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AIBU to be really upset?

278 replies

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 14:05

I'm not a parent, my paternal instinct (fortunately) came and went in the last couple of years. However, my nieces are really important to me (and I like the fact I can give them back). Anyway (this may be TL:DR)

My sister took her kids (14, 7 and 5) to Blackpool for my cousins wedding, and decided her, my bro in law and the kids could spend a day in the Pleasure Beach. My Eldest niece (not real name) Bea, wanted to do all the big rides and coasters, but not on her own. My sister is a proper wet end so wouldn't go on them with her and my Bro in Law is a little on the large side, OK a LOT on the large side, and couldn't fit. So Bea ended up not being able to do anything more thrilling than the Teacups.

My sister called me up and said she was a little upset for Bea, so I said I'd fly over (I live in Spain) and I'd take her and the older 2 girls to Alton Towers for a couple of days.

My Sister then booked everything and paid for the hotel, the tickets and told my Bro in Law to change his shift at work so he could drop us off and start later in the day or do the night shift.

It was decided that, because I was waiting to be paid, when we were there, I was going to be the one to splash the cash to make up for what I'd not paid. Thus bringing us to 50/50 in what we've paid each, which I thought was fair.

I then get a call from my sister the day before we left, telling me that Bro in Law didn't tell work about the plans, and we would have to get the train, then a bus. OK, that's not too bad, worse things have happened in the world, but it's still a ball ache.

So I booked the tickets, paid for the cab from the house to the station, and paid the £30 (£30 fucking pounds for a bus that's probably only just scraped through its MOT!) for the bus from Stoke to Alton.

At this point, because I had no card as my partner needed it in Spain, money was literally evaporating before my eyes (My partner only gave me £160 and £40 buffer in cash) and had only £60 left in my wallet having gone through the buffer and £100 just to get us there.

The kids have little routine when it comes to food. If they're peckish between meals, they go into the kitchen and grab a piece of fruit or have a couple of crackers with cheese, which I'm not really fussed about. I'll go into this in a sec.

However, the night before we left, my sister got absolutely drunk as a skunk, and I was then left to pack 4 peoples things into my small bag which was like a fabric version of playing Tetris. I then woke up at 5:00am, checked we had everything we needed and had breakfast planned for the kids (me and my sister don't eat until lunch). At 6:30am, I got the girls up, made their breakfast and got my sister up. I got the girls fed, dressed and watered and my sister FINALLY rolls out of bed at 6:45am has a coffee, cigarette, quick wash, does her hair and is good to go.

We left at around 7:30am to catch the train, got to Manchester, got the train and landed in Stoke at about 9:15ish. Literally 10 minutes before the bus was due. Ideal time for loo break and cigarette break.

We were hot, tired, frustrated and generally just picking fights with each other all the way there.

When we got to the park, which was around 11am me and my sister went to the bar to settle our nerves (far too early I know). I then proceeded to buy one of those all day free refill cup things for £6, which I worked out as being the cheapest option for us as money was seriously low.

At around mid day however, my younger niece started complaining she was hungry. I didn't really know what to do, so we put it off for another hour until I could work things out in my head and sat down at the Cafe near Oblivion where I got me and my sister another drink (we'd endured several 5 year old tantrums and several teenage bitch fits already).

I then transferred £100 from my account to hers (money that wasn't mine, but my husbands) and she insisted on going to a buffet. I'm not a big eater, neither is she, and the girls eat like normal kids. This amounted to just short of £50, which I thought was extortionate given that I was trying to keep it on a relatively small budget.

Anyway, I let that slide. It was a treat for the girls and they really enjoyed it.

After that we had a lovely first day, except for when I thought it would be a really good idea to walk into a lamp post!

We went back to the hotel (another £20 for the taxi) and had a few drinks and a little sharing platter (£20), so I transferred another £60, thinking £40 for the bar and £20 for another taxi back to the park.

However, we ran out of cigarettes and cash because my sister decided she only wanted wine (at £5 a small glass) as oppose to Cider and Black (£2.80 per pint). So I transferred another £30. £20 for the taxi, £10 for cigarettes.

