17 year old girl rules

[jennettestar22]

AIBU with my rules? My daughter is 17 years old with a 4.0 GPA and pretty good choice of friends. She does not seem to respect me and gets frustrated with my rules quite often. On school nights I do not allow her to go out in the evening and she must be home for dinner ever day at 5:45pm unless otherwise discussed ahead of time. She has a curfew of 10:00pm on weekends and I take her phone away every night at 9:30pm. She has had issues with sleep before and being on her phone too late. She argues that since these rules were set in place when she was 15 after finding out that she lied about some of her activities (not drugs or anything) and that she has changed enough to be able to have some freedom. I only allow her to spend time with her boyfriend 3 times a week for less than 2 hours for most and she argues that they do not even go to the same school and do not get to talk to him but I know she texts. Her boyfriend is quite respectful but I know they have had sex and I hate his mom. I am just wondering about all of this because my 17 year old has said shes talked to many people who think that it is all ridiculous but i'd like a mom's opinion??

The rules I insist upon are things like phone if you aren't coming home at the time we expect (respectful if I'm making tea)

Help with the running if the house (dishwasher, peg washing out etc )

Ask before bringing friends home for tea. (So I can provide appropriate food )

Wow. YABU. Yes.

Wow let the girl breath. How is she supposed to learn how to be an adult when your not letting her. I feel like I'm drowning just reading your posts

My mum was very strict (more so than you). I wasn't allowed out to meet friends at all, and they weren't allowed to come to the house. Boyfriends were completely out of the question. I was allowed on the internet for 1 hour a day. She completely ruined my teen years, and I hold a grudge for that. I lied to my mum often too, and we now treat each other like acquaintances rather than family.
Don't ruin your relationship, loosen the strings. Your DD is an adult, she needs to be treated as such. I have social anxiety, depression and general anxiety, and a lot of my issues stem from my childhood. My parenting style with my DS is to do the complete opposite to what my mum did.

So OP your dd has just finished the equivalent of Grade 11? My ds goes to university in September and my dd has one more year at home. I also work at a university and some students in residence really struggle with suddenly having freedom and with no experience of learning from little mistakes make quite big ones. Every fall we have a few students taken to hospital and having their stomachs pumped for example because they have not learned when to stop drinking. So the more you support her now in managing her own life the better.

I'd sit down with her and talk about university life and how this year is a transition from home to independence and the sort of skills she will need. So absolutely loosen the strings, but also up the responsibilities. My two for example do all their own cleaning and washing and cook once or twice a week. We negotiate when and what they will cook and they will soon learn how annoying it is to have a meal ready and some no shows. Discuss a sensible bedtime in the light of her need for sleep, she may well have very sensible ideas without your heavy hand, as she has probably learned good habits (and if she hasn't she will struggle at university where no one will care if she doesn't go to bed at all!)

Think about supporting her to get a job (although it can be difficult to make sure the hours aren't too many), most students have a job for a few hours a week through university and in the holidays. Or voluntary work, both are good for self esteem and becoming more responsible. My anxious dd struggled at the idea of asking for work but has done very well (at McDonalds so lots of customer service).

Darling, this is wildness! i have a 17 year old dd and her curfew is - whenever! Theyre 17, let them live. My dd normally goes out until about 8am every other weekend and she's doing just fine...

The 5.45 thing is too much. And the 10pm curfew. Yanbu to have rules but these are way OTT.

I have a 17 DD.

I don't have rules.

She is head girl in her last year at secondary, a high achiever with lots of lovely friends.
She only goes out to her hobby during the week ( back by 9pm) because she doesn't want to be tired for school the next day.
She sometimes goes to parties or out with friends at weekends- she always keeps me informed and will text if plans change.

I have never punished or grounded her.
We don't argue.
She respects her family and home.

Would you be ok with her going out late? @speakout

My God, the girl has no room to breathe

Zombie Thread the dd is probably 18 now as this thread is 10 months old

This thread is over a year old.

And I don't even know what year it is!

A ten pm curfew for a 17 year old for the weekend??? And only allowed to see her boyfriend for 2 hours at a time? So they can't even go to the cinema and grab a meal together? And this despite the fact that she's sensible and a great student?

Why is it a problem if she's having sex? She's a year behind the age of consent. It's her decision!

I really think you have to lighten up on her or the minute she turns 18 she'll be hightailing it out of there and you won't see her for dust