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AIBU?

AIBU to be really upset?

278 replies

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:05

I'm not a parent, my paternal instinct (fortunately) came and went in the last couple of years. However, my nieces are really important to me (and I like the fact I can give them back). Anyway (this may be TL:DR)

My sister took her kids (14, 7 and 5) to Blackpool for my cousins wedding, and decided her, my bro in law and the kids could spend a day in the Pleasure Beach. My Eldest niece (not real name) Bea, wanted to do all the big rides and coasters, but not on her own. My sister is a proper wet end so wouldn't go on them with her and my Bro in Law is a little on the large side, OK a LOT on the large side, and couldn't fit. So Bea ended up not being able to do anything more thrilling than the Teacups.

My sister called me up and said she was a little upset for Bea, so I said I'd fly over (I live in Spain) and I'd take her and the older 2 girls to Alton Towers for a couple of days.

My Sister then booked everything and paid for the hotel, the tickets and told my Bro in Law to change his shift at work so he could drop us off and start later in the day or do the night shift.

It was decided that, because I was waiting to be paid, when we were there, I was going to be the one to splash the cash to make up for what I'd not paid. Thus bringing us to 50/50 in what we've paid each, which I thought was fair.

I then get a call from my sister the day before we left, telling me that Bro in Law didn't tell work about the plans, and we would have to get the train, then a bus. OK, that's not too bad, worse things have happened in the world, but it's still a ball ache.

So I booked the tickets, paid for the cab from the house to the station, and paid the £30 (£30 fucking pounds for a bus that's probably only just scraped through its MOT!) for the bus from Stoke to Alton.

At this point, because I had no card as my partner needed it in Spain, money was literally evaporating before my eyes (My partner only gave me £160 and £40 buffer in cash) and had only £60 left in my wallet having gone through the buffer and £100 just to get us there.

The kids have little routine when it comes to food. If they're peckish between meals, they go into the kitchen and grab a piece of fruit or have a couple of crackers with cheese, which I'm not really fussed about. I'll go into this in a sec.

However, the night before we left, my sister got absolutely drunk as a skunk, and I was then left to pack 4 peoples things into my small bag which was like a fabric version of playing Tetris. I then woke up at 5:00am, checked we had everything we needed and had breakfast planned for the kids (me and my sister don't eat until lunch). At 6:30am, I got the girls up, made their breakfast and got my sister up. I got the girls fed, dressed and watered and my sister FINALLY rolls out of bed at 6:45am has a coffee, cigarette, quick wash, does her hair and is good to go.

We left at around 7:30am to catch the train, got to Manchester, got the train and landed in Stoke at about 9:15ish. Literally 10 minutes before the bus was due. Ideal time for loo break and cigarette break.

We were hot, tired, frustrated and generally just picking fights with each other all the way there.

When we got to the park, which was around 11am me and my sister went to the bar to settle our nerves (far too early I know). I then proceeded to buy one of those all day free refill cup things for £6, which I worked out as being the cheapest option for us as money was seriously low.

At around mid day however, my younger niece started complaining she was hungry. I didn't really know what to do, so we put it off for another hour until I could work things out in my head and sat down at the Cafe near Oblivion where I got me and my sister another drink (we'd endured several 5 year old tantrums and several teenage bitch fits already).

I then transferred £100 from my account to hers (money that wasn't mine, but my husbands) and she insisted on going to a buffet. I'm not a big eater, neither is she, and the girls eat like normal kids. This amounted to just short of £50, which I thought was extortionate given that I was trying to keep it on a relatively small budget.

Anyway, I let that slide. It was a treat for the girls and they really enjoyed it.

After that we had a lovely first day, except for when I thought it would be a really good idea to walk into a lamp post!

We went back to the hotel (another £20 for the taxi) and had a few drinks and a little sharing platter (£20), so I transferred another £60, thinking £40 for the bar and £20 for another taxi back to the park.

However, we ran out of cigarettes and cash because my sister decided she only wanted wine (at £5 a small glass) as oppose to Cider and Black (£2.80 per pint). So I transferred another £30. £20 for the taxi, £10 for cigarettes.

Again, we had a nice time in the park, I got some quality time with my eldest niece and gave her a history lesson on the Towers and the house, and gave her a tour of the place, which bizarrely ended up with about 4 families also following me round and asking questions about the place and the history and the legend of The Chained Oak. I'm a history buff, and my ex is a history teacher specializing in local history.

My bro in law picked us up at the end of the day, and we went back to their house, where my sister got rapidly pissed after chugging a bottle of wine in under 30 minutes.

