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AIBU?

AIBU to be really upset?

278 replies

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:05

I'm not a parent, my paternal instinct (fortunately) came and went in the last couple of years. However, my nieces are really important to me (and I like the fact I can give them back). Anyway (this may be TL:DR)

My sister took her kids (14, 7 and 5) to Blackpool for my cousins wedding, and decided her, my bro in law and the kids could spend a day in the Pleasure Beach. My Eldest niece (not real name) Bea, wanted to do all the big rides and coasters, but not on her own. My sister is a proper wet end so wouldn't go on them with her and my Bro in Law is a little on the large side, OK a LOT on the large side, and couldn't fit. So Bea ended up not being able to do anything more thrilling than the Teacups.

My sister called me up and said she was a little upset for Bea, so I said I'd fly over (I live in Spain) and I'd take her and the older 2 girls to Alton Towers for a couple of days.

My Sister then booked everything and paid for the hotel, the tickets and told my Bro in Law to change his shift at work so he could drop us off and start later in the day or do the night shift.

It was decided that, because I was waiting to be paid, when we were there, I was going to be the one to splash the cash to make up for what I'd not paid. Thus bringing us to 50/50 in what we've paid each, which I thought was fair.

I then get a call from my sister the day before we left, telling me that Bro in Law didn't tell work about the plans, and we would have to get the train, then a bus. OK, that's not too bad, worse things have happened in the world, but it's still a ball ache.

So I booked the tickets, paid for the cab from the house to the station, and paid the £30 (£30 fucking pounds for a bus that's probably only just scraped through its MOT!) for the bus from Stoke to Alton.

At this point, because I had no card as my partner needed it in Spain, money was literally evaporating before my eyes (My partner only gave me £160 and £40 buffer in cash) and had only £60 left in my wallet having gone through the buffer and £100 just to get us there.

The kids have little routine when it comes to food. If they're peckish between meals, they go into the kitchen and grab a piece of fruit or have a couple of crackers with cheese, which I'm not really fussed about. I'll go into this in a sec.

However, the night before we left, my sister got absolutely drunk as a skunk, and I was then left to pack 4 peoples things into my small bag which was like a fabric version of playing Tetris. I then woke up at 5:00am, checked we had everything we needed and had breakfast planned for the kids (me and my sister don't eat until lunch). At 6:30am, I got the girls up, made their breakfast and got my sister up. I got the girls fed, dressed and watered and my sister FINALLY rolls out of bed at 6:45am has a coffee, cigarette, quick wash, does her hair and is good to go.

We left at around 7:30am to catch the train, got to Manchester, got the train and landed in Stoke at about 9:15ish. Literally 10 minutes before the bus was due. Ideal time for loo break and cigarette break.

We were hot, tired, frustrated and generally just picking fights with each other all the way there.

When we got to the park, which was around 11am me and my sister went to the bar to settle our nerves (far too early I know). I then proceeded to buy one of those all day free refill cup things for £6, which I worked out as being the cheapest option for us as money was seriously low.

At around mid day however, my younger niece started complaining she was hungry. I didn't really know what to do, so we put it off for another hour until I could work things out in my head and sat down at the Cafe near Oblivion where I got me and my sister another drink (we'd endured several 5 year old tantrums and several teenage bitch fits already).

I then transferred £100 from my account to hers (money that wasn't mine, but my husbands) and she insisted on going to a buffet. I'm not a big eater, neither is she, and the girls eat like normal kids. This amounted to just short of £50, which I thought was extortionate given that I was trying to keep it on a relatively small budget.

Anyway, I let that slide. It was a treat for the girls and they really enjoyed it.

After that we had a lovely first day, except for when I thought it would be a really good idea to walk into a lamp post!

We went back to the hotel (another £20 for the taxi) and had a few drinks and a little sharing platter (£20), so I transferred another £60, thinking £40 for the bar and £20 for another taxi back to the park.

However, we ran out of cigarettes and cash because my sister decided she only wanted wine (at £5 a small glass) as oppose to Cider and Black (£2.80 per pint). So I transferred another £30. £20 for the taxi, £10 for cigarettes.

Again, we had a nice time in the park, I got some quality time with my eldest niece and gave her a history lesson on the Towers and the house, and gave her a tour of the place, which bizarrely ended up with about 4 families also following me round and asking questions about the place and the history and the legend of The Chained Oak. I'm a history buff, and my ex is a history teacher specializing in local history.

My bro in law picked us up at the end of the day, and we went back to their house, where my sister got rapidly pissed after chugging a bottle of wine in under 30 minutes.

The morning after, the money again was gone, and we had no cigarettes, alcohol, tea, coffee, milk or fruit juice (we're not alcoholics, I just can't be arsed going to the shop 3 times in a day, so buy everything at the same time), so I transferred another £50. This was to get Tobacco, rolling papers, filters, Beer for me, Cider for her (I put my foot down, finally), Tea, Coffee, Milk and Juice and a couple of loaves to shove in the freezer for emergency use if she needs it.

Anyway. It gets to about 8:00pm, and I say I'm going back to my parents as my flight was early the next morning.

I didn't even get a thank you. Off any of them.

What was meant to be a 50/50 thing feels like it's been 90/10 thing. I feel hurt, embarrassed and used by my sister. I broke down crying to my mum, because what I had planned fell apart at the seams and Bea didn't get the experience I envisaged.

Money isn't an issue for me, I can't take it with me, so I spend it, however, the initial £400 that my sister spent seems to have ended up costing me the same and she's the one that got all the benefit while I'm trying to pacify my husband for spending £530 in 2 days.

Who is to blame here? Me for being an idiot, My sister for getting her £400 back with interest, or my Bro in law for being so selfish that his action led to the entire fiasco?

I'm a 29 year old man, I know how to budget, and I don't begrudge the girls anything. But to not even get a thank you or a kiss goodbye, I feel that's just adding insult to injury.

AIBU

OP posts:
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Purdypie · 22/06/2017 21:27

The inconsistency is making my mind boggle
Not broke/ bank threatening to close account
Hubby in spain/ hubby in England and presumably stopped off to get 100 fags
Hubby thinks it's funny/ hubby is livid
Sister doesn't like roller coasters/ sister went on roller coaster
Was gonna go on rides with niece and ended up walking around getting a history tour
I'm sure there was a couple more but I'm knackered after reading.....
20 quid a day for food would feed one person!! The whole thing doesn't make sense, Op are you drunk while writing this?

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storminabuttercup · 22/06/2017 21:53

I used to think I was ok at maths but I'm confused!

So sister paid 400.

You rock up with 200 to spend that day thinking you're 'paying half' but you're only paying half of what has originally been spent.

You somehow spend 530 quid (let's say max 200 on travel and 50 on lunch) so you spent 280 on fags and booze?

I give up

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Zena1973 · 22/06/2017 22:09

well you messed up yer budget it's done learn from it and move on! You can't change it. When it comes down to it you seem like a top bloke, you sound like a great caring brother and uncle. By your own admission you "try too hard and throw money at situations you don't know how to handle" the problem you have here is if you behave like that you are of course are putting in an element of "expectation" you are hurting simply because your expectations were not met! The cost the fags the booze the trip the arguments the travel are not the issue here for you. It's simply that you feel after making such a big effort to arrange something lovely was tainted by disorganisation and the expectations of gratefulness being shown by your sister and nieces not being fulfilled. I'm sure your sister has no idea how you feel this cannot make things better unless you tell her how you are feeling. TALK TO HER. It's unfair to complain about a situation your sister is or may not even be aware of. Perhaps learn your own true value then you won't feel the need to try so hard to impress or please others who by the sounds of it are more than used to taking advantage of your kindness.

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NotAPuffin · 22/06/2017 22:18

If your sister paid 400 and you paid 200, that's not half and half. That means a total of 600 has been spent, of which you spent a third.

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NoPressureNoDiamonds · 22/06/2017 22:20

The thing that has made me chuckle the most about this whole thread is the notion that sitting next to a kid on a roller coaster is "fulfilling both the role of a father and an uncle" 😂😂😂

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RaqsMax · 22/06/2017 22:22

Is a Guncle like a Cankle?.....Grin

I have 2 teenagers...sounds pretty typical behaviours. You are seriously giving this way too much drama....

