Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel really 'ick' about this attempt at sex this morning?

180 replies

Asparaguswee · 22/06/2017 13:25

I'm not really sure how to articulate how I feel about what happened this morning. Apologies in advance for the tmi nature of this post, but I could do with talking it out and listening to a few different opinions.

Woke this morning, DH was reading, children asleep. He cuddled me from behind, I was in the mood for sex so kind of rubbed against him. Literally seconds later he spat on his hand, rubbed it on his penis and tried to penetrate me.
I pushed him off and told him i hate that (he knows I hate the spitting thing) and told him I wasn't a blow up doll. He stopped straight away and apologised.
He's working from home today, knows that I'm off with him but yet I seem unable to articulate why. I don't even know myself why I feel so off.

If I'm honest I feel a bit disgusting, I feel like he didn't give me even a seconds thought, like I was just a hole from which he garners pleasure. Oh god I don't know. Am I overthinking it? Would you be pissed off? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 22/06/2017 15:52

Surely a teenager shouldn't need lube, I was definitely horny enough for none lube sex pre-babies.

I have however been either pregnant or breastfeeding for what feels like forever so lube is now a necessity. But it's not used as a substitute for respect and mutual arousal/readiness, like the OP's DH's behaviour suggests.

Wallywobbles · 22/06/2017 16:01

If you said "if I spit on the vibrator and stick the hand end up your arse to use your anus as a vibrator holder next time I'm feeling horny would you feel cherished? Mmm thought not".
Do you think he might get your point?

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 22/06/2017 16:12

Were it my DP and I in the situation as described, there'd be no upset in the slightest. But it isn't us and so that's irrelevant. It is shit of him to do something you have been completely explicit about not liking, and you are not over-reacting by being annoyed with him because of that. He needs to not be a prat.
FWIW I don't think he did in a malicious way, I think he was just lazy and sleepy and didn't think, not thinking being a crime we can all be capable of committing!

EpoxyResin · 22/06/2017 16:25

Haha, deadringer yeah, got it! Just never thought of myself as "porny"; felt the need to justify...

JustWater · 22/06/2017 16:32

Yanbu, id be pissed off if OH tried that.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/06/2017 16:37

Never thought something so practical was viewed as porny and I'm old Wink

OP- you say he's ok generally but I don't see how he can be if this is something you've already expressed dislike for and he's continued to do it. I don't think it's anything to do with the actual saliva ,it's fact he's not listening to you when you've already said you don't like it. So I disagree things are ok and perhaps that's why you're reacted so strongly.

blue2014 · 22/06/2017 16:42

I think you are upset because you've told him before and he didn't listen? That's a valid enough reason.

BadHatter · 22/06/2017 16:43

@Italiangreyjound maybe she should have spit on his penis. He deserves foreplay just as much as she does, no?

Katastrophe13 · 22/06/2017 16:45

If we're short of time I am happy for DH to 'get on with the job', but the spitting in the hand would completely turn me off and it would become a case of 'no deal is better than a bad deal'.

scottishdiem · 22/06/2017 16:48

He is an arse for the spitting as lube thing.

I am not sure that apart from that he has done much wrong. OP wanted a quickie. He started to reciprocate.

If he had pulled a bit of lube out of the drawer, dabbed it on and proceeded in the same manner would OP be just as upset? If so then perhaps a broader discussion about what was desired is needed.

LakieLady · 22/06/2017 16:55

Imo, spit as lube is only acceptable when applied directly from mouth to fanjo.

YANBU.

flibberdee · 22/06/2017 16:57

I quite love being spat on, but that's me.

If he knows you don't like it then he was being a bit grim.

Batteriesallgone · 22/06/2017 16:59

Or from mouth to penis Smile

Surely lube is more her call than his? Like he manoeuvres into position and it's up to her to say hang on I'll grab the lube. Or not. But then if I was already wet I would definitely mention that anyway just because it's a turn on for him. For my DH it is anyway. I am aware we talk in the bedroom maybe more than other couples do though so I don't know what's 'normal' there.

LogicalPsycho · 22/06/2017 17:02

YANBU.
There's a difference between a mutually enjoyable quickie, and someone having a wank with your vagina.

SleightOfMind · 22/06/2017 17:17

We have young children & I love a morning quickie without the feathery stroking but that is gross and chilling at the same time.
YADNBU

TeachesOfPeaches · 22/06/2017 17:24

I'm amazed you want to have sex with him after 20 years of marriage Shock

Original poster
Asparaguswee · 22/06/2017 17:26

I didn't have time to say anything though batteries? We were cuddling as a pre cursor to sex, for about 5 seconds before he spat on his hand. No chance to reach for any lube, no chance to suggest and certainly no move from him to see if any lube was even needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Asparaguswee · 22/06/2017 17:27

Why teaches?

OP posts:
Syc4moreTrees · 22/06/2017 17:28

teaches Grin well said

khajiit13 · 22/06/2017 17:29

Sounds like neither of you could be bothered. What did you want him to do? If you wanted it then get off your arse and initiate some foreplay. Just rubbing into him and then waiting for him to take action is just as thoughtless as his actions.

magoria · 22/06/2017 17:31

A bit of spit on his penis isn't going to do anything to get OP ready for penetration or pleasure.

All it is going to do is make him get inside her with minimal effort or care on his part.

On top of that it is something he knows OP doesn't like.

That is how much thought he put into it for OP this morning. None.

JacquesHammer · 22/06/2017 17:35

It's only spit, not bin juice

That doesn't matter. The OP has previously and explicitly told her husband she doesn't like this.

Doing it anyway isn't a respectful reaction - it has made his "pleasure" more important than hers.

I don't see HOW he could garner much pleasure from it anyway - a bit of spit on his hand and rubbed on his penis isn't going to achieve anything if the OP isn't physically ready.

Lonelymummyof1 · 22/06/2017 17:41

I am lost sorry if I am haha
But do people not like kiss/snog which defo includes a bit of saliva.
Plus oral ?
Like bodily fluids are a little all over the place during sex anyway ?

deffoncforthis · 22/06/2017 17:47

YADNBU yuck! This is utterly, UTTERLY rank and if anyone ever attempted this, if I even knew someone I didn't sleep with did this, I would want to be 100 miles away from them.

It's fucking rank. It was rank in Brokeback Mountain too, but at least you could explain that as there being a scarcity of lube up a mountain in the 1950s.

Yeah, they didn't install lube fountains on mountains until the 60s.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/06/2017 17:49

YADNBU yuck! This is utterly, UTTERLY rank and if anyone ever attempted this, if I even knew someone I didn't sleep with did this, I would want to be 100 miles away from them

Good LordHmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread