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AIBU?

AIBU to be really upset?

278 replies

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:05

I'm not a parent, my paternal instinct (fortunately) came and went in the last couple of years. However, my nieces are really important to me (and I like the fact I can give them back). Anyway (this may be TL:DR)

My sister took her kids (14, 7 and 5) to Blackpool for my cousins wedding, and decided her, my bro in law and the kids could spend a day in the Pleasure Beach. My Eldest niece (not real name) Bea, wanted to do all the big rides and coasters, but not on her own. My sister is a proper wet end so wouldn't go on them with her and my Bro in Law is a little on the large side, OK a LOT on the large side, and couldn't fit. So Bea ended up not being able to do anything more thrilling than the Teacups.

My sister called me up and said she was a little upset for Bea, so I said I'd fly over (I live in Spain) and I'd take her and the older 2 girls to Alton Towers for a couple of days.

My Sister then booked everything and paid for the hotel, the tickets and told my Bro in Law to change his shift at work so he could drop us off and start later in the day or do the night shift.

It was decided that, because I was waiting to be paid, when we were there, I was going to be the one to splash the cash to make up for what I'd not paid. Thus bringing us to 50/50 in what we've paid each, which I thought was fair.

I then get a call from my sister the day before we left, telling me that Bro in Law didn't tell work about the plans, and we would have to get the train, then a bus. OK, that's not too bad, worse things have happened in the world, but it's still a ball ache.

So I booked the tickets, paid for the cab from the house to the station, and paid the £30 (£30 fucking pounds for a bus that's probably only just scraped through its MOT!) for the bus from Stoke to Alton.

At this point, because I had no card as my partner needed it in Spain, money was literally evaporating before my eyes (My partner only gave me £160 and £40 buffer in cash) and had only £60 left in my wallet having gone through the buffer and £100 just to get us there.

The kids have little routine when it comes to food. If they're peckish between meals, they go into the kitchen and grab a piece of fruit or have a couple of crackers with cheese, which I'm not really fussed about. I'll go into this in a sec.

However, the night before we left, my sister got absolutely drunk as a skunk, and I was then left to pack 4 peoples things into my small bag which was like a fabric version of playing Tetris. I then woke up at 5:00am, checked we had everything we needed and had breakfast planned for the kids (me and my sister don't eat until lunch). At 6:30am, I got the girls up, made their breakfast and got my sister up. I got the girls fed, dressed and watered and my sister FINALLY rolls out of bed at 6:45am has a coffee, cigarette, quick wash, does her hair and is good to go.

We left at around 7:30am to catch the train, got to Manchester, got the train and landed in Stoke at about 9:15ish. Literally 10 minutes before the bus was due. Ideal time for loo break and cigarette break.

We were hot, tired, frustrated and generally just picking fights with each other all the way there.

When we got to the park, which was around 11am me and my sister went to the bar to settle our nerves (far too early I know). I then proceeded to buy one of those all day free refill cup things for £6, which I worked out as being the cheapest option for us as money was seriously low.

At around mid day however, my younger niece started complaining she was hungry. I didn't really know what to do, so we put it off for another hour until I could work things out in my head and sat down at the Cafe near Oblivion where I got me and my sister another drink (we'd endured several 5 year old tantrums and several teenage bitch fits already).

I then transferred £100 from my account to hers (money that wasn't mine, but my husbands) and she insisted on going to a buffet. I'm not a big eater, neither is she, and the girls eat like normal kids. This amounted to just short of £50, which I thought was extortionate given that I was trying to keep it on a relatively small budget.

Anyway, I let that slide. It was a treat for the girls and they really enjoyed it.

After that we had a lovely first day, except for when I thought it would be a really good idea to walk into a lamp post!

We went back to the hotel (another £20 for the taxi) and had a few drinks and a little sharing platter (£20), so I transferred another £60, thinking £40 for the bar and £20 for another taxi back to the park.

However, we ran out of cigarettes and cash because my sister decided she only wanted wine (at £5 a small glass) as oppose to Cider and Black (£2.80 per pint). So I transferred another £30. £20 for the taxi, £10 for cigarettes.

Again, we had a nice time in the park, I got some quality time with my eldest niece and gave her a history lesson on the Towers and the house, and gave her a tour of the place, which bizarrely ended up with about 4 families also following me round and asking questions about the place and the history and the legend of The Chained Oak. I'm a history buff, and my ex is a history teacher specializing in local history.

My bro in law picked us up at the end of the day, and we went back to their house, where my sister got rapidly pissed after chugging a bottle of wine in under 30 minutes.

The morning after, the money again was gone, and we had no cigarettes, alcohol, tea, coffee, milk or fruit juice (we're not alcoholics, I just can't be arsed going to the shop 3 times in a day, so buy everything at the same time), so I transferred another £50. This was to get Tobacco, rolling papers, filters, Beer for me, Cider for her (I put my foot down, finally), Tea, Coffee, Milk and Juice and a couple of loaves to shove in the freezer for emergency use if she needs it.

Anyway. It gets to about 8:00pm, and I say I'm going back to my parents as my flight was early the next morning.

I didn't even get a thank you. Off any of them.

What was meant to be a 50/50 thing feels like it's been 90/10 thing. I feel hurt, embarrassed and used by my sister. I broke down crying to my mum, because what I had planned fell apart at the seams and Bea didn't get the experience I envisaged.

Money isn't an issue for me, I can't take it with me, so I spend it, however, the initial £400 that my sister spent seems to have ended up costing me the same and she's the one that got all the benefit while I'm trying to pacify my husband for spending £530 in 2 days.

Who is to blame here? Me for being an idiot, My sister for getting her £400 back with interest, or my Bro in law for being so selfish that his action led to the entire fiasco?

I'm a 29 year old man, I know how to budget, and I don't begrudge the girls anything. But to not even get a thank you or a kiss goodbye, I feel that's just adding insult to injury.

AIBU

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Ecureuil · 21/06/2017 15:15

It's the not getting a lift that set this entire thing off

The not getting a life was annoying, but it didn't mean you had to spend all your cash on booze, shit buffets etc. Sounds like you just don't like your BIL and want to blame him for it all, to be honest.

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witsender · 21/06/2017 15:18

How much would the life have saved you? It pissed you off, but the heading the bar, and needing to drink while you get your head around children needing feeding is part of your real downfall I feel.

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wizzywig · 21/06/2017 15:21

Yeah she took the piss but i tend to find (by way of my own inlaws) that they love being the fun aunt/uncle so they spend shed loads on presents and food as they dont know better. If they were hands on in the first place theyd be aware of how theme parks fleece you. And bitch fits is such a nasty word for someone to call themselves. I dont know what tl-dr is.

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StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 15:21

VeryButchy, I only learned that one a couple of months ago after asking. Acronyms aren't my strong point!

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Bumbumtaloo · 21/06/2017 15:23

Okay, I may have got confused somewhere along the line but....

It was you who offered to take them to Alton Towers but your sister booked it and paid the initial £400 so from the very start your sister was £400 down, for a trip you offered to take them on. In that case why did you only bring £200 in the first place? Surely that would have left your sister still £200 before you even got there?

The BIL not booking off/changing shift was a let down but maybe both him and your sister though they had contributed enough on something you offered to treat them to?

Yes you spent over £500 but could you and your sister not of had a conversation about how it was going to play out?

And why you both would think alcohol and cigarettes are more important than food and drink for your neices is beyond me.

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KurriKurri · 21/06/2017 15:23

It does sound like a bit of a shambles and frankly since you were treating their kids, I'd have expected your sister and bro in law to do a bit more organization beforehand to make everything run smoothly.

Also that's quite a wide age range in kids and a five year old ill find a long day like that much harder to cope with thana14 yr old. Might be better to do separate activities with the teen and the two younger girls for a while.

Next time - get some cash form your sister/brother in law before you go to cover expenses. Take packed lunches - and bottles of water- adults and14yr old can all carry rucksacks. Food at these places costs a fortune, I just keep a bit for ice creams but take everything else myself.

Life would be easier and less expensive if you cut down on the booze and ciggies - but that's none of my business, - your choice (it's just that quite a bit of the stress and resentment in the day seemed to focus round these things)

Anyway you sound like a nice uncle, so I'd mark this one down to experience and try to make sure next time you don't get landed with paying for it all.

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caffeinestream · 21/06/2017 15:23

If you're that broke, why on earth did you go to Alton Towers in the first place?!

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ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 21/06/2017 15:23

I don't get this obsession with the lift costing you the most money, didn't you say in your OP it cost £30? I think the amount you brought with you really wasn't enough for two days in a theme park for four people, especially if you needed to include buying drinks and cigs in that as well. I don't even think the buffet was that bad really, only worked out at £12.50 each, could you have gotten anything for much less than that?

Also, you said you and your sister were going 50/50 with the trip, and it was actually 44/56, so not far off!

At the end of the day it's done now, but I do agree that they should have been more grateful and said thank you and given you a kiss.

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Bumbumtaloo · 21/06/2017 15:24

Ugh sorry for typos etc Blush

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diddl · 21/06/2017 15:24

What a shame you weren't at the wedding in Blackpool-that would have solved everything.

If the whole point was that your eldest niece went on some rides with someone-why did all of you have to drag there?

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/06/2017 15:30

I'm sorry, Style, I think you've been cold-shouldered a bit on here. It might well have been the prioritising of fags and booze a bit much but as far as I can see, you wrote a light-hearted sort of post and were hoping for a bit of solidarity/sympathy? That thing isn't uncommon on MN, there are one or two posters who regularly (once a week) type long posts of their life-that-week, thinking it's humorous. It isn't always.

So I think you're getting it in the neck a bit from a few of the posters because a) you're posting with humour on some touch-paper subjects and b) because you're a man.

It shouldn't be so but it is. Unfortunately. Your sister had the responsibility for her children and their welfare, not you, and nobody's said a word about her part in this.

Put it behind you, chalk it up to experience and start saving your pennies for the next foray with the family. Better start properly planning what you'll do and when and how - and present that to your equally disorganised sister.

Finally, I'm sorry that you walked into a lamppost although I did laugh at that (because I've done it myself). Don't worry, I'm sure nobody was watching. Wink

There's no fags emojji here but there is Gin and Wine :)

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MoosicalDaisy · 21/06/2017 15:35

So £400 vs £530. And in your amount you include booze and fags which have nothing to do with the children and travel. Ok then.

£50 wasted on a buffet, it was your money and a joint decision so you can't complain about that.

You transferred money to your sister that isn't yours.

You had no plan BEFORE you left so wasted money.

Your sister had no apparently suitable food so you decided yourself to stock up for them which is not your responsibility.

After a day consisting of a lot of arguing, it's no wonder there were no thank yous because everyone would have been stressed. Plus they're children you can't expect them to behave like adults.

Are you looking for sympathy? What exactly are you complaining about? Take responsibility for what you decided to do: Spend money on your drug habits, transfer money from your husbands account, agreed to overly spend where it was not necessary, go ahead with the Alton idea without a set plan, taking other children when you just wanted to treat your eldest niece.

Apologise to your husband fgs.

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StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 15:36

I took cigs with me (200). My hubby smoked half, leaving my and sister with 100 (5 packs), me and my sister were then sharing a pack. I'm not broke. I just didn't want to go over what I'd budgeted in. I thought that is what responsible adults do?

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viques · 21/06/2017 15:38

Do you want a medal or will a round of indifferent applause suffice?

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/06/2017 15:38

Now see, this is a case in point... were a WIFE and not a husband, it would be 'family money'... and few (if any) would bat an eyelid. Grin

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Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 15:38

At the risk of .. responsible adults stop smoking. Just watched my mum die of lung cancer so I am being preachy. She gave up in her late 70s after smoking since her early teens.
Sorry to derail the thread with this. But not that sorry.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/06/2017 15:38

Bit missed off... if YOU were a wife and not a husband.

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NerrSnerr · 21/06/2017 15:39

I can't get over the fact you didn't budget for lunch or take a pack up- but had enough to hit the bar as soon as you got there.

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sodablackcurrant · 21/06/2017 15:41

The heat must be getting to me.

OP I thought your partner abroad had the bank card, but now you say he used half the cig stash in UK. I am confused now. But I am sure someone will clarify.

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milliemolliemou · 21/06/2017 15:42

sounds a nightmare for you - and an unthanked nightmare for all that. I do agree with other folk - you and your DSis should have planned it better with a cooler bag for soft drinks, wet wipes and sarnies for the kids. I understand her expense was getting you over to the UK and some of yours was getting you to this theme park, paying for drinks and rubbish buffet and food for the house before you left. A bit more planning would have helped everything go more smoothly and cheaply.

Warning flags, though. Your DSis was drunk the night before you set off and got drunk pretty swiftly when she got back and her DH hadn't got food in? I'd be more than worried about your nieces.

Up to you what you do about the finances apart from sending your sister what was paid for what and asking her for a contribution. You both seem impulsive and you (not she) sound like great fun, but perhaps next time don't respond to a teary sob from your sister about your DN missing a day's rides at the Pleasure Beach which was hers and her partner's fault.. £1000 to compensate? Clearly neither of you have that money to throw around. Ridiculous. For that money they could have flown out to visit you in Spain even if they stayed at a nearby hotel.

I suspect Bea would have much preferred a more considered stay with you planning a visit somewhere she would love, guncle time and some well researched good food she'd enjoy.

Salutations for flying to the rescue but bad marks for the execution.

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caffeinestream · 21/06/2017 15:43

Okay, but you still chose to spend your money that way. If you were that concerned, why not stop at a supermarket and buy your own food and drinks, instead of spending a fortune in the cafes at Alton Towers?

You could have spent far less than you did - not your BIL's fault you chose to go out and spend a fortune on drinks and cigarettes.

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StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 15:44

Daisy, It's my fucking account! My partner and I share a single account to keep our finances streamlined. It is completely in my name and legally, anything in there is mine.

The organization was a shambles. The plan which I can screen shot if people want to see, was that out of £160, £30 would go on one of them wrist photo things, £40 for taxis, £20 on food and £20 on drink. The next day, the idea was £20 on food, £20 on drink and anything left over the girls could play with in the arcade.

Instead, because we had no lift, which was promised, nearly all of that cash went onto getting us there

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MoosicalDaisy · 21/06/2017 15:44

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Not really, OP stated " (money that wasn't mine, but my husbands)" implying they have separate money. Or OP had no spending money left to use.

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bumblebeebuzzing · 21/06/2017 15:44

I don't think that the op is a man has anything to do with the responses LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I would say exactly the same is it was a dh and dw, or 2 women.

The fact is you planned it badly and you paid the price, that is what happens.

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MoosicalDaisy · 21/06/2017 15:49

StyleCommander Ok chill... like I have just said to someone else, you stated " (money that wasn't mine, but my husbands)" it's none of my business if it's an account in your name, i'm just going by what you have stated.

Ok I understand now you spent cash on getting there using up your budget for the day, which is yours sisters and BIL fault. So get them to cough up the cost of travel since it was their fault it wasn't organised. Focus on this as your problem, not the whole day.

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