AIBU to feel really 'ick' about this attempt at sex this morning?

[Asparaguswee]

I'm not really sure how to articulate how I feel about what happened this morning. Apologies in advance for the tmi nature of this post, but I could do with talking it out and listening to a few different opinions.

Woke this morning, DH was reading, children asleep. He cuddled me from behind, I was in the mood for sex so kind of rubbed against him. Literally seconds later he spat on his hand, rubbed it on his penis and tried to penetrate me.
I pushed him off and told him i hate that (he knows I hate the spitting thing) and told him I wasn't a blow up doll. He stopped straight away and apologised.
He's working from home today, knows that I'm off with him but yet I seem unable to articulate why. I don't even know myself why I feel so off.

If I'm honest I feel a bit disgusting, I feel like he didn't give me even a seconds thought, like I was just a hole from which he garners pleasure. Oh god I don't know. Am I overthinking it? Would you be pissed off? Am I being unreasonable?

Yes we kiss, but he doesn't spit in my mouth

Perhaps because she was dry as a bone and he didn't give a shit cos he wanted his hole that second and decided one glob of his morning spit would be perfectly adequate?

The spitting is to lubricate you both. It's often done in porn as an alternative to lubricant and may turn him on, be a habit or he is trying not to hurt you.
If you don't want to discuss it with him again maybe buy some lube and make a spit jar. Make a joke out of it and tell him £20 in the jar if he does it again and to grab the lube instead! X

mamma sorry I didn't mean it quite like that and have no knowledge of my sons sex lives in general and it's not something specific I told them not to do with ladies but I meant raised them to respect women and not to spit at any time

God that's rank, basically he can't be bothered even attempting to pleasure you. Just using you as a hole.

But presumably you swap saliva when you kiss?

If I'm having sex then really I'm not going to get precious about a bit of spit, posters are acting like saliva is shit !

Anyway, the point is you didn't like it , so make it very clear to him you didn't like it and you don't want him to do it again. Are you usually ok otherwise?

babybell there's no suggestion that lube is necessary in the OP's sex life when she is aroused - how about if she doesn't like "spitlube" [vom emoticon] and has told her DH that, he does some investigation or gasp talks to her before attempting to pile in!

Sounds gross plus you already told him you don't like it.

Never encountered it before.

Like a PP said, maybe it's a porn thing.

Grim AND really fucking bad manners! I am with you, OP. Thankfully, I have never been with a man who has done this, ask him WHY he thinks this is acceptable, as opposed to arousing his partner before penetration?

What's weird about this is he didn't ask you if he needed to lube up, or just have a general stroke in the area to see how the land lies. Or get his dick out available and wait for you to take the initiative with insertion.

Basically I agree he was intending to just use you as a hole and that's why the scenario reads strangely to me. Not really to do with the spit. Although in my head spit from oral sex = acceptable lubricant, spit on hand = only in desperate times. But then we have lube by the bed which is better than spit.

You're right, it isn't just about the spit, it's more the feeling of being used, feeling a bit dirty, like I was just a hole, that I didn't matter. Uuuurgh, never felt like this before, been married for 20 years so assumed there were no surprises left!

I wish I hadn't read this....

aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

We've got lube, a drawer full of the bloody stuff. He didn't check either.

Sorry Gemini......bleach for your eyes in the kitchen dear.

Sounds like he was watching porn last night

I think op should go buy some lube and tell him to use it in the future instead, that will at least help with the "eww spit inside of me" part of the problem in future. I can kinda see why if it's a quickie he may have thought quickly lubricating op and then straight to piv would be ok, especially if he thought she wanted to jump straight to that and didn't want the pain /discomfort for both partners of dryness

There must be other issues OP for you to have such a strong reaction, if he's ok usually maybe he just completely misread the situation and thought a quickie was in order. It is he wanker who doesn't care about you and this is the last straw?

Spitting is not a foreplay substitute! Its a total "fast-track" to what he wants thats totally ignoring what you need and want, I'd be really upset as well.

They've got lube
The guy didn't even touch her to see if she was aroused or wet and ready to be penetrated
This isn't an issue of him not knowing she doesn't like spitlube- he knows that already and the more important element is that he wasn't concerned about her enjoyment or readiness and just planned to poke his dick in her until he came regardless of her pleasure. Selfish and gross.

The spit itself isn't the issue.

Spitting is gross. It's even grosser to spit in your hands. It doesn't just become un-gross when it's done for sexual purposes.

And the DP actually had no reason at that point to believe he needed any extra lubrication. He literally couldn't even be added checking. It's like the OP has managed to signal that she's woken up in the mood and his response was 'alright I'll shove it in then'.

Arsed. Not added. Apparently I don't swear enough for my spellchecker to believe I'd want to

I can kinda see why if it's a quickie he may have thought quickly lubricating op and then straight to piv would be ok, especially if he thought she wanted to jump straight to that and didn't want the pain /discomfort for both partners of dryness

When the OP has told him it's a no? Really?

Maybe he could have gone out and bought lube himself when the OP told him the spitting wasn't OK.

Oh, wait, they have a draw full of it.

This sounds like crossed wires -
If your DH knew that you hate using spitlube then he obviously shouldn't have used it. Trying to penetrate straight away though sounds to me though like he just misinterpreted your eagerness from your rubbing into him (I quite enjoy sex like this but it's not my thread ). If you wanted more foreplay perhaps kissing/touching would have been a better way to kick things off? As he stopped and apologised straight away I wouldn't read anything in to it (like him treating you as a blow up doll), but a frank conversation is a good idea to set out likes/dislikes/boundaries etc. so that it doesn't happen again.