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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly annoyed at hubby giving a lift to woman with shared hobby

154 replies

Juniperrose · 21/06/2017 17:44

Hubby is taking part in a triathlon in a couple of months time and will be going away for the weekend in our van for the duration of the competition.
He has offered to give a lift to a fellow female competitor who he knows from the local tri club- so trains with occasionally.
Should I feel pissed off about the fact he is travelling to the event with an attractive fit young woman or is it my insecurities kicking in. Incidentally I have young kids who would be bored senseless waiting around for the event hence why we are not going. Thanks X

OP posts:
Blossomdeary · 21/06/2017 18:30

Do not know what history there is here - but if none, then I think you need to stop worrying and trust your OH. My OH used to give lifts to a female friend who shared his hobby - I did not see hat as a problem.

Have you told him you are not happy about it? If not, then best not to I think - you will just put ideas into his head!

Original poster
juniperrose · 21/06/2017 18:32

Thanks for the supportive posts....those who weren't so pleasant....well you have made me feel really, really shit!! I won't be posting here again

OP posts:
DerelictWreck · 21/06/2017 18:34

Jesus Christ. To every person on here saying they wouldn't like it or to put their foot down.

You are the people creating bad female stereotypes.

It's insane - the person having a vagina rather than a penis means they can't be in the same car as your male partner?! Seriously, because their anatomy is slightly different?!

That's sexist, ridiculous and frankly pretty damn controlling behaviour.

DerelictWreck · 21/06/2017 18:35

Sorry to xpost with OP, but still!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 21/06/2017 18:35

He is simply giving her a lift, unless you suspect otherwise. Does he have history ?
If someone is going to cheat, they usually keep everything under wraps.
I understand your angst, but if I were you, I'd rest easy, he has a lot to lose ! 😄

NotACleverName · 21/06/2017 18:36

There's no need to flounce because you don't like the responses you're getting (it seems that you wanted an echo chamber really).

And ftr I think YABU as well.

Therealslimshady1 · 21/06/2017 18:36

Ah....all these men who discover very time consuming hobbies once they have small kids...sign of our times!

I would feel irritated if he chooses to spend an entire WE away on a regular basis far away from wife and kids

If it is a one-off yabu

To put it bluntly: he chose to spend this weekend with other people, doing HIS hobby.

But as a one off that should obviously be fine

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 21/06/2017 18:37

P.S. You've also got to remember, just 'cos you fancy him, doesn't mean that she does.

NoLoveofMine · 21/06/2017 18:37

There's no reason women who are mothers can't discover hobbies and spend some weekends away doing them.

Bluntness100 · 21/06/2017 18:37

Thanks for the supportive posts....those who weren't so pleasant....well you have made me feel really, really shit!! I won't be posting here again

Wow. I've seen some flouncing, but that's taking over sensitive to a whole new level.

I can only assume something else going on in th background here? To feel "really really shit" after a few mild posts saying you shouldn't is concerning. Shock

Teddy6767 · 21/06/2017 18:39

Yabu but I can understand your worries as I'm a very insecure/jealous person myself.
What's the worst that can happen though?! If you trust your husband to always be faithful then the worst he'll do is secretly think she's good looking. But is that really an issue if he doesn't act on it? Everyone finds other people attractive but it doesn't mean anything. It's not as if he's going to suddenly stop loving and desiring you because he thinks someone else is pretty.
Try not to worry

Shellym13 · 21/06/2017 18:39

Ive been in the recieving end of this too, I'm the only female in my job at work so I go to the overnight Xmas parties and get invited to nights out. You would think I have 2 heads the way a couple of their wives treat me.
I Am happily married to an amazing husband who doesnt give a damn who I socialise with.
Unfortunately I can't help my gender.
Yabu

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 21/06/2017 18:41

To be fair to you have you felt shit being stuck at home while he gets free time and the chance to get /keep fit? I can see where you are coming from tbh. . .
But he is your husband and he will likely be wanting you to be proud of him for his achievements not throwing accusations his way.
Unless he has form for cheating. .