Again, we had a nice time in the park, I got some quality time with my eldest niece and gave her a history lesson on the Towers and the house, and gave her a tour of the place, which bizarrely ended up with about 4 families also following me round and asking questions about the place and the history and the legend of The Chained Oak. I'm a history buff, and my ex is a history teacher specializing in local history.

My bro in law picked us up at the end of the day, and we went back to their house, where my sister got rapidly pissed after chugging a bottle of wine in under 30 minutes.

The morning after, the money again was gone, and we had no cigarettes, alcohol, tea, coffee, milk or fruit juice (we're not alcoholics, I just can't be arsed going to the shop 3 times in a day, so buy everything at the same time), so I transferred another £50. This was to get Tobacco, rolling papers, filters, Beer for me, Cider for her (I put my foot down, finally), Tea, Coffee, Milk and Juice and a couple of loaves to shove in the freezer for emergency use if she needs it.

Anyway. It gets to about 8:00pm, and I say I'm going back to my parents as my flight was early the next morning.

I didn't even get a thank you. Off any of them.

What was meant to be a 50/50 thing feels like it's been 90/10 thing. I feel hurt, embarrassed and used by my sister. I broke down crying to my mum, because what I had planned fell apart at the seams and Bea didn't get the experience I envisaged.

Money isn't an issue for me, I can't take it with me, so I spend it, however, the initial £400 that my sister spent seems to have ended up costing me the same and she's the one that got all the benefit while I'm trying to pacify my husband for spending £530 in 2 days.

Who is to blame here? Me for being an idiot, My sister for getting her £400 back with interest, or my Bro in law for being so selfish that his action led to the entire fiasco?

I'm a 29 year old man, I know how to budget, and I don't begrudge the girls anything. But to not even get a thank you or a kiss goodbye, I feel that's just adding insult to injury.


OP posts:
Ecureuil · 21/06/2017 16:13

I think you've got your sums a bit skew whiff somehow. Your sister paid £400 upfront. You only took £200 with you. That would have meant her paying 2/3 of the costs for the trip and you 1/3. How would that have been fair?

WooWooSister · 21/06/2017 16:16

YANBU to be upset. Everyone is allowed to be upset by anything - it's all down to the individual. But presumably you've known your DSIS all your life. I'd have thought you'd have noticed before now that she's a bit rubbish with money, a bit last minute with planning and a bit selfish (

sweetbitter · 21/06/2017 16:17

I'm so confused.

The figures don't add up... and was your husband with you smoking half the fags or elsewhere with your bank card...why could you not in fact take Bea on the rides which was the whole point...

Basically, take a packed lunch next time? Pre book train and bus tickets so cheaper and not relying on others...just go with your eldest niece not the whole family. These seem to be lessons to learn.

PaintingOwls · 21/06/2017 16:19

You think it's funny to perpetuate sexist stereotypes by calling a teenage girl a bitch?

You think you can feel 4 people on £20 a day? Or was the food budget just for you?

You sound painfully disorganised. I can see that you tried to do a nice thing but you sound immature and a little bit dim.

Bumbumtaloo · 21/06/2017 16:20

Honestly it feels like I'm in a parallel universe Confused how did your sister bleed you dry? I don't get it, I really don't. She paid the initial £400 for a trip you wanted to treat them to. You then agreed to split 50/50 and yes you have spent more but if you are that bothered ask her for the £65 to make it an exact 50/50 spilt.

It's bad form that your neices didn't say thank you, if they were my DC I wouldn't be impressed but I don't think your Dsis owes you a thank you as such because she paid almost 50/50 for the trip, that you offered to take them on!

PurpleMinionMummy · 21/06/2017 16:24

You must have a very accepting partner if they're happy with all the money being in your name and by your own declaration legally all yours Confused

If you'd only spent the £200 you took it wouldn't have been a 50/50 split either. It's not up to your sister to keep tabs on your spends. If you were heading over your £400 share you should have said no to alcohol etc. Budgeting £20 a day for food for all you was insane.

sweetbitter · 21/06/2017 16:24

I wonder if OP is treating his travel costs to get here and back from Spain as part of the overall costs for the trip. So let's say he spent £200 on his airfare and his sister spent £400 on the hotel booking for him and her family, he then planned £200 to cover all spending in the park for all of them and that would make them even? That's the only way it makes sense.

