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AIBU to be really upset?

278 replies

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:05

I'm not a parent, my paternal instinct (fortunately) came and went in the last couple of years. However, my nieces are really important to me (and I like the fact I can give them back). Anyway (this may be TL:DR)

My sister took her kids (14, 7 and 5) to Blackpool for my cousins wedding, and decided her, my bro in law and the kids could spend a day in the Pleasure Beach. My Eldest niece (not real name) Bea, wanted to do all the big rides and coasters, but not on her own. My sister is a proper wet end so wouldn't go on them with her and my Bro in Law is a little on the large side, OK a LOT on the large side, and couldn't fit. So Bea ended up not being able to do anything more thrilling than the Teacups.

My sister called me up and said she was a little upset for Bea, so I said I'd fly over (I live in Spain) and I'd take her and the older 2 girls to Alton Towers for a couple of days.

My Sister then booked everything and paid for the hotel, the tickets and told my Bro in Law to change his shift at work so he could drop us off and start later in the day or do the night shift.

It was decided that, because I was waiting to be paid, when we were there, I was going to be the one to splash the cash to make up for what I'd not paid. Thus bringing us to 50/50 in what we've paid each, which I thought was fair.

I then get a call from my sister the day before we left, telling me that Bro in Law didn't tell work about the plans, and we would have to get the train, then a bus. OK, that's not too bad, worse things have happened in the world, but it's still a ball ache.

So I booked the tickets, paid for the cab from the house to the station, and paid the £30 (£30 fucking pounds for a bus that's probably only just scraped through its MOT!) for the bus from Stoke to Alton.

At this point, because I had no card as my partner needed it in Spain, money was literally evaporating before my eyes (My partner only gave me £160 and £40 buffer in cash) and had only £60 left in my wallet having gone through the buffer and £100 just to get us there.

The kids have little routine when it comes to food. If they're peckish between meals, they go into the kitchen and grab a piece of fruit or have a couple of crackers with cheese, which I'm not really fussed about. I'll go into this in a sec.

However, the night before we left, my sister got absolutely drunk as a skunk, and I was then left to pack 4 peoples things into my small bag which was like a fabric version of playing Tetris. I then woke up at 5:00am, checked we had everything we needed and had breakfast planned for the kids (me and my sister don't eat until lunch). At 6:30am, I got the girls up, made their breakfast and got my sister up. I got the girls fed, dressed and watered and my sister FINALLY rolls out of bed at 6:45am has a coffee, cigarette, quick wash, does her hair and is good to go.

We left at around 7:30am to catch the train, got to Manchester, got the train and landed in Stoke at about 9:15ish. Literally 10 minutes before the bus was due. Ideal time for loo break and cigarette break.

We were hot, tired, frustrated and generally just picking fights with each other all the way there.

When we got to the park, which was around 11am me and my sister went to the bar to settle our nerves (far too early I know). I then proceeded to buy one of those all day free refill cup things for £6, which I worked out as being the cheapest option for us as money was seriously low.

At around mid day however, my younger niece started complaining she was hungry. I didn't really know what to do, so we put it off for another hour until I could work things out in my head and sat down at the Cafe near Oblivion where I got me and my sister another drink (we'd endured several 5 year old tantrums and several teenage bitch fits already).

I then transferred £100 from my account to hers (money that wasn't mine, but my husbands) and she insisted on going to a buffet. I'm not a big eater, neither is she, and the girls eat like normal kids. This amounted to just short of £50, which I thought was extortionate given that I was trying to keep it on a relatively small budget.

Anyway, I let that slide. It was a treat for the girls and they really enjoyed it.

After that we had a lovely first day, except for when I thought it would be a really good idea to walk into a lamp post!

We went back to the hotel (another £20 for the taxi) and had a few drinks and a little sharing platter (£20), so I transferred another £60, thinking £40 for the bar and £20 for another taxi back to the park.

However, we ran out of cigarettes and cash because my sister decided she only wanted wine (at £5 a small glass) as oppose to Cider and Black (£2.80 per pint). So I transferred another £30. £20 for the taxi, £10 for cigarettes.

Again, we had a nice time in the park, I got some quality time with my eldest niece and gave her a history lesson on the Towers and the house, and gave her a tour of the place, which bizarrely ended up with about 4 families also following me round and asking questions about the place and the history and the legend of The Chained Oak. I'm a history buff, and my ex is a history teacher specializing in local history.

My bro in law picked us up at the end of the day, and we went back to their house, where my sister got rapidly pissed after chugging a bottle of wine in under 30 minutes.

The morning after, the money again was gone, and we had no cigarettes, alcohol, tea, coffee, milk or fruit juice (we're not alcoholics, I just can't be arsed going to the shop 3 times in a day, so buy everything at the same time), so I transferred another £50. This was to get Tobacco, rolling papers, filters, Beer for me, Cider for her (I put my foot down, finally), Tea, Coffee, Milk and Juice and a couple of loaves to shove in the freezer for emergency use if she needs it.

Anyway. It gets to about 8:00pm, and I say I'm going back to my parents as my flight was early the next morning.

I didn't even get a thank you. Off any of them.

What was meant to be a 50/50 thing feels like it's been 90/10 thing. I feel hurt, embarrassed and used by my sister. I broke down crying to my mum, because what I had planned fell apart at the seams and Bea didn't get the experience I envisaged.

Money isn't an issue for me, I can't take it with me, so I spend it, however, the initial £400 that my sister spent seems to have ended up costing me the same and she's the one that got all the benefit while I'm trying to pacify my husband for spending £530 in 2 days.

Who is to blame here? Me for being an idiot, My sister for getting her £400 back with interest, or my Bro in law for being so selfish that his action led to the entire fiasco?

