so often or a completely new thing?

Totally agree with Pomegranate85, however still wondering about the strength of the reaction from OP?
IMO there must be something underlying - if my DBF did something I didn't like to me I wouldn't automatically jump to the conclusion he is selfish, uncaring etc. because I know him and I know what kind of person he is.

Well he's home, I've brought it up and all he can say is 'I don't know, I suppose I just got overexcited' and that's the sum total of his explanation. Now he's sat doing a fucking crossword.

IMO there must be something underlying - if my DBF did something I didn't like to me I wouldn't automatically jump to the conclusion he is selfish, uncaring etc. because I know him and I know what kind of person he is

There is something underlying - the fact that the OP has specifically and explicitly told him she doesn't like this and asked him not to do it and he did it anyway. That's pretty damn selfish.

OP - I would be disappointed with that explanation. Over-excited shouldn't equate with freedom to do anything he wants

I do understand that JaquesHammer but have you never been told not to do something once and then forgotten and done it again anyway? I know I have, so I'd just be inclined to it was an honest mistake.

As for the 'I just got overexcited' explanation, that sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Why would you read something malicious into it?

IF he does it again now he has been reminded OP doesn't like it, then I think there might be a problem (just my opinion).

He didnt get "overexcited", he saw you were up for it and thought hed try his luck at getting an orgasm without having to give you anything back.

Op you say DH works away?
What if this is how he has learnt to have a quicky away from home?
Just a thought!

i'm not reading 7 pages worth, but for those quickie moments when moisture is an issue a nice tube of KY jelly is much neater/nicer than "spitting on your hand".
raise the bar and bring your dh to a higher level of "quickie"