PGOAT · 21/06/2017 16:26

Am I right that you budgeted £40 for an entire day's worth of theme park/hotel food for two adults, one teenager and one child? You don't have to be a parent to know that's not going to be nearly enough.

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 16:27

I underestimated the cost, greatly. But, I had things set in place. The girls (youngest went to her grandparents) would have a refill cup a piece, Me and my sister could just take a couple of cheeky swigs out of them. I planned a packed lunch but didn't have time to make it as everyone needed to be up, showered, fed, watered and ready to go.

I also didn't think a bus would cost me £30. I subsidised it, but I am not happy. It was like one of those old school busses!

The next trip I do, I think I'm going to just take Bea. No sister, no other Gremlins, no BIL. Just me and her.

It can be a simple walk in the local park and grabbing a coffee or taking her to Newcastle, I don't care. Bea is my eldest niece and I want her to know that I am always around for her. Obviously all the girls I want them to know I'm there, but they're a little young to be taking them for coffee and a gossip!

OP posts:
witsender · 21/06/2017 16:29

But you still wouldn't have been 50/50 even without the bus surely?!

LittleBeautyBelle · 21/06/2017 16:31

I stopped reading halfway through. Constant alcohol and cigarettes took up all the money and you didn't have any left to buy food for the kids. Alrighty then.

Immature adults all around is what I think. The kids may be smarter than the adults put together.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/06/2017 16:32

I'm completely lostGrin

Misswiggy · 21/06/2017 16:33

Why were none of my uncles like this? Guncles didn't exist in my day (80's) - none of my uncles did sweet fa for me!

LittleBeautyBelle · 21/06/2017 16:34

Want to add, I think your heart's in the right place, Op, but none of the adults in this story seem to be any older than the kids.

Ecureuil · 21/06/2017 16:39

I also think your heart is in the right place, but the fact that you went over budget on food/drink/fags is nothing to do with your BIL not giving you a lift. Your insistence that it's all his fault is bizarre.
Also i don't understand the bit about having to head to the bar at 11am to think about how you were going to feed the children!

LittleBeautyBelle · 21/06/2017 16:40

Also want to add, that your sister may have just expected you, being her brother, to pay since you're a guy. Has she done this in the past? If it were her sister would she have been so lax about the money?

StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 16:43

I had cigs, if you read. My hubby left me with 100. The problem was my sister is like a chimney (NEVER INSIDE I will add).

We just ran out. My fella came over on business and took half of them back with him, not realizing my and my sister have a little party when I'm over.

It's the whole not getting a cuddle or even a thanks of anyone that I'm really upset about.

OP posts:
StyleCommander · 21/06/2017 16:45

@Belle, since I was 14, I have always either gone dutch, or paid in whole.

OP posts:
Bunnyfuller · 21/06/2017 16:45

Confused: why no hire car
Why a piss up when you're on a day out with kids
How on earth can you smoke over 100 fags in 2 days?
Why do you only have one bank card?
How did your husband smoke half of the cigarettes you took with you when he was in Spain?
Why did you buy food for your sister's family once you were home?
Is Booze, Fags and bumbling along truly your measure of being a great 'guncle'?
You fly backwards and forwards from Spain yet you have no idea of elevated prices in places they have you 'captive'

Utterly bizarre

And taking them to a theme park doesn't mean you're being Dad.

Ecureuil · 21/06/2017 16:46

If you have a little party you need to budget for booze accordingly.
Yes I'd be upset to not get any thanks too. Did they thank your sister? It cost her a significant amount of money too.

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 16:47

The not getting a thank you is shit. Sounds like you wouldn't have got one even if you were a non-smoking, non- drinking super organised guncle.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/06/2017 16:48

Just in case no one has said it, best way to save money - quit smoking


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DirtyChaiLatte · 21/06/2017 16:52

There is just waaaay too much emphasis from you and your sister on cigarettes and alcohol. What sort of an example is that setting to your nieces?

Fruitcocktail6 · 21/06/2017 16:53

Oh for fuck sake no one cares about the 'cigs'. They add nothing to this story.

MaudGonneMad · 21/06/2017 16:54

Jaysus. I feel on edge having read all that.

Off topic, but is 'Guncle' a thing now?

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