AIBU to be really upset?

[StyleCommander]

I'm not a parent, my paternal instinct (fortunately) came and went in the last couple of years. However, my nieces are really important to me (and I like the fact I can give them back). Anyway (this may be TL:DR)

My sister took her kids (14, 7 and 5) to Blackpool for my cousins wedding, and decided her, my bro in law and the kids could spend a day in the Pleasure Beach. My Eldest niece (not real name) Bea, wanted to do all the big rides and coasters, but not on her own. My sister is a proper wet end so wouldn't go on them with her and my Bro in Law is a little on the large side, OK a LOT on the large side, and couldn't fit. So Bea ended up not being able to do anything more thrilling than the Teacups.

My sister called me up and said she was a little upset for Bea, so I said I'd fly over (I live in Spain) and I'd take her and the older 2 girls to Alton Towers for a couple of days.

My Sister then booked everything and paid for the hotel, the tickets and told my Bro in Law to change his shift at work so he could drop us off and start later in the day or do the night shift.

It was decided that, because I was waiting to be paid, when we were there, I was going to be the one to splash the cash to make up for what I'd not paid. Thus bringing us to 50/50 in what we've paid each, which I thought was fair.

I then get a call from my sister the day before we left, telling me that Bro in Law didn't tell work about the plans, and we would have to get the train, then a bus. OK, that's not too bad, worse things have happened in the world, but it's still a ball ache.

So I booked the tickets, paid for the cab from the house to the station, and paid the £30 (£30 fucking pounds for a bus that's probably only just scraped through its MOT!) for the bus from Stoke to Alton.

At this point, because I had no card as my partner needed it in Spain, money was literally evaporating before my eyes (My partner only gave me £160 and £40 buffer in cash) and had only £60 left in my wallet having gone through the buffer and £100 just to get us there.

The kids have little routine when it comes to food. If they're peckish between meals, they go into the kitchen and grab a piece of fruit or have a couple of crackers with cheese, which I'm not really fussed about. I'll go into this in a sec.

However, the night before we left, my sister got absolutely drunk as a skunk, and I was then left to pack 4 peoples things into my small bag which was like a fabric version of playing Tetris. I then woke up at 5:00am, checked we had everything we needed and had breakfast planned for the kids (me and my sister don't eat until lunch). At 6:30am, I got the girls up, made their breakfast and got my sister up. I got the girls fed, dressed and watered and my sister FINALLY rolls out of bed at 6:45am has a coffee, cigarette, quick wash, does her hair and is good to go.

We left at around 7:30am to catch the train, got to Manchester, got the train and landed in Stoke at about 9:15ish. Literally 10 minutes before the bus was due. Ideal time for loo break and cigarette break.

We were hot, tired, frustrated and generally just picking fights with each other all the way there.

When we got to the park, which was around 11am me and my sister went to the bar to settle our nerves (far too early I know). I then proceeded to buy one of those all day free refill cup things for £6, which I worked out as being the cheapest option for us as money was seriously low.

At around mid day however, my younger niece started complaining she was hungry. I didn't really know what to do, so we put it off for another hour until I could work things out in my head and sat down at the Cafe near Oblivion where I got me and my sister another drink (we'd endured several 5 year old tantrums and several teenage bitch fits already).

I then transferred £100 from my account to hers (money that wasn't mine, but my husbands) and she insisted on going to a buffet. I'm not a big eater, neither is she, and the girls eat like normal kids. This amounted to just short of £50, which I thought was extortionate given that I was trying to keep it on a relatively small budget.

Anyway, I let that slide. It was a treat for the girls and they really enjoyed it.

After that we had a lovely first day, except for when I thought it would be a really good idea to walk into a lamp post!

We went back to the hotel (another £20 for the taxi) and had a few drinks and a little sharing platter (£20), so I transferred another £60, thinking £40 for the bar and £20 for another taxi back to the park.

However, we ran out of cigarettes and cash because my sister decided she only wanted wine (at £5 a small glass) as oppose to Cider and Black (£2.80 per pint). So I transferred another £30. £20 for the taxi, £10 for cigarettes.

Again, we had a nice time in the park, I got some quality time with my eldest niece and gave her a history lesson on the Towers and the house, and gave her a tour of the place, which bizarrely ended up with about 4 families also following me round and asking questions about the place and the history and the legend of The Chained Oak. I'm a history buff, and my ex is a history teacher specializing in local history.

