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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are these just normal comments about baby girls?

140 replies

listentobirdsong · 20/06/2017 23:44

I don't know if I'm just being silly, but here it goes:

DD has recently just turned one, and since she was born I've noticed that people (who we know and strangers) often make comments about her body and being a 'flirt'.

People often joke telling her to put her legs/bum away, and say she's a flirt and we need to watch her with the boys as she's very affectionate (will literally go up to a stranger and kiss them!).

I know these comments are totally innocent, but it happens a lot and makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Aibu?

OP posts:

BigYellowJumper · 21/06/2017 08:59

I disagree batteries .

I think it's that our society has become so focused on sex, that even children and pets are considered fair game.

moggle · 21/06/2017 09:01

I've made comments about babies and toddlers being "flirts"- both boys and girls - it's an easy way to describe how they're acting but I do wish there was another word that didn't have the more adult connotations. HOWEVER the other stuff OP mentioned about people talking about covering her bum or people worrying about how affectionate she is is very weird!

Decaffstilltastesweird · 21/06/2017 09:01

I've heard this too batteries, but still can't wrap my head around it . Nobody I know has started using it in that context yet, but a friend's 7yo dc did use "sexy" recently to describe something not very sexy, but just nice / cool / pretty. I suspect that was more a case of overhearing the word somewhere and trying it out though.

AfunaMbatata · 21/06/2017 09:05

How do people get "cute" from "sexy"? How do those two words connect about a child?

I've never had to and never would use the term "sexy" with regards to children, it's simply not necessary.

TheOtherOnes · 21/06/2017 09:06

If someone called my child sexy I'd be saying very loudly, "Er, you do know there's a word for people who find children sexy - paedophile. Stay away from my child".

I know they wouldn't have meant it like that (probably) but hopefully that would embarrass them into never saying it again

ems137 · 21/06/2017 09:07

I think people use these phrases as a term of endearment not because they think your baby is flirting with them so they can do something sexual!! Maybe it's a local/regional thing but a lot of people have said similar things about my 21 month old, family and strangers and the absolute last thing that would come to my mind would be that they are some kind of pervert who actually thinks my baby was looking for something sexual from them.

To me, it's a massive over reaction

Anatidae · 21/06/2017 09:09

Grim.

Is this one specific person? Because I'd be keeping dd away from them.

Original poster

listentobirdsong · 21/06/2017 09:13

ems as I've said previously, I'm aware that it's innocent and a term of endearment, I don't believe anyone is saying it with ill intentions. It just makes me a little uncomfortable and wanted to know others opinions.

It's not really one person, but lots of family and sometimes strangers. Perhaps it's a regional thing.

OP posts:

missm0use · 21/06/2017 09:16

My DD (16 months) is certainly one of those babies / young children that you've described! She loves to be the centre of attention and is friendly and waves to most people! She'll wander up to strangers and look and smile at them until they notice her and smile back.

She was walking at 8 months and is quite small for her age so has always attracted a lot of attention because of this. At no time has she ever had her behaviour sexualised or been called a flirt. If anyone dared to talk about her in this way I'd verbally take their head of!

That is just such a weird way to talk about any child never mind an infant!

Buttercup12233 · 21/06/2017 09:17

DS was often laughingly called a flirt as a baby when he'd be smiling and chirping at someone. It didn't bother me.

The legs/bottom comments are weird though IMO.

Joinourclub · 21/06/2017 09:21

I have heard people joke about both boy and girl baby's being very kissy 'OO he loves the girls haha what a flirt' etc etc , but comments about their bodies is very odd.

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 09:23

What region? I'm in NW England where, according to some posters on MN, we are all weird and common as muck.

I know the odd creep that says such things but that's it. I'm also very old so I have seen several generations interact with children.

WindwardCircle · 21/06/2017 09:36

I remember back when DD was a baby people talking about babies (not necessarily DD, she was a grumpy little thing ) flirting or being sexy. It never sat comfortably with me, but it seemed to be common parlance so I assumed it was me being uptight. I'm glad to see it's not just me who doesn't like this kind of sexualised language being used to describe babies.

