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AIBU?

AIBU to be really upset?

278 replies

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:05

I'm not a parent, my paternal instinct (fortunately) came and went in the last couple of years. However, my nieces are really important to me (and I like the fact I can give them back). Anyway (this may be TL:DR)

My sister took her kids (14, 7 and 5) to Blackpool for my cousins wedding, and decided her, my bro in law and the kids could spend a day in the Pleasure Beach. My Eldest niece (not real name) Bea, wanted to do all the big rides and coasters, but not on her own. My sister is a proper wet end so wouldn't go on them with her and my Bro in Law is a little on the large side, OK a LOT on the large side, and couldn't fit. So Bea ended up not being able to do anything more thrilling than the Teacups.

My sister called me up and said she was a little upset for Bea, so I said I'd fly over (I live in Spain) and I'd take her and the older 2 girls to Alton Towers for a couple of days.

My Sister then booked everything and paid for the hotel, the tickets and told my Bro in Law to change his shift at work so he could drop us off and start later in the day or do the night shift.

It was decided that, because I was waiting to be paid, when we were there, I was going to be the one to splash the cash to make up for what I'd not paid. Thus bringing us to 50/50 in what we've paid each, which I thought was fair.

I then get a call from my sister the day before we left, telling me that Bro in Law didn't tell work about the plans, and we would have to get the train, then a bus. OK, that's not too bad, worse things have happened in the world, but it's still a ball ache.

So I booked the tickets, paid for the cab from the house to the station, and paid the £30 (£30 fucking pounds for a bus that's probably only just scraped through its MOT!) for the bus from Stoke to Alton.

At this point, because I had no card as my partner needed it in Spain, money was literally evaporating before my eyes (My partner only gave me £160 and £40 buffer in cash) and had only £60 left in my wallet having gone through the buffer and £100 just to get us there.

The kids have little routine when it comes to food. If they're peckish between meals, they go into the kitchen and grab a piece of fruit or have a couple of crackers with cheese, which I'm not really fussed about. I'll go into this in a sec.

However, the night before we left, my sister got absolutely drunk as a skunk, and I was then left to pack 4 peoples things into my small bag which was like a fabric version of playing Tetris. I then woke up at 5:00am, checked we had everything we needed and had breakfast planned for the kids (me and my sister don't eat until lunch). At 6:30am, I got the girls up, made their breakfast and got my sister up. I got the girls fed, dressed and watered and my sister FINALLY rolls out of bed at 6:45am has a coffee, cigarette, quick wash, does her hair and is good to go.

We left at around 7:30am to catch the train, got to Manchester, got the train and landed in Stoke at about 9:15ish. Literally 10 minutes before the bus was due. Ideal time for loo break and cigarette break.

We were hot, tired, frustrated and generally just picking fights with each other all the way there.

When we got to the park, which was around 11am me and my sister went to the bar to settle our nerves (far too early I know). I then proceeded to buy one of those all day free refill cup things for £6, which I worked out as being the cheapest option for us as money was seriously low.

At around mid day however, my younger niece started complaining she was hungry. I didn't really know what to do, so we put it off for another hour until I could work things out in my head and sat down at the Cafe near Oblivion where I got me and my sister another drink (we'd endured several 5 year old tantrums and several teenage bitch fits already).

I then transferred £100 from my account to hers (money that wasn't mine, but my husbands) and she insisted on going to a buffet. I'm not a big eater, neither is she, and the girls eat like normal kids. This amounted to just short of £50, which I thought was extortionate given that I was trying to keep it on a relatively small budget.

Anyway, I let that slide. It was a treat for the girls and they really enjoyed it.

After that we had a lovely first day, except for when I thought it would be a really good idea to walk into a lamp post!

We went back to the hotel (another £20 for the taxi) and had a few drinks and a little sharing platter (£20), so I transferred another £60, thinking £40 for the bar and £20 for another taxi back to the park.

However, we ran out of cigarettes and cash because my sister decided she only wanted wine (at £5 a small glass) as oppose to Cider and Black (£2.80 per pint). So I transferred another £30. £20 for the taxi, £10 for cigarettes.

Again, we had a nice time in the park, I got some quality time with my eldest niece and gave her a history lesson on the Towers and the house, and gave her a tour of the place, which bizarrely ended up with about 4 families also following me round and asking questions about the place and the history and the legend of The Chained Oak. I'm a history buff, and my ex is a history teacher specializing in local history.

My bro in law picked us up at the end of the day, and we went back to their house, where my sister got rapidly pissed after chugging a bottle of wine in under 30 minutes.

The morning after, the money again was gone, and we had no cigarettes, alcohol, tea, coffee, milk or fruit juice (we're not alcoholics, I just can't be arsed going to the shop 3 times in a day, so buy everything at the same time), so I transferred another £50. This was to get Tobacco, rolling papers, filters, Beer for me, Cider for her (I put my foot down, finally), Tea, Coffee, Milk and Juice and a couple of loaves to shove in the freezer for emergency use if she needs it.

Anyway. It gets to about 8:00pm, and I say I'm going back to my parents as my flight was early the next morning.

I didn't even get a thank you. Off any of them.

What was meant to be a 50/50 thing feels like it's been 90/10 thing. I feel hurt, embarrassed and used by my sister. I broke down crying to my mum, because what I had planned fell apart at the seams and Bea didn't get the experience I envisaged.

Money isn't an issue for me, I can't take it with me, so I spend it, however, the initial £400 that my sister spent seems to have ended up costing me the same and she's the one that got all the benefit while I'm trying to pacify my husband for spending £530 in 2 days.

Who is to blame here? Me for being an idiot, My sister for getting her £400 back with interest, or my Bro in law for being so selfish that his action led to the entire fiasco?

I'm a 29 year old man, I know how to budget, and I don't begrudge the girls anything. But to not even get a thank you or a kiss goodbye, I feel that's just adding insult to injury.

AIBU

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NerrSnerr · 21/06/2017 14:55

I don't get why you expect BIL to drop you off when you said you was going to take them. I also don't understand why you only have one bank card? No wonder Bea didn't get a good experience, you spent the weekend smoking and drinking.

I don't understand how them wanting lunch is a surprise?

I'd stop offering to take people places if you're not prepared to follow through.

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witsender · 21/06/2017 14:55

You chose to spend a shit load. No-one forced you, it is no-one's fault.

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storminabuttercup · 21/06/2017 14:58

Do are you saying you spent 910 quid for two days in AT? So your sister spent 400 presumably for tickets and hotel, then you spent 530? Sounds like lots went on booze and fags which are not part of the trip are they?

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MaroonPencil · 21/06/2017 14:58

Oh my God, that first post wasn't in full?!

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DerelictWreck · 21/06/2017 15:00

Why, at no point during the day, did you say something? no-one to blame but yourself!!

Make more efficient choices and say 'sure we can do that, and let's settle-up when we get home' job done!

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honeysucklejasmine · 21/06/2017 15:00

It's not your BILs fault. I was surprised you took your sister, I thought the point was that she couldn't go on rides? Should have left her at home.

You might think you understand the teenage mind, but planning a day trip is obviously not a strong point.

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PurpleMinionMummy · 21/06/2017 15:00

At this point, because I had no card as my partner needed it in Spain, money was literally evaporating before my eyes (My partner only gave me £160 and £40 buffer in cash) and had only £60 left in my wallet having gone through the buffer and £100 just to get us there

So it cost £140 to get there?

Money was seriously low so you went to the bar first to settle your nerves.....you obviously weren't THAT concerned with being low on money if you were prioritizing alcohol which you appear to have done all through the trip.

If your sister paid £400 and you £530 it's hardly a 90/10 split. If it was meant to be a 50/50 split surely no one needs to thank anyone?

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edwinbear · 21/06/2017 15:00

Did you honestly get to Alton Towers at 11am and then make a 7 yr old sit and watch you and your sister drink, whilst she stared whistfully at all the other kids going on the rides? Sad

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AmyGardner · 21/06/2017 15:00

I'm lost.

So you had a weekend with your family that ended up costing more than you thought?

Is that it? Confused

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VeryButchyRestingFace · 21/06/2017 15:00

Oh my God, that first post wasn't in full?!

It was 2 minutes 43 seconds (I had to reread some parts) of my life I ain't never getting back.

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Gatehouse77 · 21/06/2017 15:01

I can understand why you're pissed off.
It was meant to be a treat but has ended up feeling like an expensive, one-sided event.

You could confront your sister and ask for a fairer division of costs but need to be prepared for an answer you don't like/expect.

Or you can chalk it up to experience and next time you want to treat your nieces you do the organising and work out costs. And, if possible, only include your sister with the before and after of the event. For example, arrange a family meal after so you and niece(s) can tell them about your adventure.

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Ginorchoc · 21/06/2017 15:02

Blimey Guncle is getting a hard time on here! It was actually a nice thing for you to do for your family and it sounds as though they've taken advantage a little.

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Floralnomad · 21/06/2017 15:02

Well if you adore them so much stop moaning and thanks for the parenting tip but I actually have been a parent of teenagers , including a gay one , and thankfully mine have manners which apparently your sister and her husband have failed to teach your niece .( and your parents probably missed that boat as well ) .

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Talith · 21/06/2017 15:02

You sound very generous and you were taken advantage of. I'd be fuming. If there are any further outings nail down the detail more beforehand (I know you tried) and factor in packed food. You can drink and smoke what the hell you like. Tbh your sister sounds like the one with the problem. Too pissed to pack their bags or sort uniform is shoddy. So YANBU. Also avoid theme parks they are extortionate hotbeds of grimness. Grin

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Ecureuil · 21/06/2017 15:02

510:400 isn't 50:50

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Ratbagratty · 21/06/2017 15:03

Why not just ask for half the travel fair back saying that you spent more than your share? Either that or know next time to have extra cash in reserve. Yes it was bad planning by them your bil not asking for shift change but your sister and you depending on relationship with bil could have reminded him too. Learn from this.

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Ecureuil · 21/06/2017 15:06

Urgh what I meant to say is 510:400 isn't 90:10 (obviously it isn't 50:50 either!). You spent £110 ish more than your sister, why not ask her for £55 to make it even?

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bumblebeebuzzing · 21/06/2017 15:08

Sorry but think you're being a bit ridiculous, why did neither you or their mum think to pack snacks/water/lunch? if I am seriously low on money and my children needed feeding, I wouldn't sit drinking alcohol thinking how to fix this conundrum. it's ridiculous.

It would have been nice if your bil could give you a lift but I wouldn't change my working hours, to play taxi.

It was nice of you to go halves (although you did pay more) but perhaps a little less booze and more organisation and you wouldn't have need to spend so much money.

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sodablackcurrant · 21/06/2017 15:10

Get your own bank card, save up and have a stash for the N+Ns.

Meet them somewhere half way, go 50/50 on expenses. Leave your sister at home and do the Guncle thing with them by yourself.

Save your glugging of drink until the day is over. It doesn't help in hot weather really. And you really shouldn't (but I suppose everyone has done it now and then) have a drink when in charge of kids.

Just do your own thing in future.

I don't think you are appreciated enough. The kids will still love you though, remember that.

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NotAPuffin · 21/06/2017 15:10

You bought yourself and your sister drinks when you knew you were short on cash and the kids were hungry?

I have a judgypants wedgie.

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Doobigetta · 21/06/2017 15:12

I think you did a nice thing and your sister took the piss.

But. Using the word "bitch" in relation to any woman, and in particular your teenage niece, is not ok. It's derogatory and misogynistic, and being gay does not give you a free pass. Being female wouldn't give you a free pass either, you'd still have a responsibility not to use language that associates femaleness with negative qualities.

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StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 15:12

Me and Sister book Alton: Tell BIL to change his shift (which he agreed to) but then he didn't. I spend nearly all my cash just getting us there: We have teenage hissy fits, childhood tants and sibling fighting and bickering all the way there: Me and my sister start working out the cash scenario (It was badly organized in fairness).

Kids get hungry, I transfer £100. Sister spends half of that on a insert word of choice here buffet which was wasted.

Go back to the park, enjoy the rest of the day. Get back to the hotel, we have nibbles and a drink and start planning.

Wake up, the cash is gone (I wasn't drunk, my sister got herself a nightcap and the kids some juice from the bar), and there were no fags.

Transfer more cash over, get a cab, buy cigs and we split up. I take Bea on the big rides sister takes youngster into CBeebies land for a couple of hours.

Obviously there were queues, but the heat caused a lot of the rides to fail, so me and Bea decided we'd take a walk in the shade. Just generally looking around and I'd tell her random stuff about the place.

Get back to Sisters, she had nothing in the fridge, BIL had eaten it all and drank it all. Hence the last transfer. They had cans, frozen stuff and the usual kind of things, but no fresh stuff like Milk, Bread, Spuds, so I sorted that out.

I only get over to see my sister and nieces every 6 months(ish), so when I'm there, it is a bit of a party.

I just hoped that this would have gone to plan, because I did it on a spreadsheet, and nearly everything financially worked out. It's the not getting a lift that set this entire thing off, and my BIL apologetically said, it's 'Tough Shit' even though he said he was going to either book the day off or swap shift.

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AnnetteCurtains · 21/06/2017 15:14

Ii think not getting a thank you would really bother me

and all this stems from not going on rides at the Pleasure Beach , blimey

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Shadow666 · 21/06/2017 15:14

I'm sure they appreciated it. They were probably just knackered after the whole experience. Theme parks do get expensive. I agree, better planning would have helped and perhaps you are too generous for your own good. I think you sound fun though. I'm imagining it all like Ab Fab with you 2 getting wasted and chain smoking.

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ILookedintheWater · 21/06/2017 15:14

Family outing costs more than expected. Family forget to thank each other afterwards.

YANBU that your nice gesture wasn't appreciated as much as you expected. YABU to be really upset. It was nice of you to travel over to help out but the costs of booze and fags were of your own doing: lunch and evening meal were fair enough given that the park tickets and hotel were covered.

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