My bro in law picked us up at the end of the day, and we went back to their house, where my sister got rapidly pissed after chugging a bottle of wine in under 30 minutes.

The morning after, the money again was gone, and we had no cigarettes, alcohol, tea, coffee, milk or fruit juice (we're not alcoholics, I just can't be arsed going to the shop 3 times in a day, so buy everything at the same time), so I transferred another £50. This was to get Tobacco, rolling papers, filters, Beer for me, Cider for her (I put my foot down, finally), Tea, Coffee, Milk and Juice and a couple of loaves to shove in the freezer for emergency use if she needs it.

Anyway. It gets to about 8:00pm, and I say I'm going back to my parents as my flight was early the next morning.

I didn't even get a thank you. Off any of them.

What was meant to be a 50/50 thing feels like it's been 90/10 thing. I feel hurt, embarrassed and used by my sister. I broke down crying to my mum, because what I had planned fell apart at the seams and Bea didn't get the experience I envisaged.

Money isn't an issue for me, I can't take it with me, so I spend it, however, the initial £400 that my sister spent seems to have ended up costing me the same and she's the one that got all the benefit while I'm trying to pacify my husband for spending £530 in 2 days.

Who is to blame here? Me for being an idiot, My sister for getting her £400 back with interest, or my Bro in law for being so selfish that his action led to the entire fiasco?

I'm a 29 year old man, I know how to budget, and I don't begrudge the girls anything. But to not even get a thank you or a kiss goodbye, I feel that's just adding insult to injury.

AIBU

This just confirms something I've really woken up to in the last couple of years, - how alcohol has become critical to so many adults on occasions when it wouldn't have had a look-in years ago. I drink, but I'm increasingly aware of how child orientated activities: picnics, camping, family days out, must be accompanied by fucking Prosecco and beers, not just in the evening after the smaller kids are in bed but during the day.

A bunch of our mums who were friends used to take take us to Butlins for a few days every year when we were little. They managed to have a great laugh on coffee (and ciggies - late '70s) until after we were in bed, and I don't think they got remotely pissed then. I never saw them drink alcohol or hungover.
I've been camping with my educated, middle-class friends, who are generally very good parents and nice people, but who drink all day, tending to the children on sufferance after they resort to whining, and letting their dogs wander off lead to shit around the campsite. In my circle, my female friends are worse than the dads, who generally do most of the work, cooking and putting to bed etc. although they also drink steadily.
Maybe it's because I work a lot with immigrants who come from non-drinking cultures and are a bit agog about what they see here, but I've started to look at it more critically.

My educated middle class friends don't do that. Get new friends!

Now I like a drink but would not hit a bar at a theme park at 11am or at any other time during the day for that matter.

Maybe your sister was conscious that you were doing them a favour and thought that you would like a drink? Just a thought.

I think you sound like a fab uncle. I like the suggestion of others upthread invite your niece to Spain and spend some quality time with her there.

I definitely think your heart is in the right place but your sister has already paid £400 towards this trip so perhaps no need for her to thank you.

Teaching her children some manners would not go amiss though.

This is the strangest thread I've ever read.

Huge long rant, complaining about the obese BIL, "bitchy" teenager and irresponsible sister, and apparently the only issue is the lack of a thank you...

Yea... right...

Sadly OP on the face of it, it sounds like you were mugged but after rereading your post I have to say it seems you took out all of your money your husbands money and threw it at them. Shes your sister just as she asked you to take them to AT you should he able to say to her (like a grown up!) I've spent 'x' amount and have only budgeted 'x'. So we're going to have to slow down. When the buffet thing was suggested you should have said: that sounds nice but we have to keep it cheap and cheerful... and so on and so on.

My biggest issue, and I think it's honestly my Asepergrs. I can't say no.

My bank can say no, my parents can say no, my ex's cousin 12 times removed can say no. But if I (me, myself), has cash, I can't. not splash out on the girls.

I'm never going to have children. I'll never have sleepless nights worrying about them. I'll never have to deal with nappies at 2am. These things I will miss out on, so I am trying to overcompensate it with the girls.

Does that make sense?

To my eternal shame, I have do worse to my brother.

Suggest, next tme you arrange trips to coincide with you having money in your account, and talking through any late changes of plan, so maybe
A) not Alton Towers but a big something-or-other closer to where your sister lives
B) making it a trip just you and disappointed niece
C) some other way of making it a treat but not a piss take.