I'm a 29 year old man, I know how to budget, and I don't begrudge the girls anything. But to not even get a thank you or a kiss goodbye, I feel that's just adding insult to injury.


OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 21/06/2017 16:54

Did they not thank you because spending the weekend with pissed up adults smoking like a chimney isn't exactly a massively fun weekend? Especially if even going for food was a massive inconvenience to the adults.

sodablackcurrant · 21/06/2017 16:57


It sounds like it could be the male gay equivalent of Gaunt. Woops.

Initially I thought it meant great as in fab. But I think I got the wrong end of the stick there. Not saying he isn't a fab uncle either. Oh this heat, I am so confused.

A kind of bizarre thread, with a few mix ups. But entertaining.

BorisTrumpsHair · 21/06/2017 16:58

it does sound like your sister was taking the piss - she has loads of kids so is probably quite knackered and thinking you were going to step up?

But sometimes family days out are just like this - especially when organisation and travelling and hotels and high expectations are involved. Never mind adding international flights, partying and morning booze into the mix. And it adds insult to injury that the whole nightmare cost a shit tonne on money.

This is what parenting feels like sometimes.

I think you had unrealistic expectations of how this was going to pan out OP. Presumably you know your sister and her ways quite well?

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 17:06

I took them there with the best intentions in mind.

I Wanted them to get a taste of the thrill rides.

We all decided my youngest niece was too young and that she would prefer a weekend with her grandparents going round Chester Zoo.

I feel like I've failed to give them what they wanted.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 21/06/2017 17:12

Can I just ask why you didn't go on the 'big ' rides at Alton Towers with the older girl while your sister went on things with the younger one , if your sister wasn't up for the rides at the Pleasure Beach she wouldn't have wanted to do the ones at Alton Towers .

diddl · 21/06/2017 17:15

It all sounds such high drama.

"I Wanted them to get a taste of the thrill rides."

Even the 7yr old?

"I feel like I've failed to give them what they wanted."

Did the 14yr get to go on the rides that she wanted to?

If not you haven't failed as that was the point, wasn't it?

therootoftheroot · 21/06/2017 17:18

Is your name Jason?

MacarenaFerreiro · 21/06/2017 17:25

Word of advice - rather than posting a 1,371 essay, try to get to the essence of what's bothering you or your AIBU.

Just talk to your sister next time. If you're as wordy when you speak as you are when you type, I'm not surprised that there are misunderstandings.

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 17:28

Where is my Thank you though?

I had to take time out of my life. I had to fly to England. I had to get a train and then walk 30 minutes. They were all so impartial I may as well not been there!

I feel like a fool.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 21/06/2017 17:30

You didn't have to, you wanted to.

Lalalax3 · 21/06/2017 17:31

If I do a favour for somebody I don't usually expect gratitude. Obviously it's nice, and 99 times of our 100 people say thank you, but I don't expect it.

Lalalax3 · 21/06/2017 17:32

Surely after all those snakebites n ciggies you must've had a bit of fun?

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 17:36

I see the girls every 6 months.

I try to fit them in where I can, but I really do try. I'm not a martyr, but I am really pissed off. A simple hug and thanks would have gone a long way. My sister didn't even give me a hug.

OP posts:
BeyondOfbob · 21/06/2017 17:41

A little o/t, but £55 on lunch for four in a theme park is an absolute bargain!!

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 17:44

This ott grand gesture stuff is a bit pointless. And you have ended up getting hurt.
Are you in regular contact with Bea , Skype or similar. I bet she'd love having a cool guncle in Spain that she skypes once a fortnight/month/week whatever.

diddl · 21/06/2017 17:48

"I had to take time out of my life."

No you didn't.

Why did you feel it necessary to make such a grand gesture?

At the end of the day, your niece is 14 & plenty old enough to have gone on the rides alone if it was that important to her.

storminabuttercup · 21/06/2017 17:57

I'm still baffled how 200 quid was going to cover your half and how you spent 530 quid...

leghoul · 21/06/2017 18:00

Ithink just don't do this kind of thing again. See them, don't bankroll it. However if you were paying for your nieces think this would have been alright. It's the way and rate it was spent that isn't. Also the presumption that you can? A friend came to stay at a time I told her it was impossible for her to stay due to building works and an unloveable work schedule. I ended up paying £600 for a hotel and not once did she offer to pay me back. I also, aghast, ,ended up buying her meals.
I was seething by the end of it. But I am mostly cross with myself. Yes I said 'NO don't come.' I even said I can't afford to pay for you. I then paid and relented but couldn't quite believe it was happening. .I can only live and learn and never ever repeat the experience.

Viviennemary · 21/06/2017 18:07

Just skimmed through it. But they sound ungrateful and your sister sounds chaotic. I'd not bother arranging anything again and send them a text saying what they owe you for their share of the trip as arranged. They should have arranged a picnic type lunch to avoid the expense of eating and drinking out which is always expensive when you're short of money.

fridgepants · 21/06/2017 18:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Bumbumtaloo · 21/06/2017 18:12

I don't get it, I really don't. I could understand the you feel like a fool comment if Dsis had expected you to foot the whole £930 bill, but she didn't she paid £400 towards something you wanted to do.

Ecureuil · 21/06/2017 18:19

Yes, this trip that was entirely the OP's idea cost his sister £400!


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Ellisandra · 21/06/2017 18:20

Cider & Black?

Did anyone else check the date of the OP after that to check it wasn't a zombie thread from 1994? Grin

Ellisandra · 21/06/2017 18:22

Your BIL sounds like an arse.

All the money spent once in the park was entirely your choice.

They were rude not to thank you.

2014newme · 21/06/2017 18:23

The op's sister already paid £400 for the trip despite the fact it was the op's treat
Do you really think he should ask her for more?

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