The morning after, the money again was gone, and we had no cigarettes, alcohol, tea, coffee, milk or fruit juice (we're not alcoholics, I just can't be arsed going to the shop 3 times in a day, so buy everything at the same time), so I transferred another £50. This was to get Tobacco, rolling papers, filters, Beer for me, Cider for her (I put my foot down, finally), Tea, Coffee, Milk and Juice and a couple of loaves to shove in the freezer for emergency use if she needs it.

Anyway. It gets to about 8:00pm, and I say I'm going back to my parents as my flight was early the next morning.

I didn't even get a thank you. Off any of them.

What was meant to be a 50/50 thing feels like it's been 90/10 thing. I feel hurt, embarrassed and used by my sister. I broke down crying to my mum, because what I had planned fell apart at the seams and Bea didn't get the experience I envisaged.

Money isn't an issue for me, I can't take it with me, so I spend it, however, the initial £400 that my sister spent seems to have ended up costing me the same and she's the one that got all the benefit while I'm trying to pacify my husband for spending £530 in 2 days.

Who is to blame here? Me for being an idiot, My sister for getting her £400 back with interest, or my Bro in law for being so selfish that his action led to the entire fiasco?

I'm a 29 year old man, I know how to budget, and I don't begrudge the girls anything. But to not even get a thank you or a kiss goodbye, I feel that's just adding insult to injury.

AIBU

OP posts:
Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 14:24

Sounds rude and ungrateful and I wouldn't offer again.
Just as an aside, there seems to be a lot of focus on fags and booze.
That's not normal when trying to give kids a great time. At least I don't think it is.

Floralnomad · 21/06/2017 14:33

Way too long to read but from what I get of skimming it :

  1. your niece could have gone on rides at the Pleasure Beach , she just had to do some of them alone which is not a big issue
  2. you and your sister have an issue with alcohol
  3. don't bother again , if it was supposed to be a treat for the eldest why not just take the eldest
  4. don't use the phrase 'teenage bitch fits ' it's really not a nice way to describe your nieces behaviour.
StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:34

Fags are essential, booze isn't, but it is nice to have.

In the 2 days we were there, I only had about 4 pints, and my sister the same with wine (obv not pints!). When we got back to the house, yes, we did enjoy a little more than we should, but the girls were fine. I'd even got them uniforms ready for the morning so they could have 10 minutes more in bed!

The only reason (I think) it all went boobs up is because my bro in law was being selfish. Had it been something that HE could do, he'd have been there 2 hours early with bells and whistles on.

But now, I've ended up having to bear the financial brunt of it all, and more.

OP posts:
witsender · 21/06/2017 14:37

How is it his fault? I mean, wasn't he only going to be dropping you off there? I don't really see how that would have a massive impact on the cost of the trip tbh.

PGOAT · 21/06/2017 14:39

Fags are essential

Now I've heard it all.

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:39

Floral, I'm a Guncle. I can say whatever I like to my eldest niece. I'm like an uncle, but more fabulous. Bea even admits to having Bitch fits. That is how she describes it.

'Uncle Adi, I'm sorry for having a Bitch Fit'.

It's not insulting when she calls it that herself.

Yes, I do have an issue with booze, but I keep it in check and I'm not her parent.

I couldn't not bring the middle niece because it was too late (I wasn't properly aware of the arrangement, it was meant to be a friend of my eldest niece. Though I wasn't bothered.)

OP posts:
Want2beme · 21/06/2017 14:41

Not wanting to sound trite, but you really do live & learn. My DS behaved like this throughout my DN & DNephews childhoods, with her always taking & me always giving. You obviously love them very much & want them to have a good childhood. I don't have any suggetions for you other than to maybe toughen up, but I didn't do that. Good luck.

2014newme · 21/06/2017 14:43

You and your sister sound incompetent at organising a day out effectively and managing money.
You have spent hundreds on a day at a theme park. Is all bonkers.

Floralnomad · 21/06/2017 14:44

I presume guncle is supposed to mean Gay uncle , you sound neither funny or clever and clearly need to grow up .

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:44

@witsender. He had 4 weeks to tell work that he needed to change his shift. He chose not to because he wasn't involved. Had it been something for him, he'd have booked the time out.

Also, the financial side of it. I may have a comfortable lifestyle and be able to occasionally treat people, but that doesn't mean I can afford to pay for a full weekend on my own cash. I had to borrow off my husband.

OP posts:
2014newme · 21/06/2017 14:45

Gullible uncle more like

witsender · 21/06/2017 14:47

What I mean is, you are blaming your overly expensive trip to a theme park on the fact he didn't give you a lift. You guys spent a shit load on what looks like mainly booze and fags, and it is his fault even though he wasn't there!

How did the lack of a lift there have such an impact?

Nowaynowjose · 21/06/2017 14:47

YABU to be so upset, as a 29 year old, who cries to mum when things go bad and seems to prioritise cigarettes and alcohol above food/drink for the kids.
Above all, your post makes you all sound v disorganised. You know that a 2 day trip to Alton Towers is going to be expensive, yet you only have limited cash because you and your partner only have one bank card between the two of you?
Your sister didn't 'get her £400 back with interest ', you didn't pay a huge amount more than she did, and why is she the one who got all the benefit? You were there too. Why didn't you ask her to chip in once you'd spent the same as she had?
Either I'm missing something here, there's more of a back story, it's a wind up, or you are being rather over dramatic.
Oh, and your bil wasn't being selfish not to change his work shift just to chauffeur you all around, for a trip you had said you would take sis/kids on.
(They should have said thanks for you being there and your contribution though, assuming you had also thanked your sister for the organisation and money she contributed?)
Sorry it sounds a bit harsh, but yabu.

edwinbear · 21/06/2017 14:48

I don't understand why it took you by surprise that the children would need lunch and why drinking at 11am, (instead of taking the DC on the rides you were there to enjoy), then again whilst you decided how to deal with the surprise of lunch helped the situation?

If money was tight, the priority is feeding children with booze and fags a long way down the list.

Mrstumbletap · 21/06/2017 14:48

It's after the event now I realise, but you could have packed snacks, like fruit and cereal bars for the late morning and afternoon. And made a packed lunch or not gone to the buffet and gone to Burger King etc.

Drinking and smoking are expensive habits to have, that can't be included in the 2 days with your nieces as that has nothing to do with them.

You could have done that trip on a lot lot less, money management seems to be the problem here. You should have stopped transferring money when it got to your equal limit.

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:49

Floral, why not look at what I've said. I adore the bones of my sister and my nieces. My niece calls her little tants bitch fits. She calls me her Guncle, and she is pretty proud to have a Guncle who's willing to let her nearly adult mind do its stuff.

I think you need to get over yourself and realise that children and teens are not meek and mild mannered, but constantly trying to push boundaries. I'm not even a parent and I know that!

OP posts:
NicolasFlamel · 21/06/2017 14:50

No it's not all your BILs fault. You and your sister prioritised alcohol and cigarettes over food and other essentials. Your problem.

FlyingElbows · 21/06/2017 14:51

It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle. I envisage you crying and shouting "I'm more of a mother than you'll ever be"! Your problem is that you all drink too much. At 29 you should realise that two days at Towers is going to cost lots of money and that children will need more than a pint of cider and black for sustenance.

RainbowJack · 21/06/2017 14:52

Well you're not mute, grow a pair, take some personal responsibility and learn to say no.

Cafe near Oblivion Everyone knows food at parks is extortionate which is why you take food in.

And why were you buying groceries for your sister? If they ran out her or her H should have got some.

You sound disorganised and just let your money run like water.
No wonder your H is pissed.

Nowaynowjose · 21/06/2017 14:52

I'd even got them uniforms ready for the morning so they could have 10 minutes more in bed!
Wow! Best guncle Eva!!!1!!!
I'm a slow typist, so missed your subsequent posts. You do seem to think you're rather better than everyone else involved...Hmm

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:52

I'm going to do this in full. Sorry this is going to be long, so give me a few minutes to type it.

OP posts:
chumpchange · 21/06/2017 14:53

children and teens are not meek and mild mannered, but constantly trying to push boundaries. I'm not even a parent and I know that!

Well thanks for coming on here and letting us all know. Hmm

Nowaynowjose · 21/06/2017 14:54

I envisage you crying and shouting "I'm more of a mother than you'll ever be"!
Grin

VeryButchyRestingFace · 21/06/2017 14:54

Anyway (this may be TL:DR)

Had to google that. I am so not down with the kidz. Sad

Ecureuil · 21/06/2017 14:54

I'm a bit confused... how did BIL not dropping you off mean you had to spend more money on food/booze/fags etc? Him not taking you had no impact on where you chose to eat, how much you chose to drink etc. Yes it would have saved you the taxi and bus money but nothing else.
Next time take water bottles and a picnic. Much cheaper.
You live and you learn.

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