Batteriesallgone · 21/06/2017 09:37

I'm thinking more midlands / wales border tbh. If something is common enough you start to shrug it off as no way every other mum at playgroup is inappropriately interested in children / pets / obsessed with sex.

troodiedoo · 21/06/2017 09:37

I think it's that our society has become so focused on sex, that even children and pets are considered fair game.

Spot on. It's sad but we are fighting a losing battle trying to stop it.

shuangnick · 21/06/2017 09:37

it's really a serious problem. I don't hope it will be happened from now on. everyone should respect a child as if he were an adult. she has self esteem, emotion and perspective. will u make such a vicious trick on an adult? of course no! so why treating a kid like that? it's almost a sexual disturbance. and she will become the sort of person they say. if somebody say it next time, stop them seriously.it's not a kidding, the behavior is sexual disturbance.

5moreminutes · 21/06/2017 09:38

Isn't the word flirt used without any sexual context sometimes? You can flirt with an idea, for example... and some adults are flirty with everyone regardless of sex or gender without sexual motive (though tbh they are usually very irritating attention seekers/ extroverts, which babies and toddlers are not).

Could flirt be used without sexual connotations in that case? Could it be used more to mean being very playfully friendly and outgoing without an adult context in some regions/ dialects perhaps?

But people do ascribe future adult attributes to baby behaviours and physical features and I agree that is weird, and I'm just pondering on the word flirt, might be barking up the wrong tree...

5moreminutes · 21/06/2017 09:43

I think the word sexy might actually be gradually changing its meaning the same way words like gay did decades ago to be honest! Its now become an "international" word absorbed into most languages with a far less specific meaning than sex appeal.

I heard an advert on German radio for some random absolutely non sexual item now available at a "sexy" price! From context it was obvious that the word was being used instead of attractive (which obviously has both sexual and non sexual meaning), presumably as its less stuffy.

Original poster

listentobirdsong · 21/06/2017 09:45

It's really interesting to hear people's different perspectives, as I definitely understand why some people use the word 'flirt'.

We are from East anglia (where family is), and live in the east Midlands now, and have comments like this in both places.

OP posts:

Batteriesallgone · 21/06/2017 09:46

When I worked it was common to talk of a topic being 'sexy' or 'non-sexy'. 'Sexy' ideas were ones that would be popular and run with, regardless of how useful they actually were. 'Non-sexy' ideas were often boring but practical and useful. Sexy has quite a wide range of meanings I think.

HumpHumpWhale · 21/06/2017 09:50

Jesus. I frequently refer to my daughter as a flirt, but I'm going to stop now! I did with my son as a baby, too, although my daughter does it way more than he did, so I say it more ofte about her than I did about him. But not as in "she's throwing herself at the men" or with any remotely sexual thought in mind, just as in "look at her making eye-contact with strangers on the bus, smiling and playing peek-a-boo and trying to get them to pay attention to her and smile back at her".

QueenOfRubovia · 21/06/2017 09:56

All this is about "flirt" not the "put your legs away" which I have never heard anybody say

Nor me. Not once. And I've 3 grown up daughters.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 21/06/2017 10:03

Oh yes I should probably clarify that the older gent at the airport I mentioned up thread made a comment about DD being a flirt, he didn't say "put your legs away".

DH sometimes says "don't point that at me" when DD points her bare bum at him, but that's because she sometimes farts at us . So proud!

Jux · 21/06/2017 10:06

I would tell strangers "actually, he's a boy" and note what they do aNd say then.

Then I would tell family what happens when you do that to strangers, and lead into a discussion on the differing treatment babies get at this very young age and how damaging it is. Then ask them not to do it any more.

DJBaggySmalls · 21/06/2017 10:06

Your baby sounds like a lovely, confident child who knows she is loved and approved of, and enjoys social interaction.

The opposite of a child's friendly invitations would be social withdrawal, and would make us wonder if they were ill, autistic, neglected or abused.

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