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NoPressureNoDiamonds · 22/06/2017 22:24

Oh no wait - I hadn't got to the part where he thinks her paying £400 and him paying £200 is them paying half each 😂😂😂😂
This can't be real

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clarabellb · 22/06/2017 22:54

This must be a piss take ConfusedShock

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strawberrisc · 23/06/2017 03:06

If this is true, right down tobrevealing "Bea" as "Mary" then I've never read a post in my life that makes the OP so utterly identifiable! 😂

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strawberrisc · 23/06/2017 03:06
  • to revealing
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Ginger782 · 23/06/2017 03:19

This has to be a wind up. You and your sister sound like insufferable bogans (what are they called in the UK?)

Also, GET A SECOND BANK CARD. Are you dense? All I could take from all of this nonsense is that 2 grown men share one card Hmm.

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Nowaynowjose · 23/06/2017 03:52

To the person that says I sound self important and better than everyone else. Yes, I am. In my world, I am the most important person. If it wasn't for me looking out for myself, how do you think we'd have got from Manchester to Alton? Walked?
This thread is hilarious Grin

Floral, the place was packed. We did 13 (with the youngest one) and Nemesis. My younger niece has bigger balls than me!

Yeah, she's probably better at maths too I hope. Grin

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IAmNotAWitch · 23/06/2017 05:05

Mate, you spent a bit too much on a weekend away at a theme park.

It happens, don't do it again if you don't think they were grateful enough.

Problem solved, no drama, nothing else to do.

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Angeldt · 23/06/2017 05:57

You say your not bothered about money ( quote : You can't take it with you ) yet for me a major part of your concerns here is just that - the cash spent whilst on your trip. You also say you don't get to see your family often so just put it in your mind that this trip is the one that you ' splashed the cash ' and future trips will be more reigned in. Remember your creating ' memories ' for your niece's which in my book is priceless.

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Bumdishcloths · 23/06/2017 07:45

In short - AYBU?

For not getting thanked: no, a thank you would have been the done thing but tbh the whole weekend sounds like a terrible Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas nightmare
For spending so much money and moaning about it: yes
For being wildly crap at budgeting: yes
For dripfeeding a consistently inconsistent story and being overly dramatic about the whole affair: yes

YABU.

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Lovingit81 · 23/06/2017 15:19

Stop spending money on booze and fags, plan your day and budget properly. Sorry but YABU.

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Nikephorus · 23/06/2017 15:48

I feel like I've failed to give them what they wanted.
Well that happens when your first action on arriving is to head for alcohol Hmm
Sorry but the most you'll get from me is a slow hand-clap.

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Louise2092 · 23/06/2017 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Louise2092 · 23/06/2017 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Louiselouie0890 · 23/06/2017 18:28

So it was 50/50 she paid 400 you wanted to pay 200 and ended up paying 560/580. It's everybody's fault. Badly organised grown adults spending cash on something they didn't need. Yabu for expecting 200 to last lol

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Louiselouie0890 · 23/06/2017 18:36

The extra 180 or 160 whichever it was you could say was speaking t on ooze cigarettes and food for there house which you chose to buy. I fail to see where she bled you dry

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GreenHillsOfHome · 23/06/2017 19:07

I can't get past the fact that the first thing you did, before lunch and on a family day out, was head for the bar. Who does that? Euchh.

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LiveLongAndProspero · 23/06/2017 20:53

And then wonder why the children were getting whiny when no-one had thought to feed them, or even considered that they would need to feed them. They had had multiple drinks by this time though....Hmm

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OzziePopPop · 24/06/2017 15:15

You and your sister both sound ludicrously self-absorbed and irresponsible. You were there (apparently) to give your niece(s) a great time. You decided getting drunk and smoking was more important. YES YOU FAILED THEM. Go to AA or something, take the advice given here, work out there's more to life than YOU (especially when you're trying to 'treat' someone else) and get a grip! Seriously, this thread is just ridiculous.

Your total bill was (about) £900. You were 'going halves' (but not Dutch lmfao) so your share is £450ish. You spent a bit over that, not a massive amount. As it was YOUR TREAT surely you should have footed the WHOLE bill and not a little over half??

Idiotic really.

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AnathemaPulsifer · 27/06/2017 20:30

Sister pays £400. I pay half in spends (£200), Are we still in the basic maths class?

You need a basic maths class. No problem, lots of us have explained it clearly above. Unless you had already sent her £200 before you arrived your maths is way out.

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