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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are these just normal comments about baby girls?

140 replies

listentobirdsong · 20/06/2017 23:44

I don't know if I'm just being silly, but here it goes:

DD has recently just turned one, and since she was born I've noticed that people (who we know and strangers) often make comments about her body and being a 'flirt'.

People often joke telling her to put her legs/bum away, and say she's a flirt and we need to watch her with the boys as she's very affectionate (will literally go up to a stranger and kiss them!).

I know these comments are totally innocent, but it happens a lot and makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Aibu?

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 20/06/2017 23:46

No, it's not normal. How weird!

Riderontheswarm · 20/06/2017 23:46

No! I have daughters and nobody has ever said anything remotely like it.

Nobody should ever say that sort of thing in relation to a child.

Yuck!

rainbowpie · 20/06/2017 23:47

Who are these strange people you know?? What an odd thing to say to/about a baby! YANBU.

TheSpottedZebra · 20/06/2017 23:47

They're not innocent comments though, are they?
They're loaded with judgement and expectations.

Ram gender home early, I guess.

ghostyslovesheets · 20/06/2017 23:47

no - those are sexist and vile comments - horrid

Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2017 23:48

Those type of comments should make you uncomfortable because they're disgusting. Sexualizing a baby is deplorable, and every time someone makes such a comment you should ask "Why would you say such a thing about a baby?!"

Pariswhenitdrizzles · 20/06/2017 23:48

Gosh that's definitely not normal!

Original poster

listentobirdsong · 20/06/2017 23:48

Thank you, I didn't know if I was being a bit dramatic.

Mainly family members and often strangers - dd loves people and will and wave at anyone, so we often end up talking to strangers I cafes etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

listentobirdsong · 20/06/2017 23:49

In cafes *

OP posts:

emmyrose2000 · 20/06/2017 23:49

I've certainly never come across them before. Anyone who says things like that about a baby sounds a bit sick in the head.

TyneTeas · 20/06/2017 23:50

Well it's 'normal' in that it happens, but that doesn't mean that it is appropriate. People just say it thoughtlessly, but it doesn't mean it's right.

It's social conditioning, and we can change that

Ojoj1974 · 20/06/2017 23:51

I would knock it on the head sharpish!!
I would spell out how inappropriate their comments are and how ridiculous they sound. I would ask them to stop.

You will also feel empowered!!!

Original poster

listentobirdsong · 20/06/2017 23:54

It happens quite frequently to be honest, and I'm never quite sure how to respond.

DD is very friendly and loving to everyone, but it makes me very uncomfortable when people seem to almost sexualise it. Also as she's crawling I think it's quite normal to see her legs/bum. She's not naked but I don't believe I need to cover her entire body.

OP posts:

MyNameIsAlexDrake · 20/06/2017 23:58

My boy has been called a flirt before. He's 4yrs old now but as a toddler would bat his eyelashes at some adult females. I don't know why he would react different to some than others, but he did. I don't think it's unusual it's a cute baby thing isn't it?

Foniks · 20/06/2017 23:59

Yuck. Like when paedophiles say a child was flirting with them or was asking for it.
Honestly, I've never heard those types of comments about a baby before, well not in person, just news stories I've read. I wouldn't even feel like leaving my child alone with people who spoke like that about her, no offence to your people, but it's not normal. I've never seen something like that, and if somebody said it about my daughter I'd feel a bit sick.
Maybe that's an overreaction? It is sickening though.

NoLoveofMine · 20/06/2017 23:59

That would be unacceptable in talking about a woman, let alone a girl, let alone a baby girl. I don't think they're innocent at all no matter how they're intended (though they're bizarre things to say) and to speak of a baby in that manner belies a worrying attitude towards women and girls generally.

NoLoveofMine · 21/06/2017 00:02

MyNameIsAlexDrake there's nothing unusual in what your son was doing but those describing him as a "flirt" were/are in my opinion more than unusual. It's no way to describe a child even in jest I don't think and sends out a negative message about interactions between women and men (the idea just because he'd be batting his eyelashes it'd signify flirting).

AngelaTwerkel · 21/06/2017 00:02

Yuck, that's horrible!

That only happened to me once, on a train. A woman called baby DD a flirt for laughing and cooing at some men, and then shouted "oh she's a lesbian!" when she did it to a young woman.

Pull them up, sharpish. They might not realise they're doing it, and if you say something it might make them think.

Original poster

listentobirdsong · 21/06/2017 00:03

Perhaps I need to start politely calling people out on it. I know she doesn't really understand what they're saying, but my concern is how she'll view herself as she gets older if she keeps hearing things like this. I've already had a friend say she wishes hers had blonde hair and blue eyes like dd, and her children have swamp eyes. I don't want DD to focus on her looks or body too much from a young age, or feel like she's being inappropriate when she's just being friendly.

OP posts:

Tazerface · 21/06/2017 00:05

My mum has always said that affectionate babies (male or female) are little flirts. I did find it weird and I would coupled with the other things. To be clear, it was babies who belonged to someone she knew not just a random so it didn't seem to loaded? I know I seem like I'm making excuses...

statetrooperstacey · 21/06/2017 00:06

Babies so flirt though. They deliberately set out to get positive responses and interactions. They have also been designed, by nature, big eyes etc, to look visually appealing so we look after them md don't abandon them. Lots of eye contact. smiling, looking away then looking back to see if they have caught your eye. That's flirting by any stretch of the imagination

some babies really do want to be the star of the show and the centre of attention. They are the flirts of the baby world. I have heard the expression and used it.

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2017 00:06

I've heard people saying this a lot about babies, but oddly only ever male ones.

"Oh he's such a flirt"

"Oh he knows how to get the girls fussing over him"

It's weird.

But then I've also heard people refer to pets (my dog in particular) as 'sexy'

People are weird.

NoLoveofMine · 21/06/2017 00:06

I hope you feel able to challenge these comments because I think they're unacceptable. It's quite worrying how early girls are bombarded with this nonsense and it's not long before they're sadly able and likely to internalise it all.

statetrooperstacey · 21/06/2017 00:07

Should have said boys and girls.

IChangedM · 21/06/2017 00:12

Indeed statetrooperstacey

I did some training the other day that introduced me to childrens "attractiveness" as an indicator of abuse or neglect (a child being attractive makes them less likely to be abused or neglected). Apparently there are empirical studies that back this up as the training was all research based. I didn't look into it as I don't work with children but the trainer explained it how you just did. I found it quite jarring.

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