WomblingThree · 21/06/2017 18:42

God HildaOg I'm surprised your toes aren't broken the number of times a day you put your foot down. Are you really as awful in real life as you come across on here or are you one of those people who "says what you think" and fuck everyone else?

OP do you really need to ask a message board whether you should be pissed off? Either you are or you aren't, surely you can make your own mind up! As for the question? If there's no back story, don't be ridiculous. If there is, put in in the first post and let people answer the question based on the facts.

Rightpivotturn · 21/06/2017 18:43

YABU and completely bonkers. DH runs (not triathlons) and frequently trains with/travels with a mixed bunch including lots of attractive, fit women. I have no problem with this, what with them all being grownups, and mostly with their own partners. As others have said, you have a big problem if you don't trust him, but also how insulting to this woman that you assume she'd jump into bed with a middle aged married man just because (gasp) she is sharing a lift. Grow up.

NoLoveofMine · 21/06/2017 18:44

To be fair to you have you felt shit being stuck at home while he gets free time and the chance to get /keep fit? I can see where you are coming from tbh. . .

I agree that if this is the case it'd be irksome but for different reasons. It'd be entirely unfair if the OP's husband took time for his hobbies/pursuits but the OP wasn't able to do likewise. However the OP didn't say this was the case or this was anything to do with why she was annoyed.

kali110 · 21/06/2017 19:02

Thanks for the supportive posts....those who weren't so pleasant....well you have made me feel really, really shit!! I won't be posting here again
What awful posts Confused the posts that says she should trust him?

TheNaze73 · 21/06/2017 19:04

YABVU

Joey7t8 · 21/06/2017 19:04

Sounds like the OP doesn't trust her husband and/or is insecure; that's the main problem here.

I don't think it's a ridiculous concern either if she thinks he is untrustworthy. I've been a member of several running clubs, and it wasn't uncommon for male/female relationships to develop, illicit or otherwise.

kali110 · 21/06/2017 19:04

My male friend used to give me lifts to amd from work frequently, my dh never thought to be upset by it.
Are there other issues here?
As i said, do you have other reaaons to not trust him? Has he cheated on you before?

HildaOg · 21/06/2017 19:06

Wombling; firstly I'm not the one going around telling strangers they're awful. That says a lot more about you then me.

Secondly, I'm not English and therefore don't live in a place where everyone keeps their mouth shut and puts up with things they find offensive so I never have to put anyone in line as they already have boundaries and manner. That any help to you?

The only awfulness on this thread are people attacking a woman who came on asking for help.

mogulfield · 21/06/2017 19:07

You know YABU. I love mountain biking, which generally men are into, and often go with a group out to somewhere new.
I have taken hundreds of lifts over the years and haven't once seduced the male driver Hmm

Crumbs1 · 21/06/2017 19:07

Take up triathlon too ?

RestlessTraveller · 21/06/2017 19:12

I wonder how all these women who are 'putting their foot down' would feel if their partners decided who they could be friends with? Or indeed how their partners feel when they are constantly being told they can't be trusted. It's all a bit controlling and suffocating.

LittleBeautyBelle · 21/06/2017 19:12

I had quite a drive to a week long convention and my male colleague came with me. There was no question of romantic shenanigans. His long term girlfriend was fine with it (as far as I know) plus the fact that we all knew each other for years I guess helped too.

It's true that just because they're riding together it doesn't mean they're going to have a fling or an affair or flirt, etc.

I love these type of AIBUs. There are always the commenters who are totally "baffled" at the Op's concerns haha, complete with confused faces. I find this hilarious.

Something is bothering you about this, whether it's insecurities or trust issues or feeling off because you don't know her at all, or intuition about this particular person...so I suggest simply saying matter of factly to your dh, She can drive herself.

See what he says. Then say again, she can drive herself. Then what is his response.

Never forget that you know your own situation better than anyone, even above baffled strangers on the internet :-). How he responds will tell you what the situation is. Let us know what he says.