Frankly, your sis was the one who could have made sure her dh did book the time off, so I'd have laid the need for making different arrangements on her. "Sorry, sis, I don't have enough to pay for taxi, bus, train etc etc etc as well as .......", chances are the dh might have managed to get the time off after all.

you sound great. i wish i had a brother who took as much trouble as you. i'm not sure my brother knows my kids' names (not joking). certainly never wished them happy birthday.

i would text your sis and tell her what she owes you. they are seriously taking the piss. a thank you at bare minimum required for your efforts.

You wasted a load of money on crap, it's your own fault.

Like I said being a cool Guncle that she can Skype and tell secrets too would be worth more to Bea than a funfair ride.

Jux, I feel like I've failed.

I wanted to do something nice with my niece's and sister. Nothing more and nothing less. The kids aren't to blame. I did all I could physically and financially to give them a nice couple of days.

Those saying about the cash. My sister paid £400 which we agreed on. I spent over £500 to make the weekend gel. How is my money suddenly not good enough?

I did this (and never again without my husband will I do it repeat), to scare the living daylights out of my eldest niece!

I wanted her to scream her head off on Oblivion, nearly pass out on Nemesis, Scream on Thirteen.

THAT is what I paid for. Instead I ended up with a pissed 34 year old, 3 kids and a bank that is threatening to shut my account down.

The lack of thanks was too much for me. Surely it's not that hard.

The bank is threatening to shut your account? Your priority is sorting your money out.

You need to get to know her better.

The bank is threatening to shut your account? What the hell

I know my sister well, I know what she is like.

From day 1, I have helped out. Be that £20 for gas or paying her credit card. I#m always there.

The fact I didn't get a kiss goodbye or a hug is really whats upset me.

I probably sound idiotic, but a kiss and a hug is not much to ask for. Surely?

You offer to take them That means paying? Why wouldn't you have expected to pay?

so I said I'd fly over (I live in Spain) and I'd take her and the older 2 girls to Alton Towers for a couple of days.

My Sister then booked everything and paid for the hotel, the tickets and told my Bro in Law to change his shift at work so he could drop us off and start later in the day or do the night shift.

are you hoping your sister will see this thread?

I think you must be-I am struggling to understand why a single, childless gay man would post on a parenting site otherwise.

I think this is a dig.

Wait. You spent A GRAND on. Trip to Alton Towers?

But why didn't you do all those rides , you said earlier she couldn't go on the rides at Blackpool because your sister is a wimp , yet apparently at Alton Towers she couldn't go on the rides because the sister couldn't go on them because of the smaller child . Make your mind up , it can't be both .

Have only read the first and last page of the thread but OP you seem to be getting a hell of a lot of grief on here.
It was a nice plan, a lovely gesture and I am sorry it did not pan out.
YANBU to have expected a thank you.
It would also have annoyed me to have to shell out cash for taxis, trains etc as that takes it over the four hundred you were expecting to pay in total (if I have understood correctly 50-50 right). To the pp asking why a grand, flight from Spain for DB, hotels, admission, buffet etc
Your sister should have stepped up wrt packing and taking snacks rather than being hungover. You are not wrong to feel used. If, God forbid, there ever was a next time you need a separate kitty for food/drink or insist on even split at end or take a bag of snacks (the refillable cups were good idea btw).
Better still, just have the eldest fly to see you (airlines can do accompanied flights for teens) and take her to a park in Spain.

Chalk it up to unwise tipsy spending choices. It's around a hundred quid - if you and your sister were happy to spend on the scale of £900 for two days at Alton Towers then the extra hundred on booze and smokes seems in line with the rest of the weekend.

Haven't caught up to the end of the thread yet, but it's getting inconsistent so either some backtracking or misdirection going on imo.
I took cigs with me (200). My hubby smoked half
I thought he was in Spain, with the bank card. Don't they do two cards for the same account in Spain?
All we could do at Alton were the Yellow knuckle rides because my sister couldn't leave my younger niece (rightly so), and Bea was petrified doing it herself.
I thought you had split up and sis took youngest off while you were with Bea. In fact, right at the start the reason for your trip was to go on rides with her, since neither of her parents would previously. So why is she now doing it by herself?

I'm trying to fill two roles here. Father (BIL's too big to get on rides) and Uncle.
No you're not. You're an uncle who was supposed to go on rides with his niece.